(no subject)
Things change so much in so little time. When I first got into my relationship with Dylan, I was still mourning Ty's words about having found the love of her life (not referencing me) and doubting the seriousness of my budding relationship. But he's really pulled through for me, even through shit that won't come to light for years, if ever. And we've really built a foundation of trust and committment, as much as the word used to terrify me. As naive as it sounds, I really believe I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him.
2005's been so fucking crazy. I ditched a friendship that largely defined my high school years and the beginning of college, and I admitted to Ty not only that I no longer believe I'll ultimately be her partner but also that I take full responsibility for our downfall. I don't know what long-term effect these things are going to have in the scheme of my lifetime, but they were significant to me. I feel much older coming out of 2005 than I did going in.
Not to mention I learned how to knit (who'da guessed it?).
I thought for a while that it was my city getting me down, but now I'm feeling like it's the people I live with because even in a city like IV, I could create something that felt like home if I lived with people who felt like family. And Liz and I have been getting closer, which is cool, and she's been so supportive of everything I've been doing this quarter, and I love taking pictures of her (she's so photogenic and always cooperative about any of my photography adventures), but it's not enough to negate the shit surrounding Adryan and, to a lesser degree, Jen. I don't feel like I fit in anymore, especially now that Adryan and Jen both have brainless boyfriends from Carpinteria who are always always always over OR the four of them just leave to Carp, which frees up the house but doesn't make me feel any more bonded to Adryan and Jen. And they've lied to me about their drug use and made me feel lame for quitting smoking. If only they knew. They've made their decision, and I understand it.
I really wanted to be Nick's roommate next year, but the more I think about it, the more I think he and Adryan would be happier. So I'm gonna try to convince Jackie to be my housemate for the two of three quarters she'll be in SB next year, be Cassie's roommate, and have Delaina as a housemate. And I'm thinking I just might be able to make that feel like home.
We go through our childhood being told by other people that maybe we should be dissatisfied with ourselves and we grow into puberty all insecure and sad until we just accept the shit and try to make something of it. But it seems like I'm always looking for something.
What I'd give to hang out with Larissa for a night.
2005's been so fucking crazy. I ditched a friendship that largely defined my high school years and the beginning of college, and I admitted to Ty not only that I no longer believe I'll ultimately be her partner but also that I take full responsibility for our downfall. I don't know what long-term effect these things are going to have in the scheme of my lifetime, but they were significant to me. I feel much older coming out of 2005 than I did going in.
Not to mention I learned how to knit (who'da guessed it?).
I thought for a while that it was my city getting me down, but now I'm feeling like it's the people I live with because even in a city like IV, I could create something that felt like home if I lived with people who felt like family. And Liz and I have been getting closer, which is cool, and she's been so supportive of everything I've been doing this quarter, and I love taking pictures of her (she's so photogenic and always cooperative about any of my photography adventures), but it's not enough to negate the shit surrounding Adryan and, to a lesser degree, Jen. I don't feel like I fit in anymore, especially now that Adryan and Jen both have brainless boyfriends from Carpinteria who are always always always over OR the four of them just leave to Carp, which frees up the house but doesn't make me feel any more bonded to Adryan and Jen. And they've lied to me about their drug use and made me feel lame for quitting smoking. If only they knew. They've made their decision, and I understand it.
I really wanted to be Nick's roommate next year, but the more I think about it, the more I think he and Adryan would be happier. So I'm gonna try to convince Jackie to be my housemate for the two of three quarters she'll be in SB next year, be Cassie's roommate, and have Delaina as a housemate. And I'm thinking I just might be able to make that feel like home.
We go through our childhood being told by other people that maybe we should be dissatisfied with ourselves and we grow into puberty all insecure and sad until we just accept the shit and try to make something of it. But it seems like I'm always looking for something.
What I'd give to hang out with Larissa for a night.