i could've have a weekend but instead i'll sleep
I saw two people lying on a rooftop tonight, looking at the stars. (The sky is clear and beautiful and you wish it was a blanket for your skin to fold under.) They laughed and their voices reached the tree tops and then mixed with the navy blue and the silver of the sky. At the bottom of the hill I walked there lay the stench of spring and it made me furious. I was so angry at it's teasing my nose and making me think that this beautiful day would lead to spring and summer in one continuous thread of warm, but there's a cold front coming tonight and I am angry. I am so furious that the snow has melted and will now be rebuilt up from the ground to my knees and I am mad that the warm air is lending to people falling in love because I am already in love and she's not here and I want to vomit.
I want to sink into the bottom of a tub and drown in my own dirty soap water. There's nothing that I want more than summer and freedom because I can't stand feeling suffocated and disrespected and locked down at home and at this school.
I hate it for being Spring-like today because it made me think of how much I love this school in Spring and then it made me all sad because it isn't actually close to spring at all and that means I have a while to wait until I start loving this place again.
I hate these depressed funks I've been sinking into lately. Maybe it's because I'm sick and unanimated but really, I think it may be more than that. I'm so unhappy living at home and I'm so over being here and having to do work and I want to fucking run away to Greece or somewhere that is warm and sticky. Whatever, I'll just read The Bell Jar instead, so I can fall into Sylvia Plath's depression and maybe want to write a little and do something with my life.
I hate everything.
I want to sink into the bottom of a tub and drown in my own dirty soap water. There's nothing that I want more than summer and freedom because I can't stand feeling suffocated and disrespected and locked down at home and at this school.
I hate it for being Spring-like today because it made me think of how much I love this school in Spring and then it made me all sad because it isn't actually close to spring at all and that means I have a while to wait until I start loving this place again.
I hate these depressed funks I've been sinking into lately. Maybe it's because I'm sick and unanimated but really, I think it may be more than that. I'm so unhappy living at home and I'm so over being here and having to do work and I want to fucking run away to Greece or somewhere that is warm and sticky. Whatever, I'll just read The Bell Jar instead, so I can fall into Sylvia Plath's depression and maybe want to write a little and do something with my life.
I hate everything.