All you other R. Lemons are just imitating...
Ryan Lemon
The Ryan Lemons
VS.
my big penis
other pieces of shits
When you have a name that is as uncommon as Ryan Lemon, it makes you wonder how many other people in the world share this same moniker. Its foundation can only be clarified from the parents’ high substance abuse. Thanks to the wonderful discovery of MySpace, I was actually granted the chance to view the other ten Ryan Lemons in the world and assess them with myself - explaining why I am undoubtedly the best. Good thing my name isn’t Kyle Brown or this would’ve taken a moment.
Contestant #1: Ryan Lemon
Just look at this douche bag’s profile pic. If someone were to write an instruction manual on “Successfully creating a shit-tastic MySpace profile,” this image would probably be one of the first illustrations. You see, the thing about MySpace is that people do one of two things with their profile icon. They place what they consider to be their most beautiful self-portrait to elude members of the opposite (or same) sex to add them as a buddy. Although, that doesn’t work if you’re just flat-out grotesque. If you’re one of the few people who have ever returned ProActive prescriptions because the guarantee didn’t effectively pave the craters from your face, then you may have to post a ghostly image which doesn’t show you or your body entirely, yet looks as if you’re doing something significant. This guy chose the latter. Other interesting facts about Mr. Ryan Lemon:
Who I’d like to meet
The Harlem Globetrotters, I would give them some chicken and waffles
It really sucks when there are such fantastic television programs nowadays like Family Guy, ATHF, 12 oz Mouse, etc that can make randomness work. People watch “ADHDTV” so much now, that everyone thinks they can be fresh by saying something obnoxiously out there, such as this. Nice try.
Books
wall street journal, dow jones stock weekly, the portfolio times, hustler
I must agree that the Wall Street Journal was a pretty good book. I’d rank it up there with other fictional materials such as Harry Potter, The Giver, and The Bible. Anyone can declare they are clever, just because they maintain how the stocks are. Does it really signify anything? No. What he fails to grasp is that this challenges the fact that people from Maryland are intelligent.
Music
Vemorrah// Into The Moat// BTBAM// Leng Tch’e// The Red Chord// At The Gates// Throwdown// All Shall Perish// Journey//
Shitty bands by shitty people that no one knows and no one cares about. Nice try, Ryan. I’m sick of people trying to act cool by thinking they are trend setters, just because they listen to music that sucks. You’re not rebelling against anything. You just suck.
I rest my case.
Contestant #2: Ryan Lemon
He must be shy. Me for the win.
Contestant #3: Ryan Lemon
This kid just looks like he’s way too hip and in your face to even have a social chat with. Just by looking at his profile pic, the first thing I thought of was the “Xtreeeeeeeeeme” assholes from Harold & Kumar. Let’s see how he portrays himself, shall we?
About me
YO what up...Im Ryan.....most people just call me LEM...I live in frewsburg and am the son of a preacher man....for real..i play the drums at my church.. ALSO-dan green is not the greatest person in the world...that was a bunch of hogwash....Im gonna have to go with Michael Jordan .....however wally is ..2....I love baseball and if you know me ....u know that i like the NYMETS...i also like playin bball and i love to golf (one of the perks of working at a golf course).....If there is anything else u would like to know just holla @ me...aol sn= ryanhlemon......MUCH LOVE...........LEM
I’ll go easy on this kid and translate all of that lingo into the language of not speaking like a complete dipshit.
Hi, I’m Ryan and I apologize for my appalling communication skills. Apparently, I skipped the class in second grade English that teaches about transitions, which causes me to ramble from one thing to the next. You have to forgive me, for I am a super-preacher’s son, thus automatically giving me a first-class VIP ticket to heaven - regardless of sin. Isn’t the Catholic country-club grand? Speaking of transitions: MJ is nice, drums are good, NY Mets are sexy, inside joke, basketball is fun, and working at a golf course is as pleasurable as glitch-testing the Xbox version of the Shrek 2 fighting game. Loving you makes my peepee feel funny.
I believe that’s better.
Music
Lynyrd Skynyrd is probably the greatest band to ever live
Do I even need to show anymore? I submit that I do not.
Contestant #4: Ryan Lemon
Whoa, of all the Ryan Lemons, this one is by far the scariest. I don’t know what to make of him. With an alias like “LoviN LifE OnE SteP AT A TimE!!!,” I’d better take him seriously. Guess I’ll just have to judge him off of his profile.
Music
Make it sound good and ill probably like it.
Make it sound like shit and I probably still won’t notice.
Movies
Anything not stupid!!!
Television
Again... anything not stupid!!!
Well, since we’re on the same level of Ryan’s examination of stupidity:
Books
Reading sucks but its okay i guess...
I win again. Ryan Lemon 4. Ryan Lemons 0.
Contestant #5: Ryan Lemon
The smaller the man, the bigger the truck.
I really don’t know what to say about this R. Lemon. Just check out his profile and make a verdict for yourself. I dare not to emulate any of it here, for the excessive use of caps lock would crash my LiveJournal account, for sure. I sometimes wish there was a bulimia-type of disease that existed for using cap locks on the net this much. Remember when Homer Simpson made an awful web page with all of the bouncing images and such? Add that with ghetto Ebonics and someone who’s trying too hard to impersonate Eminem and you’ll have this Ryan Lemon’s MySpace profile as the end result. What a tool.
Contestant #6: Ryan Lemon
“Beast is an understatement. Lol”
Of course it’s an understatement when the picture is a sham. I swear on my life that he imposed his head onto the body of Bruce Lee. That’s the only explanation for what I have legitimately announced the second-worst Photoshopped head(s) of all-time. The first of course, would most-definitely have to go to the cover of Starship Troopers 2, which ultimately wins because it took several people to make it look this bad:
Notice the similarities here? You fail at life.
Movies
Anything with Brad Pitt in it
Every guy loves Brad Pitt movies, none of them admit to it though. Another pushover.
Alright, I’m exhausted and need to go to bed, so I’m done for now. I think I’ve established my point here today. I am still the best Ryan Lemon on Earth and always will be.
Me - 6
Fake Me - 0