what if/i had asked

[lemorttoussaint]

"Peggy" by Alta

(as i stared at her breasts,
& longed to hold a woman)

we shared lockers & her silky hair
flashing rainbows/she pulled out her books,
cheerfully complaining "how come when i like neatness,
i have to share lockers with you?" & smiling at me
thru her glasses she stood & i bent to toss in my books
& slam the locker shut, our books back to back but
she & i never touching.

& what if i had said,
"do you ever want to touch another girl?" or more openly
"can i kiss yr breasts?
peggy?"
who would she have told,
after staring at me in shock
or turning away in disgust?
what if, that night in the back seat,
i had curved my hand over her breast, what if
she had silently turned her mouth
to me to kiss?

she called me after she got married
& i angrily hung up & havent called back.  what if
i had asked & she
                          had not refused me