d'enouement (oneshot)
d'enouement
kaisoo (jongin/kyungsoo)
pg-13. ~4200w
angst. romance. fantasy. fluff.(angel!au)
"Is love really that much of a sin?"
author's note: this is the kaisoo sidestory to cynosura - you don't really need to read it, but why not, right? well isn't just the kaisoo couple all rainbows and unicorns? thank you for reading! don't forget to comment!
d'enouement.
Legends say Cynosura is a celestial spirit. Maybe a lost soul, a wandering phantom or perhaps a ghost, stuck between the divide of humans and angels. Some say the spirit was once an angel, like how the constellations that littered the midnight sky were inspired by people, high above to guide lost sailors and aid the wandering child, Cynosura exists to guide and protect.
“Some angels think Cynosura is just another name for the Tree of Life. See there?” he points at the marble floor and the little girl’s electric blue eyes follow a thin thread of gold, a branch of a golden tree. Kyungsoo sees the little girl smile.
“That’s the Tree of Life. See those shadows?” he nods at the engraving where five faceless silhouettes seemed to surround the tree. “Legends say they’re the five Cherubims, the guardians of the Tree,”
The little girl’s eyes grew wide with wonder. “So is Cynosura just the Tree of Life in disguise?” she asks innocently her small hand reaching out to pat the tree root next to where she sat on the ground. “My mentor says Cynosura is different. A nice spirit that guides us angels,”
Kyungsoo nods. “I think so too,” the little girl grins at Kyungsoo who leans in slightly, looking around pretending to check the empty courtyard, pretending like he has a secret to say. The little girl giggles in reply as she leans closer. Kyungsoo hold a hand at the corner of his lips and whispers. “Did you know that Cynosura, with its bright pink flowers, wasn’t always a cherry blossom tree?”
The girl’s eyes reflected the sapphire skies as she looks up at the tree curiously before turning her eyes at a grinning Kyungsoo. “Really?”
“Yes, it used to grow all year round, an evergreen Maple tree with the most beautiful green leaves, almost like shimmering emeralds,” the girl’s eyes grew wide. “I can see why they thought it was the Tree of Life,”
Cynosura stood at the centre of the marble city very much like it is now. But except for the splash of rich red which painted its branches, leaves of jade fluttered against a silent breeze. At the foot of the tree, a tall, tanned angel leaned against the rough bark watching the strange scene unfold before him.
“I refuse,” Kyungsoo says point-blank at a bewildered Chen.
“What do you mean you refuse?” Chen flails while Kyungsoo tries to keep the smile off his face. “I am a Dominion, Kyungsoo; you’re supposed to carry out my orders!”
Kyungsoo lets out a laugh and pats a confused Chen’s head. “Alright, alright, don’t get your wings in a twist. I’ll do it,”
“Whoa, wait, what? Were you just messing with me?” Chen stares before breaking out into a grin. “You’ve learnt well then, dear Kyungsoo, you have learnt well,” he returns the pat, messing up Kyungsoo’s hair in the process. “But don’t do it again, not funny,” Kyungsoo only chuckles at that. Behind Kyungsoo, Kai let out a soft laugh.
Chen looks at him and makes a face. “You’re a bad influence on Kyungsoo,”
Kai scoffs, smiling at a teasing Chen. “I’m a bad influence? Me?” he grins as Kyungsoo turns around to raise an eyebrow. “Alright. So maybe I am,”
Chen lets out a laugh. “Alright, well stop lingering around then. Oh and watch out for Chanyeol, who knows what that giant Archangel’s up to this time,” Chen nudges Kai away from the tree before sending a cringe at the two angels. “He’s been messing with fire lately, yeah, don’t, don’t ask,” he sends a final wave before unfurling his wings, disappearing behind a faint light which uncurled itself from the depths of Cynosura’s leaves.
The two remaining angels looked at each other and shrugged.
Having joined the Rank of Angels at the same time, Kai and Kyungsoo were immediately drawn to each other and have been inseparable ever since. One was not usually seen without the other while roaming the vast courtyards or guiding a lost soul in the mortal world. As a Power and Principality, it is part of their job to work together. One oversees the distribution of power among humankind while the other educates and inspires - a guardian of the realm of Earth, said to inspire humans to things such as art and science. Kai finds it ironic how the angel who inspired humans with vivid colours and advanced mechanics, the angel who inspired emotions such as love and curiosity is the very same angel who opposes to the idea of love itself.
“Why do you think angels aren’t allowed to fall in love?” Kai had asked one night as he laid with his back on the grassy field, hands behind his head. The pair had flown down to Earth that night like they do every other night. It was nice, to feel the ground beneath your feet sometimes, rather than walk on clouds.
“It’s attachment; we’re not supposed to become attached. It goes against everything we believe in,”
“No, no it doesn’t.” Kai murmurs, shaking his head as his eyes read the mystery of the many stars, reflecting endless constellations. The sound of crickets chirping and faint sounds of cars filled the space between them as Kyungsoo played with a blade of grass from where he sat next to a motionless Kai. “Aren’t we supposed to guide humans, push them in the right direction? Doesn’t that also involve love? We’re like cupid, except without the bows and arrows, the wings maybe, yeah,” He lets out a small chuckle at this. Kyungsoo can’t help but smile. “We give them a nudge towards the stranger who they’re really supposed to end up with, the stranger who’ll turn into something more. You can say we have control over their fate, some will say their destiny. If we have the power to steer people towards the right direction, find their true love, for example, why can’t we have that kind of power over ourselves?”
Kai turns his head and looks at Kyungsoo. The angel averts his eyes and stares at the shredded blades of grass between his fingertips, black in the dim light like pebbles under deep water. “Because that’s not how it works. That’s why we work behind the shadows. To an extent we have power, we have control, but we also have to obey,” Kyungsoo looks at Kai from the corner of his eye with a sad smile. “Having wings doesn’t mean you can fly,”
The little girl, with her bright blue eyes and long brown hair cascading down her back had approached Kyungsoo after one of his morning readings. She stared up at the towering tree, the sheer height making her appear smaller as she leaned back on her heels blinking up at the various shades of pink. Kyungsoo stared, momentarily mesmerized as he saw reflections of pink in those azure eyes. He had snapped out of his daze, beaming as he offered the little girl the legends surrounding Cynosura.
“They say Cynosura becomes sad when an angel is sad, almost like,” Kyungsoo tilts his head thoughtfully. “Like, a mirror,”
“A mirror?” the little girl frowns, blinking up at Kyungsoo. It’s strange to say a tree is like a mirror.
“Yes, very much like a mirror. You see, even if only one little angel is sad,” Kyungsoo grins, nodding at the girl who huffs in reply. “Cynosura will reflect that sadness, the tree will be sad too,”
The girl frowns. “But trees can’t be sad,”
“Oh, but you forget Cynosura is no ordinary tree. Maybe it’s the spirit inside the tree who’s sad,” The girl nods, mouth forming an ‘o’.
“Like those stories my mentor tells me, when the tree looked like it was dying?”
Kyungsoo nods smiling, a trace of sadness lingers in the lines of his lips. “I was here you know, when Cynosura started wilting,” the little girl’s eyes grew wide with admiration and wonder. “When these rich red blossoms crumbled into ash in a matter of seconds and a friend of mine, Chen, an angel like us,” Kyungsoo smiles to himself as though remembering a fond memory. “Began to act strangely, but of course, we didn’t know what to do, we didn’t know what he was going through. After all, it was the first time something like that happened and like you we didn’t believe the fading flowers mirrored someone’s fading happiness,”
“At that time, we didn’t know which angel was sad,”
“Do you think love is a sin?” Kyungsoo had asked, almost as an afterthought, the curiosity begging for an answer. He holds up his palms, the pieces of grass catching in the wind, soaring somewhere in the growing darkness.
“I don’t think love is a sin at all,” Kyungsoo looks at Kai with a frown. The other returns the gaze with a small smile tugging at his lips and Kyungsoo could have sworn he had seen a horizon of stars against those dark eyes.
“If loving someone, if caring for them, if the knowledge that you’re willing to sacrifice everything just to make someone else happy is a sin, then,” Kai’s gaze never wavered as he met Kyungsoo’s eyes, the low timbre of his voice sending shivers down Kyungsoo’s spine as he whispered “then let me burn in hell,”
“Cynosura used to be evergreen right? It used to grow green all year round?” Kyungsoo nods. “I wonder why the spirit chose to be a cherry blossom tree this time; something so, so temporary.” Kyungsoo hears the little girl laugh a little sadly. “I guess good things won’t last very long, they won’t last forever. I guess Cynosura reminds us of that, reminds us to appreciate everything in life, because who knows-” cerulean eyes meets Kyungsoo’s brown ones. “-who knows when they may be taken away,”
Kyungsoo swallows against the lump against his throat, unnerved by the little girl’s deep blue eyes. He doesn’t ask how a little girl could know such sad things.
Pale pink blossoms cascaded above him as the wind danced, catching petals in their fall from grace. Below, oblivious to the large curious eyes peering behind midnight lashes, people walked on, shoes clicking against hard ground. Kyungsoo watched as a large red umbrella blocks his view of the asphalt below, a glimpse of bent heads whispering to each other, words only the other will know, of hands clasped together like two pieces of a puzzle.
“Stop brooding,”
Kyungsoo nearly loses balance as a deep, husky voice murmurs against his ear, but before he slips further down the rough bark, strong hands held his waist, keeping him in place. “Stop that,” Kyungsoo murmurs, prying the hands away from his waist.
The other chuckles, standing up to balance across the branch only to lean against the tree, hands crossed across his broad chest as deep brown eyes surveyed the area. “You like it here. You like cherry blossoms,” it wasn’t a question but a statement.
Kyungsoo nods as he basks in the silence; he listens to the soft swish of the winds as another group of blossoms untangle from the branches above, sending another wave tumbling down to the uneven ground below. He listens to the low murmur of indistinct conversations, the sounds of tiny wind chimes from the cafe across the park as the doors open and close, a faint twinkle to the beat of the many tires of the many cars hurling themselves across the distant highway as life carried on as usual.
“Why cherry blossoms?” Kai asks curiously, eyes following a trail of petals until they settle on the ground before turning his gaze to Kyungsoo who smiles.
Kyungsoo leans back on his arms, blinking up at the branches of pink above him. “I guess it’s the ephemeral beauty, when the flowers bloom with brilliant force, like pink tinted clouds,” he murmurs, tipping his head to the side to look at Kai. “It makes you realise the beauty of life itself; a reminder that although beautiful, life is tragically short,” Kyungsoo laughs softly. “Depressing, yes, but it’s a valuable lesson. Don’t you think?”
Kai nods in reply and they return to a comfortable silence.
Across the street, Kyungsoo catches sight of soft chestnut hair from behind the opaque glass windows; a smiling face accompanied by gentle eyes as he serves cappuccinos and lattes to faceless customers. He looks up feeling Kyungsoo’s gaze, squinting before his eyes widens. Kyungsoo laughs to himself as the other grins, full cheeks scrunched up, chuckling in silent disbelief. Kyungsoo replies with a grin and a wave and the other mouths ‘what are you doing here?’ Kyungsoo shrugs, laughing. He wipes a hand against his maroon apron; Kyungsoo catches sight of the numbers ‘365’ before the other offers a final smile and a wave, disappearing behind the steady bustle of the cafe. Kai hums under his breath to a silent song as he stretches a hand to catch a falling blossom.
“Soo?”
“Kai?”
The other hesitates, staring intently at the blossom on his palm and as Kyungsoo turns to looks at the younger, he couldn’t help but laugh at the deep gaze on such an innocent flower.
“Have you ever fallen in love?”
Kyungsoo hums, looking down at the ground below, legs dangling, swaying in time with the soft breeze. “I, I think I have,” he murmurs.
“You think?”
“Yeah, I think I have, but I was told - no, I was taught not to. I had rules to follow so I didn’t dwell on the feeling long enough to know if it’s really love,” Kyungsoo chuckles as he looks up, smiling at Kai. “But then again, I wouldn’t know.”
“No one knows if they’re in love, really,” Kai murmurs, twirling the blossom between agile fingers. “You could be in love with someone you’ve spent your whole life with but not know it,”
“How do you know that Cynosura’s a girl spirit?”
“Well -,” Kyungsoo stops, chuckling. “I don’t really know. I guess we just assumed. Even Chanyeol, the clumsy, tall Archangel?” the girl nods giggling. “He treats Cynosura like they’re siblings, like a sister. What do you think?”
“I think Cynosura could be a boy,”
“Really? What makes you think that?”
“Well, Cynosura protects both humans and angels,” she smiles. “Like a big brother...”
“Is love really that much of a sin?” They were back in the marble city, Kyungsoo sat leaning against Cynosura’s rough bark with his knees bent, a large fading book clutched in his hands as he traced golden letters with a finger while Kai sat next to him with his head tilted up towards the sky, shoulder bumping every so often. Kai had always come up with questions that never fail to baffle and stun Kyungsoo. Questions that Kyungsoo himself had thought of, but never intended to dwell on or answer. He closed his book, knowing Kai; he’d probably want an answer.
“Love? I don’t think it’s the act of love itself, so much as the little things that come with falling in love. It, it makes you vulnerable,” Kyungsoo steals a glance at Kai, averting his eyes when he is met by warm, searching eyes. “You meet, you fall, they may break your heart, yet chances are you’ll still stay with them. That’s part of love. Hearts may be easy to break, but love, not matter how delicate it may be, isn’t. You fall so deeply you disregard everything else. You just want to spend your forever with the other, you want to dedicate that forever making them happy and you forget what it was like before you met. Before he stumbled awkwardly into your life and stole your heart,”
“You become addicted to the feeling, you become afraid of losing love and that fear exposes you to the sins. Love can make people do crazy things. And I guess you lose a little bit of yourself. Everything becomes a blur, as if you’re in a haze, like when sunlight filters through tree branches. Everything becomes shrouded in a mask of glitter and covered in a kaleidoscope of colours and you become blinded by the easiness of his smiles and you drown in the warm comfort of his laughter and you just -,” Kyungsoo stops, a blush creeping up his neck like sunlight spilling blossoming red across fair skies.
Kai chuckles, he never took his eyes away from Kyungsoo all this time.
Kai doesn’t ask how Kyungsoo knows about all of these. He doesn’t ask how Kyungsoo knows of the splash of colour in this monochromatic canvas of reality, how he knows the feeling of losing yourself in someone else that you feel as though you are one and the same. He doesn’t ask how Kyungsoo knows. Maybe he doesn’t need to.
Kai’s lips hints of the last words he had spoken; the three words Kyungsoo both wished for and dreaded and maybe some words that wanted to but never made it past. Kyungsoo snaps out of his daze, pushes Kai away almost forcefully, the book falling from his lap and he tries to ignore the hurt that flashes across his dark eyes before a mask of indifference masked them.
“Soo, I-,”
Kyungsoo shakes his head, standing up and taking a step back. “You know we can’t, Kai,” he whispers, hating the distance he was putting between them. “You know we can’t,”
“I know,” Kai whispers in reply as he pushes himself off the tree, forcing a sad smile. “And it’s, it’s okay, we’ll just pretend it never happened,” a bitter laugh forces its way out of his throat and Kyungsoo hates the sound of it. It was the sound of resignation. Kyungsoo watches Kai tear his gaze away, letting out a soft sigh as he looks around the empty courtyard.
“Pretend it never happened,” Kyungsoo can’t help but scoff and Kai chuckles in reply, sending a smile towards Kyungsoo’s direction; a genuine smile this time.
“Well, maybe not the first thing I said,” Kai chuckles softly, ruffling his hair to hide his eyes as a hint of blush paints his cheeks. The afternoon sun streamed through gaps of Cynosura’s branches, illuminating the contours of his face in uneven gold, the high sweeping arches of his cheekbones, the definitive curve of his lips and the sleek shine of his mahogany hair as he runs his fingers through the strands, ducking his head. “I meant it,” his eyes glow, incandescent in the sunlight as he meets Kyungsoo’s eyes, mouthing a silent ‘I love you’.
Kyungsoo lets out a small laugh, shaking his head like he’s not taking Kai seriously (‘that’s really cheesy’), but the bright smile that refused to fade and the pink dusting on his pale cheeks showed otherwise.
How can he? How can Kyungsoo pretend?
Even though they parted on good terms, Kyungsoo felt like they were avoiding each other. Kai, as a Power, became busy. As wars continued to break out across the world and brother turned against each other, it was Kai’s duty to keep everything in balance. As for Kyungsoo, he spent his time guiding his human and introducing new ideas to faceless writers and artists through strategically placed post-it notes in the most bizarre of places and making certain paint colours unavailable, which meant a strange arrangement of colours on a blank canvas. (Kyungsoo had learnt well from a troublemaking Chen.)
As a result, Kyungsoo was unable to return back to the City of Angels for days on end. He had not seen Kai since that night, his last words accompanied by gentle smiles and a blushing face. Unable to return to the city, Kyungsoo did not know about the changes that occurred.
“Kyungsoo, he, he had nothing to do with this,”
Angels from all around the city gathered around the courtyard, eyes wide with a mix of fright and fascination. A deep voice shouted above the crowd and the angels parted as a panting, towering angel brushes past in his rush. “Let me through!”
“You know the rules. You of all angels should know.”
“Kai!” Chanyeol screams above the ceaseless chatter of the crowd of angels, getting louder by the minute with panic. The archangel stops metres from the tree which marked the centre of the City of Angels and at its base stood the hunched figure of an angel, his back towards the gathering crowd. “Kai, you can’t...” Chanyeol gasps, as an invisible force prevented him from moving closer. “Kai, what about Kyung-,”
“Do me a favour Chanyeol? Don’t tell him about all of this,”
“You can’t just-,”
“Tell him,” the crowd falls into a gentle murmur. “Tell him to remember my last words,” Kai turns around slightly, half his face hidden behind the shadows of Cynosura. “Tell him I really did mean it,”
Chanyeol opens his mouth to reply but at that moment a thin thread of light emerged from the depths of Cynosura’s branches and surrounded the angel. Chanyeol pounded against the invisible barrier before him to no avail, eyes wide with fear. “Kai!”
“Angels. They’re not supposed to fall in love. Especially not with each other,”
Soon more lines of light followed until only the silhouette of Kai remained, shrouded with the brightest of light that the crowd was momentarily blinded, only catching glimpses of the scene through the cracks of their fingers.
“Please, I’ll do anything; just, just leave him alone. Kyungsoo doesn’t deserve this, I, it was me.”
The crowd took a step back as the light seemed to pulse, growing brighter by the minute. Chanyeol falls to his knees, feeling the marble ground beneath his feet vibrate with power. The light gives one more throb, like a heart’s last beat, before fading into itself. Behind the soft afterglow, there was no sign of Kai.
Chanyeol shudders as his eyes scanned the space where Kai once stood before a soft gasp made him look up. Before him, he watched with misted eyes as Cynosura’s olive green leaves slowly bleed into fragile porcelain and then the copper of decay. He watched as brown, wilted leaves escaped their branches, no longer dancing gracefully as they fell, fast and heavy, dripping darkness back into the bronze earth. Chanyeol watched as the last of the leaves fell lifelessly to the hard ground, leaving its branches wilted, naked and bare under the moonlight, torn to its very foundations.
“You will do anything?”
The angels behind him seemed to have stopped breathing. He hears a few silently sob. Chanyeol can hear his own pounding heart and heavy breathing as he looks at the lonely remains of the City’s very core.
“Anything."
Chanyeol turns to the silent crowd behind him. “No one,” he breathes, looking at each angel his eyes could reach. “No one will speak of this,” a few angels nod. “Not one word. Not to-,” he inhales, before continuing in a deep murmur. “Not to Kyungsoo,”
“Anything for him.”
The tall archangel frowns as the angels before him looked up in awe, eyes wide as they gasped. “Look!” one angel shouted, pointing a finger at something behind Chanyeol.
Chanyeol turned around, afraid of what else he might see. But he shouldn’t have been afraid.
Atop one of Cynosura’s pallid, lifeless branches, a small blossom began to grow and as Chanyeol stared with wide eyes, the blossom grew in size and in the blink of an eye; a bright pink flower lay solitarily on the pale branches. Accompanied by the awed gasps of the angels that had gathered, more pink buds began to sprout and soon the whole tree was tinted with the palest of pink. Along with the gentle breeze and the subtle swaying of branches, the buds began to open, like the way an angel might unfurl his wings, slowly, painfully so and elegantly until the whole wingspan stretched across the sharp angles of his back in a delicate arch.
“You realise that you will not be together,”
Blossoms of various shades of red and pink decorated the branches and it was as if nothing had changed at all, like the jade leaves did not just wither into the ground and turn into brown ashes but merely painted with a nimble hand in hues of the most beautiful pink.
“Cherry blossoms,” Chanyeol laughs breathily, almost like a sigh of relief, loud and happy against the growing murmur of the crowd. “Of course,”
“They’re beautiful,” an angel whispers behind him and Chanyeol couldn’t agree more.
A small ball of pale peach light grew more luminous at the centre of the tree, where Kai had stood. Chanyeol smiles and watched as the light seemed to pass through the tree’s body, leaving behind a gentle glow.
“As long as he’s safe,”
No one spoke of this incident. No one at all. As legend goes, only a legend because those who weren’t there to witness the startling refused to speak, the tree grew taller and brighter every time a certain angel landed on the marble grounds. Legends say vibrant blossoms will fall almost treacherously slow when that angel is sad.
Kyungsoo returned to the City to a new tree, except it wasn’t so new at all. He returned to empty courtyards and a glowing cherry blossom tree. Those three words, his last words, lingers in his thoughts all the time as he stares up at Cynosura, admiring the delicate way the flowers ruffle against the gentle breeze, the way the branches seemed to wave cheerily, limbs extending far into the sky.
He had not seen Kai ever since.
This is a story of two angels who are meant to fall in love, but not meant to be together; a story of forbidden love, loss and sacrifice; a story of an ephemeral love that lasts forever.
kaisoo (jongin/kyungsoo)
pg-13. ~4200w
angst. romance. fantasy. fluff.(angel!au)
"Is love really that much of a sin?"
author's note: this is the kaisoo sidestory to cynosura - you don't really need to read it, but why not, right? well isn't just the kaisoo couple all rainbows and unicorns? thank you for reading! don't forget to comment!
d'enouement.
Legends say Cynosura is a celestial spirit. Maybe a lost soul, a wandering phantom or perhaps a ghost, stuck between the divide of humans and angels. Some say the spirit was once an angel, like how the constellations that littered the midnight sky were inspired by people, high above to guide lost sailors and aid the wandering child, Cynosura exists to guide and protect.
“Some angels think Cynosura is just another name for the Tree of Life. See there?” he points at the marble floor and the little girl’s electric blue eyes follow a thin thread of gold, a branch of a golden tree. Kyungsoo sees the little girl smile.
“That’s the Tree of Life. See those shadows?” he nods at the engraving where five faceless silhouettes seemed to surround the tree. “Legends say they’re the five Cherubims, the guardians of the Tree,”
The little girl’s eyes grew wide with wonder. “So is Cynosura just the Tree of Life in disguise?” she asks innocently her small hand reaching out to pat the tree root next to where she sat on the ground. “My mentor says Cynosura is different. A nice spirit that guides us angels,”
Kyungsoo nods. “I think so too,” the little girl grins at Kyungsoo who leans in slightly, looking around pretending to check the empty courtyard, pretending like he has a secret to say. The little girl giggles in reply as she leans closer. Kyungsoo hold a hand at the corner of his lips and whispers. “Did you know that Cynosura, with its bright pink flowers, wasn’t always a cherry blossom tree?”
The girl’s eyes reflected the sapphire skies as she looks up at the tree curiously before turning her eyes at a grinning Kyungsoo. “Really?”
“Yes, it used to grow all year round, an evergreen Maple tree with the most beautiful green leaves, almost like shimmering emeralds,” the girl’s eyes grew wide. “I can see why they thought it was the Tree of Life,”
Cynosura stood at the centre of the marble city very much like it is now. But except for the splash of rich red which painted its branches, leaves of jade fluttered against a silent breeze. At the foot of the tree, a tall, tanned angel leaned against the rough bark watching the strange scene unfold before him.
“I refuse,” Kyungsoo says point-blank at a bewildered Chen.
“What do you mean you refuse?” Chen flails while Kyungsoo tries to keep the smile off his face. “I am a Dominion, Kyungsoo; you’re supposed to carry out my orders!”
Kyungsoo lets out a laugh and pats a confused Chen’s head. “Alright, alright, don’t get your wings in a twist. I’ll do it,”
“Whoa, wait, what? Were you just messing with me?” Chen stares before breaking out into a grin. “You’ve learnt well then, dear Kyungsoo, you have learnt well,” he returns the pat, messing up Kyungsoo’s hair in the process. “But don’t do it again, not funny,” Kyungsoo only chuckles at that. Behind Kyungsoo, Kai let out a soft laugh.
Chen looks at him and makes a face. “You’re a bad influence on Kyungsoo,”
Kai scoffs, smiling at a teasing Chen. “I’m a bad influence? Me?” he grins as Kyungsoo turns around to raise an eyebrow. “Alright. So maybe I am,”
Chen lets out a laugh. “Alright, well stop lingering around then. Oh and watch out for Chanyeol, who knows what that giant Archangel’s up to this time,” Chen nudges Kai away from the tree before sending a cringe at the two angels. “He’s been messing with fire lately, yeah, don’t, don’t ask,” he sends a final wave before unfurling his wings, disappearing behind a faint light which uncurled itself from the depths of Cynosura’s leaves.
The two remaining angels looked at each other and shrugged.
Having joined the Rank of Angels at the same time, Kai and Kyungsoo were immediately drawn to each other and have been inseparable ever since. One was not usually seen without the other while roaming the vast courtyards or guiding a lost soul in the mortal world. As a Power and Principality, it is part of their job to work together. One oversees the distribution of power among humankind while the other educates and inspires - a guardian of the realm of Earth, said to inspire humans to things such as art and science. Kai finds it ironic how the angel who inspired humans with vivid colours and advanced mechanics, the angel who inspired emotions such as love and curiosity is the very same angel who opposes to the idea of love itself.
“Why do you think angels aren’t allowed to fall in love?” Kai had asked one night as he laid with his back on the grassy field, hands behind his head. The pair had flown down to Earth that night like they do every other night. It was nice, to feel the ground beneath your feet sometimes, rather than walk on clouds.
“It’s attachment; we’re not supposed to become attached. It goes against everything we believe in,”
“No, no it doesn’t.” Kai murmurs, shaking his head as his eyes read the mystery of the many stars, reflecting endless constellations. The sound of crickets chirping and faint sounds of cars filled the space between them as Kyungsoo played with a blade of grass from where he sat next to a motionless Kai. “Aren’t we supposed to guide humans, push them in the right direction? Doesn’t that also involve love? We’re like cupid, except without the bows and arrows, the wings maybe, yeah,” He lets out a small chuckle at this. Kyungsoo can’t help but smile. “We give them a nudge towards the stranger who they’re really supposed to end up with, the stranger who’ll turn into something more. You can say we have control over their fate, some will say their destiny. If we have the power to steer people towards the right direction, find their true love, for example, why can’t we have that kind of power over ourselves?”
Kai turns his head and looks at Kyungsoo. The angel averts his eyes and stares at the shredded blades of grass between his fingertips, black in the dim light like pebbles under deep water. “Because that’s not how it works. That’s why we work behind the shadows. To an extent we have power, we have control, but we also have to obey,” Kyungsoo looks at Kai from the corner of his eye with a sad smile. “Having wings doesn’t mean you can fly,”
The little girl, with her bright blue eyes and long brown hair cascading down her back had approached Kyungsoo after one of his morning readings. She stared up at the towering tree, the sheer height making her appear smaller as she leaned back on her heels blinking up at the various shades of pink. Kyungsoo stared, momentarily mesmerized as he saw reflections of pink in those azure eyes. He had snapped out of his daze, beaming as he offered the little girl the legends surrounding Cynosura.
“They say Cynosura becomes sad when an angel is sad, almost like,” Kyungsoo tilts his head thoughtfully. “Like, a mirror,”
“A mirror?” the little girl frowns, blinking up at Kyungsoo. It’s strange to say a tree is like a mirror.
“Yes, very much like a mirror. You see, even if only one little angel is sad,” Kyungsoo grins, nodding at the girl who huffs in reply. “Cynosura will reflect that sadness, the tree will be sad too,”
The girl frowns. “But trees can’t be sad,”
“Oh, but you forget Cynosura is no ordinary tree. Maybe it’s the spirit inside the tree who’s sad,” The girl nods, mouth forming an ‘o’.
“Like those stories my mentor tells me, when the tree looked like it was dying?”
Kyungsoo nods smiling, a trace of sadness lingers in the lines of his lips. “I was here you know, when Cynosura started wilting,” the little girl’s eyes grew wide with admiration and wonder. “When these rich red blossoms crumbled into ash in a matter of seconds and a friend of mine, Chen, an angel like us,” Kyungsoo smiles to himself as though remembering a fond memory. “Began to act strangely, but of course, we didn’t know what to do, we didn’t know what he was going through. After all, it was the first time something like that happened and like you we didn’t believe the fading flowers mirrored someone’s fading happiness,”
“At that time, we didn’t know which angel was sad,”
“Do you think love is a sin?” Kyungsoo had asked, almost as an afterthought, the curiosity begging for an answer. He holds up his palms, the pieces of grass catching in the wind, soaring somewhere in the growing darkness.
“I don’t think love is a sin at all,” Kyungsoo looks at Kai with a frown. The other returns the gaze with a small smile tugging at his lips and Kyungsoo could have sworn he had seen a horizon of stars against those dark eyes.
“If loving someone, if caring for them, if the knowledge that you’re willing to sacrifice everything just to make someone else happy is a sin, then,” Kai’s gaze never wavered as he met Kyungsoo’s eyes, the low timbre of his voice sending shivers down Kyungsoo’s spine as he whispered “then let me burn in hell,”
“Cynosura used to be evergreen right? It used to grow green all year round?” Kyungsoo nods. “I wonder why the spirit chose to be a cherry blossom tree this time; something so, so temporary.” Kyungsoo hears the little girl laugh a little sadly. “I guess good things won’t last very long, they won’t last forever. I guess Cynosura reminds us of that, reminds us to appreciate everything in life, because who knows-” cerulean eyes meets Kyungsoo’s brown ones. “-who knows when they may be taken away,”
Kyungsoo swallows against the lump against his throat, unnerved by the little girl’s deep blue eyes. He doesn’t ask how a little girl could know such sad things.
Pale pink blossoms cascaded above him as the wind danced, catching petals in their fall from grace. Below, oblivious to the large curious eyes peering behind midnight lashes, people walked on, shoes clicking against hard ground. Kyungsoo watched as a large red umbrella blocks his view of the asphalt below, a glimpse of bent heads whispering to each other, words only the other will know, of hands clasped together like two pieces of a puzzle.
“Stop brooding,”
Kyungsoo nearly loses balance as a deep, husky voice murmurs against his ear, but before he slips further down the rough bark, strong hands held his waist, keeping him in place. “Stop that,” Kyungsoo murmurs, prying the hands away from his waist.
The other chuckles, standing up to balance across the branch only to lean against the tree, hands crossed across his broad chest as deep brown eyes surveyed the area. “You like it here. You like cherry blossoms,” it wasn’t a question but a statement.
Kyungsoo nods as he basks in the silence; he listens to the soft swish of the winds as another group of blossoms untangle from the branches above, sending another wave tumbling down to the uneven ground below. He listens to the low murmur of indistinct conversations, the sounds of tiny wind chimes from the cafe across the park as the doors open and close, a faint twinkle to the beat of the many tires of the many cars hurling themselves across the distant highway as life carried on as usual.
“Why cherry blossoms?” Kai asks curiously, eyes following a trail of petals until they settle on the ground before turning his gaze to Kyungsoo who smiles.
Kyungsoo leans back on his arms, blinking up at the branches of pink above him. “I guess it’s the ephemeral beauty, when the flowers bloom with brilliant force, like pink tinted clouds,” he murmurs, tipping his head to the side to look at Kai. “It makes you realise the beauty of life itself; a reminder that although beautiful, life is tragically short,” Kyungsoo laughs softly. “Depressing, yes, but it’s a valuable lesson. Don’t you think?”
Kai nods in reply and they return to a comfortable silence.
Across the street, Kyungsoo catches sight of soft chestnut hair from behind the opaque glass windows; a smiling face accompanied by gentle eyes as he serves cappuccinos and lattes to faceless customers. He looks up feeling Kyungsoo’s gaze, squinting before his eyes widens. Kyungsoo laughs to himself as the other grins, full cheeks scrunched up, chuckling in silent disbelief. Kyungsoo replies with a grin and a wave and the other mouths ‘what are you doing here?’ Kyungsoo shrugs, laughing. He wipes a hand against his maroon apron; Kyungsoo catches sight of the numbers ‘365’ before the other offers a final smile and a wave, disappearing behind the steady bustle of the cafe. Kai hums under his breath to a silent song as he stretches a hand to catch a falling blossom.
“Soo?”
“Kai?”
The other hesitates, staring intently at the blossom on his palm and as Kyungsoo turns to looks at the younger, he couldn’t help but laugh at the deep gaze on such an innocent flower.
“Have you ever fallen in love?”
Kyungsoo hums, looking down at the ground below, legs dangling, swaying in time with the soft breeze. “I, I think I have,” he murmurs.
“You think?”
“Yeah, I think I have, but I was told - no, I was taught not to. I had rules to follow so I didn’t dwell on the feeling long enough to know if it’s really love,” Kyungsoo chuckles as he looks up, smiling at Kai. “But then again, I wouldn’t know.”
“No one knows if they’re in love, really,” Kai murmurs, twirling the blossom between agile fingers. “You could be in love with someone you’ve spent your whole life with but not know it,”
“How do you know that Cynosura’s a girl spirit?”
“Well -,” Kyungsoo stops, chuckling. “I don’t really know. I guess we just assumed. Even Chanyeol, the clumsy, tall Archangel?” the girl nods giggling. “He treats Cynosura like they’re siblings, like a sister. What do you think?”
“I think Cynosura could be a boy,”
“Really? What makes you think that?”
“Well, Cynosura protects both humans and angels,” she smiles. “Like a big brother...”
“Is love really that much of a sin?” They were back in the marble city, Kyungsoo sat leaning against Cynosura’s rough bark with his knees bent, a large fading book clutched in his hands as he traced golden letters with a finger while Kai sat next to him with his head tilted up towards the sky, shoulder bumping every so often. Kai had always come up with questions that never fail to baffle and stun Kyungsoo. Questions that Kyungsoo himself had thought of, but never intended to dwell on or answer. He closed his book, knowing Kai; he’d probably want an answer.
“Love? I don’t think it’s the act of love itself, so much as the little things that come with falling in love. It, it makes you vulnerable,” Kyungsoo steals a glance at Kai, averting his eyes when he is met by warm, searching eyes. “You meet, you fall, they may break your heart, yet chances are you’ll still stay with them. That’s part of love. Hearts may be easy to break, but love, not matter how delicate it may be, isn’t. You fall so deeply you disregard everything else. You just want to spend your forever with the other, you want to dedicate that forever making them happy and you forget what it was like before you met. Before he stumbled awkwardly into your life and stole your heart,”
“You become addicted to the feeling, you become afraid of losing love and that fear exposes you to the sins. Love can make people do crazy things. And I guess you lose a little bit of yourself. Everything becomes a blur, as if you’re in a haze, like when sunlight filters through tree branches. Everything becomes shrouded in a mask of glitter and covered in a kaleidoscope of colours and you become blinded by the easiness of his smiles and you drown in the warm comfort of his laughter and you just -,” Kyungsoo stops, a blush creeping up his neck like sunlight spilling blossoming red across fair skies.
Kai chuckles, he never took his eyes away from Kyungsoo all this time.
Kai doesn’t ask how Kyungsoo knows about all of these. He doesn’t ask how Kyungsoo knows of the splash of colour in this monochromatic canvas of reality, how he knows the feeling of losing yourself in someone else that you feel as though you are one and the same. He doesn’t ask how Kyungsoo knows. Maybe he doesn’t need to.
Kai’s lips hints of the last words he had spoken; the three words Kyungsoo both wished for and dreaded and maybe some words that wanted to but never made it past. Kyungsoo snaps out of his daze, pushes Kai away almost forcefully, the book falling from his lap and he tries to ignore the hurt that flashes across his dark eyes before a mask of indifference masked them.
“Soo, I-,”
Kyungsoo shakes his head, standing up and taking a step back. “You know we can’t, Kai,” he whispers, hating the distance he was putting between them. “You know we can’t,”
“I know,” Kai whispers in reply as he pushes himself off the tree, forcing a sad smile. “And it’s, it’s okay, we’ll just pretend it never happened,” a bitter laugh forces its way out of his throat and Kyungsoo hates the sound of it. It was the sound of resignation. Kyungsoo watches Kai tear his gaze away, letting out a soft sigh as he looks around the empty courtyard.
“Pretend it never happened,” Kyungsoo can’t help but scoff and Kai chuckles in reply, sending a smile towards Kyungsoo’s direction; a genuine smile this time.
“Well, maybe not the first thing I said,” Kai chuckles softly, ruffling his hair to hide his eyes as a hint of blush paints his cheeks. The afternoon sun streamed through gaps of Cynosura’s branches, illuminating the contours of his face in uneven gold, the high sweeping arches of his cheekbones, the definitive curve of his lips and the sleek shine of his mahogany hair as he runs his fingers through the strands, ducking his head. “I meant it,” his eyes glow, incandescent in the sunlight as he meets Kyungsoo’s eyes, mouthing a silent ‘I love you’.
Kyungsoo lets out a small laugh, shaking his head like he’s not taking Kai seriously (‘that’s really cheesy’), but the bright smile that refused to fade and the pink dusting on his pale cheeks showed otherwise.
How can he? How can Kyungsoo pretend?
Even though they parted on good terms, Kyungsoo felt like they were avoiding each other. Kai, as a Power, became busy. As wars continued to break out across the world and brother turned against each other, it was Kai’s duty to keep everything in balance. As for Kyungsoo, he spent his time guiding his human and introducing new ideas to faceless writers and artists through strategically placed post-it notes in the most bizarre of places and making certain paint colours unavailable, which meant a strange arrangement of colours on a blank canvas. (Kyungsoo had learnt well from a troublemaking Chen.)
As a result, Kyungsoo was unable to return back to the City of Angels for days on end. He had not seen Kai since that night, his last words accompanied by gentle smiles and a blushing face. Unable to return to the city, Kyungsoo did not know about the changes that occurred.
“Kyungsoo, he, he had nothing to do with this,”
Angels from all around the city gathered around the courtyard, eyes wide with a mix of fright and fascination. A deep voice shouted above the crowd and the angels parted as a panting, towering angel brushes past in his rush. “Let me through!”
“You know the rules. You of all angels should know.”
“Kai!” Chanyeol screams above the ceaseless chatter of the crowd of angels, getting louder by the minute with panic. The archangel stops metres from the tree which marked the centre of the City of Angels and at its base stood the hunched figure of an angel, his back towards the gathering crowd. “Kai, you can’t...” Chanyeol gasps, as an invisible force prevented him from moving closer. “Kai, what about Kyung-,”
“Do me a favour Chanyeol? Don’t tell him about all of this,”
“You can’t just-,”
“Tell him,” the crowd falls into a gentle murmur. “Tell him to remember my last words,” Kai turns around slightly, half his face hidden behind the shadows of Cynosura. “Tell him I really did mean it,”
Chanyeol opens his mouth to reply but at that moment a thin thread of light emerged from the depths of Cynosura’s branches and surrounded the angel. Chanyeol pounded against the invisible barrier before him to no avail, eyes wide with fear. “Kai!”
“Angels. They’re not supposed to fall in love. Especially not with each other,”
Soon more lines of light followed until only the silhouette of Kai remained, shrouded with the brightest of light that the crowd was momentarily blinded, only catching glimpses of the scene through the cracks of their fingers.
“Please, I’ll do anything; just, just leave him alone. Kyungsoo doesn’t deserve this, I, it was me.”
The crowd took a step back as the light seemed to pulse, growing brighter by the minute. Chanyeol falls to his knees, feeling the marble ground beneath his feet vibrate with power. The light gives one more throb, like a heart’s last beat, before fading into itself. Behind the soft afterglow, there was no sign of Kai.
Chanyeol shudders as his eyes scanned the space where Kai once stood before a soft gasp made him look up. Before him, he watched with misted eyes as Cynosura’s olive green leaves slowly bleed into fragile porcelain and then the copper of decay. He watched as brown, wilted leaves escaped their branches, no longer dancing gracefully as they fell, fast and heavy, dripping darkness back into the bronze earth. Chanyeol watched as the last of the leaves fell lifelessly to the hard ground, leaving its branches wilted, naked and bare under the moonlight, torn to its very foundations.
“You will do anything?”
The angels behind him seemed to have stopped breathing. He hears a few silently sob. Chanyeol can hear his own pounding heart and heavy breathing as he looks at the lonely remains of the City’s very core.
“Anything."
Chanyeol turns to the silent crowd behind him. “No one,” he breathes, looking at each angel his eyes could reach. “No one will speak of this,” a few angels nod. “Not one word. Not to-,” he inhales, before continuing in a deep murmur. “Not to Kyungsoo,”
“Anything for him.”
The tall archangel frowns as the angels before him looked up in awe, eyes wide as they gasped. “Look!” one angel shouted, pointing a finger at something behind Chanyeol.
Chanyeol turned around, afraid of what else he might see. But he shouldn’t have been afraid.
Atop one of Cynosura’s pallid, lifeless branches, a small blossom began to grow and as Chanyeol stared with wide eyes, the blossom grew in size and in the blink of an eye; a bright pink flower lay solitarily on the pale branches. Accompanied by the awed gasps of the angels that had gathered, more pink buds began to sprout and soon the whole tree was tinted with the palest of pink. Along with the gentle breeze and the subtle swaying of branches, the buds began to open, like the way an angel might unfurl his wings, slowly, painfully so and elegantly until the whole wingspan stretched across the sharp angles of his back in a delicate arch.
“You realise that you will not be together,”
Blossoms of various shades of red and pink decorated the branches and it was as if nothing had changed at all, like the jade leaves did not just wither into the ground and turn into brown ashes but merely painted with a nimble hand in hues of the most beautiful pink.
“Cherry blossoms,” Chanyeol laughs breathily, almost like a sigh of relief, loud and happy against the growing murmur of the crowd. “Of course,”
“They’re beautiful,” an angel whispers behind him and Chanyeol couldn’t agree more.
A small ball of pale peach light grew more luminous at the centre of the tree, where Kai had stood. Chanyeol smiles and watched as the light seemed to pass through the tree’s body, leaving behind a gentle glow.
“As long as he’s safe,”
No one spoke of this incident. No one at all. As legend goes, only a legend because those who weren’t there to witness the startling refused to speak, the tree grew taller and brighter every time a certain angel landed on the marble grounds. Legends say vibrant blossoms will fall almost treacherously slow when that angel is sad.
Kyungsoo returned to the City to a new tree, except it wasn’t so new at all. He returned to empty courtyards and a glowing cherry blossom tree. Those three words, his last words, lingers in his thoughts all the time as he stares up at Cynosura, admiring the delicate way the flowers ruffle against the gentle breeze, the way the branches seemed to wave cheerily, limbs extending far into the sky.
He had not seen Kai ever since.
This is a story of two angels who are meant to fall in love, but not meant to be together; a story of forbidden love, loss and sacrifice; a story of an ephemeral love that lasts forever.