Gah
Sorry Alina needs to do a venting anger post
So today everything is all hunky dory. Finished my 2nd final, work goes okay, plus I got an extra hour in. So Im getting tired like I do everyday but I call Dana anyway and see if he wants me to come over. Of course I have to study because I have one more final but he is like yes of course I want you to come over. SO everything is fine he is acting like he normally does. And im like really happy because he came over and kissed me on the forehead and he is just being great! I loved it sooo much. But then Andy comes over. (Andy told me he would during work). No big deal Dana is all surprised and such to see him and things are still really good. Then Andy says it. "Yea I told alina that I would be coming over to see you today" Dana gets pissed in not ever .5 seconds he starts to yell at me! I couldnt believe it, I couldnt even say anything. Then Andy goes he she wasnt supposed to tell you, its supposed to be a surprise! Ok so he calms down. But then Andy continually hints that we have been talking about Dana while he was in the hospital. Dana is getting angrier. But he keeps his cool. Anyways we are just all chatting and then suddenly Dana gets pissed again. And I ask him what is wrong he wont tell me. So then I just say that im going to leave. And he like okay. So I packed my stuff and then went into the kitchen to clean up his dishes.(he has made HUGE improvements) Then I ask him what is wrong again.
Yet he still wont tell me. Then he walks over to the front door and waits. I come along beside him and he lifts his arm to hug me. But he is still angry. I can tell. I ask him again and he just says what your not going to hug me. And I said that I would in a minute. I ask him again and he still wouldn't tell me. So I hug him and as I walk out the door I say I hope you'll tell me what is going on. Nothing he just closes the door on me. Not even a goodnight, no I love you, no kiss on the forehead. NOTHING.
My goodness Ive been killing myself for him. UP late at night crying. Working myself to exhaustion. And he wont even tell me what the hell is wrong. Gosh. I know Im over reacting but its just sooo dam frustrating. Its like he doesn't care about anything. The second I do somthing wrong that I don't even know about ive fucked up and I should be thrown in a fire or somthing. I cant stand it. Where is the love! I came everyday I could to help him. I called him everyday. I dealt with his mood swings. I dealt with everything I drove around for hours trying to fill his prescriptions. What do I have to do to be treated fairly. I wish he wasnt sick and that we never had to go through this. Its breaking my heart. Not just the fact that he was in the hospital, but also the things that his medications does. He isnt himself and it hurts. It makes me want to walk out on him. But I cant do that. I love him even though Im hurt and Im crying inside Ill be there for him. I just want him to be normal. Why cant he be normal. Gosh. God please help him. I cant stand this anymore.
So today everything is all hunky dory. Finished my 2nd final, work goes okay, plus I got an extra hour in. So Im getting tired like I do everyday but I call Dana anyway and see if he wants me to come over. Of course I have to study because I have one more final but he is like yes of course I want you to come over. SO everything is fine he is acting like he normally does. And im like really happy because he came over and kissed me on the forehead and he is just being great! I loved it sooo much. But then Andy comes over. (Andy told me he would during work). No big deal Dana is all surprised and such to see him and things are still really good. Then Andy says it. "Yea I told alina that I would be coming over to see you today" Dana gets pissed in not ever .5 seconds he starts to yell at me! I couldnt believe it, I couldnt even say anything. Then Andy goes he she wasnt supposed to tell you, its supposed to be a surprise! Ok so he calms down. But then Andy continually hints that we have been talking about Dana while he was in the hospital. Dana is getting angrier. But he keeps his cool. Anyways we are just all chatting and then suddenly Dana gets pissed again. And I ask him what is wrong he wont tell me. So then I just say that im going to leave. And he like okay. So I packed my stuff and then went into the kitchen to clean up his dishes.(he has made HUGE improvements) Then I ask him what is wrong again.
Yet he still wont tell me. Then he walks over to the front door and waits. I come along beside him and he lifts his arm to hug me. But he is still angry. I can tell. I ask him again and he just says what your not going to hug me. And I said that I would in a minute. I ask him again and he still wouldn't tell me. So I hug him and as I walk out the door I say I hope you'll tell me what is going on. Nothing he just closes the door on me. Not even a goodnight, no I love you, no kiss on the forehead. NOTHING.
My goodness Ive been killing myself for him. UP late at night crying. Working myself to exhaustion. And he wont even tell me what the hell is wrong. Gosh. I know Im over reacting but its just sooo dam frustrating. Its like he doesn't care about anything. The second I do somthing wrong that I don't even know about ive fucked up and I should be thrown in a fire or somthing. I cant stand it. Where is the love! I came everyday I could to help him. I called him everyday. I dealt with his mood swings. I dealt with everything I drove around for hours trying to fill his prescriptions. What do I have to do to be treated fairly. I wish he wasnt sick and that we never had to go through this. Its breaking my heart. Not just the fact that he was in the hospital, but also the things that his medications does. He isnt himself and it hurts. It makes me want to walk out on him. But I cant do that. I love him even though Im hurt and Im crying inside Ill be there for him. I just want him to be normal. Why cant he be normal. Gosh. God please help him. I cant stand this anymore.