Reset
Title: Reset [11/11]
Pairings: Kris/Lay
Genre: AU, angst, fluff
Warning: un-beta-ed, Character death
Rating: Pg-13
Wordcount: 5,455
Summary:
An early relationship blooms but as time progresses, they find
themselves drifting apart. A Christmas of fate changing, will it be
enough to save Yifan and Yixing's relationship?
Proloug | I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | VIII | IX
(Disclaimer: I do not own Yixing or Kris or frankly anyone else mentioned in this.
This is also, to some point, loosely based on the concept of the Christmas movie
"Three Days.")
(A/N: Thank you to all of you that have taken the time to read this story. It means a lot and I hope you enjoy this last chapter. I would like to dedicate this story to a Kyungsoo rper who encouraged me to start this fic and made sure that I at least started a chapter a day. But again, thank you everyone for taking the time to read this. Have a wonderful New Year! )
December 24th, 2012
Day 10
Yifan woke up alone that morning, a note sat in the spot that Yixing had occupied. There were several unnecessary details in the note, a promise to spend time together after the performance in order to sort through things. There was also a phone number, more specifically Tao’s phone number. Yixing had asked him to call Tao and remind him of the performance that night, to ensure that he was going because whatever was decided that night would result in him either staying in the apartment or going with Tao to his new home. Yifan wouldn’t let Yixing go away with Tao, he didn’t want to lose him.
The clock over Yixing’s head had reached zero in the spot where days were kept, all that was left were the hours; hours that he was spending in a small last minute rehearsal with Eunhyuk and Hyoyeon. This time that Yifan wished to be spending with Yixing was lost to him forever but it was better that way. He didn’t know if he’d be able to part with Yixing if he spent the entire day with him, he was already having a hard time imagining Yixing not being there tomorrow. How hard would it be to see him get hit by that car again? Could he stand sitting there in the hospital to hear what he already knew. Could he see that tear fun down Yixing’s face before he died?
Yifan gagged and only barely made it to the bathroom in time.
It had been making him sick, the worry, the want, the hesitance to accept that maybe if Fate gave them a break he had could be just as happy with Yixing as he was before. Physically he looked fine but it was the inner turmoil that had ruined his health. He didn’t feel well at all but there was no time to sit around and mull over the cold that he was inevitably going to have to deal with. Yixing had less than twenty-four hours to live and he had to find that present. He washed out his mouth and wasted no time in heading out in search of what would hopefully save Yixing.
1:00 p.m.
It was the thought that counted. That’s what he had always been told, what he had grown up believing, and it had been reinforced even more with Yixing. Yifan had never been good at giving presents, that was Yixing, but he had always gotten something that at least gave the person he was giving the gift to an idea of what it was he was trying to tell them. There had been a time where he had given Lu Han, his best friend, a baseball cap. True as it maybe that he was teased for a while over the present, Lu Han had gotten the fact that Yifan was trying to reassure him that he would do well during the season.
However, this wasn’t a time where a simple thought was all that was needed. If he was going to save Yixing with the gift then it had to be with something special; something extravagant. He had yet to find the gift. It was at this time that he wished that Chanyeol would appear to give him so advice, to at least put him on the right path towards finding the gift but there was a risk in that as well. Chanyeol could possibly dash his hopes by telling him that the present wasn’t enough that no matter what he did, what he gave, there was nothing that would save Yixing.
Whether he was in denial about Yixing’s soon to be death or not, he didn’t know. Nor did he really care to know at this point, he had other things to worry about then what stage he was at. There would be time for that tomorrow, next year, the rest of his life, but not now. The crowds were far too large as people scurried around trying to find an item that they had missed or make it back to a store in time for a restocking of a toy a son or daughter wanted. It seemed as if everyone was busy in their own little world. None of them knew about the dancer who only ever wanted to dance and love. They had no idea about the person that was going to leave the world in the worst possible way while they sat around a table and said grace.
Paris would never see the shining star that was Yixing. He nearly gagged again.
Through the never ending pushing, and somewhat rushed apologies Yifan had found himself in a store. A very small store that he hadn’t noticed was there in the past few days, there wasn’t anything that particularly called out to him but he figured that it was worth a shot. He wasn’t going to lose any more than he already was and there was always a chance that he would get an idea for a gift from something he saw. Anything was possible, right?
“Hello and welcome to Strawberry Sunshine. I’m Sulli. If you need any help just call and I’ll help you or my partner, Hyojung will help you. She’s on her way right now so for now it’s just me. Just call if you need anything.”
Yifan nodded and watched as Sulli walked away before he began to walk around the store. For the most part it was a book store; there was a section for kids where a small Santa like chair sat. He assumed that there were readings of children’s books there at regular intervals. A smile came to his lips as he imagined bringing Yixing to this store, he would have loved to stop by and just spend time here. Yixing was just that kind of person and Yifan found it endearing.
There was an antique printing press, though it fit right in with the decor of the store but there was something different about it. It was safe to assume that he had spent a good amount of time simply taking in the structure of the printing press and questioning the purpose of it in the store. It took him a while to notice that Sulli had made her way over towards him and had tapped him on the shoulder.
“Are you okay, sir?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I do have a question pertaining to the printing press.”
He watched as Sulli glanced over to the machine that had caught his attention. A small nod was all he got as an answer. The silence that followed was interpreted as her waiting for him to ask her what he wanted to know.
“Why is it here?”
She smiled and pointed up towards the sign that he had failed to see. It was a sign that read “self-made books.” It was curious and he wondered what it was that they meant by that.
“Every year around this time we have this self-made books event. It’s usually little kids that do this but sometimes parents do it as a present for their children. What you basically do is you write a small story, it should be somewhere between ten to twenty-five pages, illustrations can be added but they’re not needed and we make the book. Obviously we use a more modern machine to make the books.”
Yifan didn’t take his gaze away from the printing press, instead he found that much more intriguing.
“We also make the kind of books where you can record you reading it, you know in case your child can’t read yet. It’s a little more expensive but I think it’s worth it. Hyojung got one for her nephew a few days ago and he loves it so maybe that’s what you’re looking for?”
For a moment there was no answer and he began to wonder if Sulli had left his side. In the end, it was the sound of a small bell ringing as someone entered the store. He faintly heard what sounded like a greeting, the voice sounded like it belonged to a woman. He didn’t really care, his mind as already miles away.
“How much?”
4:15 p.m.
It had taken more than an hour for him to get it just right. He had been sure that Sulli and Hyojung were going to throw him out when he restarted the story for the fifth time but it hadn’t felt right. It was on the fifteenth try that he had gotten it right, but then the pictures were wrong. All in all, it had been a struggle to get the book wrapped in snowflake themed wrapping paper. Maybe it wasn’t he thought it would be at first but Yifan was more than sure that this was the gift that he was meant to give Yixing.
Maybe just maybe, they would have a tomorrow.
The streets were just as cluttered as they had been before and he hated the fact that people were being as careless as they were. He understood if their presents weren’t considered precious in their opinion, and they probably were just a gift to satisfy a needy child but his was far more important to him now than anything else. He disliked that he was running the risk of damaging it because of how rushed everyone was.
Off to his side a car honked for an extended amount of time and it only took him a moment to realize that they had only barely missed hitting someone. The fact that the driver was yelling at the pedestrian didn’t hurt in aiding his deduction either. It was scary to think of how reckless people tended to become around this particular holiday, he couldn’t help but wonder if he had acted like them during previous Christmas’. There were times where he would rush to the store because Yixing forgot to buy something at the store or they hadn’t realized that they needed something until they had returned home but he had always been careful. Never had he gone to extent that some of the people around him were going through.
He stopped walking once he neared a point in the crowd that he wished to avoid. A small café proved to be a source of refuge and he was more than happy to let the smell of caffeine combined with the welcoming atmosphere welcome him. He was at the counter in no time; the coffee that he ordered was straight black coffee. It had earned him a look of suspicion from the cashier who went by the name of Himchan. There was a corner with a small table that was currently vacant; it was soon made his spot. Frost the Snowman was playing overhead and he found it curious that a coffee shop would play a song as upbeat as that but then again, it was the season and it really shouldn’t have surprised him that even a place that should have been playing calm jazz like music, that was is they played music at all, was playing Frosty for the holiday. He found that he quite liked it. Maybe the setting and the song were off and shouldn’t have worked but something made it work.
He stared out of the window simply watching as life passed by without him taking any particular part in it. There had been a time when he had wanted to make a large mark in the world, to be remembered. The tale of Achilles had been brought up by Yixing at that time and it was through that story that he found where he had left his mark. It hadn’t and didn’t matter if a hundred years after his death no one knew his name, if he was just another body hidden under a tombstone in some cemetery, there would be no records of him in history books and though that was what he had wanted. What he had wanted to make a reality, it had been Yixing who told him that there would be a record of him. A family record of sorts, that’s how Yixing had explained it. He had left a mark in the people that he had met, made an impact and in turn they had done so as well. It wasn’t important that he wouldn’t be revered as some famous scientist that found the cure to some previously fatal illness. No, if he were to have been remembered by just Yixing that would have been enough.
However, that was not how fate wanted it and he still found it rather cruel. There were so many things that Yixing wanted to do, things they had planned to do together before their relationship turned into what it currently was. The possibility of it prospering once more didn’t matter because there needed to be two in a relationship and he would just be one. One was said to be the loneliest number, he didn’t want to find out if it was true. He took a sip of the coffee and furrowed his eyebrows as he caught sight of a woman wearing a long white dress walk down the street. She was gone within the next minute.
Yifan began to wonder if he had started to see thing.
7:50 p.m.
The day had flown by in a blur of nothingness, he hadn’t really expected anything exciting to happen but it was rather bothersome that nothing had been there to distract him from his thoughts of Yixing dying. However, now he wouldn’t have time to distract himself because Yixing would be up on stage dancing. Paris was knocking on a door that would vanish within hours and it hurt.
“So, I auditioned for this company today. They seemed like they liked my dancing but it’s pretty prestigious, I mean the Eunhyuk is the head choreographer. He danced in Paris, Yifan. He only came back because he got injured at the peak of his career. But PARIS! What if I end up there?”
“Then Paris will have gained a beautiful dancer that can outshine the stars without ever trying.”
He smiled as Yixing seemed to blush a little.
“Would you go with me? … You know to Paris?”
“Of course.”
At the time, it had been a promise that he had intended to keep. However, he wouldn’t get a chance to make good of his word, and he wasn’t quite sure that he was ready to jump in a plan and go to Paris. It didn’t matter, and it was sad that it wasn’t something that he had to worry about anymore. He’d give anything to have to worry about having to leave Seoul for Paris one day.
“Ticket please.”
He handed over the ticket that Yixing had left for him on the kitchen counter that morning and walked into the all too familiar building. His seat was easy enough to find and as it turned out he was sitting next to Kyungsoo. Any attempt at starting up a conversation was denied because at that moment Eunhyuk walked from behind the curtains and began his speech explaining the process that they underwent and what the season would bring. Hyoyeon appeared next to him a moment later as she described the costume choices and though it was all rather professional, Yifan couldn’t help but wonder if this couln’t have waited until after the performance.
Yixing, along with Kai and Victoria were the principle lead dancers and as the speech grew to a close and the music began, Yifan couldn’t help but wonder how Yixing felt. He had once confessed to him that he got scared before a performance, especially on opening night. Had he drank tea before going on or was he not allowed to? Did someone talk to him and offer up kind words of encouragement before he walked on to the stage? He hoped so. He clapped along with the rest as the curtains began to rise and the ballet began.
Outside two long figures sat on the steps leading up to the building. Chanyeol had his head resting on top of the head of his partner. His hands were wrapped around his partner and it was only a second later that he pulled away from their embrace. No one could see him besides Yifan, but his partner was a different story. He could be seen and touched whereas Chanyeol was selective. It was a bother at times but most of the time they made it work.
“He’s not going to end up at the intersection if it keeps going this way.”
“Maybe she changed her mind?”
Chanyeol took a moment to think about it before he shook his head. In truth, he was on edge. They both were and he could only really blame it on the fact that they had allowed themselves to grow attached to Yifan and Yixing. It was a problem that he thought they had fixed but now it had reappeared and it hurt.
“No, she would have sent some sort of sign.”
“She was watching today. Do you think that maybe, just maybe she’ll spare them?”
It was a nice thought, but Chanyeol knew her better than most people. Jessica wasn’t lenient when it came to death, she liked to keep things the way they were meant to be. He highly doubted that any change would be made, but there was a chance. She had done it before.
“Only she knows what she’s doing. But at this rate you’re going to have to step in.”
There was a groan and he felt bad.
“But, can’t we just let them be happy?”
“Not if we want to be separated. We messed up once and one can’t become two. I’m not going to lose you because of them.”
“But Chanyeol I d-”
“Just do your job and I’ll do mine. We’ll be home tomorrow and we can pretend that none of this happened, okay?”
Silence followed for a moment and he wasn’t sure if his words had registered. It wasn’t until he saw the eyeliner being taken out and a small nod that he relaxed a little. He disliked it when he had to be strict. It wasn’t in his character to be strict but at times he knew he had to be. Out of the two, he always got the easier part. He wondered if it was done on purpose.
“Your eyeliner looks great. Come on; let’s go get hot chocolate with marshmallows. We have a few hours to kill.”
He wrapped am arm around the shoulder of his partner whose brown eyes had only been made that much more beautiful with the eyeliner. In Chanyeol’s eyes there was no one else and though he knew that others touched what was his, he was the only one that held the heart. That was the important part. Chnayeol’s lips met the others for a moment before they began to walk towards the coffee shop they had seen Yifan in before. He was now visible to the general public and he had no shame in displaying his affection.
Inside, Yifan was holding his breath as he watched Yixing dance. Kai shone as well but it was Yixing who stole the show, and it wasn’t just his opinion. During the intermission, he had been able to get a few words in with Kyungsoo, who was only allowed to leave the hospital to see the ballet, and he had shared the same opinion. There was just something about the way Yixing danced that captivated people’s attention and Yifan was sure that if Yixing were to live long enough to audition for Paris, he would have made it. No, he will make it because he had found the gift; the gift that would save Yixing’s life. The end of the ballet was drawing near which meant that it was near eleven. The ballet wasn’t that long; it was just a matter of outside forces getting in the way, such as the intermission. Going straight through the ballet would have cut it down in time by a lot but it would have lost the grace that it held. The dancers were probably just as happy to get a small break as the audience was to be able to get up and go to the bathroom or get water.
The final number was playing, his attention was entirely on Yixing. Victoria appeared but even then all he could see was Yixing, the way he moved it was beautiful. He began to wonder slightly how he could have gone without seeing Yixing dance, missing the beauty that was created when he moved his body even the slightest bit. Emoting had never been a problem with Yixing’s dancing and Yifan thought that maybe that was what made it special. He used to think that Yixing danced for him and only him. He found himself thinking the same thing again, no matter how ludicrous it seemed. Yixing had been his and for the past three days he had been his again. And so he watched the final number, gift in hand, with pride that he hadn’t felt since he had found Baekhyun.
11:30 p.m.
Ten minutes, that’s all he had left. Yixing was holding his hand; the present was unopened but was held in the hand of the other. It had taken a while for Yifan to find Yixing amongst the dancers, but he had found him. The after party had been skipped because Yixing was tired and Yifan wanted to spend time with him. The walk home had been spent talking about their relationship, what they were going to do and what the arrangements would be. Tao hadn’t been able to show up because of family reasons, Yixing had laughed when he had told him. Five minutes was all it took for them to get from the intersection to the hotel room that they lived in.
His hold on Yixing tightened as they reached the door, it was going well so far and it looked like maybe Yixing wouldn’t be gone. Maybe the present had been the answer. The thought made him smile and he loosened his grip.
“Did you forget to lock the door?”
Yifan frowned and shook his head. He had made sure to lock the door when he had left, so why was the door unlocked? Perhaps, he had forgotten.
“Maybe I forgot. I doubt anyone went in though, come on let’s get inside so you can open that present.”
“You really didn’t have to get me anything, Yifan.”
“I wanted to. I really hope that you like it.”
A smile and there were butterflies in his stomach one more. Yifan pushed the door open and nearly froze when he came face to face with what was inside. His heart dropped and he felt like he needed to throw up once more.
“Yifan! I’ve been waiting for you. Come on, you said you’d make it up to me.”
Baekhyun was standing in the center of the living room, a smile on his lips as he looked from him to Yixing. Yifan didn’t need to look down to know what Yixing’s reaction was.
“… You gave him a key to the house? You brought him here!”
And then he was alone, Yixing had removed himself from his hold was now moving away from him. He could understand the rage, after all Yixing hadn’t brought Kai home. But he had brought Baekhyun.
“… Here! You brought him here, why? This was OUR home, not HIS . Why?”
And there was pain in his eyes as well as tears; he opened his mouth to say something, anything that would keep Yixing with him.
“You know what; I need to go for a walk. Why don’t you two just spend time together okay? Forget everything, Yifan.”
They were words of pain and anger, words that were spoken without thought. He knew them all too well. He reached out to grab onto Yixing but found that he was moving much slower than he would have liked to. The door closed behind Yixing and he didn’t need to look at a clock to know.
“….Yixing!”
His hand gripped the door knob but it refused to open. There was desperation in everything he did; every second that he was spending with the door was a second he was losing to save Yixing.
“I’m sorry.”
He stopped when he caught sight of Baekhyun moving closer towards someone who had appeared the room.
“It’s his time, Yifan. Let him go.”
He watched as Chanyeol draped an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder in an almost comforting way. It only took him a moment to connect the dots; the person he had seen at the skating rink had been Baekhyun. The height matched up and it would have explained why he had seemingly disappeared for the past few days.
“Open the door, Chanyeol. I got him the present.”
“Yifan, it’s hi-”
“Open the door, Chanyeol.”
“What will you give?”
This time it was Baekhyun who had spoken, his voice was soft and there was sorrow in his eyes. Yifan wanted to yell at him, to ask him why he had decided to appear now. But the look of remorse on his face kept him from doing so.
“Anything, I’ll give anything.”
And it was then that it dawned on him, what he had to do. There was a click and from the look of confusion on both Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s face he knew it wasn’t there doing. Within a minute he was out of the apartment, down the hall, in the elevator and waiting to get out. Yixing had gotten at least a two minute head start and he didn’t doubt the possibilities that he was already waiting to cross the street. Time was ticking, it was a race and at the moment he was losing.
“Yifan.”
Yifan looked away from the stars in favor of looking over towards Yixing who was lying down next to him. Their fingers were intertwined but that was the only real contact that they had.
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
And his breath caught in his throat.
He ran past carolers, past people who had merely gone out for fresh air. He could see the intersection; he could see Yixing starting to cross the street.
“Yixing!”
He knew that he wouldn’t hear him but he had to try. He began to run faster, a woman in a white dress moved aside as he pushed past. There was no waiting for the people to clear as they gathered around the stop light, Yixing was still crossing at a slow pace, most likely too caught up in thought to notice that he had fallen behind. There was no hesitation as he began to run across the intersection, the cars honked at him but he didn’t care because he could see what Yixing failed to.
“Yixing!”
And then there was a bright light.
December 25th, 2012
Day 0
The room was vacant, save for a few who had a little too much to drink and had managed to injure themselves. However, they came and went before he could muster up a conversation with them. To put it simply, he was alone. He was scared and worried at the same time; his hands gripped the snowflake wrapped package that he had yet to open. A nurse walked out, he looked up in time to see her leave. He was alone again. Yixing hated being alone in a hospital.
He began to fidget as more time passed, it had taken ten minutes for an ambulance to get to the hospital, and for the last ten minutes he had been waiting. He began to tear at the paper in hopes that it was something that would take him mind off of where he was, what had happened. His eyebrows furrowed as he came face to face with a book, a small clock adorned the cover. He hadn’t seen the book before and it didn’t take long for him to realize why. It was a self-written book.
“The Hand Fate Dealt.”
He opened the book the and nearly jumped when he heard Yifan’s voice. It was a book where you could record yourself reading the story, he felt sick.
“Mr. Zhang Yixing?”
He closed the book and got up as the doctor that had taken Yifan away walked over towards him.
“Perhaps we should talk in a separate room. Follow me.”
His heart dropped.
12:10 a.m.
The only sound in the room was the heart monitor. It served as a reminder of what the doctor had said, what she had told him to do. However, he just couldn’t do it. His vision began to blur and it took him a moment to realize that it was because he crying. Yifan hated to see him cry.
“Why? Yifan, it was supposed to be me. Why did you do it?”
There was no answer and as he brought the hand he was holding up to his cheek, he heard it. His vision blurred and he couldn’t tell if the screams for help were coming from him or from some other patient.
“No, Yifan. I’m sorry, don’t go. Please, don’t go.”
He sniffled as kissed the hand he was holding. It was cold. Yifan had never been cold.
Outside, Chanyeol peered through the small window. Baekhyun squeezed his hand as his jaw tightened. Chanyeol liked to pretend that he didn’t suffer when someone died, someone he had gotten close to left, but Bakehyun knew better than that.
“It’s okay to cry you know.”
A tear rolled down Chanyeol’s face just as the area around them got warm. Chanyeol stiffed and then he heard it, the beep of a heart beat being registered on the heart monitor. The cries of help that left Yixing sounded louder than anything and as he stepped away, a doctor ran into the room and ushered Yixing out. He wiped away the tears that still flowed as he neared Yixing, Yixing who could not see him. He did nothing as he saw him begin to pace instead, he smiled and began to walk away with Baekhyun.
“Let’s go home.”
Baekhyun was all too happy to follow.
2:40 a.m.
Minutes had turned into hours since he had been ushered out of the room and back into the waiting room. He had taken up pacing but it hadn’t helped at all. Yifan’s heart had started to beat again. Fate had changed for him and he just wanted to be by Yifan’s side. His fear was brushed aside for the moment; the adrenaline running through him was enough to keep it away for now. How much longer would he have to wait? Had it been a fluke?
He hoped not.
“Mr. Zhang Yixing.”
He glanced over towards the doctor as she walked into the waiting room. He nodded as she motioned for him to follow her, this time his heart soared.
Five minutes and twenty three seconds later, Yixing stood outside the door to the room that Yifan had been relocated to. He was stable, more importantly he was alive. However, the doctor had taken the time to explain that he wasn’t entirely well. There had been severe head injuries long with other bodily injuries; the head injuries had been labeled the worst. Through all the medical terminology, the extended explanations of minor injuries and the term that had stuck with Yixing the most had been Retrograde Amnesia.
Yifan wouldn’t remember him, nor would he remember anyone from his past. He had lost those memories but could make new ones. He had been told to be patient with Yifan as he adjusted to life, to not lose his temper when he couldn’t remember something that had been said only a day ago. Somehow, it didn’t matter.
Yixing inhaled and held his breath for a moment before exhaling. He turned the door knob and carefully let himself into the room. Yifan, who had been looking at the window, turned to look and him. There was confusion on his part and Yixing felt his heart break a little. However, he had to remember to keep positive about the situation. He had Yifan and that was enough.
“I’m Wu Yifan.”
But he already knew that, Yifan didn’t. He nodded as he walked over towards the bed Yifan currently occupied, he offered up a smile as he took Yifan’s hand in his.
“Yixing.”
The first time Yifan sees Yixing, he’s in the hospital unaware of why or how he had gotten there. He had been scared but with a simple introduction, he knew that everything would be alright.
Pairings: Kris/Lay
Genre: AU, angst, fluff
Warning: un-beta-ed, Character death
Rating: Pg-13
Wordcount: 5,455
Summary:
An early relationship blooms but as time progresses, they find
themselves drifting apart. A Christmas of fate changing, will it be
enough to save Yifan and Yixing's relationship?
Proloug | I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | VIII | IX
(Disclaimer: I do not own Yixing or Kris or frankly anyone else mentioned in this.
This is also, to some point, loosely based on the concept of the Christmas movie
"Three Days.")
(A/N: Thank you to all of you that have taken the time to read this story. It means a lot and I hope you enjoy this last chapter. I would like to dedicate this story to a Kyungsoo rper who encouraged me to start this fic and made sure that I at least started a chapter a day. But again, thank you everyone for taking the time to read this. Have a wonderful New Year! )
December 24th, 2012
Day 10
Yifan woke up alone that morning, a note sat in the spot that Yixing had occupied. There were several unnecessary details in the note, a promise to spend time together after the performance in order to sort through things. There was also a phone number, more specifically Tao’s phone number. Yixing had asked him to call Tao and remind him of the performance that night, to ensure that he was going because whatever was decided that night would result in him either staying in the apartment or going with Tao to his new home. Yifan wouldn’t let Yixing go away with Tao, he didn’t want to lose him.
The clock over Yixing’s head had reached zero in the spot where days were kept, all that was left were the hours; hours that he was spending in a small last minute rehearsal with Eunhyuk and Hyoyeon. This time that Yifan wished to be spending with Yixing was lost to him forever but it was better that way. He didn’t know if he’d be able to part with Yixing if he spent the entire day with him, he was already having a hard time imagining Yixing not being there tomorrow. How hard would it be to see him get hit by that car again? Could he stand sitting there in the hospital to hear what he already knew. Could he see that tear fun down Yixing’s face before he died?
Yifan gagged and only barely made it to the bathroom in time.
It had been making him sick, the worry, the want, the hesitance to accept that maybe if Fate gave them a break he had could be just as happy with Yixing as he was before. Physically he looked fine but it was the inner turmoil that had ruined his health. He didn’t feel well at all but there was no time to sit around and mull over the cold that he was inevitably going to have to deal with. Yixing had less than twenty-four hours to live and he had to find that present. He washed out his mouth and wasted no time in heading out in search of what would hopefully save Yixing.
1:00 p.m.
It was the thought that counted. That’s what he had always been told, what he had grown up believing, and it had been reinforced even more with Yixing. Yifan had never been good at giving presents, that was Yixing, but he had always gotten something that at least gave the person he was giving the gift to an idea of what it was he was trying to tell them. There had been a time where he had given Lu Han, his best friend, a baseball cap. True as it maybe that he was teased for a while over the present, Lu Han had gotten the fact that Yifan was trying to reassure him that he would do well during the season.
However, this wasn’t a time where a simple thought was all that was needed. If he was going to save Yixing with the gift then it had to be with something special; something extravagant. He had yet to find the gift. It was at this time that he wished that Chanyeol would appear to give him so advice, to at least put him on the right path towards finding the gift but there was a risk in that as well. Chanyeol could possibly dash his hopes by telling him that the present wasn’t enough that no matter what he did, what he gave, there was nothing that would save Yixing.
Whether he was in denial about Yixing’s soon to be death or not, he didn’t know. Nor did he really care to know at this point, he had other things to worry about then what stage he was at. There would be time for that tomorrow, next year, the rest of his life, but not now. The crowds were far too large as people scurried around trying to find an item that they had missed or make it back to a store in time for a restocking of a toy a son or daughter wanted. It seemed as if everyone was busy in their own little world. None of them knew about the dancer who only ever wanted to dance and love. They had no idea about the person that was going to leave the world in the worst possible way while they sat around a table and said grace.
Paris would never see the shining star that was Yixing. He nearly gagged again.
Through the never ending pushing, and somewhat rushed apologies Yifan had found himself in a store. A very small store that he hadn’t noticed was there in the past few days, there wasn’t anything that particularly called out to him but he figured that it was worth a shot. He wasn’t going to lose any more than he already was and there was always a chance that he would get an idea for a gift from something he saw. Anything was possible, right?
“Hello and welcome to Strawberry Sunshine. I’m Sulli. If you need any help just call and I’ll help you or my partner, Hyojung will help you. She’s on her way right now so for now it’s just me. Just call if you need anything.”
Yifan nodded and watched as Sulli walked away before he began to walk around the store. For the most part it was a book store; there was a section for kids where a small Santa like chair sat. He assumed that there were readings of children’s books there at regular intervals. A smile came to his lips as he imagined bringing Yixing to this store, he would have loved to stop by and just spend time here. Yixing was just that kind of person and Yifan found it endearing.
There was an antique printing press, though it fit right in with the decor of the store but there was something different about it. It was safe to assume that he had spent a good amount of time simply taking in the structure of the printing press and questioning the purpose of it in the store. It took him a while to notice that Sulli had made her way over towards him and had tapped him on the shoulder.
“Are you okay, sir?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I do have a question pertaining to the printing press.”
He watched as Sulli glanced over to the machine that had caught his attention. A small nod was all he got as an answer. The silence that followed was interpreted as her waiting for him to ask her what he wanted to know.
“Why is it here?”
She smiled and pointed up towards the sign that he had failed to see. It was a sign that read “self-made books.” It was curious and he wondered what it was that they meant by that.
“Every year around this time we have this self-made books event. It’s usually little kids that do this but sometimes parents do it as a present for their children. What you basically do is you write a small story, it should be somewhere between ten to twenty-five pages, illustrations can be added but they’re not needed and we make the book. Obviously we use a more modern machine to make the books.”
Yifan didn’t take his gaze away from the printing press, instead he found that much more intriguing.
“We also make the kind of books where you can record you reading it, you know in case your child can’t read yet. It’s a little more expensive but I think it’s worth it. Hyojung got one for her nephew a few days ago and he loves it so maybe that’s what you’re looking for?”
For a moment there was no answer and he began to wonder if Sulli had left his side. In the end, it was the sound of a small bell ringing as someone entered the store. He faintly heard what sounded like a greeting, the voice sounded like it belonged to a woman. He didn’t really care, his mind as already miles away.
“How much?”
4:15 p.m.
It had taken more than an hour for him to get it just right. He had been sure that Sulli and Hyojung were going to throw him out when he restarted the story for the fifth time but it hadn’t felt right. It was on the fifteenth try that he had gotten it right, but then the pictures were wrong. All in all, it had been a struggle to get the book wrapped in snowflake themed wrapping paper. Maybe it wasn’t he thought it would be at first but Yifan was more than sure that this was the gift that he was meant to give Yixing.
Maybe just maybe, they would have a tomorrow.
The streets were just as cluttered as they had been before and he hated the fact that people were being as careless as they were. He understood if their presents weren’t considered precious in their opinion, and they probably were just a gift to satisfy a needy child but his was far more important to him now than anything else. He disliked that he was running the risk of damaging it because of how rushed everyone was.
Off to his side a car honked for an extended amount of time and it only took him a moment to realize that they had only barely missed hitting someone. The fact that the driver was yelling at the pedestrian didn’t hurt in aiding his deduction either. It was scary to think of how reckless people tended to become around this particular holiday, he couldn’t help but wonder if he had acted like them during previous Christmas’. There were times where he would rush to the store because Yixing forgot to buy something at the store or they hadn’t realized that they needed something until they had returned home but he had always been careful. Never had he gone to extent that some of the people around him were going through.
He stopped walking once he neared a point in the crowd that he wished to avoid. A small café proved to be a source of refuge and he was more than happy to let the smell of caffeine combined with the welcoming atmosphere welcome him. He was at the counter in no time; the coffee that he ordered was straight black coffee. It had earned him a look of suspicion from the cashier who went by the name of Himchan. There was a corner with a small table that was currently vacant; it was soon made his spot. Frost the Snowman was playing overhead and he found it curious that a coffee shop would play a song as upbeat as that but then again, it was the season and it really shouldn’t have surprised him that even a place that should have been playing calm jazz like music, that was is they played music at all, was playing Frosty for the holiday. He found that he quite liked it. Maybe the setting and the song were off and shouldn’t have worked but something made it work.
He stared out of the window simply watching as life passed by without him taking any particular part in it. There had been a time when he had wanted to make a large mark in the world, to be remembered. The tale of Achilles had been brought up by Yixing at that time and it was through that story that he found where he had left his mark. It hadn’t and didn’t matter if a hundred years after his death no one knew his name, if he was just another body hidden under a tombstone in some cemetery, there would be no records of him in history books and though that was what he had wanted. What he had wanted to make a reality, it had been Yixing who told him that there would be a record of him. A family record of sorts, that’s how Yixing had explained it. He had left a mark in the people that he had met, made an impact and in turn they had done so as well. It wasn’t important that he wouldn’t be revered as some famous scientist that found the cure to some previously fatal illness. No, if he were to have been remembered by just Yixing that would have been enough.
However, that was not how fate wanted it and he still found it rather cruel. There were so many things that Yixing wanted to do, things they had planned to do together before their relationship turned into what it currently was. The possibility of it prospering once more didn’t matter because there needed to be two in a relationship and he would just be one. One was said to be the loneliest number, he didn’t want to find out if it was true. He took a sip of the coffee and furrowed his eyebrows as he caught sight of a woman wearing a long white dress walk down the street. She was gone within the next minute.
Yifan began to wonder if he had started to see thing.
7:50 p.m.
The day had flown by in a blur of nothingness, he hadn’t really expected anything exciting to happen but it was rather bothersome that nothing had been there to distract him from his thoughts of Yixing dying. However, now he wouldn’t have time to distract himself because Yixing would be up on stage dancing. Paris was knocking on a door that would vanish within hours and it hurt.
“So, I auditioned for this company today. They seemed like they liked my dancing but it’s pretty prestigious, I mean the Eunhyuk is the head choreographer. He danced in Paris, Yifan. He only came back because he got injured at the peak of his career. But PARIS! What if I end up there?”
“Then Paris will have gained a beautiful dancer that can outshine the stars without ever trying.”
He smiled as Yixing seemed to blush a little.
“Would you go with me? … You know to Paris?”
“Of course.”
At the time, it had been a promise that he had intended to keep. However, he wouldn’t get a chance to make good of his word, and he wasn’t quite sure that he was ready to jump in a plan and go to Paris. It didn’t matter, and it was sad that it wasn’t something that he had to worry about anymore. He’d give anything to have to worry about having to leave Seoul for Paris one day.
“Ticket please.”
He handed over the ticket that Yixing had left for him on the kitchen counter that morning and walked into the all too familiar building. His seat was easy enough to find and as it turned out he was sitting next to Kyungsoo. Any attempt at starting up a conversation was denied because at that moment Eunhyuk walked from behind the curtains and began his speech explaining the process that they underwent and what the season would bring. Hyoyeon appeared next to him a moment later as she described the costume choices and though it was all rather professional, Yifan couldn’t help but wonder if this couln’t have waited until after the performance.
Yixing, along with Kai and Victoria were the principle lead dancers and as the speech grew to a close and the music began, Yifan couldn’t help but wonder how Yixing felt. He had once confessed to him that he got scared before a performance, especially on opening night. Had he drank tea before going on or was he not allowed to? Did someone talk to him and offer up kind words of encouragement before he walked on to the stage? He hoped so. He clapped along with the rest as the curtains began to rise and the ballet began.
Outside two long figures sat on the steps leading up to the building. Chanyeol had his head resting on top of the head of his partner. His hands were wrapped around his partner and it was only a second later that he pulled away from their embrace. No one could see him besides Yifan, but his partner was a different story. He could be seen and touched whereas Chanyeol was selective. It was a bother at times but most of the time they made it work.
“He’s not going to end up at the intersection if it keeps going this way.”
“Maybe she changed her mind?”
Chanyeol took a moment to think about it before he shook his head. In truth, he was on edge. They both were and he could only really blame it on the fact that they had allowed themselves to grow attached to Yifan and Yixing. It was a problem that he thought they had fixed but now it had reappeared and it hurt.
“No, she would have sent some sort of sign.”
“She was watching today. Do you think that maybe, just maybe she’ll spare them?”
It was a nice thought, but Chanyeol knew her better than most people. Jessica wasn’t lenient when it came to death, she liked to keep things the way they were meant to be. He highly doubted that any change would be made, but there was a chance. She had done it before.
“Only she knows what she’s doing. But at this rate you’re going to have to step in.”
There was a groan and he felt bad.
“But, can’t we just let them be happy?”
“Not if we want to be separated. We messed up once and one can’t become two. I’m not going to lose you because of them.”
“But Chanyeol I d-”
“Just do your job and I’ll do mine. We’ll be home tomorrow and we can pretend that none of this happened, okay?”
Silence followed for a moment and he wasn’t sure if his words had registered. It wasn’t until he saw the eyeliner being taken out and a small nod that he relaxed a little. He disliked it when he had to be strict. It wasn’t in his character to be strict but at times he knew he had to be. Out of the two, he always got the easier part. He wondered if it was done on purpose.
“Your eyeliner looks great. Come on; let’s go get hot chocolate with marshmallows. We have a few hours to kill.”
He wrapped am arm around the shoulder of his partner whose brown eyes had only been made that much more beautiful with the eyeliner. In Chanyeol’s eyes there was no one else and though he knew that others touched what was his, he was the only one that held the heart. That was the important part. Chnayeol’s lips met the others for a moment before they began to walk towards the coffee shop they had seen Yifan in before. He was now visible to the general public and he had no shame in displaying his affection.
Inside, Yifan was holding his breath as he watched Yixing dance. Kai shone as well but it was Yixing who stole the show, and it wasn’t just his opinion. During the intermission, he had been able to get a few words in with Kyungsoo, who was only allowed to leave the hospital to see the ballet, and he had shared the same opinion. There was just something about the way Yixing danced that captivated people’s attention and Yifan was sure that if Yixing were to live long enough to audition for Paris, he would have made it. No, he will make it because he had found the gift; the gift that would save Yixing’s life. The end of the ballet was drawing near which meant that it was near eleven. The ballet wasn’t that long; it was just a matter of outside forces getting in the way, such as the intermission. Going straight through the ballet would have cut it down in time by a lot but it would have lost the grace that it held. The dancers were probably just as happy to get a small break as the audience was to be able to get up and go to the bathroom or get water.
The final number was playing, his attention was entirely on Yixing. Victoria appeared but even then all he could see was Yixing, the way he moved it was beautiful. He began to wonder slightly how he could have gone without seeing Yixing dance, missing the beauty that was created when he moved his body even the slightest bit. Emoting had never been a problem with Yixing’s dancing and Yifan thought that maybe that was what made it special. He used to think that Yixing danced for him and only him. He found himself thinking the same thing again, no matter how ludicrous it seemed. Yixing had been his and for the past three days he had been his again. And so he watched the final number, gift in hand, with pride that he hadn’t felt since he had found Baekhyun.
11:30 p.m.
Ten minutes, that’s all he had left. Yixing was holding his hand; the present was unopened but was held in the hand of the other. It had taken a while for Yifan to find Yixing amongst the dancers, but he had found him. The after party had been skipped because Yixing was tired and Yifan wanted to spend time with him. The walk home had been spent talking about their relationship, what they were going to do and what the arrangements would be. Tao hadn’t been able to show up because of family reasons, Yixing had laughed when he had told him. Five minutes was all it took for them to get from the intersection to the hotel room that they lived in.
His hold on Yixing tightened as they reached the door, it was going well so far and it looked like maybe Yixing wouldn’t be gone. Maybe the present had been the answer. The thought made him smile and he loosened his grip.
“Did you forget to lock the door?”
Yifan frowned and shook his head. He had made sure to lock the door when he had left, so why was the door unlocked? Perhaps, he had forgotten.
“Maybe I forgot. I doubt anyone went in though, come on let’s get inside so you can open that present.”
“You really didn’t have to get me anything, Yifan.”
“I wanted to. I really hope that you like it.”
A smile and there were butterflies in his stomach one more. Yifan pushed the door open and nearly froze when he came face to face with what was inside. His heart dropped and he felt like he needed to throw up once more.
“Yifan! I’ve been waiting for you. Come on, you said you’d make it up to me.”
Baekhyun was standing in the center of the living room, a smile on his lips as he looked from him to Yixing. Yifan didn’t need to look down to know what Yixing’s reaction was.
“… You gave him a key to the house? You brought him here!”
And then he was alone, Yixing had removed himself from his hold was now moving away from him. He could understand the rage, after all Yixing hadn’t brought Kai home. But he had brought Baekhyun.
“… Here! You brought him here, why? This was OUR home, not HIS . Why?”
And there was pain in his eyes as well as tears; he opened his mouth to say something, anything that would keep Yixing with him.
“You know what; I need to go for a walk. Why don’t you two just spend time together okay? Forget everything, Yifan.”
They were words of pain and anger, words that were spoken without thought. He knew them all too well. He reached out to grab onto Yixing but found that he was moving much slower than he would have liked to. The door closed behind Yixing and he didn’t need to look at a clock to know.
“….Yixing!”
His hand gripped the door knob but it refused to open. There was desperation in everything he did; every second that he was spending with the door was a second he was losing to save Yixing.
“I’m sorry.”
He stopped when he caught sight of Baekhyun moving closer towards someone who had appeared the room.
“It’s his time, Yifan. Let him go.”
He watched as Chanyeol draped an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder in an almost comforting way. It only took him a moment to connect the dots; the person he had seen at the skating rink had been Baekhyun. The height matched up and it would have explained why he had seemingly disappeared for the past few days.
“Open the door, Chanyeol. I got him the present.”
“Yifan, it’s hi-”
“Open the door, Chanyeol.”
“What will you give?”
This time it was Baekhyun who had spoken, his voice was soft and there was sorrow in his eyes. Yifan wanted to yell at him, to ask him why he had decided to appear now. But the look of remorse on his face kept him from doing so.
“Anything, I’ll give anything.”
And it was then that it dawned on him, what he had to do. There was a click and from the look of confusion on both Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s face he knew it wasn’t there doing. Within a minute he was out of the apartment, down the hall, in the elevator and waiting to get out. Yixing had gotten at least a two minute head start and he didn’t doubt the possibilities that he was already waiting to cross the street. Time was ticking, it was a race and at the moment he was losing.
“Yifan.”
Yifan looked away from the stars in favor of looking over towards Yixing who was lying down next to him. Their fingers were intertwined but that was the only real contact that they had.
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
And his breath caught in his throat.
He ran past carolers, past people who had merely gone out for fresh air. He could see the intersection; he could see Yixing starting to cross the street.
“Yixing!”
He knew that he wouldn’t hear him but he had to try. He began to run faster, a woman in a white dress moved aside as he pushed past. There was no waiting for the people to clear as they gathered around the stop light, Yixing was still crossing at a slow pace, most likely too caught up in thought to notice that he had fallen behind. There was no hesitation as he began to run across the intersection, the cars honked at him but he didn’t care because he could see what Yixing failed to.
“Yixing!”
And then there was a bright light.
December 25th, 2012
Day 0
The room was vacant, save for a few who had a little too much to drink and had managed to injure themselves. However, they came and went before he could muster up a conversation with them. To put it simply, he was alone. He was scared and worried at the same time; his hands gripped the snowflake wrapped package that he had yet to open. A nurse walked out, he looked up in time to see her leave. He was alone again. Yixing hated being alone in a hospital.
He began to fidget as more time passed, it had taken ten minutes for an ambulance to get to the hospital, and for the last ten minutes he had been waiting. He began to tear at the paper in hopes that it was something that would take him mind off of where he was, what had happened. His eyebrows furrowed as he came face to face with a book, a small clock adorned the cover. He hadn’t seen the book before and it didn’t take long for him to realize why. It was a self-written book.
“The Hand Fate Dealt.”
He opened the book the and nearly jumped when he heard Yifan’s voice. It was a book where you could record yourself reading the story, he felt sick.
“Mr. Zhang Yixing?”
He closed the book and got up as the doctor that had taken Yifan away walked over towards him.
“Perhaps we should talk in a separate room. Follow me.”
His heart dropped.
12:10 a.m.
The only sound in the room was the heart monitor. It served as a reminder of what the doctor had said, what she had told him to do. However, he just couldn’t do it. His vision began to blur and it took him a moment to realize that it was because he crying. Yifan hated to see him cry.
“Why? Yifan, it was supposed to be me. Why did you do it?”
There was no answer and as he brought the hand he was holding up to his cheek, he heard it. His vision blurred and he couldn’t tell if the screams for help were coming from him or from some other patient.
“No, Yifan. I’m sorry, don’t go. Please, don’t go.”
He sniffled as kissed the hand he was holding. It was cold. Yifan had never been cold.
Outside, Chanyeol peered through the small window. Baekhyun squeezed his hand as his jaw tightened. Chanyeol liked to pretend that he didn’t suffer when someone died, someone he had gotten close to left, but Bakehyun knew better than that.
“It’s okay to cry you know.”
A tear rolled down Chanyeol’s face just as the area around them got warm. Chanyeol stiffed and then he heard it, the beep of a heart beat being registered on the heart monitor. The cries of help that left Yixing sounded louder than anything and as he stepped away, a doctor ran into the room and ushered Yixing out. He wiped away the tears that still flowed as he neared Yixing, Yixing who could not see him. He did nothing as he saw him begin to pace instead, he smiled and began to walk away with Baekhyun.
“Let’s go home.”
Baekhyun was all too happy to follow.
2:40 a.m.
Minutes had turned into hours since he had been ushered out of the room and back into the waiting room. He had taken up pacing but it hadn’t helped at all. Yifan’s heart had started to beat again. Fate had changed for him and he just wanted to be by Yifan’s side. His fear was brushed aside for the moment; the adrenaline running through him was enough to keep it away for now. How much longer would he have to wait? Had it been a fluke?
He hoped not.
“Mr. Zhang Yixing.”
He glanced over towards the doctor as she walked into the waiting room. He nodded as she motioned for him to follow her, this time his heart soared.
Five minutes and twenty three seconds later, Yixing stood outside the door to the room that Yifan had been relocated to. He was stable, more importantly he was alive. However, the doctor had taken the time to explain that he wasn’t entirely well. There had been severe head injuries long with other bodily injuries; the head injuries had been labeled the worst. Through all the medical terminology, the extended explanations of minor injuries and the term that had stuck with Yixing the most had been Retrograde Amnesia.
Yifan wouldn’t remember him, nor would he remember anyone from his past. He had lost those memories but could make new ones. He had been told to be patient with Yifan as he adjusted to life, to not lose his temper when he couldn’t remember something that had been said only a day ago. Somehow, it didn’t matter.
Yixing inhaled and held his breath for a moment before exhaling. He turned the door knob and carefully let himself into the room. Yifan, who had been looking at the window, turned to look and him. There was confusion on his part and Yixing felt his heart break a little. However, he had to remember to keep positive about the situation. He had Yifan and that was enough.
“I’m Wu Yifan.”
But he already knew that, Yifan didn’t. He nodded as he walked over towards the bed Yifan currently occupied, he offered up a smile as he took Yifan’s hand in his.
“Yixing.”
The first time Yifan sees Yixing, he’s in the hospital unaware of why or how he had gotten there. He had been scared but with a simple introduction, he knew that everything would be alright.