life, etc...
So I haven't done an open entry in a while. life is confusing, as usual. I think I have this way of attracting complication, even when all I want is simple and easy, but oh well, makes life interesting.
Last month, of course, was stolen away by Comedy Festival, which went ENTIRELY too fast - I saw some great shows - I made more of an effort this year to see people I hadn't seen before, and I'm glad I did.
I ended up seeing (and I know I'll forget some)
Josie Long, Josh Earl, David O'Doherty, Jason Byrne, Adam Rozenbachs, Tim Minchin, Celia Pacquola, Justin Hamilton, Nik Coppin, Shaggers x 2, Courteney Hocking, Richard McKenzie, Comicide(epic fail), ummmmm... I can't think of anyone else right now - but it was a really great festival, even if a lot of the shows were, in my opinion, not as good as I've seen people do previously.
My major highlights were Tim Minchin (who, as always, was fucking magnificent), Celia Pacquola (see her if you can, she might be doing more shows after the festival - she's quirky and hilarious, the show was actually about how she'd been cheated on in her last relationship and hit quite close to home - but left me with hope and made me cry a little at the end) and Richard McKenzie (a show about his Dad who passed away last year, sweet and fun and absolutely awesome - what a guy).
Beyond that, I'm having love-life drama (as usual). I have been posting locked because
a)my parents, grandparents and siblings read this,
b)my love-life drama possibly reads this :P
So Hey, Parents, Grandparents and siblings, can you please look away for a few minutes? I'd really appreciate it.
So I met a guy called David - (Hi David) - And he's great. He has great taste in music, wants to go to gigs with me, has great books, movies, TV shows, Makes me mix CDs that are fucking epic, is smart, interesting, owns art and a house near the city and is basically a lot of ticks on my 'list of things I look for in a guy' (yes. that list exists, and no, you can't see it).
We've had a dramatic month. We met on the 27th of March and clicked pretty instantly, things moved fast, we went to a few shows together, met up after doing seperate things, talked every day... We hit a few hurdles - what with us still seeing other people, (and me seeing him out on a date and it really fucking hurting, even though I knew it was happening) we then went about trying to pretend we're not incredibly into each other and decided to try and just be friends, as we had tickets to see Dylan Moran together that he'd bought the first week we met.
So we went ahead and did that, we went out for dinner, we were having fun, we flirt but it was mostly innocent (I'm pretty dirty-minded with all of my friends). Then about 3/4 of the way through the show he held my hand and I crumbled, because it's hard not to when the thing you want to happen but you know SHOULDN'T happen, happens.
So anyway. I'm not going to go into detail, we basically spent the entire weekend together, plus Monday spent cuddled up watching Firefly (heaven), and we talked about a lot of things, where we were going, what this was, we argued about how we see things, but we got over it. I was lost for a couple of days earlier this week, No idea what to do. I don't see how we can win if he's going to hold back and I'm going all in.
See, our problem is that he really doesn't want to fall in love right now, he's just out of a long, serious relationship and needs some time to have fun, but I do want love, and I can see myself falling, hard, and I can't just put a pause button on that. I wish I could, as it seems to be what he's doing, but I don't like denying my feelings. I've realised in the last few weeks that I've never really had a relationship wherein I take things slowly, they always just seem to go from nothing to serious in a few weeks, so if that doesn't happen (which ok, it DID happen, but we need to stop it in its tracks) I don't know what I'm supposed to do - I don't know how this works, but all I can do is try to deal with it - because I'd rather be around him and not have to censor my thoughts and feelings than be around him pretending I don't want to kiss him, touch him, hold his hand.... So I'm going to try and detach, just 'date' whatever that means, and let life do its thing.
Hopefully it's a smart move. Maybe it's not, but I can't help it - I know that it would probably be healthier for me to just not ever see him again but I can't bring myself to do it, And I know that we utterly fail at 'just friends' so why fight something that makes me happy, even if it's only in the short term? I want to be able to stop stressing about it, and stop overthinking it, and just enjoy it. Here's hoping I can manage that, eh?
I've just realised it's 3pm and I haven't had a shower and gotten out of my PJ's yet, so I'm gonna go do that. No wait, I should work out first. Dollhouse watching to be done (ep 7 and 8) hoorah! G'bye for now. Promise to come back sooner next time.
Leish
xoxo
Last month, of course, was stolen away by Comedy Festival, which went ENTIRELY too fast - I saw some great shows - I made more of an effort this year to see people I hadn't seen before, and I'm glad I did.
I ended up seeing (and I know I'll forget some)
Josie Long, Josh Earl, David O'Doherty, Jason Byrne, Adam Rozenbachs, Tim Minchin, Celia Pacquola, Justin Hamilton, Nik Coppin, Shaggers x 2, Courteney Hocking, Richard McKenzie, Comicide(epic fail), ummmmm... I can't think of anyone else right now - but it was a really great festival, even if a lot of the shows were, in my opinion, not as good as I've seen people do previously.
My major highlights were Tim Minchin (who, as always, was fucking magnificent), Celia Pacquola (see her if you can, she might be doing more shows after the festival - she's quirky and hilarious, the show was actually about how she'd been cheated on in her last relationship and hit quite close to home - but left me with hope and made me cry a little at the end) and Richard McKenzie (a show about his Dad who passed away last year, sweet and fun and absolutely awesome - what a guy).
Beyond that, I'm having love-life drama (as usual). I have been posting locked because
a)my parents, grandparents and siblings read this,
b)my love-life drama possibly reads this :P
So Hey, Parents, Grandparents and siblings, can you please look away for a few minutes? I'd really appreciate it.
So I met a guy called David - (Hi David) - And he's great. He has great taste in music, wants to go to gigs with me, has great books, movies, TV shows, Makes me mix CDs that are fucking epic, is smart, interesting, owns art and a house near the city and is basically a lot of ticks on my 'list of things I look for in a guy' (yes. that list exists, and no, you can't see it).
We've had a dramatic month. We met on the 27th of March and clicked pretty instantly, things moved fast, we went to a few shows together, met up after doing seperate things, talked every day... We hit a few hurdles - what with us still seeing other people, (and me seeing him out on a date and it really fucking hurting, even though I knew it was happening) we then went about trying to pretend we're not incredibly into each other and decided to try and just be friends, as we had tickets to see Dylan Moran together that he'd bought the first week we met.
So we went ahead and did that, we went out for dinner, we were having fun, we flirt but it was mostly innocent (I'm pretty dirty-minded with all of my friends). Then about 3/4 of the way through the show he held my hand and I crumbled, because it's hard not to when the thing you want to happen but you know SHOULDN'T happen, happens.
So anyway. I'm not going to go into detail, we basically spent the entire weekend together, plus Monday spent cuddled up watching Firefly (heaven), and we talked about a lot of things, where we were going, what this was, we argued about how we see things, but we got over it. I was lost for a couple of days earlier this week, No idea what to do. I don't see how we can win if he's going to hold back and I'm going all in.
See, our problem is that he really doesn't want to fall in love right now, he's just out of a long, serious relationship and needs some time to have fun, but I do want love, and I can see myself falling, hard, and I can't just put a pause button on that. I wish I could, as it seems to be what he's doing, but I don't like denying my feelings. I've realised in the last few weeks that I've never really had a relationship wherein I take things slowly, they always just seem to go from nothing to serious in a few weeks, so if that doesn't happen (which ok, it DID happen, but we need to stop it in its tracks) I don't know what I'm supposed to do - I don't know how this works, but all I can do is try to deal with it - because I'd rather be around him and not have to censor my thoughts and feelings than be around him pretending I don't want to kiss him, touch him, hold his hand.... So I'm going to try and detach, just 'date' whatever that means, and let life do its thing.
Hopefully it's a smart move. Maybe it's not, but I can't help it - I know that it would probably be healthier for me to just not ever see him again but I can't bring myself to do it, And I know that we utterly fail at 'just friends' so why fight something that makes me happy, even if it's only in the short term? I want to be able to stop stressing about it, and stop overthinking it, and just enjoy it. Here's hoping I can manage that, eh?
I've just realised it's 3pm and I haven't had a shower and gotten out of my PJ's yet, so I'm gonna go do that. No wait, I should work out first. Dollhouse watching to be done (ep 7 and 8) hoorah! G'bye for now. Promise to come back sooner next time.
Leish
xoxo