And so it begins
As usual...still sick, being tossed from Dr. to Dr. without any answers really. It's kinda annoying to be poked and proded and then not be told anything. No one really cares here, just a big deal when its someone else's problem. Mine don't seem to matter....so everyone can fuck off pretty much. You know...I'm at everyone's beck and call, I answer my phone at 3am, just to lend an ear...so I decided to let it ring, I'm fed up...
See the months they don't matter it's the days I can't take
When the hours move to minutes and I'm seconds away...
I dream a lot anymore, I guess it's because when I sleep i try and sleep deep. I don't like the dreams at all...it's hard to say why, but they're mostly about whats happened before. Repression always bites you in the ass....you forget, but sub-conciously it's always there. That's when I wish I could drink myself to death...but that's not good. I gave up drinking heavy, I havent had anything to drink in over 6 weeks...kudos to me.
Hi Tru!!!!!! <~~~Happy :)
Dan came over tonight and we watched a movie, it was pretty cool and all. Hard to be all happy with people anymore, I guess I sepnt so much time trying to get away from Debbie that even just hanging with him puts me on edge. I'm not ready to be back in "the group." It's been years since I talked to any of them, and I wanna keep it that way.
Don C. wants me to stop and see him soon, I miss my Donnie and the Queen, but since I moved its over an hour to go there. Some things I don't miss about Millville/Bridgeton...the people. Although here I see all the one I really don't like. But that's ok, because I don't do anything but play SWG and go to work. Don M IMed me the other day, that was real screwed up....blah to you.
Work...
I hate it. The whole thing with the one guy really bothers me. I hate working days because of that...but I'm fairly good at ignoring things...so I'll leave it at that.
But just a sub-rant to that. I hate when...people like me, then never ask if I even like them at all. Then, they tell me they don't wanna date me....but...I never said I wanted to date them anyway....WTF???????? Then they tell other people that I wanted to date them and they shot me down...I hate people ehre, I don't fit in. I didn't grow up with all this bullshit...I tell it how it is...so if you don't like it...oh well. I really don't care, and that's a nice feeling to have :)
So I'm kinda cutting people out, I feel bad for that, but right now I don't even wanna talk to anyone really. Those I wanna talk to I call...like Tru. He's one of those guys you just don't find here. And all I wanna do is drive to PHL, and take a flight out. I dunno, maybe I'm stupid...but I don't think so...Cali is so far, yet so close...and I don't wanna sit on my ass procrastinating about going. I just wanna go...but I have to get this thing worked out, school registered, teeth pulled and eyes checked. Hoepfully I'll get that all done soon, and some bills paid off. That'd be so nice. But my moms a pain, and she tells me if I fuck up she'll take my car from me...which is kinda messed up because it is really mine. I can see for drunk driving...but that's about it. I don't know if I should test her patience or not...maybe if she gets mad at me I'll do it...I dunno. How do you tell you mom that you wanna do something she thinks is so stupid? I tend to follow my heart...it's a non-conformist...and that's what it wants...
I think I'll talk to Kim...she always helps me and tells me what I should do. I'm glad she married my brother...
That was all so random...I feel drunk a lot :)
I've been bummed though, depressed for a few months now. It's not something I'm immune to yet...used to yes, but I can't make it go away. Blah...I guess it's with not feeling well, the job, and all that...I'm hoping school will help. SWG helps too but I haven't felt like playing much. Been sleeping a lot but getting no real rest.
I dunno what to say...but NJ really bugs me...and guess what...The Governer is gay!!!! McGreevy was a queef anyway, sorry to those Democrats...but he scared me...I know I'll be crucified for my right wing beliefs, but that's how I am :)
We need a Celeb Governer...I vote either Bruce...Springsteen or Willis...
See the months they don't matter it's the days I can't take
When the hours move to minutes and I'm seconds away...
I dream a lot anymore, I guess it's because when I sleep i try and sleep deep. I don't like the dreams at all...it's hard to say why, but they're mostly about whats happened before. Repression always bites you in the ass....you forget, but sub-conciously it's always there. That's when I wish I could drink myself to death...but that's not good. I gave up drinking heavy, I havent had anything to drink in over 6 weeks...kudos to me.
Hi Tru!!!!!! <~~~Happy :)
Dan came over tonight and we watched a movie, it was pretty cool and all. Hard to be all happy with people anymore, I guess I sepnt so much time trying to get away from Debbie that even just hanging with him puts me on edge. I'm not ready to be back in "the group." It's been years since I talked to any of them, and I wanna keep it that way.
Don C. wants me to stop and see him soon, I miss my Donnie and the Queen, but since I moved its over an hour to go there. Some things I don't miss about Millville/Bridgeton...the people. Although here I see all the one I really don't like. But that's ok, because I don't do anything but play SWG and go to work. Don M IMed me the other day, that was real screwed up....blah to you.
Work...
I hate it. The whole thing with the one guy really bothers me. I hate working days because of that...but I'm fairly good at ignoring things...so I'll leave it at that.
But just a sub-rant to that. I hate when...people like me, then never ask if I even like them at all. Then, they tell me they don't wanna date me....but...I never said I wanted to date them anyway....WTF???????? Then they tell other people that I wanted to date them and they shot me down...I hate people ehre, I don't fit in. I didn't grow up with all this bullshit...I tell it how it is...so if you don't like it...oh well. I really don't care, and that's a nice feeling to have :)
So I'm kinda cutting people out, I feel bad for that, but right now I don't even wanna talk to anyone really. Those I wanna talk to I call...like Tru. He's one of those guys you just don't find here. And all I wanna do is drive to PHL, and take a flight out. I dunno, maybe I'm stupid...but I don't think so...Cali is so far, yet so close...and I don't wanna sit on my ass procrastinating about going. I just wanna go...but I have to get this thing worked out, school registered, teeth pulled and eyes checked. Hoepfully I'll get that all done soon, and some bills paid off. That'd be so nice. But my moms a pain, and she tells me if I fuck up she'll take my car from me...which is kinda messed up because it is really mine. I can see for drunk driving...but that's about it. I don't know if I should test her patience or not...maybe if she gets mad at me I'll do it...I dunno. How do you tell you mom that you wanna do something she thinks is so stupid? I tend to follow my heart...it's a non-conformist...and that's what it wants...
I think I'll talk to Kim...she always helps me and tells me what I should do. I'm glad she married my brother...
That was all so random...I feel drunk a lot :)
I've been bummed though, depressed for a few months now. It's not something I'm immune to yet...used to yes, but I can't make it go away. Blah...I guess it's with not feeling well, the job, and all that...I'm hoping school will help. SWG helps too but I haven't felt like playing much. Been sleeping a lot but getting no real rest.
I dunno what to say...but NJ really bugs me...and guess what...The Governer is gay!!!! McGreevy was a queef anyway, sorry to those Democrats...but he scared me...I know I'll be crucified for my right wing beliefs, but that's how I am :)
We need a Celeb Governer...I vote either Bruce...Springsteen or Willis...