(no subject)
I haven't been wanting to update since most of whats gone on in the past few weeks has been shitty, but I'm starting to think i better get it all down before it gets worse.
2 Weeks ago i got sick, Sick enough that I had to miss work which I hate doing. So I stayed down in Sac an extra day. Wednesday when i went to leave for work I found my car had been broken into, the broke the lock on the back hatch, took apart all of my interior lights, and took about $500 worth of; cd's, cell phone stuff, checkbook and even games candy. So I'm late for work. Have to take another day off Friday to have the car looked at by my insurance company. I have a $100 deductible, on the damages, the items stolen are covered under home owners insurance but theres a $500 deductible. So thanks to the break in so far i've lost over $700 in stuff and work, I'll also be missing some time next week, because i have to have a rental for a few days while my car is fixed.
I cut myself pretty bad last saturday, nearly passed out at work but it's healing pretty well though still very sore. Cutting your knuckle off is not a good idea.
Now today. My dad's roommate/girlfriend or whatever showed up at my work for the first time ever. She tells me my Dad's in the ICU at Sutter Amador. His brain was hemorrhaging in multiple places but he was still coherent and it seemed we had some hope, she told me i should go down after work. So i left soon after to go see him, and do my normal telling him he needs to let her call me before he's in really bad shape. By the time I got there his right side was paralyzed and the doctor said he couldn't talk though he'd been responding. He said his blood wasn't clotting the night before he'd had blood coming out his ears and he vomited blood, they were trying to get his blood to clot so they could transfer him to Sutter Roseville for brain surgery but if he didn't stop bleeding they couldn't do anything. He didn't respond at all while I was there, they said he might have just been out from the meds. His heart was doing great which has been his problem he has a pacemaker, to keep his heart beating steady and that was still working well, the brain problem came out of nowhere last night.
I stayed for about 2 hours, then went back to work, at around 5:30 the doctor called. He was still bleeding and there is nothing else they can do, so the doctor asked me what to do. I had to tell the Dr. it was ok to take him off monitors move him to a regular room, and basically let him go. He's in a coma which now I realize he had been since before I got there. Even if he recovered it's bee long enough the he would be paralyzed on at least his right side, blind on the side, and unable to speak. He wouldn't want to be like that. So I again had to be the one to decide to turn off his defibrillator. So either the bleeding will continue and eventually damage his brain enough that his body to stop working, or his heart will fail.
We were about to leave when the Nurse had to ask me which mortuary to send his body to when he dies. Everything is up to me since I'm his only living relative around, I have 4 half brothers and sisters that we know of but i have no way to contact any of them, and he'd only talked to one in years. I have to make arrangements for him, and find some way to pay for them. He may qualify for some program, since he owns nothing of value and has no money, but even then I will have to pay the county back eventually. If i can find his other kids they will have a share in it, but I don't know how i could do that.
I'm so lost, I just want to sleep forever and forget all of this. I hadn't talked to my dad since September, I was planing on calling him on his birthday in Feb. but sort of forgot/ didn't bother because he never even remembers what day my birthday is. I knew this day would come and I'd feel horrible for being so childish about our relationship, I know it was both our responsibilities to keep in touch, but i just wanted him for once in a long while to make a step towards it. I hadn't even met his Dr. till today because my dad wouldn't let anyone tell me what was going on till it was over. And now I can't talk to him, have no idea if he even knew I was there today, he's dyeing, maybe dead and I can't do anything.
2 Weeks ago i got sick, Sick enough that I had to miss work which I hate doing. So I stayed down in Sac an extra day. Wednesday when i went to leave for work I found my car had been broken into, the broke the lock on the back hatch, took apart all of my interior lights, and took about $500 worth of; cd's, cell phone stuff, checkbook and even games candy. So I'm late for work. Have to take another day off Friday to have the car looked at by my insurance company. I have a $100 deductible, on the damages, the items stolen are covered under home owners insurance but theres a $500 deductible. So thanks to the break in so far i've lost over $700 in stuff and work, I'll also be missing some time next week, because i have to have a rental for a few days while my car is fixed.
I cut myself pretty bad last saturday, nearly passed out at work but it's healing pretty well though still very sore. Cutting your knuckle off is not a good idea.
Now today. My dad's roommate/girlfriend or whatever showed up at my work for the first time ever. She tells me my Dad's in the ICU at Sutter Amador. His brain was hemorrhaging in multiple places but he was still coherent and it seemed we had some hope, she told me i should go down after work. So i left soon after to go see him, and do my normal telling him he needs to let her call me before he's in really bad shape. By the time I got there his right side was paralyzed and the doctor said he couldn't talk though he'd been responding. He said his blood wasn't clotting the night before he'd had blood coming out his ears and he vomited blood, they were trying to get his blood to clot so they could transfer him to Sutter Roseville for brain surgery but if he didn't stop bleeding they couldn't do anything. He didn't respond at all while I was there, they said he might have just been out from the meds. His heart was doing great which has been his problem he has a pacemaker, to keep his heart beating steady and that was still working well, the brain problem came out of nowhere last night.
I stayed for about 2 hours, then went back to work, at around 5:30 the doctor called. He was still bleeding and there is nothing else they can do, so the doctor asked me what to do. I had to tell the Dr. it was ok to take him off monitors move him to a regular room, and basically let him go. He's in a coma which now I realize he had been since before I got there. Even if he recovered it's bee long enough the he would be paralyzed on at least his right side, blind on the side, and unable to speak. He wouldn't want to be like that. So I again had to be the one to decide to turn off his defibrillator. So either the bleeding will continue and eventually damage his brain enough that his body to stop working, or his heart will fail.
We were about to leave when the Nurse had to ask me which mortuary to send his body to when he dies. Everything is up to me since I'm his only living relative around, I have 4 half brothers and sisters that we know of but i have no way to contact any of them, and he'd only talked to one in years. I have to make arrangements for him, and find some way to pay for them. He may qualify for some program, since he owns nothing of value and has no money, but even then I will have to pay the county back eventually. If i can find his other kids they will have a share in it, but I don't know how i could do that.
I'm so lost, I just want to sleep forever and forget all of this. I hadn't talked to my dad since September, I was planing on calling him on his birthday in Feb. but sort of forgot/ didn't bother because he never even remembers what day my birthday is. I knew this day would come and I'd feel horrible for being so childish about our relationship, I know it was both our responsibilities to keep in touch, but i just wanted him for once in a long while to make a step towards it. I hadn't even met his Dr. till today because my dad wouldn't let anyone tell me what was going on till it was over. And now I can't talk to him, have no idea if he even knew I was there today, he's dyeing, maybe dead and I can't do anything.