a rant before i go
No one reads this, so I feel safe in divulging.
I fucking hate this right now. I'm gettting jerked around at work. All my shifts are being moved around in efforts of getting other people more money and recognition for a job I could do equally as well- if not better. I'm tired of being known as some suck up, kiss ass who is having illicit affairs with managers to move up in the company when, in all reality- it's because i FUCKING WORK MY ASS OFF and get tiny promotions with no pay raise as a thank you.
I'm tired of my two faced shifty eyed coworkers and their half hearted concern and weak smiles. The few that are genuine I have to make a huge effort to see, and usually don't because I'm so fucking exhausted from all the corporate mind games.
I just found out that most of my housing friends feel like they've "lost" me.
And, in a sense, they have.
I've become a different person.
Some weak, absent minded SELFISH version of myself and I don't blame them at all for feeling like I've shut them out.
But, really- I don't blame me either. I mean, can you blame me for wanting to keep this hideous copy of myself under wraps???
I miss them.
I keep killing my relationships. Friendships and otherwise- In some masochistic attempt to make up for the hell I've caused others in the past.
I gues I figure that, if i'm causing myself all this pain, then maybe it'll make up for the torture I put them through all those months ago...
I need to get over this fucking bullshit.
And get on to my school work.
GOD i hate school.
FUCK this all right now. FUCK FUCK FUCK.
I fucking hate this right now. I'm gettting jerked around at work. All my shifts are being moved around in efforts of getting other people more money and recognition for a job I could do equally as well- if not better. I'm tired of being known as some suck up, kiss ass who is having illicit affairs with managers to move up in the company when, in all reality- it's because i FUCKING WORK MY ASS OFF and get tiny promotions with no pay raise as a thank you.
I'm tired of my two faced shifty eyed coworkers and their half hearted concern and weak smiles. The few that are genuine I have to make a huge effort to see, and usually don't because I'm so fucking exhausted from all the corporate mind games.
I just found out that most of my housing friends feel like they've "lost" me.
And, in a sense, they have.
I've become a different person.
Some weak, absent minded SELFISH version of myself and I don't blame them at all for feeling like I've shut them out.
But, really- I don't blame me either. I mean, can you blame me for wanting to keep this hideous copy of myself under wraps???
I miss them.
I keep killing my relationships. Friendships and otherwise- In some masochistic attempt to make up for the hell I've caused others in the past.
I gues I figure that, if i'm causing myself all this pain, then maybe it'll make up for the torture I put them through all those months ago...
I need to get over this fucking bullshit.
And get on to my school work.
GOD i hate school.
FUCK this all right now. FUCK FUCK FUCK.