small girl in a big city.
Yesterday it hit me that my family, my friends and the life I've built over the past 12 years are in a completely different state, and the honeymoon period with being in Los Angeles has worn off.
It's tough, and I found myself struggling with the emotions that come with recognizing these facts. And this is just the way it's going to be from now on--things don't stay static, and I would never wish that upon my friends. They'll move on to have experiences without me around, their own inside jokes, their own bonding times together. I would never be selfish enough to wish otherwise, but I guess I thought that being a military brat would prepare me for these kinds of feelings after moving away. Guess not.
You could also say that I will simultaneously be experiencing new things here as well, that my friends will always be there for me regardless of distance... all of that jumble. I recognize that this is true as well. I guess that it'll just take time for my heart to catch up to my brain.
Not having James around is tough, too--he just started his surgical internship this morning (he left at 4am!) and I woke up to wish him luck. I'm going to try my hardest to not be such a baby about these things around him because he has more things to be worried about that me. He was so anxious about his first day last night that he couldn't get to bed until close to midnight :( So I'll work hard to be the support he needs throughout his first year as a resident, and be strong >_<;;;
I just want to find my own niche here, feel like I'm not just getting swallowed up by this sprawling city and actually put roots down, somewhere... and in the midst of my melancholy and missing my life in Denver, find a new love for where I'm at and the situation I'm in.
Oh, and a job. A job would be great.
It's tough, and I found myself struggling with the emotions that come with recognizing these facts. And this is just the way it's going to be from now on--things don't stay static, and I would never wish that upon my friends. They'll move on to have experiences without me around, their own inside jokes, their own bonding times together. I would never be selfish enough to wish otherwise, but I guess I thought that being a military brat would prepare me for these kinds of feelings after moving away. Guess not.
You could also say that I will simultaneously be experiencing new things here as well, that my friends will always be there for me regardless of distance... all of that jumble. I recognize that this is true as well. I guess that it'll just take time for my heart to catch up to my brain.
Not having James around is tough, too--he just started his surgical internship this morning (he left at 4am!) and I woke up to wish him luck. I'm going to try my hardest to not be such a baby about these things around him because he has more things to be worried about that me. He was so anxious about his first day last night that he couldn't get to bed until close to midnight :( So I'll work hard to be the support he needs throughout his first year as a resident, and be strong >_<;;;
I just want to find my own niche here, feel like I'm not just getting swallowed up by this sprawling city and actually put roots down, somewhere... and in the midst of my melancholy and missing my life in Denver, find a new love for where I'm at and the situation I'm in.
Oh, and a job. A job would be great.