The realization of mortality and lonliness
Since the day after Thanksgiving, I have lost 5 people in my life... really 6 but 5 permanently. My grandma died on 11/26 and since then 4 people (family and friends) have followed suit. Most recently Josh a friend of mine passed away... a week or so ago now... he was only 22. Life was always hard for him... he was constantly in and out of the hospital... he was always brave and looking at the bright side of things... I wish i could have his faith, and inner strength. This for me is a time of growth... I know a great change is ahead I don;t know if its for better or worse, but I need to change. Part of me wants to run screaming and crying from this mess and not deal with it... but i fear I will keep losing people until I find what it is I need to find. Maybe this just a freak happening that all these people are dying around me? But maybe it isn't. I;m so overwhelmed, and I need someone to lean on but the very person i thought i had is gone... maybe it's time for me to stand on my own wholly and completely.
Mat and I are over, and I'm also looking for another place to live... which is proving difficult because the girl who is in line to be my roomate seems to want it to be soully up to me to procure a place.
Life has shit in my cereal i suppose.
But some random stranger told me good things are going to come my way maybe thats the case.