(no subject)
visited new york for the final time, just around 24 hours, after having travelled 24 hours to be there. Going to the chelsea opening was inwardly disillusioning. after being on a small fishing island in the bay of fundy for four days with a wonderful person, growing closer in understanding to so many important things, and then, standing there at a chelsea opening with so many abilities to make "connections" and get future "jobs" since everyone liked my editing a lot...it was so secular. an odd word maybe. but after a string of such amazing mystical experiences, from great ominous clouds, perfectly formed cyliners rolling overhead like some massive ball about to squash all of us for our silliness, to such a communal atmosphere just walking through the woods, or tearing an intact dress from underneath a massive boulder and giving it to ali since it was so perfect for her (tie dyed with algae and mud)
all that made the idea of rising up in a social hierarchy absolutely ridiculous. This invisible set of wires strung about on the surface of a planet that doesn't give a shit about any of it (not not cognizant, just doesn't really care). kind of like how the yankees feel about the red sox. why would I shmooze with people. I've already had a few high profile positions, simply by not caring about these sorts of things. I guess some design work I did was on the cover of the indianapolis sun? who knows, who cares, let's move on to the next moment.
and sadness because just as I feel my stomach tighten and growl over another human being again...I'm leaving...not sure when I'll see her again, I hope before I go, but if not then, who knows...my new meditation is on not expecting anything. when you derail from expectations, everything becomes simply beautiful and even the most horrible things appear necessary.
we stalled so much on the way home. stretching nine hours into 24, pulling down an exit to some nowheresville with no lights in sight and along the side of a road by a state park and laid in the back so no one would see us. then falling asleep while she drove only to wake up by the ocean and saying: "typical..." oh to feel again...then stopping by the next morning, saying goodbye twice (maybe for good?)
I hope I will see her again. she is feminine in all the ways that I was taught were important, by my mother. connected to body and to earth. not this liberal arts feminism I had to listen to for four years that basically worked under the dogma that I have sinned from birth for being male. if you don't like orthodox society, don't live in it. I don't like it, I don't live there. I don't like social secular society, I don't live there either.
very sad that people feel have tos about such stupid petty things below such amazing cosmic things. new york was such a portrait of that. people just trying to get ahead. writing music to be heard, writing books to be published.
whitehead (bay of fundy island) was amazing because every inch of it was a photograph of that cosmic process. The pebbles on pebble beach, wound with lines of quartz or a darker stone, like a great smashing occured to make them. or the slow breaking of the huge cliffs as the tide grew and recessed. the trees bleached by the wind and the torrents of some massive storm that happened...god knows when. I have never been to a more beautiful place in my entire life.
I still feel that biology should be reflected in attitude...maybe I should begin re-exploring masculinism now that I'm fairly distanced from esotericism. haha. ism ism ism ism.
it's hard to find such passioned meaning without that series of obtuse symbols...
feel very passionless artistically though. my voice is so quiet...I think this journey out west will wake it up. my stepmother wants my father to get an annulment from my mother becuase otherwise she won't be able to take communion, or she'll go to hell...or something. I gave my opinion. I'm very protective of my mother, and annulments are not nice things. I don't really care, but they basically negate my very existence in the eyes of catholic god! though I am a pagan in a way, so what can I say, it's cool. go ahead!
trying to figure out a way to kidnap my neglected pup. i love her so much and I feel like I may be the only one. oh that house...so full of darkness.
farewell.
all that made the idea of rising up in a social hierarchy absolutely ridiculous. This invisible set of wires strung about on the surface of a planet that doesn't give a shit about any of it (not not cognizant, just doesn't really care). kind of like how the yankees feel about the red sox. why would I shmooze with people. I've already had a few high profile positions, simply by not caring about these sorts of things. I guess some design work I did was on the cover of the indianapolis sun? who knows, who cares, let's move on to the next moment.
and sadness because just as I feel my stomach tighten and growl over another human being again...I'm leaving...not sure when I'll see her again, I hope before I go, but if not then, who knows...my new meditation is on not expecting anything. when you derail from expectations, everything becomes simply beautiful and even the most horrible things appear necessary.
we stalled so much on the way home. stretching nine hours into 24, pulling down an exit to some nowheresville with no lights in sight and along the side of a road by a state park and laid in the back so no one would see us. then falling asleep while she drove only to wake up by the ocean and saying: "typical..." oh to feel again...then stopping by the next morning, saying goodbye twice (maybe for good?)
I hope I will see her again. she is feminine in all the ways that I was taught were important, by my mother. connected to body and to earth. not this liberal arts feminism I had to listen to for four years that basically worked under the dogma that I have sinned from birth for being male. if you don't like orthodox society, don't live in it. I don't like it, I don't live there. I don't like social secular society, I don't live there either.
very sad that people feel have tos about such stupid petty things below such amazing cosmic things. new york was such a portrait of that. people just trying to get ahead. writing music to be heard, writing books to be published.
whitehead (bay of fundy island) was amazing because every inch of it was a photograph of that cosmic process. The pebbles on pebble beach, wound with lines of quartz or a darker stone, like a great smashing occured to make them. or the slow breaking of the huge cliffs as the tide grew and recessed. the trees bleached by the wind and the torrents of some massive storm that happened...god knows when. I have never been to a more beautiful place in my entire life.
I still feel that biology should be reflected in attitude...maybe I should begin re-exploring masculinism now that I'm fairly distanced from esotericism. haha. ism ism ism ism.
it's hard to find such passioned meaning without that series of obtuse symbols...
feel very passionless artistically though. my voice is so quiet...I think this journey out west will wake it up. my stepmother wants my father to get an annulment from my mother becuase otherwise she won't be able to take communion, or she'll go to hell...or something. I gave my opinion. I'm very protective of my mother, and annulments are not nice things. I don't really care, but they basically negate my very existence in the eyes of catholic god! though I am a pagan in a way, so what can I say, it's cool. go ahead!
trying to figure out a way to kidnap my neglected pup. i love her so much and I feel like I may be the only one. oh that house...so full of darkness.
farewell.