My mother makes me want to mutiliate my own body parts.
I have had my mother in my car 3 days this past week. And this alone, has been enough to make me want to gouge out my own eyes. Or stuff sausages in my ears. Or rip my toes off. She is THE WORST PASSENGER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.
On Sunday, we drive downtown SF and do some all day marathon shopping. I love hanging out with my mother. She is very easy going, loves to walk, and loves to eat. I decide to drive since well, I didn't want to deal with the train. I should have stopped my bellyaching and taken the train cause by the time I got home, I wanted to scream. OF COURSE, I know how to get downtown. I only have lived in San Francisco for 26 YEARS. And OF COURSE, I know where to park. Seriously, not only have I lived here all my life, I also am pretty damn good at directions. And my mother knows this since, well, I got this talent from her. The whole car ride there and back, I hear little comments. "I think you should park Sutter-Stockton garage. It's the cheapest." Or "Why is there so much traffic?" proceeded by a looooooooong monologue about why there is so much traffic. Or my personal favorite "Why are you going this way? The other way is faster!" (Emphasis on the exclamation.)
Twice this week I have had to pick her up from BART and schlep her over to my uncle's house to watch Brandon cause Angela is on bed rest until the new baby pops out. OK, now she is on my turf. I know exactly how to get from the BART station to their house. I have driven it MANY times. Why is it the whole time she tells me why I am driving this way? The worst was yesterday when we were stuck in traffic and it took us an HOUR AND A HALF to get from Alameda home. This constant jabber about why there is so much traffic and how she could never do this everyday and speculation about how the rain must be making all these people slam on their brakes.
I love my mother with a very mighty force. She just sometimes makes me want to gnaw my own arm off.