(no subject)
If you think you have any idea who I am you're probably off by a lot. The past year has been really hard on me, and maybe I react in different ways than you think a normal person should. It's not that easy for me to open up to people anymore and I have pleanty of reasons why. I have never been told, "you are an extremely difficult person to read" as many times as I have lately, in my entire double-decades of breathing oxygen. Not just by one person, not two, or three, not even four. I'd say I hear it a dozen times a week. It scares me usually, because I don't understand why. I kind of just laugh when I'm told that. The fact that it keeps getting brought to my attention that I am "not clear" to people about what I am and who I am, has gotten me to start thinking... What in the world am I doing wrong? I admire those who have taken the time to try and figure it out. I'm sorry to those I have let down. It's not all my fault, though. Listen to me when I talk. I don't mean hear me, I mean really listen to me. Body language isn't everything. Eye contact isn't everything. Knowing I'm there with you instead of anyone else in the world, by choice.. I think that is something. At least enough to keep moving forward and stop wondering. Not everyone needs to be picked apart into 38291 tiny little pieces. Not everyone is so complex just because they don't scream "HELLO I'M TYPICAL AND EASY TO READ." Everyone is different and for those who have accepted me for who I am, and DO enjoy being around me, even when I don't look you in the eye or I lock myself in my car while everyone else is outside or sit by myself to think or having a good time just not screaming with joy about it.....Thanks, seriously.