And that frankly will not fly
So many emotions and feelings are racing through me.... i feel like i just got punched in the stomach without having the slightest bit of knowing it was coming right towards me.... It seems just like some people have it all, why the hell cant i ever be satisfied. i hate making me feel sorry for myself but why are things so shitty? i hate not having a boyfriend and all the guys i could have had i didnt, because i was comparing it to certian people, i mean sure i seized the moment with them but it still isnt enough... i wish i could take back so much stuff with guys. i wish i wouldnt be so jealous of other people and keeping asking myself why cant i have that? or why cant i look that way? or how come i cant get a guy like that? i hate the way we just have to except certian things in life. i get so depressed whenever i see couples i wish i had that, i wish i had a guy would could except me for who i am... i wish i could get a kiss or just be with a guy who likes being with me, i want someone to hold hands with or call them on the phone just to know how the feeling really is....i dont want to write this and everyone feel sorry for me, this is just how i am feeling i dont want to make it seem like my life is full of drama either.. Dont you ever feel like you dont belong? i guess i just need to try and think about the postive things in life, but it's so hard to do that when ur stuck feeling this certain way and it's all bottled up inside of you, and sure all my friends will say "yeah i know how you feel" but basically what it comes down to is that you guys have all had something with guys throughout high school and the thing is i havent sure i have been with you guys while ur dating or doing whatever it is you guys have done, but im just there to sit back and observe it.... i hate leaving it at this espically when im leaving for tahoe tomorrow..i guess maybe a break will be good for me to get out of this dreaded hell hole im living in... thanks to all my friend im just glad to be alive....