[RPF]: Just Don't Mention the "D" Word. Part One

[lemanya]

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We say that the hour of death cannot be forecast, but when we say this we imagine that hour as placed in an obscure and distant future.  It never occurs to us that it has any connection with the day already begun or that death could arrive this same afternoon, this afternoon which is so certain and which has every hour filled in advance. 
~Marcel Proust

Jared always knew that when he died, he’d die a hero’s death. Like from rescuing orphans from a burning building, or a kitten from a tree or some other shit that people would say “oh that Jared Padalecki guy? Yeah, he’s a hero”. It’s not self-absorbed, not really, because who wouldn’t want their death to have meant something? And besides, Jared’s always doing altruistic things- he volunteers at two different homeless shelters after work on four different nights, plus Saturdays, and he donates regularly to just about every charity that calls, and he always helps Mrs Crumbel hobble across the street to the grocery store whenever he sees her. Jared kind of figured, with all the good he does daily, his parting would be a great big thank you, and you shall forever be remembered from Karma. Or, he’d die in his sleep two days before his hundredth birthday, having said his goodbyes to his children, grandchildren, and hopefully great-grandchildren. That would have been nice.

Jared’s untimely death, when it does come, isn’t heroic at all. It doesn’t happen from saving orphans, or kittens, or hell, taking a hit from a truck running a red light that would have hit Mrs Crumbel if Jared hadn’t pushed her out of the way. No, Jared’s death is not heroic.

It is, however, somewhat eventful.

And it will probably be remembered, come to think of it.



For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity. 
 ~ William Penn 
When Jared opens his eyes he has to blink twice because his vision is made up of pink and brown splotches. They eventually focus into a face, which is grinning at him, although it looks a little sinister since it’s upside down. Jared blinks again.

‘Hi!’ the face chirps.

Jared goes to sit up and feels an unpleasant schtick from where his back comes unglued from asphalt. Two tiny hands plants themselves on his shoulders to help him get vertical, and Jared can only assume they belong to the face. His head feels foggy, wrapped in cotton wool and everything is dulled a little. He thinks he can hear screaming and he’s pretty sure it’s not him, but when he looks around, the only person in his vicinity is the girl- or rather, the woman, though she’s a very tiny woman- who helped him up.

‘Ugh,’ Jared says, and the woman laughs and sits down opposite him, setting down a staff of some kind next to her.

‘Just take your time,’ she says. ‘It’ll clear up eventually.’

‘What happened?’ Jared asks.

‘You tripped,’ she states with a giggle, ‘Well, to be exact, you tripped on your shoelace, and let me just say that nobody was expecting it to go down that way!’ She has to cover her mouth with her hands to stifle her laughter but when she removes them, her expression is more sympathetic.

‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh, it’s just that it always happens in different ways, and I’ve never heard anyone say they came to us because they tripped on their shoelace. You’re going to be such a novelty. I’m Sandy by the way.’

Jared blames it on his head still being a little mushy, but he has no clue what this Sandy chick is on about. Well, okay, he gets the tripping thing, but the rest of it? She may as well be speaking Klingon. Jared blankly says his own name back and Sandy just laughs again, says, ‘I know.’

Then she stands, and with a surprising strength gets Jared on his feet, bends down again to retrieve her staff, links her arm in his and steers them down the street.

The more they walk, the less fuzzy things become for Jared. The muted screaming from earlier becomes clearer, and the sound of sirens filters in from behind them. Jared wants to turn, help because it’s clear that someone’s in trouble, but Sandy’s grip doesn’t waver and she distracts him by asking ‘What’s the last thing you remember?’

Jared thinks back. The alarm went off, he woke up, hit snooze, slept again for ten minutes, woke up for the second time and went for a run, drank coffee, stumbled into the shower, overcooked his eggs, got dressed and realised he was late for work, so he slipped his feet into the first shoes he could find- untied Converse sneakers with rainbow laces- grabbed his keys and ran all the way from his apartment to the alley the building’s door opened up on. He remembers thinking thank god he hadn’t tripped on his shoelaces and cracked his neck on the stairs, and then there was a moment he thought whoa, because the whole world was tipping and he was flailing and-

‘Yep,’ says Sandy, ‘coming out that front door, went headfirst into the side of the dumpster.’

Jared blinks. ‘Damn.’ He rubs his neck. ‘Famous last thoughts. At least I didn’t hurt myself, that kind of accident could have caused some serious problems.’

Sandy looks at him sympathetically again. ‘I’m sorry sweetie, but it did.’ She looks awkward and Jared’s sure the look on his face is confused. ‘You’ve…’ she hesitates, and then says delicately, ‘you’ve moved on from the earthly plane.’ They’ve stopped now, at the mouth of the alley, and her expression has shifted into an expecting look, like she’s urging Jared to understand. He doesn’t.

‘Earthly plane?’

‘You’ve answered the final summons, assumed room temperature, bought the farm and cashed in your chips, gone over the big ridge, faded away, joined the great majority… are any of these ringing a bell? Because you gotta work with me here, kid.’ She looks exasperated. ‘Honey, you kicked the bucket.’

Jared blanches. ‘I’m dea-?’

Sandy swings her hands up in front of him. ‘No! Don’t say it!’ she yells, and they stand there in a stalemate, Sandy’s hands a hair’s-breadth away from Jared’s shirt, one still curled around that long stick of hers, and Jared’s mouth half open on the end of his word. Sandy pulls her hands back to clasp them together around the staff and leans forward on it. ‘It’s just... people tend to freak out less when that word isn’t mentioned. It’s just a kindness, for everyone really, if we ignore that word altogether, okay?’

‘Okay,’ Jared says, but he can’t manage to keep the wariness out of his tone. ‘So… my life has… ended, that’s what you’re saying?’

Sandy nods.

‘And I’m now what- a ghost?’

Sandy shrugs. ‘For now, until we get you registered and assigned.’

‘Registered for what?’ Jared asks.

Sandy hmms. ‘I’d best not tell you until you come to terms completely with what happened to you, but don’t worry, it’s nothing bad.’

It’s then, and only because Jared’s head is finally cleared, that he notices that Sandy’s clothed from head to toe in black. When he trails his eyes down, he realises that it’s all one garb- a robe of some kind with a hood. It stops short of trailing along the ground, but only because Sandy’s perched on a pair of bright pink heels, peeking out the bottom of the robe. When his eyes draw back up, they continue on past her head, travelling up the staff which stretches a good two feet above her and ends in a sharply curved blade that glints menacingly in the sunlight. A big ‘S’ is burnt into the base of the blade, just before it meets wood. Jared comes to the startling conclusion that this is a scythe, which means Sandy is the grim reaper, which means that when Jared tripped on his shoelace just outside of his building and went headfirst into the dumpster, he died.

Oh shit, he’s dead. His eyes widen and he looks down at his hands, and for the first time realises that he can see through them to the cracked pavement beneath. He turns his head back down the alley to where he can see his front door, the building’s dumpster, and a small group of people, fading in more clearly the longer he looks, some with their hands over their mouths, one guy on a cell phone, and Jared can see a pair of Chuck Taylor’s, with rainbow shoelaces exactly like his own, peeking out the side of the group. Across from him, Sandy sighs and says, ‘Don’t worry sweetie, by the time we get back to headquarters you’ll be okay,’ but Jared’s not listening because he’s stuck on the fact that this really is the end. He’s dead.

Jared promptly freaks the fuck out.



The building they end up at is an ice-cream parlor. Jared has a moment to wonder how, as a ghostly being- who’s just had people not even see him and walk straight through him on the trip over here- he’s supposed to eat ice-cream, and if he isn’t supposed to eat it, how Sandy could be so cruel in teasing him with it, when the door opens with a jangle of bells and a blonde, very female head pokes out. It smiles widely at him, and Jared can see a headset attached to her left ear.

‘Well, hello, handsome.’ She winks at him. ‘You must be Jared. Come on in.’ She holds the door open for them and Jared turns to Sandy with wide eyes.

‘She can see me?’ he asks, because he’s going to tackle how she knows his name later. The blonde answers before Sandy can.

‘Of course I can, silly, I’m not alive either.’ And oh, of course, yeah. Shit, is he supposed to offer condolences or something? What’s the appropriate behaviour for interacting with another dea- expired individual?

‘Katie’s our receptionist,’ Sandy interjects, ‘and don’t worry about what’s appropriate, just don’t mention the D word.’

Jared pulls back, because did Sandy just read his mind? That can’t be possible, can it? Has Sandy been reading his mind this whole time? It’d certainly explain how well she handled Jared’s freak out earlier, but that would also mean she heard when Jared thought about how hot her rack looks, even in that depressing get-up, and then the awkwardness he went through for thinking boner thoughts about Death incarnate, and oh shit, if that smirk on her face is anything to go by, yes, she can, and she’s obviously highly amused at Jared’s internal rambling-

‘Don’t worry, sweetie,’ she laughs, ‘I can’t read your mind.’

But- no, seriously, she has to be.

‘You’re not the first to go through this, and you won’t be the last. It’s pretty much routine what you’re thinking. I’ve been doing this a long time, I know the drill.’

‘True,’ Katie says, ‘now seriously, handsome, get that tush inside, you’re letting the heat in.’

Katie gropes him as he walks past.

From there, things are a bit of a blur. He only has a moment to register the inside of the building (which really is an ice-cream store, with real live people in it, and Katie apologizes, but she has to get back to serving them) before Sandy is taking his arm gently and steering them through the ‘employees only’ door, pulling off her robe and hanging it on a hook that says ‘Sands <3’ (which is fifth in a line of about twenty-seven other hooks, of which Danni :), Chaddmeister, JensenJennybean ;) and KaneAsshole are some of the names) and stashing her scythe in the accompanying cupboard, and then they’re going down a long dark corridor and emerging in what looks like an enormous employee lounge. From there, Jared gets introduced to somewhere around fourteen people, but he can only remember Mike (who’s bald and can’t shut up about some dude named Tom), Danneel (who’s an extraordinarily hot redhead with a wicked sense of humor and dark red nail polish), Misha (who isn’t bald, but can’t stop propositioning Jared to join him and his partner, Victoria, in a sexual escapade that would give a fleshie a heart attack) and Jeff, who turns out to be head honcho.

‘Well, not the head honcho, if you know what I mean, but I’m in charge of this here place, and Jesus-’ his eyes go wide and he stares at the floor, ‘-but sometimes it feels like I need a pay raise.’

Jeff runs a hand down his face and Jared just stares. He has a horrible sinking feeling he’s just stumbled into crazy town and he suddenly wants his uneventful, mediocre life back. He wishes Sandy were here in Jeff’s office with him, especially since he now knows she’s not the grim reaper, but she left to apparently start her shift at the ice-cream end of the building. Jeff shifts suddenly and grins at Jared.

‘So!’ he says brightly, ‘Jared, you’re probably wondering what in the purgatory is going on, yeah?’ Jared nods but Jeff keeps talking over the top of him. ‘Well, you’ve obviously figured out that you’ve moved on from life, and we here at Expired Enterprises offer our condolences for your passing, but are excited to work with you here in the afterlife.’

‘Uh huh,’ Jared says blandly.

‘So, you might be wondering why you haven’t moved straight on to an eternal resting place of your religious and/or personal choosing…’

‘Uh huh,’ Jared says again, though a little less blandly.

‘Well, simply put, you’ve been chosen.’ He sits back in his chair and steeples his fingers. ‘People die every day, Jared, constantly and sometimes messily, and someone needs to be there to reap their souls and send them on their way. That’s what we do, what Sandy did with you. But every now and then, we need to retire some of our reapers, as a thank you for all their dedication over the years, and so we bring in fresh blood, pardon the pun, to take over the job.’

There’s a pause as they look at each other.

‘That’d be you, Jared.’

‘Oh, right,’ Jared says, ‘yeah, okay.’

Jeff looks at him dubiously. ‘You sure? I didn’t expect you to take it this well, nobody really does.’

‘In all honesty, I’m kind of just hoping I’ll wake up soon.’

Jeff expression turns sympathetic. ‘Sorry kiddo, wish I could say you will. The bright side though, is that once we get you registered, you’ll practically be alive again. No more of this slightly shimmery thing you got going on. You’ll have a real form, can eat, drink, touch things again. You won’t age, of course, but hey, that’s really just a bonus.’ He grins again and spreads his hands. ‘You can of course, say no, and we’ll send you on, but you’re here because the big D chose you specifically, and in all honesty it’s a bit of a hassle when we have to find someone else compatible on such short notice. But you have to know, that the decision you make here is unfortunately your final one. Once you choose, you can’t change your mind again. Good news is you don’t have to decide right away, you have until midnight tonight. So, take some time, meet some more people and ask a few questions, okay?’

And that, apparently, is the end of the conversation, since Jared gets pushed out into the main room and is left to awkwardly wave when everybody looks at him.



Turns out, Danneel’s a bit of a gossip. In the hour that followed Jared’s eviction from Jeff’s office, Jared’s learned a bunch of things he deems important, including to leave the room if Tom and Mike are in it, because they don’t care about audiences; to never accept anything from Misha, even if it’s sealed; and to never, ever, touch Katie’s ice-cream scoops. He’s also warned to be wary of Genevieve’s advances, since Jared’s just her type, and to make sure the coffee pot always has at least one cup left in it, and if he drinks it, to make more immediately, or Jensen will be his permanent enemy. Even though he has no idea who Genevieve and Jensen are, he figures that avoiding two potentially crazy people is up on the list of things to remember. He’s also found out how Danneel came to be here, which involved her falling off the Titanic three days into its journey.

‘Figures though, that the next day it’d hit that fucking iceberg. And you know what, with the “women and children first” policy, plus me being from oil money and all, I’d have survived that too. That’s irony for you.’ She picks at her fingernails. The colour on them reminds Jared of blood, and he wonders if she chose that colour on purpose.

‘And tell him how you managed to fall off the Titanic, Danni,’ Misha calls from where he’s lying on a couch with a bright pink drink in one hand and a gardening magazine in the other.

Danneel humphs. ‘I was drunk,’ she says, ‘You know that scene in the movie with the “I’m flying Jack!”? Well, yeah, I was sort of doing that, just with no corny words and nobody else around. Went straight over the side of the ship.’

Misha breaks out into cackles and Danneel glares at him. ‘Well Misha, how about you tell him how you came to no longer be alive.’

Misha looks at Jared. ‘I got high with a friend, got cocky, stole a bus and went highway surfing.’ Jared laughs at that. ‘It was amazingly fun, while it lasted.’

‘And,’ Jared says, ‘you both don’t regret what happened? Either exiting like you did or choosing to do this reaping thing?’

‘Hell no,’ they both say, and Danneel goes on, ‘little upset right after it happened, you know, but it’s happened, in the past, and this job is pretty awesome, so…’ she shrugs.

‘And I met Vicki after I fell off that bus,’ Misha interjects, ‘and she’s the love of my life, well, afterlife. Both really. In fact, she reaped me.’ A dopey grin and a faraway look spreads on his face. ‘Oh yeah, no regrets.’

Jared’s about to look away because, yeah, uncomfortable, and so he’s relieved when the door that leads to the corridor and ice-cream shop bangs open and he has an excuse to do so. In the doorway stands a blond guy, squinting a little and still wearing his robe. He throws his arms up in the air and announces ‘What’s up, my bitches?’ but nobody replies. The blond guy doesn’t look like he expected anybody to do so and isn’t fazed by the lack of response. He spots their group, however, and makes a beeline for them.

‘That’s Chad,’ Danneel sighs.

‘He’s abhorrent,’ Misha says, ‘but for some reason, we like him.’

‘Danni, baby,’ Chad says with a leer, ‘when are you going to sleep with me?’

‘Not even if you grow a vagina, Chad,’ Danneel says, ‘and my answer will be the same tomorrow when you ask me all over again.’

‘Give it time,’ he says. ‘One day, you’ll realise just how much you want the Chaddinator, and then we’ll go boom boom until the sun comes up. Until then, I’ll keep asking.’

‘Chad, this is Jared,’ Danneel says quickly. ‘He’s new.’

‘Jay, man,’ Chad holds his hand up in high-five position, so Jared goes to slap it, but his hand moves straight through Chad. That little tingly feeling he was getting whenever people walked through him out on the street passes through him again. Chad grins. ‘Not many people do that, well done, I like you.’ He points a finger at Jared. ‘You’re Sandy’s shoelace boy.’

‘Oh God, Sandy told you?’ Jared asks.

‘Well, no,’ Chad says, ‘but she and Katie were talking about it when I came in.’

‘Shoelace boy?’ Misha asks.

‘Long story,’ Jared says, because he has a funny feeling he knows exactly how they’ll react when they find out how he ended up here. ‘She told Katie?’

‘She didn’t have to,’ Danneel says, ‘Katie’s the receptionist. As soon as you bite it, she gets all the info on it immediately, like downloaded into her or something so she can write up the official report.’

‘Nobody needs to tell her anything,’ Chad says with a solemn face, ‘because Katie already knows everything.’

‘But, shoelace boy?’ Danneel says. Jared sighs. He’d rather they find out from him.

‘I was coming out of my building and I tripped on my shoelace. Cracked my neck on a heavy duty dumpster.’

There’s a moment when all three of them look down at Jared’s shoes and those stupid rainbow laces, and he’s relieved because they don’t see him blush (if he blushes, because he’s not sure how it looks, him being transparent and all) and then they all burst out laughing. And don’t stop.

Danneel’s wiping tears from her eyes, for godsakes.

‘It’s not all fun and games at the end of the rainbow,’ Chad says, and they laugh even harder.

To top it all off, Jared doesn’t even have the density needed to tie up the shoelace that got him into this mess.



Jared entertains himself for the next hour or so by watching Danneel and Misha rib each other out- Chad disappeared off to his room to take a pre-dinner nap, which set everyone but Chad into hysterics all over again- but he has to walk away from the verbal sparring match when it degenerates into childish name-calling. He notices that everyone seems happy, and he hears snippets of their reaps- hit by a flying toilet seat, man, it was awesome!- as they recount them to their friends. Doing nothing but watching others gives him time to think back on his own life.

Overall, he’s pleased with it, and he’s proud of the little things he did, like volunteering at the homeless shelter and helping those he could, because he feels like it gave his life some meaning. But, that’s just it, that’s all that had meaning. He might be pleased with how his life went, but to be honest, he knows it was boring as hell for the most part. He got roped into doing accounting at college by his parents instead of doing the lit degree like he wanted, but after the last company he worked for went bankrupt because their CEOs couldn’t keep their hands out of the money bags, he hadn’t bothered to look for a well-paying job. Which is why he was doing the bookkeeping for a Laundromat a couple of blocks over, and why he was wearing sneakers that morning instead of a suit and dress shoes.

He hasn’t had a girlfriend (or boyfriend, since he’s equal opportunities in that department) in years, mostly due to that stupid corporate job and the subsequent apathy. He never had friends in his corporate world, because they were all pretentious fuckwits, and though he got on well with the Laundromat owners and the other shelter volunteers, he never hung out with them outside of work. As for his family, he got a voicemail from his brother the other week but it was to remind him he needed to be back in Texas for Thanksgiving, and the last he saw of his mom and his sister was at his dad’s funeral- a heart attack a little over a year ago (he wonders briefly where his dad is now), but really, that’s only because they’re in separate states. He still calls, well- called frequently, but it was getting more and more difficult to keep conversations going when he had nothing new in his life to report. He hopes his mom is okay, she’s probably found out about Jared’s demise by now.

Frankly, Jared’s life sucked (apart from the helping people thing, but even he couldn’t help everyone, and it just made him sad to think about that) and he thinks, maybe his afterlife could be just that little bit better.

This thought is what leads him back to Jeff’s office, and when Jeff calls a ‘come in’ Jared takes a seat without being asked and with a grin just says, ‘Where do I sign up?’

As it turns out, there’s an actual contract, and Jared has to press his hand to the space at the end of it, since he can’t grab hold of a pen. When he does so, he feels his fingertips tingling, and as he watches, his hand begins to regain a more solid color, becoming slightly heavier, and Jared can feel the paper on his skin. The sensation spreads up his arm and he realizes he’s getting his body back, and as he feels his organs fleshing out properly, he also realizes he hasn’t eaten since his overcooked eggs that morning, and he’s hungry.

Very hungry.

Jeff cackles when he hears Jared’s stomach rumble loudly.

‘Sorry,’ Jared says, a little chagrined. Jeff just waves it off.

‘Don’t worry, you’re not the first. Go on, get,’ he says, ‘go get some food into you. You can come back when you’re done.’ Jared hesitates. ‘Seriously, kid, we’ve got all the time in the world now to get your orientation done, so get out of my office and let me file this paperwork properly.’

Jared gets, because he’s starting to get hunger pains.

At least he has the presence of mind to tie that stupid shoelace before he trips again.



He’s just polished off his second plate of pasta and is watching Danneel do an interpretation of Genevieve, and even though Jared can’t measure it up to the real thing, it’s still amusing to watch her prance around the kitchen in her tallest heels and shortest skirt, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she flirts with the refrigerator. What’s even more amusing is that Chad’s begun drooling next to him, eyes flitting between Danneel’s ass, chest and mouth depending on what she’s popping out from her body at the time. Misha’s giggling constantly, but he also has a rolled cigarette between his fingers, and Jared suspects it’s more than tobacco in the paper. Sandy’s back too, perched on the counter with a milkshake and commenting with things Danneel should do next, with the exception of sluttily drinking the last of the coffee.

‘No way, Sands, Jensen’s due back soon, and Jensen likes me, and I really want Jensen to keep on liking me.’

Sandy nods in concession, but before she can reply Jeff makes an appearance. He hands a book to Jared and says he has to read it before he can get started with the job. Jared nods, even though the book is about as thick as an encyclopaedia, and then Danneel cuts in.

‘So, Jeff, who did you assign him to?’

‘Assign?’ Jared asks.

‘All newbies get assigned to a reaper before they qualify as one themselves,’ Sandy explains. ‘Like an internship, or a mentor program. Basically, you don’t get to wear the cloaks and carry the blades until you have enough experience.’

‘It’s fairly simple,’ Misha says, ‘just make sure you reap the right souls and you’ll earn your knuckles in no time.’

‘So Jeff,’ Danneel says, a little louder, ‘who did you assign him to? Which unlucky son of a bitch gets to have him tag along?’ She winks at Jared when she says that, so Jared doesn’t take offence.

But Jeff looks suddenly awkward, and his hand goes to rub the back of his neck. ‘Well, uh, jessun,’ he mumbles.

‘Sorry?’ Danneel leans in closer to him. ‘We didn’t catch that.’

Jeff clears his throat and breathes in deep. ‘Jensen,’ he says on the exhale, ‘Jared, you’ve been assigned to Jensen.’

Jensen, the coffee-addicted guy that he still hasn’t met. Okay, he can live with that. And apparently Chad can too, even if his eyes go wide and his mouth opens dramatically. But the other three, apparently can’t, since they launch into talking over the top of one another with Why would you do that?s and Isn’t there any other way?s and at one point he hears Misha say, ‘You’re a cruel dealer of fate, Jeffrey Morgan.’

Jeff takes it all in stride until they run out of steam and their arguments die out, but when he goes to say something else Danneel butts in with, ‘You’re so not getting a Christmas card this year,’ and Misha tacks on, ‘Assbut.’ Jeff ignores them.

‘Management says so,’ he says. ‘The big guy specifically asked for it- he wants Jared here paired up with Jen. Says it might do Jensen some good, and frankly, I’m inclined to agree with him.’

‘He has a point,’ Sandy says in a soft voice. ‘Jensen could do with someone like Jared in his afterlife.’

‘Sure,’ Danneel scoffs, ‘if Jensen doesn’t end up smothering Jared in his sleep.’

Jared blanches.

‘Oh, don’t worry,’ Misha says. ‘You can’t be killed anyway, so mostly it’d just be uncomfortable.’

The reassurance isn’t all that reassuring. Danneel sighs.

‘I didn’t quite mean it like that. What I meant was, well- Jared, you’re awesome, okay? And I don’t give out awesome labels easily, so take it and wear it with pride. You’re bright and smiley and your shoelaces are rainbow for christsakes, and Jensen? Well, Jensen’s nice, he really is, and he’s cool once you get to know him, and he really is a great person… he just has trouble showing it.’

‘A lot of trouble,’ Chad snorts.

‘And he’s not the easiest person to get on with, so just, be really patient and stock up on coffee. I’m sure he’ll warm up to you eventually, but he might just take his time getting there.’

‘Though really,’ Misha points out, ‘you’ll probably fly through your newbieness with Jensen. He’s really serious about the job, so you’ll get your knuckles in no time.’

‘What does that mean anyway?’ Jared asks.

In response, they all (including Jeff) hold out their right hands to Jared so he can see their knuckles. They’ve got black marks on them that look like dots, but when Jared looks closer he can make out the details of runes marking them, though he doesn’t know what they stand for. They’re in varying clearness- Jeff’s are dark and stand out starkly against the skin, where Misha’s are faint and grey in colour. The other three are somewhere in between.

‘Oh, I see,’ Jared says. ‘Knuckles.’

‘They’re a mark of reapership,’ Sandy says. ‘When you’ve completed your first reap, you’ll get them too, like a graduation diploma. They’ll get darker with the more years and experience you have.’

‘Oh, speak of the devil,’ Misha says, and they all turn to where he’s looking, which happens to be the door to the corridor.

Two guys have just entered, one short with hair down to his shoulders, his face set in a bit of a scowl. A series of rubber and cord bracelets line his wrists. The other, though, is tall and smoking, with eyes so green Jared can see them clear across the room. He’s expressionless, like chiselled marble, and Jared wants to kick himself with how Harlequin he’s being. But this guy, this guy is almost ethereal, practically gliding across the floor towards them. He gets closer and his face just gets sharper, defined cheekbones and long eyelashes and jesus fuck, that mouth. Jared’s always prided himself on seeing the beauty beneath, and never judging based on looks alone, but this guy is blowing that all out of the water and making Jared want.

He’s never wanted more in his life.

‘I’d better talk to Jensen before anybody else does, okay guys?’ Jeff says, and everybody nods in agreement.

‘The short grumpy one is Kane,’ Chad says.

‘Mmm, Christian Kane,’ Sandy says, and her voice drops a register, to Jared’s surprise.

‘And the pretty one is Jensen,’ Danneel interjects. ‘That’s who’ll you be roaming around with.’

And oh yeah, Jared is totally on board with that.

Both guys end up at the kitchen and nod to Jeff, who nods back. Kane goes to the fridge and pops open a beer, but Jensen goes straight to the coffee machine and pours the last of it into a mug that he gets from the cupboard above it. When he’s added a small spoon of sugar but nothing else, he refills the machine and sets it to make another pot. He may be crazy about the coffee, but at least he’s decent about providing it to others too.

‘Jensen,’ Jeff says delicately, ‘could I talk to you about something?’

Jensen pauses mid-sip and looks closer at Jeff, who begins to squirm under Jensen’s unemotional gaze. His shoulders slump in relief when Jensen nods and they leave the kitchen. The group watches until Jeff’s office door closes, and then Chad lets out a breath.

‘Alright, I’m going to go hide out in my room now, there’s no way I’m staying out here when Jeff breaks the news.’

‘What news?’ Kane asks.

‘This here is Jared.’ Danneel waves a hand in Jared’s direction and Kane gives him a nod. ‘And Management has decided that Jared is to be assigned to Jensen.’

Kane chokes and spits his beer a clear few feet.

Jared gets the feeling that maybe he should have declined the position and just moved on to eternal rest.



He first properly meets Jensen later that evening, when he’s getting his bearings in his new room. The building, as he finds out from Chad and Danneel, is basically like one big apartment block once you leave the employee lounge.

Apparently, everybody just lives above the ice-cream shop.

Danneel says that nobody owns any other places of residence, mainly because it’s difficult. Reaping, while done generally in shifts, doesn’t exactly work to a clock roster, and it’s awkward to explain to the neighbours why you’re coming back at eight in the morning with a large blade-on-a-stick. Chad points out that this place has anything and everything anyway, so there’s no need to live anywhere else.

Danneel also tells him that most people in their position only date other reapers, because what live person is going to understand that kind of job, so there’s no real need to keep up appearances to prospective dates. She finally tells him that since there isn’t much warning before you get notified that you are allowed to move on, there’s no point in having some apartment somewhere where you have to sort out what will happen to it and the things in it on such short notice.

Besides, as Chad points out again, this place is pretty damn awesome.

There are two apartments to every floor, with the exception of the top, which apparently is a penthouse and is reserved for the boss, which is Jeff at the moment. When Jeff gets to move on, the next boss will take it. The remaining apartments are randomly allocated, and though Chad complains because he’s on the lowest floor and feels that having been bug food for a hundred and fifty years entitles him to move up in the building, Jared thinks it’d be a pain having to relocate all the time just because experience grants him a higher place of residence.

And besides, Jared’s room is on the twelfth floor, so he’s really glad the newbies don’t have to take the bottom levels.

They’re big too, bigger than standard apartments, like penthouses in themselves, and it makes Jared wonder what Jeff’s floor must be like. The kitchen’s big, the bedroom’s even bigger, and the bathroom comes equipped with a deep, almost pool-like bathtub and enormous shower. Its décor is glamorous too, like a room at a fancy hotel with black leather couches and marble benchtops. There’s a 70inch plasma mounted on the wall and the fridge is already stocked with beer (Jared’s favorite) and the pantry has a whole shelf dedicated to gummy candy. He vaguely wonders how his heaven (when he gets there) will ever match up to the heaven he’s in now.

But anyway, he’s sort of lying on his living room floor with his arms and legs splayed out to his sides and a bag of gummy worms within reach, just admiring the sheer wonderfulness that is his new apartment, when the doorbell rings.

On the other side is Jensen, and Jared nearly chokes on the sour worm he has in his mouth, because oh god, freckles. He swallows hastily.

‘Hi!’ he says, and hopes it didn’t come across as too enthusiastic.

‘Hi,’ Jensen mumbles, and a very female hand in dark red nailpolish darts out from the right to hit Jensen on the arm. ‘I’m Jensen, and I will be your reaper guide.’

Two sighs, one female and one male, echo from the hallway, so Jared figures Danneel’s not the only person out there. Jared tries not to smile too wide or laugh, he doesn’t think Jensen will appreciate that.

‘I’m Jared,’ he replies, ‘and I’m very much looking forward to working with you.’

Jensen’s mouth twists a little and he opens it to reply but before he can say anything a male hand, wrists adorned with rubber and cord bracelets- Kane- darts into view from Jensen’s other side and thwacks him on the arm. Jensen’s mouth snaps shut.

‘I hear you’re the best,’ Jared says quickly, and though nobody’s told him such, it pays to be a little flattering.

Jensen tilts his head slightly. ‘Um, thank you…’ He says it like a question. ‘Well, uh, I don’t have any reaps to do tomorrow, so you should probably go over the manual and if you have any questions, I’ll be either in the lounge, the library or my room.’ His offer is stilted, and he sounds a little uncomfortable at the mention of Jared spending time with him, but it doesn’t sound mean, just like he doesn’t quite know how to deal with people and Jared figures that he’ll spend some time with Jensen tomorrow regardless of whether he has any questions or not, just so Jensen can get used to his presence. Jared tells himself it has nothing to do with Jensen’s attractiveness and yes, let’s face it, mysteriousness, and he’s being completely altruistic by taking up that offer.

‘Sure, thanks, Jensen.’

A cough comes from Kane’s side of the doorway. Jensen looks to where he must be standing, and Jared can only see Jensen’s side of what appears to be a serious body language conversation going on. Jensen turns back to him.

‘I’m on the fourteenth floor, on the left.’ Jared nods. A cough now comes from Danneel’s side and Jensen looks at her this time.

‘Party,’ she hisses.

‘Why should I tell him?’ Jensen whispers.

‘Because you’re his mentor!’ Jensen clearly looks like he wants to argue this logic but dutifully faces Jared once again.

‘So every month there’s a party, and everybody takes turns in hosting it. This Friday it’s at Sandy’s, she’s on the eleventh floor on the right. You don’t have to bring anything unless you really want to, but I would suggest bringing some kind of alcoholic beverage.’

Danneel pokes her head round the doorframe. ‘Usually when we get a newbie, we break the party roster and make them host, but since it’s such short notice you’re relieved this time around. You should get planning though- you’ll be hosting next month’s party, as per the newbie rules.’ She disappears from sight again.

Jensen holds out his hand and Jared takes it, shakes it a couple of times. ‘It was good to meet you,’ Jensen says, still awkwardly, and Jared says ‘You too,’ and he absolutely means it. He looks down at his hands to see Jensen’s knuckles, and his eyes widen in surprise. They’re dark, darker than Jeff’s, and the runes are so densely packed to the point where they’re written on top of each other. They’re almost solid circles, only tiny patches of skin that show that they’re not, and the colour bleeds out slightly into the rest of his fingers.

Jensen pulls his hand back to his chest when he notices Jared watching, and without saying anything else, just turns and walks away, bypassing the elevator and taking the stairs.

Jared wants to run after him and apologize for upsetting him, but he’s not sure Jensen would be up to listening.

‘Well, that went surprisingly well,’ Kane says.

Danneel hmms in agreement.



Jared runs into Sandy a little later when he goes exploring, and finds the library that Jensen mentioned. It too is off the employee lounge, and it's huge, four times the size of Jared’s apartment and a good three floors in height, furnished in that old polished wood style. He finds Sandy on the ground floor level, curled up on a gigantic armchair and reading War and Peace.

‘Wow,’ he says, ‘heavy.’

She smiles up at him. ‘It was my favorite book when I was alive. My father taught me how to read through Tolstoy.’

Jared laughs. ‘How times have changed, huh? I learned to read through Sesame Street and See Spot Run’.

‘See Spot Run is a classic.’ She grins at him. ‘Oh hey! You got told about the party, yeah?’

‘Yes,’ Jared says.

‘Good, I told everyone not to harass you about hosting it, since it’s only a couple of days away. For future reference, though, it’s always on the last Friday of each month. And, since it’s October and that means Halloween next week, it’s a Halloween double-up party. So make sure you dress up!’

Jared laughs at that and agrees. He hasn’t been to a Halloween party since right before college.

‘There’s only one rule,’ Sandy’s tone turns serious. ‘Do not dress up as the grim reaper.’

‘I can see how that would be tacky.’

‘I know, right? And hey, keep an eye on Chad too, because he always thinks it’s an awesome idea, and we have to make sure he gets steered toward a different, more appealing costume choice.’

He assures her he will, and sets off around the library. About five minutes later he’s in the German section examining the leather spines in front of him when a small body squeezes its way in front of him. He goes to stand back, thinking the body wants a book he’s blocking, but hands settle on his waist and tug him back in. He looks down, to see a brunette licking her lips at him.

‘Hi, I’m Genevieve.’

Oh, oh… Genevieve.

‘I’m Jared.’ He tries not to squeak while speaking, he really does.

‘I know,’ she purrs, and her hands drift upwards to lie on his chest, idly stroking. ‘How about I give you a tour, show you around all the cozy places. I’ll show you where my apartment is.’

And wow, talk about forward. Jared gently pries her hands off where they’re going for gold on his nipples and keeps a hold on them when they change direction and head for his belt.

‘That is very kind of you, Genevieve, but you know, today is my first day, and I haven’t even read the manual-’

‘We could do a study session, I’ll tutor you, show you everything you need to know.’

‘That’s okay, really.’ His squeaking gets more prominent. ‘It’s just been a long day and I think I still have to process all this but hey, maybe next week or something, yeah?’

She’s not unattractive, with big brown eyes and pouty lips that remind him vaguely of a certain awkward freckly mentor, but the way she’s looking at him, up through her eyelashes, her tongue darting out to move slowly across her lips, just makes her look a little ridiculous. He thinks she’d be more sexy if she stopped trying to be sexy.

And besides, Jared’s never been one for girls who display themselves so prominently. They’re too flighty at the best of times, and they’re always attracted to his height and the size of his hands (which are indeed proportionate, thank you very much puberty) but don’t like it so much when they find out that he’s a lot on the boring side and looking for a long term thing.

He manages to step away from her, and she pouts, but smoothes it over.

‘Next week then,’ she says and winks at him, ‘but if you change your mind, I’m on the third floor.’

‘I’ll keep that in mind,’ Jared says, and flees the library. There’s plenty of time to explore, preferably when Genevieve’s out reaping other souls. Once is plenty enough for him.

He sighs. This is going to be a very long afterlife.

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