Fragile Pieces Chapter 26
I'm so sorry this was not completed earlier, I have had been sick, life got extra stressful, and all that jazz. But I'm not giving up on any of my writing projects, and never ever will. So if you are still reading, thank you for reading.
Chapter 26
Leoben-
The male cylon sat on the edge of the bed and sighed, running his hands through his messy blonde hair. It was only 20:30, and it had already been enough to wear him out, extra robot strength or not. His hands automatically ran over his face, and he couldn't decided whether to stay up a bit and try and get more done or just crash and sleep until tomorrow morning. And then have more to do in the morning. His work would never be done.
Kara had not taken Kacey well. At all. She had gotten very quiet and retreated back into the bedroom upon discovering the little girl in his arms with Caprica. The attempt to draw her out and at least look at the baby, and meet her, had resulted in screaming, yelling and Kara fighting back until he let her be. She may not be in the best shape ever, but the viper pilot could still give him a bloody nose. She had curled up on the bed and was still there hours later.
Kacey had been easier. Leoben was terrified he was going to make a mistake, and had asked an Eight on some general help. He felt like he had gotten feeding her, and changing her down, but he had no idea if he was even close. And unlike her mother, she had eaten her dinner and not made a fuss. He was scared he would mess up this parenting thing and do something awful, or make a mistake and not know it until much much later. Humans seemed to say follow your instinct, but he was a machine. He knew nothing of following his instinct, or doing what felt right. He just wanted it to be right.
Leoben already adored the little girl, and he felt a feeling in him he didn't know quite how to deal with. He knew it was love, but he had never known love could take on more than one kind. Everything the cylon knew said love was all the same, just like sadness, or anger. There was one type. But there actually wasn't. There was the love he had for Caprica Six as his sister and friend, there was the love he had for Kara, a bright spark and a romantic love, and than there was the love for Kacey, a protective instinct and a want to make her life as happy as possible. No wonder humanity wrote of being in love so much, the emotions both dazzled and confused him. And he understood, why humans did some of the things they did, anything to experience the warmth of the feeling was worth it.
Shortly after dinner he had gone out and gotten one of the medical ward's beds and modified it into a crib for Kacey in the bedroom. Kara had sullenly ignored him, and had completely paid no attention to Kacey, whom he had set nearby, happily babbling. He didn't think she had any real impressions of what had happened to her, and at least the Simon had interacted with her. From what he understood, if she had not been interacted with, her mental development would not be so far. Of course, a lot of her farther development would depend on Kara, having one person pay you attention and another ignore you had to be bad somehow right?
Kacey had been premature, but she was overcoming it very well. At least the information, what little there was, on child development on file told him so. That would have to be remedied but that was a project for another day. And he wasn't sure how to go about it, ask a human obviously, but how to do that without making the insurgency have a panic attack that the cylons were out to steal their children was the trick question. The insurgency was bad enough, no need for them to needlessly panic over his parenting questions.
There had been more cylon disappearances lately, and no one was safe anymore. No longer did any humanoid go out alone, or even in pairs. They followed the same curfew humans did, and after it was dark out, only Centurions were in the streets. That police force that D'Anna was trying to put together was supposed to turn the tide in cylons vanishing, but he doubted personally it would do anything. Or maybe it would even increase, as the insurgency, and it had to be the insurgency, may even be in her little volunteer task force. New Caprica was far more dangerous for any cylon than any human. Of course being human they did not see it that way, but Leoben knew it to be true.
He rubbed his temples hard enough to turn them red. There had been so much going on, and he didn't know how much more he could really take on here. He had no idea how to make Kara want to live again, and had no idea how to be a father. And yet, he had to try. He had to do his job, he wouldn't fail either of them.
Leoben stretched out on the side of the bed, the tired muscle in his back at first protesting the stretch, than sighing into it. Kara was less than two feet away, but ignoring him. He could only see the curve of her back and her bright blonde hair. She was faced away from him, her legs brought up and had gathered herself into a ball. The viper pilot hadn't moved since she laid there originally hours ago.
With great caution Leoben put his hand on her shoulder, and tried to relax the tensed muscle there. Just like petting a tiger he thought amused, remembering back to the magnificent creatures in the Caprica Zoo. Her body did not want to budge and that only made him try harder, pushing at the knots. Kara didn't move, and was simply ignoring him like she had earlier. Her entire body was blocking him out, and not even her muscle would shift under his hand.
She had already been on edge, waking up in a strange place would probably do that to anyone. However, the little girl he was holding didn't really click in her brain until he introduced her to Kacey. She had instantly turned and practically fled back into the bedroom. When he tried to draw her back out to the living room to meet her, Kara had kicked, screamed and hit at him until he accepted she was not going to do this today.
He told himself she just needed time, she was under a lot of mental stress and fatigue and the last thing she had probably needed was the sudden responsibility for another life. But maybe, he hoped, it would be good for her to realize just how precious life could be, even in a dark place. And to help her realize, she wasn't her mother. they were two different people and the daughter was not like the mother.
After a few more minutes he gave up trying to sooth Kara, and sleep began to call for him. But he had things to do before he could sleep.
First he checked on Kacey, who was sleeping soundly in the crib on the other side of the room. There was probably another ideal place to put her, but Leoben had wanted to make sure he could check on her if need be. She was the first living cylon hybrid, excellent care was essential. It also reassured him that she was there, and that she wasn't going anywhere.
Second, he had to check on his other girl. He sat down by her feet, and she didn't acknowledge she was aware of him at all. She was in some remote corner of her mind, and no amount of baiting, or drawing, or pushing, would get her out until she damn well wanted to. that was a lesson he had a hard time learning with Kara, she did not give you any of her thoughts unless she wanted you to know them.
"I'm going to get you a glass of water and your sleep medicine."
He got a blank stare in response.
"You can take them if you like, the option is yours, but I'm still here for you if you need me."
Leoben ran his hands through his hair again when she didn't respond to him or answer him. He knew Kara and Starbuck was alive in there somewhere, she just didn't want to come out in front of him. And that fact depressed him. She should be able to be herself in front of him more than other people, he wasn't like other people. He would never hurt her, he loved her, cared for her and would do anything she needed to make her smile.
He tried to smile at her but he felt it didn't work. He just went to the kitchen, grabbed one of her pills and filled her up a glass of cool water anyways. He said he would do it for her, and he kept his promises. She had to know that. He would never lie to her. He still received no response in putting it on the nightstand and he sighed.
Leoben Conoy was giving up for the day and going to bed early. After he was ready for bed he slipped under the covers on the other side from Kara, explaining it was for Kacey to an unquestioning gaze. He was able to sink into a dark sleep almost instantly, which was the rest he needed.
Kara-
She waited until his breathing fully evened out before she moved. Every fiber in her protested at her stretching out after being held still for so long, and cried out their displeasure at her stretches. Kara could not find it in her to care very much. She couldn't find much in her to care for anything anymore.
Jared had called her dollface. Because that was what she was to him, a toy. A doll to be used for his own amusement in whatever way he saw fit. She was every inch Leoben's doll as she had been Jared's, even more so a doll to Leoben. If Jared had been the mean older brother who kicked the dolls through the mud just because he could, Leoben was the one who took excellent care of them, and never let them get scoffed.
She lived in his dollhouse, a play version of her own Caprican apartment, similar to reality but tweaked to his preference and liking. She only had options to do what he wanted her to, he controlled her life just like a child might control her doll's. She couldn't get out of his dollhouse either, not even death could reach her here. It was all under his control, his game and he decided how she would live her lie. Just like a child decided a doll's.
And now there was a new addition, and this scared her. Leoben had said that they would have a happy family and live happily ever after, but the addition of the baby, Kacey, made his words extra real. It was one thing to say Leoben was missing a few screws, but for it to actually happen? It meant he was either really an oracle, not likely being his God wasn't real, or that he planned it out this way from the start.
It also raised the question of, since he wanted her to love him, what would he do for it? He said he wouldn't hurt her, but then again so had her mother after hitting her and look at how that had turned out. Or maybe even what had he already done, Leoben had drugged her before, when he first kidnapped her, kept giving her pain pills that made her sleepy after Jared, and now falling asleep in a medical ward and waking up in bed. If he had no problem drugging her, and clearly he didn't, what was he doing when she was out. What was he doing when she was defenseless and had no way to remember?
Were his sleeping pills part of his diabolical plan to slowly break her mind? She felt like she was slipping, her faith in a resistance rescue had long since eroded, and the chances of Galactica returning grew slimmer as the more time passed, and the more cylon fortifications could be built. she wasn't going to loose faith, she had never stopped praying to the Gods despite what happened to her, and she couldn't afford to think Adama wasn't coming back. Because that would mean he didn't think she was family anymore, and Kara couldn't lose that. She had already lost too much.
Maybe he and Jared had even been in it together, her mind reasoned, he got to be her rescuer and got rid of Sam all in one swoop. Plus he broke her body and spirit.
Which was the first step, because Kara Thrace was convinced Leoben was after her very soul.
Think Thrace, think She commanded her brain, only to draw a blank. Escape had been blocked, and Leoben was not going to just not come back. Specially now he had a little girl in here too. There was no way out, and she was stuck in this stupid fracking dollhouse with a baby, and a deranged cylon who pretended to be in love with her.
Kara pitied the child's mother, because there was no way in Hades she had a child. The Gods could surely not be that cruel to her, take away her husband's child, dying before he even had a chance to form, and instead give her the child made through a means that was horrifying and a twisted sick means. No, not even a God who wanted to punish her could be that cruel, they simply wouldn't do that to her. Her own baby boy was in Elysium with Sam, his name would have been Zakary Alexander, his favorite color was green, he would have been great at pyramid, he would have always been getting in trouble because he was so curious. He'd had his whole life ahead of him, and the chance to live had been snatched away before he had even been allowed to breathe for the first time.
The little girl had to belong to someone else, there was no way she could be Kara's. Kara wasn't allowed to be around kids, she would frak them up and taint them if left to her own devices. Or worse, she would turn into Socrata Thrace, and Kara could not live with herself if she inflicted that kind of pain and fear on a child.
There were lots of blonde women in the human settlement, the cylons had simply gone and snatched a baby from one and brought it here. That was all. She was probably completely human, and even if she was, how could she love something half the enemy? Something half cylon, the things that destroyed her world, humanity's world, without a single second thought or moment's hesitation? Love for a child was supposed to be effortless and unconditional, or so all the stories and the scriptures said. And yet, Kara didn't think she could do that for a hybrid. It was half evil, half what killed Sam.
Kara gently laid herself back down. Funny how she used to never be able to sleep in the bed, and now she couldn't think of sleeping anywhere but? Somehow or another, it had become associated in her mind as a safe place, one where Leoben didn't bother her. Used to anyways, then she had discovered he hugged her all night long. She got nightmares, but it was the only place besides the shower she could count on being completely left alone. But not anymore, now the tiny bathroom wasn't even sacred as Leoben took it upon himself to knock every five minutes to check on her.
What if she hadn't gotten her shower alone and simply didn't remember? The thought scared her a great deal, what if she just simply didn't remember? She hadn't remembered being woken up by Leoben every night like he claimed until yesterday, what if her mind was just blocking it?
Would she ever be able to know what was real and what wasn't? Maybe Leoben had messed her up so much she couldn't tell facts from fiction anymore. What if he was brainwashing her? Her nightmares were confusing and scary enough, and being carried into the real world was a huge concern.
They can't follow you if you don't have them. Her mind sang out, and she looked at the glass and the pill next to it. The glass had already left a ring of condensed water on the dark wood, but she didn't care. It was the small white pill that captivated all of her attention, in its small, round, white smooth surface.
It looked like every sleeping pill she had ever seen, but her mind questioned the 'what if' portion. What else could the pill do to her? Would it be worth the possible outcome to have just one night, free and uninterrupted? She wouldn't be dragged back to the prison she sought to leave no trace of in her waking hours.
Kara Thrace made the choice, and swallowed the pill. Some demons she didn't want to remember.
Leoben-
He awoke with a start at the grand lovely time of 2:43 AM, panting and shaking covered in a sweaty sheen. He understood the concept of nightmares, understand that they were the mind playing out a rational fear when the rest of your brain was asleep.
But that didn't quite change how much it shook him up. He never wanted to go through that again, and he was not sleeping anymore tonight without some extra help that was sure. he felt a pang of empathy for Kara, going through that once was bad enough, he couldn't imagine the fear of going to sleep and being ragged back to the place where your mind was the enemy night after night. Until now.
He really should know better, Jared was dead. Leoben had killed Jared with his two hands, in a manner of speaking. Jared couldn't come back, Jared would not hurt Kara anymore. Jared would not be able to hurt anyone anymore. He only existed in memories, there was no present form of him, only past.
But Jared was still hurting her, and now from beyond the grave the cylon was hurting Leoben too. The dead look as she had cut into her own skin in an attempt to end it scared him. Everything in him knew humans were designed to protect themselves, above all things to protect their own survival and that of the rest of mankind. What could cause someone to lose that most basic instinct, Leoben didn't understand.
But he began to sympathize with her more than he ever had before. His nightmare had him running back through the halls, her screams echoing down the hallways as he searched frantically, only to find the male cylon leering at him over Kara's dead body, empty glass eyes still etched with fear. The idea that Kara could die was more real to him now, and he needed to do something to protect her from the demons that swirled in her mind. He had to do something, lest he lose her to them.
Something had to be done, that was very clear. That and he was running out of time, and if he didn't so something fast, Kara would be gone, a whisp of smoke, and it would be her he put in the ground next to Samuel Anders. Kacey would grow up and never know her mother, and the fate of humanity would change. Leoben did not know how or why, but Kara was a key role in the saga of humanity's survival.
Leoben looked carefully over her sleeping form, as though the answers were there in front of him, waiting to be understood if only he studied hard enough. She was still curled up in a ball, but much looser, and her breathing was relaxed and even. The pill he had left on her nightstand was gone, and he only hoped she had taken it, she did not need to start a stash and kill herself that way. He resolved to watch her take it, just to make sure. He knew she hated being watched, but she needed to be watched. the chance of him losing her if she was left to her own devices was far to great.
He gently reached a hand out, and followed the curve of her shoulder to her waist. She was there, solid, and breathing. She was alive, and he would make sure she was okay. Kara had a destiny, and it did not include dying at her own hands. She was going to keep living, and she was going to raise Kacey. She would have a family, a real family.
Scooting closer to her he gently scooped her up and hung on to her, her light form fitting in with his like two pieces in a puzzle. Not dead at Jared's feet. Breathing here with him, far away from where anyone could hurt her anymore. She was safe with him, the outside world of pain and grief couldn't get her in the apartment. He wouldn't let it, and would stop at nothing to make sure nothing could hurt her.
It was a fantasy world, a utopia, but Leoben didn't mind. He knew the world of New Caprica was not meant to last, but that did not mean he could not try and shield her from the hurt of it as much as he could. New Caprica had been horrible to her, but it also gave her things, like Kacey. His job was to soothe as much of the bad as he could, and bring joy with the good. Kara deserved some joy more than anyone else he knew.
He still was trying to wrap his head around the fact. They had a daughter, a baby girl. She was so fragile, so little, she was dependent on them in every way. Out of all the cylons, God had actually chosen to give him a daughter. The second hybrid they knew of and the only living one. He knew nothing about how to parent, but he knew how not to parent. He just needed Kara to realize that, she knew how not to parent. And he needed her to help him with that, every step of the way.
Chapter 26
Leoben-
The male cylon sat on the edge of the bed and sighed, running his hands through his messy blonde hair. It was only 20:30, and it had already been enough to wear him out, extra robot strength or not. His hands automatically ran over his face, and he couldn't decided whether to stay up a bit and try and get more done or just crash and sleep until tomorrow morning. And then have more to do in the morning. His work would never be done.
Kara had not taken Kacey well. At all. She had gotten very quiet and retreated back into the bedroom upon discovering the little girl in his arms with Caprica. The attempt to draw her out and at least look at the baby, and meet her, had resulted in screaming, yelling and Kara fighting back until he let her be. She may not be in the best shape ever, but the viper pilot could still give him a bloody nose. She had curled up on the bed and was still there hours later.
Kacey had been easier. Leoben was terrified he was going to make a mistake, and had asked an Eight on some general help. He felt like he had gotten feeding her, and changing her down, but he had no idea if he was even close. And unlike her mother, she had eaten her dinner and not made a fuss. He was scared he would mess up this parenting thing and do something awful, or make a mistake and not know it until much much later. Humans seemed to say follow your instinct, but he was a machine. He knew nothing of following his instinct, or doing what felt right. He just wanted it to be right.
Leoben already adored the little girl, and he felt a feeling in him he didn't know quite how to deal with. He knew it was love, but he had never known love could take on more than one kind. Everything the cylon knew said love was all the same, just like sadness, or anger. There was one type. But there actually wasn't. There was the love he had for Caprica Six as his sister and friend, there was the love he had for Kara, a bright spark and a romantic love, and than there was the love for Kacey, a protective instinct and a want to make her life as happy as possible. No wonder humanity wrote of being in love so much, the emotions both dazzled and confused him. And he understood, why humans did some of the things they did, anything to experience the warmth of the feeling was worth it.
Shortly after dinner he had gone out and gotten one of the medical ward's beds and modified it into a crib for Kacey in the bedroom. Kara had sullenly ignored him, and had completely paid no attention to Kacey, whom he had set nearby, happily babbling. He didn't think she had any real impressions of what had happened to her, and at least the Simon had interacted with her. From what he understood, if she had not been interacted with, her mental development would not be so far. Of course, a lot of her farther development would depend on Kara, having one person pay you attention and another ignore you had to be bad somehow right?
Kacey had been premature, but she was overcoming it very well. At least the information, what little there was, on child development on file told him so. That would have to be remedied but that was a project for another day. And he wasn't sure how to go about it, ask a human obviously, but how to do that without making the insurgency have a panic attack that the cylons were out to steal their children was the trick question. The insurgency was bad enough, no need for them to needlessly panic over his parenting questions.
There had been more cylon disappearances lately, and no one was safe anymore. No longer did any humanoid go out alone, or even in pairs. They followed the same curfew humans did, and after it was dark out, only Centurions were in the streets. That police force that D'Anna was trying to put together was supposed to turn the tide in cylons vanishing, but he doubted personally it would do anything. Or maybe it would even increase, as the insurgency, and it had to be the insurgency, may even be in her little volunteer task force. New Caprica was far more dangerous for any cylon than any human. Of course being human they did not see it that way, but Leoben knew it to be true.
He rubbed his temples hard enough to turn them red. There had been so much going on, and he didn't know how much more he could really take on here. He had no idea how to make Kara want to live again, and had no idea how to be a father. And yet, he had to try. He had to do his job, he wouldn't fail either of them.
Leoben stretched out on the side of the bed, the tired muscle in his back at first protesting the stretch, than sighing into it. Kara was less than two feet away, but ignoring him. He could only see the curve of her back and her bright blonde hair. She was faced away from him, her legs brought up and had gathered herself into a ball. The viper pilot hadn't moved since she laid there originally hours ago.
With great caution Leoben put his hand on her shoulder, and tried to relax the tensed muscle there. Just like petting a tiger he thought amused, remembering back to the magnificent creatures in the Caprica Zoo. Her body did not want to budge and that only made him try harder, pushing at the knots. Kara didn't move, and was simply ignoring him like she had earlier. Her entire body was blocking him out, and not even her muscle would shift under his hand.
She had already been on edge, waking up in a strange place would probably do that to anyone. However, the little girl he was holding didn't really click in her brain until he introduced her to Kacey. She had instantly turned and practically fled back into the bedroom. When he tried to draw her back out to the living room to meet her, Kara had kicked, screamed and hit at him until he accepted she was not going to do this today.
He told himself she just needed time, she was under a lot of mental stress and fatigue and the last thing she had probably needed was the sudden responsibility for another life. But maybe, he hoped, it would be good for her to realize just how precious life could be, even in a dark place. And to help her realize, she wasn't her mother. they were two different people and the daughter was not like the mother.
After a few more minutes he gave up trying to sooth Kara, and sleep began to call for him. But he had things to do before he could sleep.
First he checked on Kacey, who was sleeping soundly in the crib on the other side of the room. There was probably another ideal place to put her, but Leoben had wanted to make sure he could check on her if need be. She was the first living cylon hybrid, excellent care was essential. It also reassured him that she was there, and that she wasn't going anywhere.
Second, he had to check on his other girl. He sat down by her feet, and she didn't acknowledge she was aware of him at all. She was in some remote corner of her mind, and no amount of baiting, or drawing, or pushing, would get her out until she damn well wanted to. that was a lesson he had a hard time learning with Kara, she did not give you any of her thoughts unless she wanted you to know them.
"I'm going to get you a glass of water and your sleep medicine."
He got a blank stare in response.
"You can take them if you like, the option is yours, but I'm still here for you if you need me."
Leoben ran his hands through his hair again when she didn't respond to him or answer him. He knew Kara and Starbuck was alive in there somewhere, she just didn't want to come out in front of him. And that fact depressed him. She should be able to be herself in front of him more than other people, he wasn't like other people. He would never hurt her, he loved her, cared for her and would do anything she needed to make her smile.
He tried to smile at her but he felt it didn't work. He just went to the kitchen, grabbed one of her pills and filled her up a glass of cool water anyways. He said he would do it for her, and he kept his promises. She had to know that. He would never lie to her. He still received no response in putting it on the nightstand and he sighed.
Leoben Conoy was giving up for the day and going to bed early. After he was ready for bed he slipped under the covers on the other side from Kara, explaining it was for Kacey to an unquestioning gaze. He was able to sink into a dark sleep almost instantly, which was the rest he needed.
Kara-
She waited until his breathing fully evened out before she moved. Every fiber in her protested at her stretching out after being held still for so long, and cried out their displeasure at her stretches. Kara could not find it in her to care very much. She couldn't find much in her to care for anything anymore.
Jared had called her dollface. Because that was what she was to him, a toy. A doll to be used for his own amusement in whatever way he saw fit. She was every inch Leoben's doll as she had been Jared's, even more so a doll to Leoben. If Jared had been the mean older brother who kicked the dolls through the mud just because he could, Leoben was the one who took excellent care of them, and never let them get scoffed.
She lived in his dollhouse, a play version of her own Caprican apartment, similar to reality but tweaked to his preference and liking. She only had options to do what he wanted her to, he controlled her life just like a child might control her doll's. She couldn't get out of his dollhouse either, not even death could reach her here. It was all under his control, his game and he decided how she would live her lie. Just like a child decided a doll's.
And now there was a new addition, and this scared her. Leoben had said that they would have a happy family and live happily ever after, but the addition of the baby, Kacey, made his words extra real. It was one thing to say Leoben was missing a few screws, but for it to actually happen? It meant he was either really an oracle, not likely being his God wasn't real, or that he planned it out this way from the start.
It also raised the question of, since he wanted her to love him, what would he do for it? He said he wouldn't hurt her, but then again so had her mother after hitting her and look at how that had turned out. Or maybe even what had he already done, Leoben had drugged her before, when he first kidnapped her, kept giving her pain pills that made her sleepy after Jared, and now falling asleep in a medical ward and waking up in bed. If he had no problem drugging her, and clearly he didn't, what was he doing when she was out. What was he doing when she was defenseless and had no way to remember?
Were his sleeping pills part of his diabolical plan to slowly break her mind? She felt like she was slipping, her faith in a resistance rescue had long since eroded, and the chances of Galactica returning grew slimmer as the more time passed, and the more cylon fortifications could be built. she wasn't going to loose faith, she had never stopped praying to the Gods despite what happened to her, and she couldn't afford to think Adama wasn't coming back. Because that would mean he didn't think she was family anymore, and Kara couldn't lose that. She had already lost too much.
Maybe he and Jared had even been in it together, her mind reasoned, he got to be her rescuer and got rid of Sam all in one swoop. Plus he broke her body and spirit.
Which was the first step, because Kara Thrace was convinced Leoben was after her very soul.
Think Thrace, think She commanded her brain, only to draw a blank. Escape had been blocked, and Leoben was not going to just not come back. Specially now he had a little girl in here too. There was no way out, and she was stuck in this stupid fracking dollhouse with a baby, and a deranged cylon who pretended to be in love with her.
Kara pitied the child's mother, because there was no way in Hades she had a child. The Gods could surely not be that cruel to her, take away her husband's child, dying before he even had a chance to form, and instead give her the child made through a means that was horrifying and a twisted sick means. No, not even a God who wanted to punish her could be that cruel, they simply wouldn't do that to her. Her own baby boy was in Elysium with Sam, his name would have been Zakary Alexander, his favorite color was green, he would have been great at pyramid, he would have always been getting in trouble because he was so curious. He'd had his whole life ahead of him, and the chance to live had been snatched away before he had even been allowed to breathe for the first time.
The little girl had to belong to someone else, there was no way she could be Kara's. Kara wasn't allowed to be around kids, she would frak them up and taint them if left to her own devices. Or worse, she would turn into Socrata Thrace, and Kara could not live with herself if she inflicted that kind of pain and fear on a child.
There were lots of blonde women in the human settlement, the cylons had simply gone and snatched a baby from one and brought it here. That was all. She was probably completely human, and even if she was, how could she love something half the enemy? Something half cylon, the things that destroyed her world, humanity's world, without a single second thought or moment's hesitation? Love for a child was supposed to be effortless and unconditional, or so all the stories and the scriptures said. And yet, Kara didn't think she could do that for a hybrid. It was half evil, half what killed Sam.
Kara gently laid herself back down. Funny how she used to never be able to sleep in the bed, and now she couldn't think of sleeping anywhere but? Somehow or another, it had become associated in her mind as a safe place, one where Leoben didn't bother her. Used to anyways, then she had discovered he hugged her all night long. She got nightmares, but it was the only place besides the shower she could count on being completely left alone. But not anymore, now the tiny bathroom wasn't even sacred as Leoben took it upon himself to knock every five minutes to check on her.
What if she hadn't gotten her shower alone and simply didn't remember? The thought scared her a great deal, what if she just simply didn't remember? She hadn't remembered being woken up by Leoben every night like he claimed until yesterday, what if her mind was just blocking it?
Would she ever be able to know what was real and what wasn't? Maybe Leoben had messed her up so much she couldn't tell facts from fiction anymore. What if he was brainwashing her? Her nightmares were confusing and scary enough, and being carried into the real world was a huge concern.
They can't follow you if you don't have them. Her mind sang out, and she looked at the glass and the pill next to it. The glass had already left a ring of condensed water on the dark wood, but she didn't care. It was the small white pill that captivated all of her attention, in its small, round, white smooth surface.
It looked like every sleeping pill she had ever seen, but her mind questioned the 'what if' portion. What else could the pill do to her? Would it be worth the possible outcome to have just one night, free and uninterrupted? She wouldn't be dragged back to the prison she sought to leave no trace of in her waking hours.
Kara Thrace made the choice, and swallowed the pill. Some demons she didn't want to remember.
Leoben-
He awoke with a start at the grand lovely time of 2:43 AM, panting and shaking covered in a sweaty sheen. He understood the concept of nightmares, understand that they were the mind playing out a rational fear when the rest of your brain was asleep.
But that didn't quite change how much it shook him up. He never wanted to go through that again, and he was not sleeping anymore tonight without some extra help that was sure. he felt a pang of empathy for Kara, going through that once was bad enough, he couldn't imagine the fear of going to sleep and being ragged back to the place where your mind was the enemy night after night. Until now.
He really should know better, Jared was dead. Leoben had killed Jared with his two hands, in a manner of speaking. Jared couldn't come back, Jared would not hurt Kara anymore. Jared would not be able to hurt anyone anymore. He only existed in memories, there was no present form of him, only past.
But Jared was still hurting her, and now from beyond the grave the cylon was hurting Leoben too. The dead look as she had cut into her own skin in an attempt to end it scared him. Everything in him knew humans were designed to protect themselves, above all things to protect their own survival and that of the rest of mankind. What could cause someone to lose that most basic instinct, Leoben didn't understand.
But he began to sympathize with her more than he ever had before. His nightmare had him running back through the halls, her screams echoing down the hallways as he searched frantically, only to find the male cylon leering at him over Kara's dead body, empty glass eyes still etched with fear. The idea that Kara could die was more real to him now, and he needed to do something to protect her from the demons that swirled in her mind. He had to do something, lest he lose her to them.
Something had to be done, that was very clear. That and he was running out of time, and if he didn't so something fast, Kara would be gone, a whisp of smoke, and it would be her he put in the ground next to Samuel Anders. Kacey would grow up and never know her mother, and the fate of humanity would change. Leoben did not know how or why, but Kara was a key role in the saga of humanity's survival.
Leoben looked carefully over her sleeping form, as though the answers were there in front of him, waiting to be understood if only he studied hard enough. She was still curled up in a ball, but much looser, and her breathing was relaxed and even. The pill he had left on her nightstand was gone, and he only hoped she had taken it, she did not need to start a stash and kill herself that way. He resolved to watch her take it, just to make sure. He knew she hated being watched, but she needed to be watched. the chance of him losing her if she was left to her own devices was far to great.
He gently reached a hand out, and followed the curve of her shoulder to her waist. She was there, solid, and breathing. She was alive, and he would make sure she was okay. Kara had a destiny, and it did not include dying at her own hands. She was going to keep living, and she was going to raise Kacey. She would have a family, a real family.
Scooting closer to her he gently scooped her up and hung on to her, her light form fitting in with his like two pieces in a puzzle. Not dead at Jared's feet. Breathing here with him, far away from where anyone could hurt her anymore. She was safe with him, the outside world of pain and grief couldn't get her in the apartment. He wouldn't let it, and would stop at nothing to make sure nothing could hurt her.
It was a fantasy world, a utopia, but Leoben didn't mind. He knew the world of New Caprica was not meant to last, but that did not mean he could not try and shield her from the hurt of it as much as he could. New Caprica had been horrible to her, but it also gave her things, like Kacey. His job was to soothe as much of the bad as he could, and bring joy with the good. Kara deserved some joy more than anyone else he knew.
He still was trying to wrap his head around the fact. They had a daughter, a baby girl. She was so fragile, so little, she was dependent on them in every way. Out of all the cylons, God had actually chosen to give him a daughter. The second hybrid they knew of and the only living one. He knew nothing about how to parent, but he knew how not to parent. He just needed Kara to realize that, she knew how not to parent. And he needed her to help him with that, every step of the way.