If Only Chapter 6
Lee-
His mind was abuzz with everything, hopes from the fact Kara had not refused to see him outright and fears that she was simply fooling them into thinking she was okay and then attempting death again, most likely succeeding the second time. If the first time she had survived astronomical odds against her, the second time she would make sure she got it right. Kara never did anything half-assed, and Lee knew if she was still as hurt as she'd been that day, she needed to be watched. Maybe the first time didn't seem planned, spur of the moment, but the second would most likely be. She couldn't get the chance.
Stopping by a bulkhead leaning his clenched fists against the cool metal he took a deep breathe and than another. Slowly, breathe. Taking deep breaths had always helped him before, when his mother had drunk too much again, at the academy when someone poked fun at him, claiming Daddy's name got him in rather than his talents. It worked when the pilots were dying like flies or acting like preschoolers. It had to work now.
He would get to see Kara after his shift in CIC, and then he would work with Cottle on where she would be going. He privately hoped he would be in charge of taking care of her. He could order it if he felt like but he'd rather not force Kara to stay with him; but if Cottle put them together, his entire being ached with the idea. The two of them together, maybe not so perfect but he'd do his absolute above the call of duty best to make sure they were on the road to perfect. He'd never told her but when they got to Earth, he had this idea of where they would end up. A house, with a porch swing, and a nice view and so much else, he'd almost admitted it to her once, and maybe if he had things would have been different. If he admitted his mistakes and own wrongdoings before things had spiraled so far out of control.
Arriving in CIC he found an unusual picture. Granted the space was small, with many peoples' job by the Dradis consoles, but now they were clustered by it, and not at their station. Helo was there too, and rather belatedly Lee realized he had come over to check up with Showboat about some training exercise Kat wanted to do. He should have been there to greet him, but he hadn't.
"Hey come on there, I won't hurt you." Helo was saying and Lee felt even more confused. Today had been a long day, he only had an hour on his shift left, and did he get to have a nice normal boring shift? Nope, not with Kara in the world. The only time his shifts had been interesting had been when she was, awake. The dull monotony that was how he had strived for, was now too much time and quiet to think.
"What's going on?" Lee asked, Commander jumping from his place in Lee's head to appear in full form in front of the people in the CIC. Many went to attention and someone called Commander on deck before he waved them at ease. He wanted answers not protocols followed.
"Sir, there is a little girl hiding under the machines of the planning table." Helo said and Lee felt himself jump. A child, how had she gotten there? Why was she there? How on the planet with name of Kobol had she gotten there without the many people in the CIC noticing? "She won't come out." he added on, as though this was also needed to explain. Lee almost hit his head against the console in frustration. Great, just great, dozens of people in this room and none of them noticed a little kid walk in and hid, in his dradis console. Maybe some more drills, briefs on observation, this wouldn't do. They got a kid the first time, the next it could be a cylon.
Sighing as he waved some of the people off, telling them to go back to their posts, he knelt on the floor and took the light from Helo. Slowly he put the light into the hatch the child had crawled through to a corner of the panel. A little girl, no more than two with blonde hair and blue eyes with a black eye, scratches on her face and a lean look to her that suggested not much food looked back and pressed herself farther to the panel. But that wasn't what surprised him, not the wounds, though, he was surprised about those. But the little girl's face, it was one he knew. One he had poured over for hours, she was the little girl in Kara's sketch pad, he'd know her anywhere. Kacey.
"Hi there Kacey." The child looked shocked he knew her name and he tried to smile to reassure her. He couldn't tell if he did anything or not, she was so terrorized. Why would a little girl be so scared? He had several ideas from reading Kara's journals, and Kacey's mother's refusal to let Kara see her. "I'm a friend of Kara's."
At the mention of the pilot, Kacey's entire demeanor changed. "Kawa?" she asked, no longer as scared of Lee, but more curious then anything. Lee nodded, and she ogled him some more, sizing him up in her mind. Like Kara he had no idea what she was thinking or if he was making any headway, just that she hadn't run off or freaked out. All of which were good signs.
"Yeah, Kara. I'm sure she would love to see you, she's missed you." Lee told the little girl, and it had been true. Entries to her journal told of Kara sick with worries, she didn't think Julia should have Kacey, submitting child welfare reports that went nowhere, wondering what the little girl was doing, if she was well feed, if she remembered New Caprica, if she liked playing Vipers still. It was obvious to Lee, a simple reader of these writings, that Kara missed the little girl very much, and held a great deal of affection for Kacey.
The little girl fidgeted before moving a small fraction forward. Lee nodded to encourage her but then she drew back. "Mommy told me I wasn't allowed to see her." fear seemed to take control of the little girl again and Lee felt his muscles tense when some more of his suspicions was confirmed. This little girl wasn't being treated right.
"I'll take care of that Kacey. Let's go see Kara." he said, confidence dripping from every word. He didn't know how, but he would never let Kacey see her again if he could help it, anyone that did what this woman did to a child, didn't deserve to have them. Humanity and bright shiny futures huh? The little girl debated with herself before moving forward towards Lee who waited for her encouragingly.
As she exited the console Lee carefully picked her up, her little body lighter then what it should be, Lee knew that much about kids. Helo looked at him before nodding in the direction of sickbay. Lee took his private order to go, warding questioning people off with a glance. The last thing this little girl needed was people staring at her more than they were. Kacey sensed them and nuzzled herself in his jacket, trying to hide from them, just like another blonde he knew who would do the same thing.
Kara-
It felt odd to be in clean clothes again, someone else's she was sure, they would have given her stuff to someone who deserved to wear the uniform. Her hair, the only thing to have really changed went past her shoulders now, and she fingered the wet strands absentmindedly, almost like they belonged to someone else. Maybe they did.
Exiting the washroom as quiet as possible, her return to sickbay was noted only by Zak who stood up from his chair and fell in step beside her, his simply being there soothing her nerves. But for how long?
Being with Zak had kept some of her bad memories repressed, being around him, the easy-going, light hearted happy man who loved and cared for her. Out all the women he could have he had her. His happiness rubbed of like a drug and for a while the nightmares stayed away, the dark voice in her mind that told her she was never good enough went away, and she was, for the first time in a long time, happy. But the voices came back, and the nightmares returned and not even Zak holding her in the night was enough to make them go away.
She settled back by her bed to wait for Lee to come pick her up, she wasn't sure what to expect. Him yelling at her the first chance he had to do it privately? Him walking on eggshells around her like she will break if rattled the slightest bit? She didn't want to burden him, and he didn't want to help her carry her burdens as he had stated what was now a long time ago. That was clear enough, except for Zak, whom she had realized was not going away, she was on her own. Maybe even with Zak she was on her own.
The table next to the IV catch's her eye and curious she goes over to look through it. At first she thinks it is more of Lee's paperwork, but now upon closer look, she notices they are cards. Cards, photos, note of well-wishes. Tyrol and Cally, Kat, Pegasus pilots, Galactica's squadrons, Helo, Sharon, even the President had taken the time to write something nice. Kara finds herself pushing them in a neat pile and pushing them away from her. The words couldn't be meant for her, and if they were they were probably not meaning anything. Just one of the many endless chores people do at the end of a long day. Wasn't like they had to mean anything, they were just promises on a page, empty words that said something but meant something else.
"That's not true." Zak remarked quietly and she jumps, forgetting he is with her, always with her. "People love you Kara. One day you'll see it."
Kara's only reaction is grimace with memories of someone else using the words 'One Day' to predict something else entirely. Zak quickly realizes his mistake. "They love you Kara. I just wish you could see that."
She doesn't give him a response because she's heard Lee asking for Cottle. It's early she knows that and yet she is happy enough to get out. The people in sickbay are too probably, they can give the bed to someone who deserves it, someone not so weak, or messed up.
The only thing she can register when she sets eyes on Lee, isn't Lee at all. It's Kacey, and Kara's worst suspicions confirmed. She had filed plenty of reports, left many tips at Karl's door, hoping he would pick up on them, moving to get the little girl from her mother, a kind stranger doing for Kacey what no one had done for her. She didn't come forward because she feared she would be chosen to take care of her, and while anything was probably a step up from what she was getting now at home, Kara knew from experience, Kara knew she couldn't take care of the youngster much as she wished. Kara would just frak her up, make her horrible like Kara herself, Taint her. The little girl deserved better.
Kara tried to back into the room but Kacey had spotted her and began to call for her. She looked back at Zak who only nodded encouragingly at her, no help from there then. Lee was walking over and she had to see the little girl. Kara loved Kacey, she wanted the little girl to have the best of everything and yet, she couldn't be around Kacey. Every time she looked at the little girl was the memory of Julia taking her away, of Leoben claiming Kacey was her daughter only to have it be another lie. Kara's started to reach for the little before she can fully catch up with what she is doing. By the time it is registered, she's already holding Kacey and holding on.
"Kawa Kawa Kawa." The little child cried happily, despite the injuries she has all over her. A black eye, scratches on her face, the little girl obviously favoring one wrist. Kara's heart tugged painfully, memories threatening to overwhelm her and drag her back into the past. Kara buried her face in the blonde hair, trying to keep her tears the sight of the little girl brought. The want, the painful longing for this little girl to be her's, overwhelmed her to the point of tears. The way she thought Kacey had loved her, and all she meant to Kara, had been erased, gone, no hope of pretending they were anything but the cold solid truth.
"She needs to see a medic." Lee's voice is distant to her, she can't hear him because her attention is only focused on the thing she has cradled in her arms. Kara knows she has Kacey again and can't let her be taken back. Just the thought of Kacey going through anything she went through burns and hurts and makes this protective feeling well up inside to the point she has to keep herself from hanging on too tight. No matter what story Lee and the medics are fed, no matter what loop-hole, or debit that needs to be paid there is, Kara isn't letting her go back. She may have to give Kacey to someone else and watch her from afar, knowing she is safe, Kacey doesn't need Kara screwing her up, but Kacey would be safe.
"Come on sweetie lets find someone to look at that." Kara mummers soothing the little girl. She looks at the blue eyes, cautious and scared and yet trusting of her and knows things will be okay. She'll make sure what happened to her won't happen to this little girl.