Actors who don't deserve careers
I was browsing through the forums of the Agony Booth this morning and came across a topic about actors/actresses who shouldn't have careers in show business due to their stunning lack of talent. Here's a partial list I came up with, feel free to comment and add any others in that I might have missed:
1. The Tough Guys. Grouping them together seems easier; they play a variation on one role (tough guys who beat other people up) and cannot deliver line readings with anything approaching emotion: Mickey Rourke, Steven Seagal, Dolph Lundgren, Arnold Scwarzenegger, Lou Ferrigno. I'll give Sly Stallone a break here manily because of his work in 'Cop Land.'
2. Starlets: Tara Reid, Evangeline Lilly, Jessica Simpson, Ashlee Simpson, the Olsen twins.
3. Funny People Who Aren't: Adam Sandler, David Spade, Chris Farley (RIP), Jim Belushi, Dana Carvey. Man, this list is a who's who of SNL players. Most of them, if given the right material, are decent enough. But their films blow.
4. People who are too pretty for their own good: Orlando Bloom, Jude Law, Sienna Miller, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Nicole Kidman, and Halle Berry. Yes, I know Kidman and Berry are Oscar-winning actresses. Kidman won for putting a prosthetic nose on in 'The Hours' and Berry won for doing what is essentially a porn scene in 'Monster's Ball'. And Cillian Murphy is prettier than Jude Law, anyway.
5. They won Oscars for what, again? Helen Hunt, Marisa Tomei, Mira Sorvino.
6. The Wannabes: Jennifer Aniston and anyone else who's had a good long run on television and somehow thinks that film acting is the same thing. It's not. Seriously, has anyone ever sat through an Aniston film? I haven't, and I don't know anyone else who has.
7. The A-listers: Julia Roberts and Russell Crowe. I remain mystified as to their appeal. Roberts is a one-note actress (like Meg Ryan) and Crowe's offscreen behavior turns me off so much that I haven't watched anything he's done since 'Gladiator.' (And, seriously, Gladiator won Best Picture. One of the Oscars' most 'Wtf?' moments ever)
Yes, I know Crowe did great in 'LA Confidential.' So did Kim Basinger, who is also a one-note actress and worthy of inclusion on this list. They had great material to work with, that's why: James Ellroy's novel is noir at its best. Hell, Tara Reid could've done okay in that film.
1. The Tough Guys. Grouping them together seems easier; they play a variation on one role (tough guys who beat other people up) and cannot deliver line readings with anything approaching emotion: Mickey Rourke, Steven Seagal, Dolph Lundgren, Arnold Scwarzenegger, Lou Ferrigno. I'll give Sly Stallone a break here manily because of his work in 'Cop Land.'
2. Starlets: Tara Reid, Evangeline Lilly, Jessica Simpson, Ashlee Simpson, the Olsen twins.
3. Funny People Who Aren't: Adam Sandler, David Spade, Chris Farley (RIP), Jim Belushi, Dana Carvey. Man, this list is a who's who of SNL players. Most of them, if given the right material, are decent enough. But their films blow.
4. People who are too pretty for their own good: Orlando Bloom, Jude Law, Sienna Miller, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Nicole Kidman, and Halle Berry. Yes, I know Kidman and Berry are Oscar-winning actresses. Kidman won for putting a prosthetic nose on in 'The Hours' and Berry won for doing what is essentially a porn scene in 'Monster's Ball'. And Cillian Murphy is prettier than Jude Law, anyway.
5. They won Oscars for what, again? Helen Hunt, Marisa Tomei, Mira Sorvino.
6. The Wannabes: Jennifer Aniston and anyone else who's had a good long run on television and somehow thinks that film acting is the same thing. It's not. Seriously, has anyone ever sat through an Aniston film? I haven't, and I don't know anyone else who has.
7. The A-listers: Julia Roberts and Russell Crowe. I remain mystified as to their appeal. Roberts is a one-note actress (like Meg Ryan) and Crowe's offscreen behavior turns me off so much that I haven't watched anything he's done since 'Gladiator.' (And, seriously, Gladiator won Best Picture. One of the Oscars' most 'Wtf?' moments ever)
Yes, I know Crowe did great in 'LA Confidential.' So did Kim Basinger, who is also a one-note actress and worthy of inclusion on this list. They had great material to work with, that's why: James Ellroy's novel is noir at its best. Hell, Tara Reid could've done okay in that film.