Preparations for "THE DAY".
Hello LiveJournal and dearest F-list! (Actually there's no need to put "f-list here" because all my posts aren't friends-locked, so... ^_^)
I would like to share to you my feeeels for the weeeek. (LOL) The busy, exciting, tiring, overwhelming week before NEWS' 10th birthday.
As I'm typing this post I really feel discouraged. One, all the plans that I've had since June are not working as from what I expected. I have many ideas that I cannot bring to life, posts left unfinished, bad graphic posts and insufficient determination to work. I have many visions for my NEWS 10th anniv. projects that, as the days pass, might just be put in vain.
Two, I am going through a bad chapter in my personal life. Worse, it is interfering with my fandom life... Or is it the other way around? T_T It even came to the point when, just a few days ago, I almost decided to quit the fandom. I hated myself, my view of my own worthlessness suddenly increased, I thought that continuing my life as a fangirl would not fix all the mess that I made. That's why I have to quit (note: I never wanted to, I just have to). But fandom friends persuade me to stay; I was especially moved by katrinasacay 's words: "walang aalis sa fandom. hostage ko kayo. LOL" ("No one's leaving the fandom. You are all my hostages. LOL"). Well it was more of a playful warning but it had struck me, primarily because mama Kat is one of the people in the fandom that I look up to. Saying such words made me feel secure, I mean, I feel like she (and everyone else who advised me to stay) is backing me up.
So yeah, I won't leave the fandom. It gives me the relief I need anyway! ♥
--
But in spite of the comfort and love this fandom offers, I still feel discouraged--because of reason number 1. I'm panicking right now, hurrying through my queued posts, yet I can't seem to do my best. Aww. I want to do a grand, terrific, how'd-you-think-of-that-you're-so-awesomeeee tribute for NEWS' birthday but in the end I can't! ;o; Any techniques for bringing wild expectations to life? (HAHAHA desperate much :p)
SO THIS IS MY GRAND PLAN:
Unfortunately, I can't fulfill this plan. 4 days to NEWS' birthday and I can't still make up my mind. That's why I'm already discouraged. X___x
There are signs of improvement though: I have finished the NEWS10th layouts this Monday, always semi-spamming on Tumblr with the hashtag #NEWS10thSpam, and am halfway through one of my 'major' posts. I just have to use my remaining time wisely, and hope that things go smoothly until the awaited day.
By the way, on that awaited day I'll not go online. We're out of town. When I learned about it of course I was saddened, but hey I'm not gonna ponder on this.
First things first... First is NEWS!
Advance happy birthday dear babies~ ♥
↓ Below: even Tumblr is excited hahahaha~ xDDD
I would like to share to you my feeeels for the weeeek. (LOL) The busy, exciting, tiring, overwhelming week before NEWS' 10th birthday.
As I'm typing this post I really feel discouraged. One, all the plans that I've had since June are not working as from what I expected. I have many ideas that I cannot bring to life, posts left unfinished, bad graphic posts and insufficient determination to work. I have many visions for my NEWS 10th anniv. projects that, as the days pass, might just be put in vain.
Two, I am going through a bad chapter in my personal life. Worse, it is interfering with my fandom life... Or is it the other way around? T_T It even came to the point when, just a few days ago, I almost decided to quit the fandom. I hated myself, my view of my own worthlessness suddenly increased, I thought that continuing my life as a fangirl would not fix all the mess that I made. That's why I have to quit (note: I never wanted to, I just have to). But fandom friends persuade me to stay; I was especially moved by katrinasacay 's words: "walang aalis sa fandom. hostage ko kayo. LOL" ("No one's leaving the fandom. You are all my hostages. LOL"). Well it was more of a playful warning but it had struck me, primarily because mama Kat is one of the people in the fandom that I look up to. Saying such words made me feel secure, I mean, I feel like she (and everyone else who advised me to stay) is backing me up.
So yeah, I won't leave the fandom. It gives me the relief I need anyway! ♥
--
But in spite of the comfort and love this fandom offers, I still feel discouraged--because of reason number 1. I'm panicking right now, hurrying through my queued posts, yet I can't seem to do my best. Aww. I want to do a grand, terrific, how'd-you-think-of-that-you're-so-awesomeeee tribute for NEWS' birthday but in the end I can't! ;o; Any techniques for bringing wild expectations to life? (HAHAHA desperate much :p)
SO THIS IS MY GRAND PLAN:
Unfortunately, I can't fulfill this plan. 4 days to NEWS' birthday and I can't still make up my mind. That's why I'm already discouraged. X___x
There are signs of improvement though: I have finished the NEWS10th layouts this Monday, always semi-spamming on Tumblr with the hashtag #NEWS10thSpam, and am halfway through one of my 'major' posts. I just have to use my remaining time wisely, and hope that things go smoothly until the awaited day.
By the way, on that awaited day I'll not go online. We're out of town. When I learned about it of course I was saddened, but hey I'm not gonna ponder on this.
First things first... First is NEWS!
Advance happy birthday dear babies~ ♥
↓ Below: even Tumblr is excited hahahaha~ xDDD