Cup of Sunshine
6. coffee is a form of communication
She dressed as though she were a child, a princess. In these clothes she was safe and protected. In these clothes, she could almost imagine that she herself was the child that she had lost.
Slender fingers lead the silver zipper up over milky white skin, drawing to a close the lovely lavender lolita-esque dress that Amelia had finished creating just a few moments before. Her nails were tipped in a bright purple, lighter hearts decorating each surface. A coating of sparkles glittered with each turn of her hand or flick of her wrist. Her pink hair had been curled into perfect ringlets, and her make-up had been touched up with the addition of false lashes.
Amelia turned once in the mirror, fingers absently caressing her stomach in a familiar motion. She looked perfect, like a doll made of the finest porcelain by a master craftsperson. The style was hime-kei, born in Japan, and it was her life. Imagining, creating, and dressing herself in the most lovely ways imaginable had become more than a hobby since had found herself with an excess of materials suited to the child she thought she would have.
She pulled a lacy unbrella from the stand beside her door. The clock read five minutes after twelve, which meant that she was already late to meet Daniel. It also meant that she would need to stop procrastinating.
Blue eyes appraised the sparkling diamond on the engagement ring that he had bought for her before she slipped it from her finger for the last time and placed it in her purse.
The young woman fixed a smile on her face as she slipped through the door, locking it behind her carefully after opening up the parasol to block the light from her face. She had not directly seen the sun in four months, since she had discovered the lolita fashions, the women who proudly wore the fashions of Japan in order to hold on to the beauty that youth had to offer. Since she had found herself in the depressive rut that almost stole her life, she had clung to find any semblence of happiness the world could offer her. The clothes were a distraction, protection against the harshness of society. They were warm as sunlight and twice as beautiful. They labelled her, clearly, as a girl.
She walked the three blocks to the cafe in relative silence, ignoring the stares of passers-by who found her to be an oddity. She knew that she looked good. She was exactly who she wanted to be. Others' disapproving stared wouldn't change that.
Daniel was already inside sipping from a paper cup of coffee, black, she persumed, as that was the only kind that he ever drank. She carefully avoided his eyes, his harsh, unyeilding stare as he looked disapprovingly on her ensemble. She waited in the short line to order her caramel latte before paying and finally going over to their table.
She could tell that he was unimpressed before she had even sat down, though inside she was sort of relieved. He would have arrived five minutes early, and it was now almost fifteen past, meaning that the large coffee that he had ordered would be almost gone and then he would leave. It was just his way. He was calculated, cold. This was how he had always been. It was because of this stable demeaner that she had been attracted to him, and it was also why she had caved and given into the decision he had made for her.
It was why her baby was dead before it even had the chance to live.
“You're late, Amelia.” his tone left no room for arguments.
“I had to put the finishing touches on my dress,” she admitted, her gaze fixed on the drink in her hands. How could she tell him the truth, that she was a coward who had been avoiding him?
“This dress?” he eyed it with obvious disapproval, appearing completely uncomfortable with the attention that the getup was drawing to them.
“Yes. Isn't it nice?” she dared him, silently, to say even one bad thing about it.
“Lovely,” he scoffed before his eyes softened on her. “Amelia...” his hand reached across the table to where hers sat, and she resisted the urge to withdraw it. “I know that you're hurting and confused, but you know that it's going to be OK, right? Someday we can have children. After. After college or university. After we're married. Just not now.”
Amelia's stomach lurched and tears pinpricked at the corner of her eyes. She was hurting, and he still was not helping.
“You haven't done anything wrong, Amelia.”
“I haven't done anything wrong,” she repeated, though the words were hollow, a ghost phrase that made her cringe inside.
“Have you thought about my offer?”
Wordlessly, she withdrew the ring from her pocket. Taking her hand back, she used it to flip his over, laying the ring in the centre of his palm where his fingers curled around it. She did not apologize, nor did she cry, as he got to his feet and walked hurriedly through the front door.
His coffee cup sat across from her as she sipped on hers, thanking the employee who brought her a complementary sunshine muffin to brighten her day. She took it with her to the garbage can, surprised to find it still full by at least a quarter of the cup. It was proof, more than anything, that she had thrown him off-guard. He would have drank it faster, had he not been anticipating her forgiveness. In their two years together, he had never miscalculated.
Chucking it in the garbage, she reached for her parasol and stepped back out into the sunlight. Now, maybe, she could move on with her light, with nothing to hold her back.
~
A/N:
Written for the community 31 Days, but edited a day too late.
Please note that I am not against abortion. I am 100% pro-choice. However, in this case, Amelia allowed Daniel to make the desicion for her. She is suffering because she did not listen to her own inner voice telling her what is right or wrong.