welcome to adulthood
So my birthday is friday. Yup I will be 27. Fuck you if you think thats old, becasue I feel 20. No really. I have taken a serious interest in myself, worked out (I want to thank Candice for getting that ball rolling) I have lost almost 40 pounds, I am down from a size 22 to a 14. still curvy but I have lost 10 inches off my waist.. I have a lot of worries. I Have made bad financial decisions in my early years, and all of us who live in the real world know that when you least expect it and you sure as fuck cant afford it, shit will happen. I am still recovering from the financial blow of my wreck, I got so behind, I only THIS MONTH, am caught up and not late on a bill. I am searching for a one bedroom apt in the 300-325 range. That is difficult too. I am applying for every job that becomes available at work, to get out of my dept. for various reasons and to try to make more money. I havent been home much, but I do come home, update, do some laundry, etc. As of late, I havent been as adamant about logging onto the computer. I have made a new friend who shares a lot of time.
ANd then tonight I come home and for the first time in a week, log onto some forums I am a member of........read some xangas I never keep up with......And I realize I am starting to not like people very much. I am beginning to realize that I dont have much in common with the members of my community, and moreso with my own friends. I thought about it heavily, why people's behavior bothers me so, why I dont notice the things others do, and point out to me. Its not me.
My priorities have changed. I am growing up a lot. Life throws me lemons, and I am hunting for the juicer. I have stated above the things I a dealing with currently, and of lesser importance, I am dealing with my own self image....and planning a burlesque show for halloween.
SO to those of you bitching or posting about your pious lost love life, move on. I can assure you there are more important things in the world besides a past lover, old friend, or who is talking about you behind your back this week. I looked at my new friend's life. He has two kids( and a third he never gets to see), rent,child support, baby momma drama,and a 40 hour a week job. And he does not deal with shitty phone messages from friends because he borrowed an article of clothing, or calling someone to tell them he hates them becasue he heard they were talking about him, or leave shitty notes around the house to get a rise out of someone.No his life contains none of these things, becasue he doesnt allow it, it's useless to him. Come to think of it , I am rather bored of it myself.
Now dont get me wrong, its not that I am so hardcore that I dont cry, o0r get my feelings hurt, or get dissappointed. I do. It happens everyday. But you know what? I get up, and I keep on moving. I cry for a second, get up, dust myself off, and I fucking try again.
So you will pardon me if I dont seem interested, or jump in with both feet in a dog fight, or call anyone, wondering why so and so posted something, or leave you a shitty message becasue you forgot to return my earrings, or even return them at all, EVER. Please forgive me if I dont call a lot, its not personal, really. My life has driven in a different direction. Things are becoming clearer, and I can tell you that I am a lot more concerned with getting out on my own, making my bills ontime, and keeping my job, and feeding my dog, than I will ever give two shits about sushi etiquitte, who is fucking who, what the drama is this week, who the fuck you are voting for,whether or not you dropped hair dye on the sink and it stained and you cant get it outIf you mopped your floor, or how much fucking money you spent on clothes this week, or any of that mindless petty materialistic bullshit. Look if I go to someone's house, and they apologize for their dirty floor, or their messy kitchen, or whatever, or want me to notice how they straightened up their living room, I most likely will not notice, as I came to see you, not you cleaning skills. I would much rather hear about the important things in life. I want to know if you have learned something positive about the world or yourself, I want to hear about your kids, how in love you are with someone, or how happy you are to be alone and have all the free time in the world. I want to hear how some music changed your life, or made you cry, I want to hear that you want to go somewhere else, anywhere, or just go to the park.
Back here on earth, not in some twenty something's lala land, I have a 40 hour a week job, real problems, bills, and a dog.
Candice, I would LOVE to attend Jaden's birthday party if you will have me! please let me know what time so that I can schedule off of work.
ANd then tonight I come home and for the first time in a week, log onto some forums I am a member of........read some xangas I never keep up with......And I realize I am starting to not like people very much. I am beginning to realize that I dont have much in common with the members of my community, and moreso with my own friends. I thought about it heavily, why people's behavior bothers me so, why I dont notice the things others do, and point out to me. Its not me.
My priorities have changed. I am growing up a lot. Life throws me lemons, and I am hunting for the juicer. I have stated above the things I a dealing with currently, and of lesser importance, I am dealing with my own self image....and planning a burlesque show for halloween.
SO to those of you bitching or posting about your pious lost love life, move on. I can assure you there are more important things in the world besides a past lover, old friend, or who is talking about you behind your back this week. I looked at my new friend's life. He has two kids( and a third he never gets to see), rent,child support, baby momma drama,and a 40 hour a week job. And he does not deal with shitty phone messages from friends because he borrowed an article of clothing, or calling someone to tell them he hates them becasue he heard they were talking about him, or leave shitty notes around the house to get a rise out of someone.No his life contains none of these things, becasue he doesnt allow it, it's useless to him. Come to think of it , I am rather bored of it myself.
Now dont get me wrong, its not that I am so hardcore that I dont cry, o0r get my feelings hurt, or get dissappointed. I do. It happens everyday. But you know what? I get up, and I keep on moving. I cry for a second, get up, dust myself off, and I fucking try again.
So you will pardon me if I dont seem interested, or jump in with both feet in a dog fight, or call anyone, wondering why so and so posted something, or leave you a shitty message becasue you forgot to return my earrings, or even return them at all, EVER. Please forgive me if I dont call a lot, its not personal, really. My life has driven in a different direction. Things are becoming clearer, and I can tell you that I am a lot more concerned with getting out on my own, making my bills ontime, and keeping my job, and feeding my dog, than I will ever give two shits about sushi etiquitte, who is fucking who, what the drama is this week, who the fuck you are voting for,whether or not you dropped hair dye on the sink and it stained and you cant get it outIf you mopped your floor, or how much fucking money you spent on clothes this week, or any of that mindless petty materialistic bullshit. Look if I go to someone's house, and they apologize for their dirty floor, or their messy kitchen, or whatever, or want me to notice how they straightened up their living room, I most likely will not notice, as I came to see you, not you cleaning skills. I would much rather hear about the important things in life. I want to know if you have learned something positive about the world or yourself, I want to hear about your kids, how in love you are with someone, or how happy you are to be alone and have all the free time in the world. I want to hear how some music changed your life, or made you cry, I want to hear that you want to go somewhere else, anywhere, or just go to the park.
Back here on earth, not in some twenty something's lala land, I have a 40 hour a week job, real problems, bills, and a dog.
Candice, I would LOVE to attend Jaden's birthday party if you will have me! please let me know what time so that I can schedule off of work.