NOT HAVING SEX TONIGHT
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much and I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I just
don't know why men think with their heads and women with their hearts.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't
feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every man on the planet dreads to hear;
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to
satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you
in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one
to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
complement her new clothes, so I said, "Let's get a pair for each
outfit." We then went into the jewelry department, where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited.
She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to
think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when
she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I definitely threw her for a loop
when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
"WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to
satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like
she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am
and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.