Simspiration Prompt Response: It's Complicated
Title: It's Complicated
Author: Leilia
Rating: PG
Prompt(s) Used: Tangled Family Tree
Summary: A simple homework assignment isn't so simple when there are Fitzhughs involved.
Warnings: A little swearing. Some spoilers. This isn't canon since none of the kids are actually born yet so the names, genders, and personalities may all change.
"This is bullshit!"
Palau looked up from where she was feeding her new baby at her son's voice. She walked out of the kitchen into the hallway and saw Pakistan, Columbia, and their cousins Olea, Neil and Daria all congregated in the hallway.
"What's bullshit?" she asked, not bothering to censor her language. The kids had heard worse considering their parents.
"Our assignment!" Columbia whined. "The teacher wants us to do a family tree. Blue tried to tell her that wasn't a good idea but Mrs. Newson wouldn't listen!"
Palau didn't know who this Blue was, but she agreed with them out of principle. Family trees were a little messed up in Belladonna Cove and that was without getting any Fitzhughs involved.
"Maybe I can try to help?" she offered, knowing it was the right thing to do but resigning herself to a headache of epic proportions anyway.
Olea looked up at her gratefully. "We'd really appreciate it, Aunt Palau!"
The first twinge of a headache made itself known at Olea's honorific. She wasn't the girl's aunt. Not technically. But it was easier than trying to explain to a child just what a first cousin once removed was.
The kids all got out their notebooks and Palau put Oxford in his crib, hoping someone else would take care of the child when he inevitably started screaming when he woke up. Then she went out to the family room.
The kids were all waiting, varying expressions of hopefulness and trepidation on their faces.
"Okay, let's start with the easy. Great Grampa Yakko Warner and Great Gramma Jo Mobacy Warner. All of you are related to them. Got it?"
Five heads all bobbled dutifully.
"Now, they had eight kids. Burundi, Oman, Onslow, Osaka, Orkney, Australia, Frank, and Israel. Of the eight you really only need to worry about Onslow, Orkney, Australia, and Frank, since the rest are just Aunts and Uncles of yours."
More nods.
Then she sighed. "Now here comes the hard part. So we're going to start with the easiest of the bunch and work our way out. That means you're first, Neil. Australia marred DocSupremeNerd Vetinari and had four kids: Joss, Wil, Davan, and Aubrey. Your father, Joss married the simself Marina Fitzhugh and had you. Are you with me so far?"
Neil Patrick Harris Warner looked up from his paper. "I think so. But what about Mom?"
Palau sighed. "We'll get to her in a bit," she said. Then she turned to her two kids, Pakistan and Columbia. "Okay, you two are next."
Columbia peeked up from her notebook. "Does that mean we're the next easiest?"
"If you want to put it that way, yeah," Palau agreed, feeling the headache make itself known. "Okay, your grandfather was Orkney and he married Fuzzy Spork O'Leery and they had six kids: Latvia, Lebanon, Liberia, Palau (Me), Romania, and United States of America." She paused before adding, "And yes, that is her full name." She turned to her eldest. "Pakistan your father is Archie Vetinari, as you know."
"Vetinari, you mean like Aunt Doc's maiden name?"
"Yeah."
"So am I related to Aunt Doc too?"
Palau sighed. "Kind of? It's complicated. She's not really related to your Dad, but kind of is for the sake of the director-person's sanity."
"I don't get it," Pakistan said.
Palau sighed. "I don't either. I just go with it." She looked at her middle child next. "Your father, Columbia, is more complicated and I can't really talk about everything to do with him. But his name is Jeff Spicoli and he, thankfully, isn't related to anyone else in Belladonna Cove."
Columbia looked up at Palau through her glasses and said, "I know. He's told me."
Palau sighed again. It was impossible to keep the reaper from checking up on his daughter, but it didn't stop Palau from worrying about one of his trips bringing the Reaper Office down on them. They'd already had a few close calls, they didn't need more.
"You're not done, Aunt Palau," Neil pointed out.
"No, I'm not. I'm married to BlueBerryPie Simself, even though he doesn't live here anymore. And you all know who Oxford's father is."
The five heads nodded. "Good, so I don't need to go over that. He's also not related to anyone else in Belladonna so that also makes things easier."
She paused and looked at Olea and Daria next trying to decide which one would be easier. She failed. Finally she settled for einey-meeny-miney-mo to pick which teen to do next. "Okay, Olea, you're up. Your biologic Grandfather was Onslow Warner and he married Olive Simself and had two kids, Koroneiki and Picholine. And then it gets complicated. Koroneiki was adopted by Oman Warner and his wife Cee Regacy and Picholine was adopted by Burundi Warner and her husband Kelvin Blackwood."
"Why?" Olea wanted to know.
Palau froze. How was she going to tell a thirteen year old that it was because her grandmother was a raging psychopath and wasn't above killing children if she thought it would make her revenge sweeter? Making an executive decision she said, "Ask your parents," and left it at that.
Olea shrugged letting the subject drop.
"Moving on. Your father, Koroneiki, married your mother, Lily Fitzhugh, and had you."
"Fitzhugh?" Neil asked. "You mean like my mom, Fitzhugh?"
Palau sighed again. "It's complicated."
"Like Grandma Doc complicated?"
"Yes."
"Okay," Neil said, making a few notes.
Then she turned to Daria. "Last but not least we've got you. Your Grandfather Frank married two women, Star Walton and Mary Austen. You're descended from Star. They had six kids and frankly I can't remember all of their names since they moved away from Belladonna during a crazy time in my life and your Mom, Spica, disowned them anyway. She married your father, Quinn Devereaux and had you."
Daria made a face. "That doesn't seem all that complicated. Why save me for last?"
Olea nudged the girl. "Grandma Eden, silly."
Daria's eyes lit up. "Oh yeah! And Grandpa Rhys."
Neil perked up. "You mean Uncle Rhys?"
The two girls nodded.
"What about Aunt Erin and Uncle Wil?"
The three looked at Palau hopefully. She sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "It's complicated."
Columbia was making a face, as if she was putting together all of the facts. "So, how does Uncle Spencer fit in?" she wanted to know.
"You mean Great-Grampa Spencer?" Daria and Olea asked in unison.
While Neil chimed it at the same time with, "Great Uncle Spencer? You mean the principal at our school?"
Palau just nodded weakly. "Look, it's complicated. If you want the full scoop go talk to your Aunt De. Me? I am not getting into the tangle that's the Fitzhugh family kudzu."
"But how are we supposed to finish our assignment?" Columbia whined.
Palau thought about it for a moment before going. "Just tell Mrs. Newson that it's complicated."
Author: Leilia
Rating: PG
Prompt(s) Used: Tangled Family Tree
Summary: A simple homework assignment isn't so simple when there are Fitzhughs involved.
Warnings: A little swearing. Some spoilers. This isn't canon since none of the kids are actually born yet so the names, genders, and personalities may all change.
"This is bullshit!"
Palau looked up from where she was feeding her new baby at her son's voice. She walked out of the kitchen into the hallway and saw Pakistan, Columbia, and their cousins Olea, Neil and Daria all congregated in the hallway.
"What's bullshit?" she asked, not bothering to censor her language. The kids had heard worse considering their parents.
"Our assignment!" Columbia whined. "The teacher wants us to do a family tree. Blue tried to tell her that wasn't a good idea but Mrs. Newson wouldn't listen!"
Palau didn't know who this Blue was, but she agreed with them out of principle. Family trees were a little messed up in Belladonna Cove and that was without getting any Fitzhughs involved.
"Maybe I can try to help?" she offered, knowing it was the right thing to do but resigning herself to a headache of epic proportions anyway.
Olea looked up at her gratefully. "We'd really appreciate it, Aunt Palau!"
The first twinge of a headache made itself known at Olea's honorific. She wasn't the girl's aunt. Not technically. But it was easier than trying to explain to a child just what a first cousin once removed was.
The kids all got out their notebooks and Palau put Oxford in his crib, hoping someone else would take care of the child when he inevitably started screaming when he woke up. Then she went out to the family room.
The kids were all waiting, varying expressions of hopefulness and trepidation on their faces.
"Okay, let's start with the easy. Great Grampa Yakko Warner and Great Gramma Jo Mobacy Warner. All of you are related to them. Got it?"
Five heads all bobbled dutifully.
"Now, they had eight kids. Burundi, Oman, Onslow, Osaka, Orkney, Australia, Frank, and Israel. Of the eight you really only need to worry about Onslow, Orkney, Australia, and Frank, since the rest are just Aunts and Uncles of yours."
More nods.
Then she sighed. "Now here comes the hard part. So we're going to start with the easiest of the bunch and work our way out. That means you're first, Neil. Australia marred DocSupremeNerd Vetinari and had four kids: Joss, Wil, Davan, and Aubrey. Your father, Joss married the simself Marina Fitzhugh and had you. Are you with me so far?"
Neil Patrick Harris Warner looked up from his paper. "I think so. But what about Mom?"
Palau sighed. "We'll get to her in a bit," she said. Then she turned to her two kids, Pakistan and Columbia. "Okay, you two are next."
Columbia peeked up from her notebook. "Does that mean we're the next easiest?"
"If you want to put it that way, yeah," Palau agreed, feeling the headache make itself known. "Okay, your grandfather was Orkney and he married Fuzzy Spork O'Leery and they had six kids: Latvia, Lebanon, Liberia, Palau (Me), Romania, and United States of America." She paused before adding, "And yes, that is her full name." She turned to her eldest. "Pakistan your father is Archie Vetinari, as you know."
"Vetinari, you mean like Aunt Doc's maiden name?"
"Yeah."
"So am I related to Aunt Doc too?"
Palau sighed. "Kind of? It's complicated. She's not really related to your Dad, but kind of is for the sake of the director-person's sanity."
"I don't get it," Pakistan said.
Palau sighed. "I don't either. I just go with it." She looked at her middle child next. "Your father, Columbia, is more complicated and I can't really talk about everything to do with him. But his name is Jeff Spicoli and he, thankfully, isn't related to anyone else in Belladonna Cove."
Columbia looked up at Palau through her glasses and said, "I know. He's told me."
Palau sighed again. It was impossible to keep the reaper from checking up on his daughter, but it didn't stop Palau from worrying about one of his trips bringing the Reaper Office down on them. They'd already had a few close calls, they didn't need more.
"You're not done, Aunt Palau," Neil pointed out.
"No, I'm not. I'm married to BlueBerryPie Simself, even though he doesn't live here anymore. And you all know who Oxford's father is."
The five heads nodded. "Good, so I don't need to go over that. He's also not related to anyone else in Belladonna so that also makes things easier."
She paused and looked at Olea and Daria next trying to decide which one would be easier. She failed. Finally she settled for einey-meeny-miney-mo to pick which teen to do next. "Okay, Olea, you're up. Your biologic Grandfather was Onslow Warner and he married Olive Simself and had two kids, Koroneiki and Picholine. And then it gets complicated. Koroneiki was adopted by Oman Warner and his wife Cee Regacy and Picholine was adopted by Burundi Warner and her husband Kelvin Blackwood."
"Why?" Olea wanted to know.
Palau froze. How was she going to tell a thirteen year old that it was because her grandmother was a raging psychopath and wasn't above killing children if she thought it would make her revenge sweeter? Making an executive decision she said, "Ask your parents," and left it at that.
Olea shrugged letting the subject drop.
"Moving on. Your father, Koroneiki, married your mother, Lily Fitzhugh, and had you."
"Fitzhugh?" Neil asked. "You mean like my mom, Fitzhugh?"
Palau sighed again. "It's complicated."
"Like Grandma Doc complicated?"
"Yes."
"Okay," Neil said, making a few notes.
Then she turned to Daria. "Last but not least we've got you. Your Grandfather Frank married two women, Star Walton and Mary Austen. You're descended from Star. They had six kids and frankly I can't remember all of their names since they moved away from Belladonna during a crazy time in my life and your Mom, Spica, disowned them anyway. She married your father, Quinn Devereaux and had you."
Daria made a face. "That doesn't seem all that complicated. Why save me for last?"
Olea nudged the girl. "Grandma Eden, silly."
Daria's eyes lit up. "Oh yeah! And Grandpa Rhys."
Neil perked up. "You mean Uncle Rhys?"
The two girls nodded.
"What about Aunt Erin and Uncle Wil?"
The three looked at Palau hopefully. She sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "It's complicated."
Columbia was making a face, as if she was putting together all of the facts. "So, how does Uncle Spencer fit in?" she wanted to know.
"You mean Great-Grampa Spencer?" Daria and Olea asked in unison.
While Neil chimed it at the same time with, "Great Uncle Spencer? You mean the principal at our school?"
Palau just nodded weakly. "Look, it's complicated. If you want the full scoop go talk to your Aunt De. Me? I am not getting into the tangle that's the Fitzhugh family kudzu."
"But how are we supposed to finish our assignment?" Columbia whined.
Palau thought about it for a moment before going. "Just tell Mrs. Newson that it's complicated."