I'm From the Street...
Part I of a mini-series:
It should come as no suprise that Washington DC is no different than any other capitol city in the world. It has sleazy politicians, corrupting lobbiests, big flashy monuments, the most elite police forces, sprawling projects, a horrible drug problem, and the highest homicide rate in the country. The only thing worse than the long, drawn out sorry song sung by the dying cicadas, is the long, drawn out sorry song sung by the idiot in the White House.
What many people don't realize is that this expanse of projects that moves north and east from the beautiful business districts of downtown DC, is actually and undoubtably, the hood.
Also, before I proceed with my story, I must make a broad generalization about Pennsylvania Avenue. Women don't know how to drive on it. Its as simple as that. If you are in a car with a woman driving on Pennsylvania, immediately throw that door open and roll out. Don't mind the speeding cars that are most likely going to hit you - the pain from getting nailed by a car cloaked in bullet proof armor is nothing like what you'll recieve with that crazy chick driving... Regardless of how many times she says she knows Pennsylvania Avenue, she doesn't know shit about Pennsylvania Avenue.
Pennsylvania Avenue runs from the northwest to southeast corner of DC. Lucky for you, I already said that the projects run north and east from DC, so its easy to assume that Pennsylvania Avenue runs straight into the projects. That it does ladies and gentlemen, that it does.
Let me lay out the situation to you all: Four people cruisin in a early 90s model Volvo sedan. The occupants are as follows:
1. Jay Pique: You may know him as the announcer to Ellensburg Extreme. Jay is one laid back dude. If he was a girl, he would be a down ass chick. If you are not familiar with this term, talk to a soccer chick.
2. Byron: You may recognize this pot ridden mug with the Tunstall Lunch Drink "specialist." (Please note: his specialization in drinks goes far beyond those served on campus) Byron is the ex-pothead, current alcoholic nice guy who does dumb things. This jolly young fellow is down for anything as long as he's got a Bud - and not the type that goes bowling with you.
3. Adam LeMieux: Skinny white boy who uses bad humor to compensate for the fact that he is a skinny white boy. He is also riding shotgun with his trusty map and thug instincts. He also (luckily) went to the bathroom before the car took its fateful turn onto Pennsylvania Avenue.
4. Cathy: The DC local who doesn't know shit about Pennsylvania Avenue and decides to drive on it.
On our way back from a cigar lounge in old town Alexandria (a DC suburb to the south) Cathy is attempting to get to our hotel so that Byron can have another Bud and we can get about our business for the evening. Upon arriving in the city, Cathy, the only one in the car who was from DC, decided to take Pennsylvania Avenue - and this is where our problems begin.
Tune in whenever Adam gets some more time to learn about what happens in da hood yo.
It should come as no suprise that Washington DC is no different than any other capitol city in the world. It has sleazy politicians, corrupting lobbiests, big flashy monuments, the most elite police forces, sprawling projects, a horrible drug problem, and the highest homicide rate in the country. The only thing worse than the long, drawn out sorry song sung by the dying cicadas, is the long, drawn out sorry song sung by the idiot in the White House.
What many people don't realize is that this expanse of projects that moves north and east from the beautiful business districts of downtown DC, is actually and undoubtably, the hood.
Also, before I proceed with my story, I must make a broad generalization about Pennsylvania Avenue. Women don't know how to drive on it. Its as simple as that. If you are in a car with a woman driving on Pennsylvania, immediately throw that door open and roll out. Don't mind the speeding cars that are most likely going to hit you - the pain from getting nailed by a car cloaked in bullet proof armor is nothing like what you'll recieve with that crazy chick driving... Regardless of how many times she says she knows Pennsylvania Avenue, she doesn't know shit about Pennsylvania Avenue.
Pennsylvania Avenue runs from the northwest to southeast corner of DC. Lucky for you, I already said that the projects run north and east from DC, so its easy to assume that Pennsylvania Avenue runs straight into the projects. That it does ladies and gentlemen, that it does.
Let me lay out the situation to you all: Four people cruisin in a early 90s model Volvo sedan. The occupants are as follows:
1. Jay Pique: You may know him as the announcer to Ellensburg Extreme. Jay is one laid back dude. If he was a girl, he would be a down ass chick. If you are not familiar with this term, talk to a soccer chick.
2. Byron: You may recognize this pot ridden mug with the Tunstall Lunch Drink "specialist." (Please note: his specialization in drinks goes far beyond those served on campus) Byron is the ex-pothead, current alcoholic nice guy who does dumb things. This jolly young fellow is down for anything as long as he's got a Bud - and not the type that goes bowling with you.
3. Adam LeMieux: Skinny white boy who uses bad humor to compensate for the fact that he is a skinny white boy. He is also riding shotgun with his trusty map and thug instincts. He also (luckily) went to the bathroom before the car took its fateful turn onto Pennsylvania Avenue.
4. Cathy: The DC local who doesn't know shit about Pennsylvania Avenue and decides to drive on it.
On our way back from a cigar lounge in old town Alexandria (a DC suburb to the south) Cathy is attempting to get to our hotel so that Byron can have another Bud and we can get about our business for the evening. Upon arriving in the city, Cathy, the only one in the car who was from DC, decided to take Pennsylvania Avenue - and this is where our problems begin.
Tune in whenever Adam gets some more time to learn about what happens in da hood yo.