Entwined Hearts (part 3)
Title: Entwined Hearts
Pairing/Group: Juntoshi, Sakumoto, Ohno/Jun/Sho
Warnings: explicit sex scenes, BDSM, sex toys, barebacking, threesome
Summary: For the past few years, Jun is happy living together with Satoshi. Even with their frequent separation due to Satoshi's job, they somehow manage to make the relationship works for them. But when Jun met Sho, Jun faces a dilemma that might break Satoshi's trust on him. Or is it?
Notes: This was written for Lilly0 in ho-summer exchange. This is mostly smut with little plot. Please note that there is no cheating involved. Everything is consensual (and as requested, Jun as the sub in the relationship)
Beta-ed.
Part 1 > Part 2 > Part 3 > Part 4
Tomorrow would be Jun’s and Satoshi’s anniversary and Jun had decided to go out drinking with some friends but then he cancelled the plan after he received a message from Sho.
Sho asked Jun to meet him again at his house at 8.00 P.M tomorrow. Jun frowned because tomorrow -besides it being his and Satoshi’s anniversary - was also a weekday. It felt like Sho knew that Jun needed him, not waiting until the weekend.
Nevertheless, Jun was excited for another session.
Jun had an hour-long conversation with Satoshi. Satoshi was unexpectedly talkative, perhaps wanting to make it up to Jun for not being there with him to celebrate their anniversary together. Jun assured him he was all right, that he would be meeting a friend right after this. At the end of the conversation, Satoshi told him to take care of himself and be safe and they hung up right after. Satoshi knew that the friend Jun would be meeting was for sex and Jun wondered if Satoshi would change his mind, especially since today was supposedly their special day but Satoshi didn’t say anything to forbid him from seeing Sho. Jun assumed it was all right. If Satoshi had said he disapproved, Jun would cancel his plans with Sho. No question asked.
After Jun had arrived at Sho’s house, as usual he was ordered to take a shower. The feelings of fear and excitement came again. This time there was a table in the middle of the room for them to use. Fifteen minutes later Jun found himself lying flat on his stomach, all his limbs bound to the table’s legs with ropes, leaving him helpless like a starfish stranded on a beach.
At first Jun yelped in pain when he was smacked on his buttocks with Sho’s bare hand, but the yelps turned to moans as Jun adjusted to the sensation and the arousal that filled him with waves of pleasure as Sho’s expert hands worked Jun up.
Despite the difficult position Jun managed to suck Sho off and then received the full extent of Sho’s cock inside him, Sho thrusting into him until the table moved, creaking loudly, the sound mixing with their lusty moans reverberated around the room. Jun was begging Sho to make him come but since Jun still didn’t use his safe word it made Sho push his endurance to a new level. Sho used a dildo on him, abusing his prostate repeatedly before Sho replaced it with his cock and pounded into him for the second time until Jun released without being touched.
Afterwards in bed, Jun leaned back on Sho’s chest. Jun was making a pleased sound as Sho caressed the skin on his wrist as they watched the TV together. Jun loved the aftercare and the extra attention Sho gave him after their session. Jun found himself looking forward for next time already.
It was almost midnight and suddenly his phone that he placed on Sho’s bedside table flashed with a notification. It was from Satoshi. Jun moved to grab it and opened the message, not minding that Sho was able to read the message. Jun didn’t feel the need to be secretive since Sho already knew about Satoshi.
Happy Anniversary once again. I wish that you were in my arms now.
Jun smiled at the message. It was already 12:57 A.M on that side of the world and Satoshi was probably already in his bed. His eyes flitted at the time shown on his phone. Japan was one hour behind. It was nearly the end of their anniversary. He typed. Me too.
Jun managed to send the message one minute before twelve. His phone beeped again indication another incoming message.
I love you and goodnight.
Jun replied, I love you and have sweet dreams, my dear Satoshi.
Then a heart emoji with a sleepy face came up on Jun’s screen.
Jun smiled widely before closing his phone and put it aside.
“So, it’s your anniversary today,” Sho remarked. His hand came up to Jun’s head to play with his hair absentmindedly.
“Yes.” Jun answered honestly.
“But your boyfriend is not here,” Sho stated the obvious.
“No.” It was the truth. And Sho already knew about it.
“Pity that you’re always being left alone.” Sho added later. Jun frowned at his tone.
Jun turned around completely. Sho’s hand hung mid-air when Jun detached himself off Sho’s body. The need to defend his boyfriend was so strong that Jun couldn’t help himself. He didn’t want Sho to misunderstand.
“His job is important,” Jun told Sho firmly.
Sho rebutted almost immediately. “But you’re important too. He should know his priority.”
Jun could feel his whole body tensing. Sho shouldn’t talk about things he didn’t understand. Jun didn’t like hearing him criticize Satoshi when Sho didn’t know anything about his boyfriend. “He’s a good man and I don’t like you implying that he isn’t good to me.”
They stared at each other. A tense moment passed by before Sho smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry. My bad. I shouldn’t intrude in your relationship. It’s clear that you love him so much.”
Jun felt his shoulders relaxing. He took his eyes away from Sho’s, staring at phone like he was waiting for Satoshi’s call or message. “I love him very much,” Jun stated.
His eyes turned to Sho again. For some reason, Jun didn’t want to stop there. Jun had told him briefly about Satoshi before but never in detail.
“I need you to know this,” Jun began.
“Alright,” Sho replied, ready to listen.
“Me and Satoshi, we’ve been through a lot together. I’m sure of my feelings for him now and I’m sure about his feelings for me too. It’s true that he always away because of his job. But I tolerate it because I love him.”
Jun paused.
“At first my thought was the same as yours. Why does Satoshi always leave? Why can’t he pick another job so we see each other frequently, waking up to each other every day, have his warm body next to mine every night? It’s the ideal relationship, right? We live in the same house but why we can’t have that? I always asked him this question repeatedly. He never got angry at me when I sulked and didn’t want to speak to him. It went on for weeks after we got together. You see, we hadn’t seen each other much for quite a long time before he confessed to me and I didn’t understand anything about his job besides going to the ocean and traveling. It can’t be helped when there’s miscommunication involved too. But one day after I went along with him to see what he does in his job, I understood his job better.
I saw his passion. Well, I saw his passion towards me when we were together but when he is in his element, being surrounded by ocean and fish, I saw a different side of him, like he lives to do that kind of thing. His passion in teaching the others about how to appreciate our ocean and its content is admirable. I admire him. I adore him a lot. And since that day, I promised myself to be more understanding and right now, I’m able to accept that. The situation became normal to us because I trust him. We trust each other.”
Jun drew a deep breath.
“After all I’m still a normal human being. I do miss him when he’s not around but we’ll always come back to each other. That’s the most important thing to us.”
He felt his lips trembling. He never told anyone about how he felt towards Satoshi’s absence because Jun believed that the matter was to be kept only between them and now the words easily tumbled off him when he was with Sho.
Jun lifted his eyes when Sho leaned into him to kiss him sweetly on his lips. Sho’s hand was now going up and down his arm in a soothing motion.
“I wish I had someone like you to come back to.”
Jun blinked at Sho. At that moment, the air suddenly turned awkward. There was something in Sho’s eyes that made Jun’s heart suddenly beat faster.
“You have me now.” Jun told him lightly, trying to mask his sudden uneasiness. He didn’t want to go deeper into what Sho was implying there. He didn’t even want to know.
It was Sho’s turn to blink, like he didn’t realize what he had just implied. “Yes, I have you now,” Sho said after a moment just to break the awkwardness. Sho pecked his lips. Jun sighed, not sure whether it was out of relief that Sho didn’t steer the topic to what Jun wasn’t ready to discuss or just because the kiss Sho gave him now was to his liking.
They kissed more. Sho deepened the kiss, his arms wounded possessively on Jun. It was like he wanted to own Jun too but that was impossible, Jun was Satoshi’s. But for tonight, Sho temporarily owned him.
They shifted until Sho leaned his body on the headboard, manoeuvring Jun’s body on his laps. Jun helped Sho coating his cock with condom and lube, all the while busying themselves with kisses and touches that sent shivers to their skin.
For a moment Sho detached Jun from his face. Holding the back of Jun’s head firmly, he brought his other hand to caress Jun’s face making Jun’s eyes flutter closed. Jun didn’t want to think what this brief moment of affection meant other than indulging Sho. They stayed that way for a few moments, still panting lightly until Sho caught Jun’s lips for much passionate kisses right after.
Jun was ready when Sho lowered him into his hardened cock. Jun’s mouth parted a little, eyes closed feeling the fullness as he started to move up and down, building up pace with Sho’s firms hands on his hips, guiding him in his movement. They both soon lost in their passions forgetting everything else other than satisfying each other.
When Jun’s tired but content body crashed down on Sho after he finished riding Sho’s cock, he heard Sho whisper to him.
“Show me your Satoshi.”
Still panting, Jun looked at Sho in question, scrutinising him whether Sho was indeed serious. Sho shrugged. “I just want to see the person who has your heart right now.”
Jun moved to picked up his phone and unlocked it.
Jun let Sho look through the pictures on his phone. “Cute.” Sho said. Jun agreed wholeheartedly.
“I wish you could meet him one day,” Jun added, lowering his head on Sho’s chest, pouting because he didn’t know how it could ever happen. Sho stayed silent, kissing Jun’s head instead.
~
Jun gave his boyfriend the biggest hug when Jun picked him up at the airport. “I missed you a lot!” Jun said to him before they kissed rather briefly because of Satoshi’s friends beginning to coo and whistling at them. Jun, feeling heat creeping up his cheeks, grabbed Satoshi’s hand to head towards the taxi.
Right away as they opened their apartment door, Satoshi pushed Jun against the wall and they fucked before they could even get their clothes off. Jun clung to Satoshi with all his might feeling his boyfriend’s cock moving inside him and filling him up with his come. He had really missed his boyfriend.
After that they were catching up with each other during a late lunch where Jun brought Satoshi to an Italian restaurant and then went shopping until Satoshi complained that his legs were nearly falling off. Jun reminded that they had to make up the time they missed since Satoshi had promised that he would do anything Jun wanted to do because he had missed their anniversary. Even though Jun hadn’t been too lonely that day, a promise was a promise. Jun laughed when Satoshi nearly fell asleep inside the shoe store as Jun took his time picking a pair of shoes. “I choose based on feelings!” Jun said to Satoshi when his boyfriend told him to be faster.
They were leaving the store when suddenly Satoshi bumped into a gentleman in suit. Jun nearly gasped openly when he saw that it was Sho. Sho bowed a little to apologize at Satoshi and they had a few words while Jun just looked at them, dumbfounded. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t say anything when Sho smiled at him before he walked away. Jun wondered whether it was intentional or not. Sho didn’t look annoyed, instead he looked pretty satisfied with himself.
Immediately, Jun told Satoshi that he wanted to go home. Jun successfully hidden the fact from Satoshi that he was pretty shaken up with the sudden turn of event. He wanted Sho to meet with Satoshi but it should be a well-planned meeting not a sudden, unexpected occurrence like what had just happened.
He really wanted them to start off on the right foot.
~
Jun’s life went back to its usual pace right after. The unexpected meeting was pushed to the back of his mind. Sho didn’t contact him and vice versa. Jun was relieved because he was busy with his boyfriend now. Satoshi was having a month holiday so it was Satoshi’s turn to stay at home. Jun was happy because every night when he came home, Satoshi had already prepared him a meal and a hot bath. He was being totally spoiled by Satoshi and he found that he wasn’t thinking about Sho too much when his boyfriend was around.
But when he was alone, and had time to think to himself, such as when he was commuting to and from work, he found himself thinking about Sho as much as he thought about Satoshi. Jun didn’t think his feelings towards Satoshi was wavering but instead it was his feelings towards Sho which had grown a lot.
He began to feel afraid of these feelings; the feelings of attachment to Sho. He knew that it was wrong for him to feel that way. The thing that he thought was just something to fill his lonely days had turned into something that beginning to burden his mind. He probably shouldn’t’ve led Sho on, always making himself available the moment Sho requested his companion, but what could he do? He had enjoyed the time he was with Sho that he was afraid if he started rejecting their meetings, he might lose Sho. Just the thought of not seeing Sho anymore frightened him.
In the end, he was being selfish and chose the easiest route possible; to ignore the unwanted and confusing thought for the time being.
A few times Sho’d send him short and brief messages, just asking for his well-being, without asking for another meeting since he knew Satoshi was around. And those few times had planted more seeds of feelings inside Jun. And Jun found that no matter how much he tried to think that his association with Sho was just like any other men he encountered before, he knew deep down it wasn’t so. Sho wasn’t just any other men, Sho is Sho. And Jun found himself clinging to Satoshi more often than usual just to make sure he was still hundred percent Satoshi’s.
However, Satoshi’s holiday came to an end a bit too fast for Jun’s liking when he needed to go away for his work again. Jun couldn’t cling to his anchor anymore when Satoshi left him for Taiwan and he felt a bit lost. And it was like Sho knew that Jun was beginning to feel lonely again when he texted Jun for another session. Jun couldn’t stop himself from agreeing.
~
“You’re so flexible,” Sho said as he pulled both of Jun’s legs upward, the ankles nearly reaching Jun’s head. Sho then proceeded to strap those legs with ropes to the armchair. Jun, who already had his hands bound behind his head was straining on the chair, buck naked. He wasn’t really that flexible but he could bend his extremities when the situation required him to do that, like right now. Sweat was gathering on Jun’s temple and Sho wiped it away.
With him bound firmly to the armchair, he was totally exposed and vulnerable. He couldn’t move even a bit. A small button that would chime when it was pressed was held firmly inside his fist.
Jun’s moan was muffled with the ball gag preventing his mouth from speaking as Sho touched his flushed cock when a dildo was pushed inside him. Jun could hear clearly the squelching sound the dildo made when it went in and out of his properly lubed hole. He could only stare at Sho as he expressed how Sho’s ministration was doing to his body with his eyes. Saliva was trailing out the corner of his mouth, dripping onto his neck and Sho left it there without bothering to wipe it.
The whole time Sho was staring at him smugly, whispering dirty words to Jun that heightened Jun’s arousal. Jun eventually had to close his eyes when he was close to climax. His whole body was shuddering as he orgasmed. He tried to jerk away when Sho touched him again since he hadn’t calmed down yet. He was still so sensitive and Sho was deliberately touching the over-sensitive slit on the head of his cock and then pumping his softening cock. But the restraints held him tightly in place. Jun was helpless. He wanted to scream that it was too much to him. He felt he hadn’t recovered from the first orgasm and yet Sho went on to get him his second one. Jun’s fist tightened around the button but no sound was made because despite the complaint Jun screamed in his head, he actually didn’t want Sho to stop.
Jun didn’t think that he could get hard again but he did. Perhaps his refractory period was suddenly shortened on that day when Jun felt that he was hardening again in Sho’s fingers with the constant touch. Jun found his eyes rolled back in intense pleasure and a whine came out of him as he shuddered for another climax.
Jun was pretty wasted afterwards and as usual he let Sho care for him. They were quietly eating their dinner at the dinner table when Sho said calmly to Jun something that made Jun nearly spit out his food.
“I want to meet your Satoshi properly.”
~
Jun was troubled. He found that he couldn’t concentrate anywhere, whether at home or at work. At least at work when it got too busy it took away his attention for a while but then, he went back to his preoccupied state when he took a break.
All his mind was thinking of was how to break the topic to Satoshi. He had tried once but failed. As expected, Satoshi could be stubborn when he wanted to. He remembered the conversation they had when Jun drove Satoshi back to the airport after Satoshi came back home briefly to surprise Jun.
Recently Satoshi often did this in an effort to make it up to Jun for missing their anniversary and Jun couldn’t deny that he was happy about it.
They were talking casually, mostly Jun asking about how Satoshi was doing since they were too busy fucking instead of chatting.
Right after a prolonged silence, Jun could see the sign for the turn to the airport not so far ahead of him and thought that it was now or never.
“Say Satoshi…” Jun said nervously. He could hear Satoshi hum in reply and he felt his throat drying.
“About the friend of mine, he-“ Jun was cut off abruptly.
“I’ve told you, you’re free to do anything you want as long as you’re happy and safe.”
“But Satoshi, he-“ Jun tried again but he was also interrupted for the second time with a drastic change of topic.
“Oh, you need to turn to the left.” Satoshi pointed at the sign.
Jun managed to steal a look at Satoshi who was looking in front of him, now humming a song. It was clear that Satoshi wanted to avoid the topic. Internally Jun was frustrated in his inability to engage Satoshi in this particularly important conversation but he needed to focus on his driving and made the turn to the right road.
After that, they kept their silence until they said their goodbyes.
Jun huffed in frustration as he saw the plane Satoshi was aboard flying away to the horizon.
After the fail attempt, Jun decided to leave Sho’s request buried at the back of his mind. Sho didn’t bring the matter up again during another session that came after that.
~
Jun’s wrists were hooked onto the chain that was connected to the ceiling. His body jerked every time Sho’s paddle that was made out soft leather touched his skin. Jun squeezed his eyes shut, trying to concentrate on the sensation. At first, he felt just a tiny sting and his mind wandered unwillingly to what was troubling him the most; particularly about the matter with Satoshi and Sho. However, when the hits began to feel painful to him, he let out yelp after yelp as the paddle hit him. He could’ve used his safe word this time, but he didn’t want to disappoint Sho so he endured the pain. His mind drifted in and out and he didn’t notice that Sho was saying something to him.
Then everything stopped. Jun cracked open his eyes in confusion and saw Sho crowding his face. Did he do something? Did he utter his safe word?
“You’re distracted,” Sho told him.
Jun widened his eyes. How did Sho know? Was it too obvious? He asked himself.
Sho unhooked him and lead him to the bedroom.
“I want you to rest here,” Sho said softly, as he laid Jun gently on his bed. All the while Jun was staring at him he wondered why Sho looked worried about him.
When Sho climbed on the bed to be beside him, wrapping his body around Jun, burying his face against Jun’s neck, Jun realized that his whole body was trembling and sweating. Sho told him that they had been doing it for more than an hour and Sho hadn’t seen any signs that Jun was enjoying it. He was sorry that he was ignoring the fact that Jun wasn’t enjoying the play as much as he was because he was too eager to use the newly bought item on Jun.
Seeing how Sho was so apologetic and trying hard to soothe him, Jun felt so bad that he made Sho unhappy. He had disappointed Sho, he had failed him today and he was so upset about it.
So, he turned around, burying his face in Sho’s still-fully-clothed chest and cried. Jun heard the panicked noises Sho made but he ignored Sho’s calls as he tried to desperately calm Jun down.
It turned worse when Jun started to worry that he might lose Sho sooner or later, that he cried harder.
That was the time when he realized the depth of his feelings for Sho: he had fallen for him hard and he was so helpless.
Jun apologized to Sho. Immediately after his tears had ceased he excused himself. Jun refused when Sho offered to accompany him or even drive him back to his apartment. The guilt was eating Jun up when he saw Sho’s worried face. He said goodbye to Sho on his entryway, feeling himself choking up as Sho placed a soft kiss on his forehead.
Why was Sho showing his lovely side when there was an important decision for him to make?
“Call me when you’ve arrived at home,” Sho said, his hand touching Jun’s arm. Jun gave a noncommittal nod that made Sho frown. Jun turned to the door effectively denying Sho’s attempt to kiss him when he reached for the door handle to open the door and stepped outside quickly, letting the door separated him from Sho as it closed by itself.
Jun buried himself inside his blanket when he arrived home, refusing to answer the call when his phone rang incessantly. It was probably from Sho and he didn’t want to talk to him right now. By the end of the hour, there were six missed calls from Sho and a text message from Satoshi. He didn’t answer any.
It wasn’t Sho’s fault. The problem came from him. He had gotten carried away. He stared blankly at himself in the full mirror inside his room, fully naked. The redness on the different spots on his body from the spanking that Sho gave him were still visible when he made his decision; to stop seeing Sho, to stop everything they started.
The choice was either Satoshi or Sho and when he found himself unable to choose, he had gotten scared.
He was in love with both of them.
And he couldn’t accept it because there was no way he would break up with his boyfriend for Sho. And there was no way too that he could have both as boyfriends, equally. That wasn’t possible, as far as he knew.
Besides, he didn’t even know what was Sho’s feelings towards him. For all he knew, there could be nothing.
His heart twisted painfully inside him.
~
“Earth to Jun!”
Jun blinked when a hand was waved in front of him. He was out drinking with Aiba who was currently in Tokyo to attend a short course on behalf of his company. They couldn’t pass up the opportunity to drink together because they hadn’t seen each other for quite some time.
Aiba was staring at him with worried eyes.
“Is there something wrong?”
Aiba could be so perceptive when he wanted to be. Or it was just Jun being too obvious.
“Nothing,” Jun denied too quickly. He brought his beer to his lip for a long sip, just as an excuse not to speak. Obviously, he didn’t look convincing when Aiba tutted at him, in disapproval of Jun’s pathetic attempt to lie.
“Matsujun, you can’t lie to me. Tell me what’s wrong? Is it Satoshi?”
For the next few minutes, Jun was able to hold his ground and resisted Aiba’s incessant coaxing but he finally cracked, because it was Aiba.
So, he told Aiba everything there was to tell; about his relationship with Satoshi, about their unique arrangement, about meeting Sho and the nature of their relationship and finally how he was currently in love with both men.
Aiba’s jaw was threatening to drop onto the floor by the end of Jun’s story. Jun supposed that it was too shocking to take for his poor friend.
“So, what you’re going to do?” Aiba asked, after he managed to recover.
Jun sighed as he buried his head in his hands. “I don’t know Masaki, I really have no idea.”
~
The phone felt so hot on his ear. Jun was much calmer after talking for over two hours with Satoshi. The talk was about random topics. Jun didn’t think he could even insert Sho’s name inside the conversation.
He was already comfortable in his pyjamas, lying alone on the bed he shared with Satoshi. His eyes were nearly closing as he said his goodbye over the phone. Jun sighed when his eyes accidently flitted to the books he borrowed from Sho which were placed on the bedside table. They seemed to be mocking him. Then he sighed again when he checked his phone battery.
The battery nearly died and he needed to recharge it. As he reached the charger, his phone suddenly rang and before he could see who was calling him it died with a beep.
After the phone was successfully turned on, he checked his call log. His stomach fluttered when he found out that it was Sho. Jun was contemplating whether to call him back or not but he thought it was better not to. If he did, it might melt his resolve the moment he heard Sho’s voice.
It wasn’t like him to be evasive and let things hang just like that but his emotions were too fragile right now. He might run to Sho if he wanted Jun right now. He couldn’t let that happen, not until he talked to Satoshi properly, face-to-face.
It was who Aiba urged him to do that, and Jun wanted to heed his friend’s advice; talking to Satoshi first before taking any further decision that might affect his future happiness.
~
Jun received text messages from Sho and they weren’t about him inviting him to his home. Instead they were laced with worry… and desperation.
Jun, are you okay? Call me back, please.
Please. Jun chuckled bitterly as the word reminded him of one of their session where he had to beg Sho.
Talk about the longing…
Then there was another one. We need to talk. Call me.
Jun sighed as he exited the apps and closed his phone before he slipped it into his pocket. It was a risky move to ignore Sho but he needed to.
~
After a week of refusing to reply to any of Sho’s contact, he found himself being pulled to the nearest emergency exit in his workplace by someone who had such a familiar scent to him.
“Sho-san? What are you doing here?” Jun squeaked in surprise as he was thrown into the wall in a thud.
Sho looked scary when he was angry. “I’m here on business but that’s beside the point. You’re avoiding me. Why?”
“I- I’m not… What are you talking about?” Jun tried to lie, but he was stuttering when Sho pinned him to the wall with their bodies nearly touching but not yet. A hand was slammed onto the wall near to Jun’s face and another one gripping Jun’s arm tightly. Sho’s body heat and scent overwhelmed Jun; he wanted to bury his face into that scent and stay there forever. He was missing him too much.
“Is it because Satoshi is forbidding you from seeing me?” Sho asked seriously.
“No!” Jun denied sincerely. Sho was wrong.
“Then why?” Sho’s voice sounded fragile, so far from the initial anger and his normal behaviour. His shoulders dropped, making the sloping more pronounced, even with the pads in his suit.
Jun found his tongue tied inside his mouth.
When Jun didn’t answer, Sho continued in a whisper. “Is it because of our last session? Was I being too hard on you?”
Jun turned up and locked his gaze with Sho. Sho’s breaths were fanning his face and he looked so desperate, Jun wanted to cup his face and kiss every inch of that face.
Instead of explaining the whole mess and asking for Sho to wait a little bit more, a different thing came out from his mouth.
“I can’t anymore… I’m not strong enough…” Jun didn’t realize that Sho might interpret the answer differently.
“Then why didn’t you tell me?” There was thin layer of moisture on Sho’s eyes and Jun felt like breaking down. A thought passed him that Sho might’ve misunderstood him completely. Sho genuinely thought that it was because of what had happened last time when it wasn’t. Sho deserved the whole truth.
“… I love Satoshi…” He blurted these words out, effectively denying that their last session was the culprit.
Sho narrowed his eyes at him. “That didn’t hold you back before. What changed?”
“What changed...” Jun nearly chuckled in bitterness and resignation.
Jun sighed, dropping his gaze to his feet. He chewed his lower lip. “Because I’ve fallen in love with you. That’s why…” he whispered, not really caring if Sho heard him or not.
Jun felt like he wanted to run away, he felt stupid to see Sho stare blankly at him, like Jun was making a stupid joke. What was he thinking? Confessing to Sho right now? That was a wrong move. He might’ve scared Sho away for real.
Sho loosened his grip. Jun was holding back his tears. In the pit of his stomach he was sure that Sho would leave him right after this. Since Jun had let his feelings get the better of him, he was going to lose Sho. They had never discussed the possibility of the situation occurring before and Jun assumed that someone like Sho might not want anything to do with feelings. Sho had everything, he could get anything and anyone he wanted; why would he want to get involved with something complicated like feelings? Especially with someone like him who had an established relationship with someone else? As far as he knew, it could be one-sided on his part.
His mind wandered to his boyfriend, who was now in Hokkaido. Satoshi didn’t know about Sho and probably didn’t care about him but he was sure that the situation would be different if Satoshi found out that Jun loved someone else. That would break their trust completely.
His stomach twisted with the possibility of everything ending up badly. He could be losing both Satoshi and Sho at the same time.
Sho was still looking at him emotionlessly. Jun couldn’t stand the hurt and the humiliation he got from the look. It was better to go, Jun thought as he couldn’t stand the tension any longer so he pushed Sho away, who was standing still like a mannequin, a handsome one at that and as the result Sho stepped back to give Jun space.
But before Jun managed to reach the door, he made an oomph sound when Sho grabbed him tightly from behind.
Jun’s eyes went wide hearing Sho’s words that came next.
“I’ve fallen for you too…”