monday morning ranting
It's like waking up from a dream, this... seeing again clearly. it's been a while since I've seen clearly. still some shades in the eyes still there, but they will go away as well. Maybe it's the thing they call closure, but I know it's not. I'm not bothered, really. paintreshold went flying past, it needs to go over before anything happens. Or maybe its this inbetween space (still talking about paintreshold... emotional paintreshold) that is the sign of good marksmanship. the inbetween space that under it doesn't count because it doesn't hurt enough and over the inbetween because it's hate, pure hate no walking back to, never talking again, consuming hate, the bridgeburning hate...
it went real close of going over that space, it was like pouring fuel over the bridge, but not lighting the match... I mean that lighting the match doesn't kill the bridge, you need to throw it and even after it's burnt it can always be built again, if they want to... but had lots of fun yelling with her for couple of hours in the middle of the night in the middle of the main walking street in helsinki, she did wrong but that's the way she is, she does wrong...
the beauty is in the acceptance... all this talk about accepting the temporality of things, temporalitiy of everything. But it feels it's not over. it could be. but I don't believe it isn't. what this all proves to me is that it's stronger than that, the connection. it's only week since we last slept together. mind you that we broke up three months ago. and I've seen clearly after that just this recent replay dimmed my sight again. it always does when you love. love is not only blind it blinds as well. i still do love her, not the same way when we were together but as a human being this time. ex-girlfriend is such a stupid term. ex-whatever. there is nothing temporal about exes. and it's bullshit that sex with people you like, like friends, especially if you have had a relationship with them, so-calledly messes up things. it's not the sex, its all the other things like not approaching sexuality appropriately. the whole point of intercourse is the momentality of it, the intimacy of the minds.
orgasms are overrated, sex isn't.
[Edit]
oh my god did i just say that? such a male perspective... such a male perspective
it went real close of going over that space, it was like pouring fuel over the bridge, but not lighting the match... I mean that lighting the match doesn't kill the bridge, you need to throw it and even after it's burnt it can always be built again, if they want to... but had lots of fun yelling with her for couple of hours in the middle of the night in the middle of the main walking street in helsinki, she did wrong but that's the way she is, she does wrong...
the beauty is in the acceptance... all this talk about accepting the temporality of things, temporalitiy of everything. But it feels it's not over. it could be. but I don't believe it isn't. what this all proves to me is that it's stronger than that, the connection. it's only week since we last slept together. mind you that we broke up three months ago. and I've seen clearly after that just this recent replay dimmed my sight again. it always does when you love. love is not only blind it blinds as well. i still do love her, not the same way when we were together but as a human being this time. ex-girlfriend is such a stupid term. ex-whatever. there is nothing temporal about exes. and it's bullshit that sex with people you like, like friends, especially if you have had a relationship with them, so-calledly messes up things. it's not the sex, its all the other things like not approaching sexuality appropriately. the whole point of intercourse is the momentality of it, the intimacy of the minds.
orgasms are overrated, sex isn't.
[Edit]
oh my god did i just say that? such a male perspective... such a male perspective