Relief
Found my mind had no inclination to study for the big exam in Scottish Literature tomorrow.
Found my mind wandering to terrifying thoughts I'd never quite been able to put into words.
And I wrote them down. By god, I wrote them down. And I feel SO FUCKING GOOD. It made everything real. Like I'm no longer pretending to have a weird, disturbing past, but I put that shit down into words and I made it fucking real and I'm not going to ignore it like it never happened.
It has taken me years...and for the past year, I have been hyping myself up to write it--fer god's sake, write it, because obviously, I can't talk about it without stopping before it's through. Or lying. But I always found myself staring at a blank page, my mind in ruins.
It's shit, but it was my first attempt and the first time any words have started from the beginning and ended with the end. And I'm not ready to share it yet, but I promise I will, and I will not friend-lock it.
I need to make sure the words say everything they need to say.
Found my mind wandering to terrifying thoughts I'd never quite been able to put into words.
And I wrote them down. By god, I wrote them down. And I feel SO FUCKING GOOD. It made everything real. Like I'm no longer pretending to have a weird, disturbing past, but I put that shit down into words and I made it fucking real and I'm not going to ignore it like it never happened.
It has taken me years...and for the past year, I have been hyping myself up to write it--fer god's sake, write it, because obviously, I can't talk about it without stopping before it's through. Or lying. But I always found myself staring at a blank page, my mind in ruins.
It's shit, but it was my first attempt and the first time any words have started from the beginning and ended with the end. And I'm not ready to share it yet, but I promise I will, and I will not friend-lock it.
I need to make sure the words say everything they need to say.