The Stetson Life and its Immesurable Splendors!
I know I haven't posted in a while, but I thought it would be good to document my latest experiences at Stetson University. I guess there isn't a more concise way of putting this, but basically college was nothing like I thought it would be. I was ready for this experience that would throw me to the moon. I wanted to believe I was submerging myself into a pool of endless opportunities...
Well for the most part, I was right. Stetson is a place to experience those awesome opportunities. If I were at any other university in Florida, I would have missed out on what it truly means to be part of a community. Unfortunately what I did learn about my Stetson community was no where near my imaginative white canvas with beautiful pastels. No, it was more like a charcoal drawing with mixed grays and blacks. I'm sure this was to be expected; however, some of the things I have gone through have left me completely flabbergasted. I can't even put it to words. I hate to say it, but so far I feel like I don't belong here. It feels like the campus is divided into weird clicks, and self-generated elites. The numerous shallow, close-minded, self-absorbed people here is utterly appalling.
I honestly feel I only have three friends I can trust: Ronnie, Shane, and Marylin. Isn't that sad? I don't even feel I can come to my fellow Bonners in complete confidence. I want to release myself and be completely vulnerable with many of them, but I feel many of them don't understand what confidentiality means and how much it's worth. How can I effectively build relationships with people who don't seem settled in their own shoes?
I will say the professors here are absolutely phenomenal. So far I'm doing pretty well in all my classes. I've grown as a person, and as an intellectual human being. I've been forced not to procrastinate, stay organized, and manage my time effectively. Although, on the time note... it's almost impossible for me to live. I'm constantly thrown from place to place about 17 hours of my day. I don't want to make it seem like other students here aren't going through the same turmoils, or possibly under even worse circumstances. I'm just saying this has been intense then I had initially thought it would be.
Some of my highlights of the year so far (to boost my self-esteem, and NOT in the order of most importance)
-Gay Straight Alliance Publicity Chairperson
-STAND for Darfur Technology Specialist
-Successful lessons with Dr. Rickman
-Allies Community Vice President
-Pianist for "Musical of Musicals:the musical!"
-Asked by Dr. Rickman to go to the Schlern Music Festival in Germany over the summer
-Surviving Dr. Sapp's first essay
-Getting 100 on both my ear training and sightreading exams in Aural Training
-Asked to play at recital in the first semester of school on Oct 23
-Being able to ignore the rumors I hear about me
-letting go of the fake friends that have to talk about me behind my back
-got rid of my two-faced roommate
-I've become more self-sufficient (not sure if that's a good thing).
-I've finished 4 pieces so far this year for piano
Goals
-learn how to trust people
-learn how to not let ass holes walk all over me
-learn not to care if I eat alone
-learn not to think about how much I miss my best friends at home
-learn not to think about home
-learn to remember I came here for an education not a social life
-learn to make time for myself
-learn to go to the counseling center when I need help
-learn to stop thinking about some of the things I've been thinking about
Now next year I may or may not be able to pay to come here, because of the national economic situation.
For those of you who don't know. We are officially in a depression. This means the bank loans are frozen, and next year there may be a lot of drop outs or students transfering to cheaper state schools or community college.
Hopefully things change.... I hope I hope.... Even though Stetson for me hasn't been the biggest party of my life, I'm still grateful I'm here, and I still want to stay.
Well for the most part, I was right. Stetson is a place to experience those awesome opportunities. If I were at any other university in Florida, I would have missed out on what it truly means to be part of a community. Unfortunately what I did learn about my Stetson community was no where near my imaginative white canvas with beautiful pastels. No, it was more like a charcoal drawing with mixed grays and blacks. I'm sure this was to be expected; however, some of the things I have gone through have left me completely flabbergasted. I can't even put it to words. I hate to say it, but so far I feel like I don't belong here. It feels like the campus is divided into weird clicks, and self-generated elites. The numerous shallow, close-minded, self-absorbed people here is utterly appalling.
I honestly feel I only have three friends I can trust: Ronnie, Shane, and Marylin. Isn't that sad? I don't even feel I can come to my fellow Bonners in complete confidence. I want to release myself and be completely vulnerable with many of them, but I feel many of them don't understand what confidentiality means and how much it's worth. How can I effectively build relationships with people who don't seem settled in their own shoes?
I will say the professors here are absolutely phenomenal. So far I'm doing pretty well in all my classes. I've grown as a person, and as an intellectual human being. I've been forced not to procrastinate, stay organized, and manage my time effectively. Although, on the time note... it's almost impossible for me to live. I'm constantly thrown from place to place about 17 hours of my day. I don't want to make it seem like other students here aren't going through the same turmoils, or possibly under even worse circumstances. I'm just saying this has been intense then I had initially thought it would be.
Some of my highlights of the year so far (to boost my self-esteem, and NOT in the order of most importance)
-Gay Straight Alliance Publicity Chairperson
-STAND for Darfur Technology Specialist
-Successful lessons with Dr. Rickman
-Allies Community Vice President
-Pianist for "Musical of Musicals:the musical!"
-Asked by Dr. Rickman to go to the Schlern Music Festival in Germany over the summer
-Surviving Dr. Sapp's first essay
-Getting 100 on both my ear training and sightreading exams in Aural Training
-Asked to play at recital in the first semester of school on Oct 23
-Being able to ignore the rumors I hear about me
-letting go of the fake friends that have to talk about me behind my back
-got rid of my two-faced roommate
-I've become more self-sufficient (not sure if that's a good thing).
-I've finished 4 pieces so far this year for piano
Goals
-learn how to trust people
-learn how to not let ass holes walk all over me
-learn not to care if I eat alone
-learn not to think about how much I miss my best friends at home
-learn not to think about home
-learn to remember I came here for an education not a social life
-learn to make time for myself
-learn to go to the counseling center when I need help
-learn to stop thinking about some of the things I've been thinking about
Now next year I may or may not be able to pay to come here, because of the national economic situation.
For those of you who don't know. We are officially in a depression. This means the bank loans are frozen, and next year there may be a lot of drop outs or students transfering to cheaper state schools or community college.
Hopefully things change.... I hope I hope.... Even though Stetson for me hasn't been the biggest party of my life, I'm still grateful I'm here, and I still want to stay.