A Forgotten Story
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Obliterate
I want to live my life, carrying my memories with me. Even if the memories are painful, even if those memories do nothing but hurt me...Even those memories I wish I could forget... As long as I keep carrying them with me, and don't run away from them, someday...someday, I believe I will get to the point where I'm not oppressed by those memories. That's what I want to believe. - Momiji, Fruits Basket
~-~
He was dead.
She knew (because she remembered). She remembered now (how could she forget?), remembered (him). She could see him now. Her memory that he had stolen had returned in his absence. The misty veil of white that clouded her mind was gone. Because he was gone.
What’s wrong? You’re shaking. Millay’s voice. Of course they didn’t know (couldn’t know). Zero - Lelouch - Lulu - Pressing her hands against her ears, no, no, don’t want to see, don’t want to hear
Forget it.
His voice. His deep, soothing voice (that she had wanted to shield her for her sins) had resounded with a heartbreaking regret, heartbreaking pain. His heart had been breaking (for) her.
Just forget about all the bad things.
The bad things (was that him)? How could he be bad when she had seen it? What he had wanted. What he had wished. All it had been was…
You can! I will make you forget it all.
A bit of happiness. Something everyone wished for. Was it so much to ask? He had said. Not said aloud. Said with his eyes. Had said with his eyes. His rich, royal violet eyes (like no others): intelligent, sharp, almost cold at times. But never at Nanaly. Never at Millay, Rivalz. Never at…(her).
Ne…Lulu, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I just need to ask… Is there something you want? Do you have…a wish that you want to see fulfilled no matter what?
His violet eyes widened for a moment. They were vulnerable. For a moment. Then the shield was back again, but there was a different air to him than before. A wish? Why would I have such a thing? Something like that for me…is impossible.
But you’re smart! You would outshine anyone at this school if only you applied yourself. So why? I just don’t understand!
His eyes turned to her, looking straight at her, though not at her at all. But she could see the despair storming there. What if I told you that were the reason why I can’t?
Lulu…
What I want…
I know…Lulu, I know.
Shirley…Shirley what’s the matter? You’re shaking! Rivalz, help me keep her up! Shirley…hold on. Shirley!
Shirley…
His voice. Ringing, ringing in her heart. Whenever he called her, her face would flush. The way her name used to roll off his tongue. Calling her, calling her. Come here, come here. (Had that been what he had been saying?) Come...or had it been
I’m sorry about your dad.
Save me.
If I could redo it all over again, you...
Lulu…YOU CAN’T!
The annoyance with his apathy, the vexation whenever he missed classes, the way the sun glinted over his hair in class, sparks at his touch, hearing him speak to her on the phone for the first time, watching him with Nanaly, the warmth of his smile, seeing him grab Karen, tears in the rain, comfort in those thin arms (she never needed anyone strong like Suzuka, all she needed was), the unforgiving gun in her hands, the taste of his lips on hers, holding her gently, hugging her tightly, not wanting to ever let go, even if it meant damnation in hell, even if it meant selling her soul, all she had wanted was to stay by his side! Then -
Forget...
Emptiness.
Without Lulu there in heart, the world lost its (she lost her). Never realized (what had there been to realize?). Still watched him though she had no more thoughts of him, couldn’t have any more thoughts of him, ordered not to remember, ordered not to know, ordered not to love. Still, unknowingly, unwittingly, she still
Ne, ne, Lulu!
Hmm? He lifted his cheek from his fingers toward her. Ah…so you found me.
Jeez, don’t give me that bored tone of voice!
Yes, yes, he said in the same bored voice, looking away. But she knew he was listening.
She looked away. She had been starring at him for too long a time. Surely he would have noticed. But he hadn’t noticed, and had returned to gazing out at the lights from outside that contrasted with the black night. How could she not stare when here he was donned in a white silver tux - the prince of the ball? Her fingers twisted the silk cloth of her dress in her hands. A prince? She never really thought of him as such. Without a doubt, he was handsome to a fault and with a smile that could kill and he almost had a royal air to him, but to her, he was just a sad, lonely boy who wanted some happiness. He didn’t need to be a prince for her to…
D-Did you come in here to escape all the noise? She mustered, her eyes gazing over the Club House.
Ah, he replied.
Is it…she hesitated. The girls, she wanted to say.
I was just wondering…we all have a reason for living, don’t we? We all deserve to exist, don’t we? If I were to disappear… His voice was so serious she nearly jolted in surprise. His eyes were so miserable. He smiled wistfully, the glow of flickering over his pale face from outside. He rose, ready to leave. I’m being silly.
You’re not being silly! Her firm voice rang through the empty room. Of course we all deserve to live. We all deserve to seek dreams. No one person should be able to step over others.
For a Britannian to say -
I noticed! The words came from her mouth before she could think.
What?
I…noticed. I noticed that you were gone. Lulu, if you were to disappear, it doesn’t mean that you are ever erased from our hearts - Nanaly, Millay, Rivalz…mine. If…if you were to disappear, I’d go find you over and over and over until you were back where to belong! I could never forget you!
His warm arms around her…the scent of the night and rain…his soft hair against her skin…his breaking voice…then the kindest words…
Thank you.
Ah...Did you lose a family member as well?
No, not a family member… A friend. Yes. A precious friend.
I see…
Loss makes you realize things for the first time, doesn’t it? How much you loved her smile, how you’ll never fight or laugh together again.
His voice. She could taste the tears behind it.
You loved her, didn’t you?
I love(d). Did you…
Now…I don’t know anymore.
A new day will come. I didn’t even know why I had come here just a moment ago. It could be that I just needed to see this place one last time. I could never forget him, and there’s sure to be a lot more sadness to come, but a new day will come. So there’s no need to hold it all in.
Don’t think about it, Shirley. Breathe. They’ll leave the school soon. Don’t think about it. Rivalz, Nanaly, and I are all here together. Lelouch will come soon. Morning will come.
You’re right. That’s what I think too.
Morning will come and they will be gone. All these bad things will be gone.
Thank you for everything.
(goodbye.)
Obliterate
I want to live my life, carrying my memories with me. Even if the memories are painful, even if those memories do nothing but hurt me...Even those memories I wish I could forget... As long as I keep carrying them with me, and don't run away from them, someday...someday, I believe I will get to the point where I'm not oppressed by those memories. That's what I want to believe. - Momiji, Fruits Basket
~-~
He was dead.
She knew (because she remembered). She remembered now (how could she forget?), remembered (him). She could see him now. Her memory that he had stolen had returned in his absence. The misty veil of white that clouded her mind was gone. Because he was gone.
What’s wrong? You’re shaking. Millay’s voice. Of course they didn’t know (couldn’t know). Zero - Lelouch - Lulu - Pressing her hands against her ears, no, no, don’t want to see, don’t want to hear
Forget it.
His voice. His deep, soothing voice (that she had wanted to shield her for her sins) had resounded with a heartbreaking regret, heartbreaking pain. His heart had been breaking (for) her.
Just forget about all the bad things.
The bad things (was that him)? How could he be bad when she had seen it? What he had wanted. What he had wished. All it had been was…
You can! I will make you forget it all.
A bit of happiness. Something everyone wished for. Was it so much to ask? He had said. Not said aloud. Said with his eyes. Had said with his eyes. His rich, royal violet eyes (like no others): intelligent, sharp, almost cold at times. But never at Nanaly. Never at Millay, Rivalz. Never at…(her).
Ne…Lulu, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I just need to ask… Is there something you want? Do you have…a wish that you want to see fulfilled no matter what?
His violet eyes widened for a moment. They were vulnerable. For a moment. Then the shield was back again, but there was a different air to him than before. A wish? Why would I have such a thing? Something like that for me…is impossible.
But you’re smart! You would outshine anyone at this school if only you applied yourself. So why? I just don’t understand!
His eyes turned to her, looking straight at her, though not at her at all. But she could see the despair storming there. What if I told you that were the reason why I can’t?
Lulu…
What I want…
I know…Lulu, I know.
Shirley…Shirley what’s the matter? You’re shaking! Rivalz, help me keep her up! Shirley…hold on. Shirley!
Shirley…
His voice. Ringing, ringing in her heart. Whenever he called her, her face would flush. The way her name used to roll off his tongue. Calling her, calling her. Come here, come here. (Had that been what he had been saying?) Come...or had it been
I’m sorry about your dad.
Save me.
If I could redo it all over again, you...
Lulu…YOU CAN’T!
The annoyance with his apathy, the vexation whenever he missed classes, the way the sun glinted over his hair in class, sparks at his touch, hearing him speak to her on the phone for the first time, watching him with Nanaly, the warmth of his smile, seeing him grab Karen, tears in the rain, comfort in those thin arms (she never needed anyone strong like Suzuka, all she needed was), the unforgiving gun in her hands, the taste of his lips on hers, holding her gently, hugging her tightly, not wanting to ever let go, even if it meant damnation in hell, even if it meant selling her soul, all she had wanted was to stay by his side! Then -
Forget...
Emptiness.
Without Lulu there in heart, the world lost its (she lost her). Never realized (what had there been to realize?). Still watched him though she had no more thoughts of him, couldn’t have any more thoughts of him, ordered not to remember, ordered not to know, ordered not to love. Still, unknowingly, unwittingly, she still
Ne, ne, Lulu!
Hmm? He lifted his cheek from his fingers toward her. Ah…so you found me.
Jeez, don’t give me that bored tone of voice!
Yes, yes, he said in the same bored voice, looking away. But she knew he was listening.
She looked away. She had been starring at him for too long a time. Surely he would have noticed. But he hadn’t noticed, and had returned to gazing out at the lights from outside that contrasted with the black night. How could she not stare when here he was donned in a white silver tux - the prince of the ball? Her fingers twisted the silk cloth of her dress in her hands. A prince? She never really thought of him as such. Without a doubt, he was handsome to a fault and with a smile that could kill and he almost had a royal air to him, but to her, he was just a sad, lonely boy who wanted some happiness. He didn’t need to be a prince for her to…
D-Did you come in here to escape all the noise? She mustered, her eyes gazing over the Club House.
Ah, he replied.
Is it…she hesitated. The girls, she wanted to say.
I was just wondering…we all have a reason for living, don’t we? We all deserve to exist, don’t we? If I were to disappear… His voice was so serious she nearly jolted in surprise. His eyes were so miserable. He smiled wistfully, the glow of flickering over his pale face from outside. He rose, ready to leave. I’m being silly.
You’re not being silly! Her firm voice rang through the empty room. Of course we all deserve to live. We all deserve to seek dreams. No one person should be able to step over others.
For a Britannian to say -
I noticed! The words came from her mouth before she could think.
What?
I…noticed. I noticed that you were gone. Lulu, if you were to disappear, it doesn’t mean that you are ever erased from our hearts - Nanaly, Millay, Rivalz…mine. If…if you were to disappear, I’d go find you over and over and over until you were back where to belong! I could never forget you!
His warm arms around her…the scent of the night and rain…his soft hair against her skin…his breaking voice…then the kindest words…
Thank you.
Ah...Did you lose a family member as well?
No, not a family member… A friend. Yes. A precious friend.
I see…
Loss makes you realize things for the first time, doesn’t it? How much you loved her smile, how you’ll never fight or laugh together again.
His voice. She could taste the tears behind it.
You loved her, didn’t you?
I love(d). Did you…
Now…I don’t know anymore.
A new day will come. I didn’t even know why I had come here just a moment ago. It could be that I just needed to see this place one last time. I could never forget him, and there’s sure to be a lot more sadness to come, but a new day will come. So there’s no need to hold it all in.
Don’t think about it, Shirley. Breathe. They’ll leave the school soon. Don’t think about it. Rivalz, Nanaly, and I are all here together. Lelouch will come soon. Morning will come.
You’re right. That’s what I think too.
Morning will come and they will be gone. All these bad things will be gone.
Thank you for everything.
(goodbye.)