Nineteen times now and counting...
Like a new Madden title coming out every year, there’s something expected from me as well: chipping my tooth. I’ve been doing alright recently - haven’t fragmented it since before I left for boot camp. But apparently, whoever the fuck is deciding my fate thought it would be a funny joke if I could “chip my age” sort-of-speak. Well, it’s happened again ladies and gentlemen and this time, we’re at #19.
I’m sure I’ve told several of you about the hilarious incidents of the previous eighteen times for this occasion: brick to face, pole to face, eating nachos, car wreck, starring at TP in Wal-Mart, and even my own dentist breaking the fucker. But this has got to be the most ridiculous one yet, by far...
As many of you well know, I don’t respect my body at all. I could care less about anything, but despite all of that, I’m concerned about my teeth rather religiously. That’s what wearing braces for four years will do to you. I like to think that I take care of my teeth like it’s my job. No wait, scratch that. I really like to think that I take care of my teeth like playing videogames: with much bad-assery. So as you can see, whenever something like this happens, it always ruins my week, until I get the damn thing fixed again. Who is the illustrious opponent this time around?
That’s right. Floss. I chipped the fucker this time by flossing my teeth. And now, a quote from Family Guy:
“Hey Bill, remember when you asked me what the definition of irony was?”
I surely thought that with my new UPS job, I’d at least chip it with boxes falling on me or even getting hit by a truck (I can still hope). But this? This is just God toying with me. The funny thi… wait a second there’s an ant crawling on my screen............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ Okay it’s dead.
NOTE TO SELF: Even if living organisms are crawling across your LCD, never punch it, for it will result in creating a large purplish circle that never goes away.
Anyway, I’m sure you’re all desperately waiting to find out who the winner was. Well, I believe the whole preceding ramblings made it quite obvious, but for you slower ones:
I’m seriously considering making one of those add-ons for Firefox that shows you the current status of things when they’re happening - only use it as a status of whether or not my front tooth has decided to be an asshole or not.
I’m sure I’ve told several of you about the hilarious incidents of the previous eighteen times for this occasion: brick to face, pole to face, eating nachos, car wreck, starring at TP in Wal-Mart, and even my own dentist breaking the fucker. But this has got to be the most ridiculous one yet, by far...
As many of you well know, I don’t respect my body at all. I could care less about anything, but despite all of that, I’m concerned about my teeth rather religiously. That’s what wearing braces for four years will do to you. I like to think that I take care of my teeth like it’s my job. No wait, scratch that. I really like to think that I take care of my teeth like playing videogames: with much bad-assery. So as you can see, whenever something like this happens, it always ruins my week, until I get the damn thing fixed again. Who is the illustrious opponent this time around?
That’s right. Floss. I chipped the fucker this time by flossing my teeth. And now, a quote from Family Guy:
“Hey Bill, remember when you asked me what the definition of irony was?”
I surely thought that with my new UPS job, I’d at least chip it with boxes falling on me or even getting hit by a truck (I can still hope). But this? This is just God toying with me. The funny thi… wait a second there’s an ant crawling on my screen............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ Okay it’s dead.
NOTE TO SELF: Even if living organisms are crawling across your LCD, never punch it, for it will result in creating a large purplish circle that never goes away.
Anyway, I’m sure you’re all desperately waiting to find out who the winner was. Well, I believe the whole preceding ramblings made it quite obvious, but for you slower ones:
I’m seriously considering making one of those add-ons for Firefox that shows you the current status of things when they’re happening - only use it as a status of whether or not my front tooth has decided to be an asshole or not.