And one with trembling hand clasps his cold head
"I know a flat and friendless north."
-Hugo
My job is great. I have been very busy, and I am learning lots of useful things. This job is an excellent start to a career in the publishing industry.
I am sipping a decent pinot grigio. This is a wine that my sister says tastes like tree bark. I think it tastes like I feel. It is crisp and sweet with a shadow of bitter sadness. It is a wine that goes to my head quickly, and for that I am thankful.
I can say with certainty that Renee would have been happier if I had remained a stay-at-home dad. Our discussions lately have come as close to arguments as we have ever gotten. These discussions are always about money. Filthy stinking shitty bloody fucking money. I have learned that a woman's heart is rigid and unmoved by any love when it feels that it's financial security might possibly be threatened. A woman's heart grasps at the things it owns with fingers of granite and holds them with a grip as certain as the grave.
This job, coupled with Christmas, has caused us a few momentary financial set backs. I had to buy some slacks, shirts and ties for the job. My first car payment is due soon, and so is the boy's daycare bill. Not to mention christmas expenses. All of this is coming before my first paycheck. So for the first time since we've been married, our savings account is dipping below 1500 dollars.
Now, it doesn't matter to Renee that I will be replacing this money with my paycheck in a couple of weeks. She is convinced that during these two weeks, catastrophe will strike us, and we will be bankrupt. Or worse - we'll accrue credit card debt. (Believe me, in her mind, this is worse than bankruptcy.) Now I understand that the risk is there. I just also understand that if something terrible were to happen, our families would take care of us. I also am pretty sure that NOTHING TERRIBLE IS GOING TO HAPPEN. There, I said it. Fates, do what you will.
Renee has decided to blame all of this on my job, regardless of the fact that my having a job will make us more financially stable in the long run. She has found many subtle ways to belittle my job, and because I do not suffer from the same stress that she feels about this, she has found many ways to take away the joy that I feel about finally earning a paycheck and working in a job that gives me good experience and a chance at a better job in the future.
Renee and I love each other very much, but no love can touch her when she is like this. I can't make her happy, and I can't stop her from trying to make me as miserable as she is. You know, if we were forced to live in a cardboard box, I'd still be thankful as long as I had Renee and William, but I'm starting to think that she wouldn't feel the same way. It makes me feel like she doesn't love me as much as I love her, and that feels worse than I ever felt when I was alone.
Women are a mystery to me. Their thinking seems so backward. I even read in some online journals by women that they "just want to be taken care of and supported." That kind of thinking makes me vomit. My youngest sister's goals in life are as follows:
1) Go to physical therapy school
2) Make decent money until...
3) Meet a doctor
4) Get married
5) Never work again
My youngest sister aspires to be a fucking trophy wife. A woman's heartbeat sounds like iron bricks falling on anvils.
I have a message for all you people who place such a high value on money and security. We live and then we die. We ALL die. You can't take it with you. The only thing you can take with you is the love you shared in your life. You don't have to be rich, well-off, or even just basically secure in order to share your love.
P.S. I know I am making a generalization and lumping all women into the same category. Sue me. The views expressed in this post reflect my experience with the majority of women I have met in my life. Almost every one had a cold icy chip frozen deep in her heart that no warmth could ever reach, no matter how sunny her exterior disposition.
-Hugo
My job is great. I have been very busy, and I am learning lots of useful things. This job is an excellent start to a career in the publishing industry.
I am sipping a decent pinot grigio. This is a wine that my sister says tastes like tree bark. I think it tastes like I feel. It is crisp and sweet with a shadow of bitter sadness. It is a wine that goes to my head quickly, and for that I am thankful.
I can say with certainty that Renee would have been happier if I had remained a stay-at-home dad. Our discussions lately have come as close to arguments as we have ever gotten. These discussions are always about money. Filthy stinking shitty bloody fucking money. I have learned that a woman's heart is rigid and unmoved by any love when it feels that it's financial security might possibly be threatened. A woman's heart grasps at the things it owns with fingers of granite and holds them with a grip as certain as the grave.
This job, coupled with Christmas, has caused us a few momentary financial set backs. I had to buy some slacks, shirts and ties for the job. My first car payment is due soon, and so is the boy's daycare bill. Not to mention christmas expenses. All of this is coming before my first paycheck. So for the first time since we've been married, our savings account is dipping below 1500 dollars.
Now, it doesn't matter to Renee that I will be replacing this money with my paycheck in a couple of weeks. She is convinced that during these two weeks, catastrophe will strike us, and we will be bankrupt. Or worse - we'll accrue credit card debt. (Believe me, in her mind, this is worse than bankruptcy.) Now I understand that the risk is there. I just also understand that if something terrible were to happen, our families would take care of us. I also am pretty sure that NOTHING TERRIBLE IS GOING TO HAPPEN. There, I said it. Fates, do what you will.
Renee has decided to blame all of this on my job, regardless of the fact that my having a job will make us more financially stable in the long run. She has found many subtle ways to belittle my job, and because I do not suffer from the same stress that she feels about this, she has found many ways to take away the joy that I feel about finally earning a paycheck and working in a job that gives me good experience and a chance at a better job in the future.
Renee and I love each other very much, but no love can touch her when she is like this. I can't make her happy, and I can't stop her from trying to make me as miserable as she is. You know, if we were forced to live in a cardboard box, I'd still be thankful as long as I had Renee and William, but I'm starting to think that she wouldn't feel the same way. It makes me feel like she doesn't love me as much as I love her, and that feels worse than I ever felt when I was alone.
Women are a mystery to me. Their thinking seems so backward. I even read in some online journals by women that they "just want to be taken care of and supported." That kind of thinking makes me vomit. My youngest sister's goals in life are as follows:
1) Go to physical therapy school
2) Make decent money until...
3) Meet a doctor
4) Get married
5) Never work again
My youngest sister aspires to be a fucking trophy wife. A woman's heartbeat sounds like iron bricks falling on anvils.
I have a message for all you people who place such a high value on money and security. We live and then we die. We ALL die. You can't take it with you. The only thing you can take with you is the love you shared in your life. You don't have to be rich, well-off, or even just basically secure in order to share your love.
P.S. I know I am making a generalization and lumping all women into the same category. Sue me. The views expressed in this post reflect my experience with the majority of women I have met in my life. Almost every one had a cold icy chip frozen deep in her heart that no warmth could ever reach, no matter how sunny her exterior disposition.