the way of the dog
yesterday when i was walking to the u-bahn station i saw a stray dog pee on some unsuspecting person’s wheeled shopping bag trolley (popular in Berlin) which was parked outside a pharmacist. i don’t know why this made me so happy but it did. right after he was finished, the dog looked at me with what i fancied as conspiratorial agreement. it was a private little joke between me and the dog and it just made me so filled with glee i laughed out loud. also i couldn’t help but be a little envious of the dog’s freedom to do whatever nature urged it to. humans over think their nature too much and for those of us raised catholic, feel guilty about it. although i haven’t been a part of the church for 22 years, i still carry that shit around with me like, well, like a big bag of shit with all its smelliness and shame. for example, i realized that i feel like i deserve to have hepatitis. that i don’t deserve to get off so easily and be happy. that my penance should be something awful that i must carry around with me as a reminder for the rest of my life. what bullshit. what self-flagellating bullshit. i’d much rather innocently lift my leg and pee on a shopping trolley than condemn myself to illness for past behaviour, but sadly i’m not a dog.