(Untitled)

[leilani666]

I really need to post what's been going on lately in my life and start answering emails, but I'm too tired to do it. This chapter is my little celebration over the elections. WE WON!!! *dances* =3

Comments

[dairokkan]

Wheee, new chapter! I love how Barricade's Decepticon instincts kicked in when faced with a rival, and how you worked in a plausible reason for Prowl's famous "glitched logic circuits." But why are they not telling Jazz the truth?

Some missing or extra words and conjugation errors, but nothing major. You must have really been on a roll! Here's what I spotted (some are just suggestions):

The Topkick had instead SPENT the afternoon with Jazz (less awkward phrasing)

“Whoa! What happened t’ him?” The Solstice asked as he watched Ironhide and Ratchet drag IN a familiar looking mech. (missing word)

There were minor AESTHETIC changes, but there was something not quite… Autobot in his chosen form.(aestheticAL is a correct but commonly British usage, Amercians generally just say "aesthetic"--this one is optional.)

Ratchet shrugged, “My guess is that your logic processor worked too hard TRYING TO FIND an answer to something that might not have ONE. (less awkward phrasing than "in finding"; optional, "one" over "it" for subject-verb agreement; "it" seems to link back to "processor" whereas "one" links to "answer.")

Ratchet sighed, “I fear I cannot fix it, Prowl. You’ve already suffered a MEMORY WIPE which might have causeD the glitch to appear. (past tense of cause, remove superfluous comma. The removal of "out" is optional.)

“I can’t fix your glitch, but I’m sure you’ve noticed your new add-on,” at Prowl’s nod he continued, “That tactical computer is capable of analyzing several situations instantaneously and advisING you on the optimal course of action for each situation.” ("at" should not be capitalized, "advise" should be a gerund to parallel "analysing.")

“I mean that maybe Prowl is what Barricade used to be before Megatron convinced the Cybertronian Guard TO JOIN him.” (removed unneccesary preposition "into" and changed "joining" to "to join" -- if you'd used "talked" instead of "convinced" the original phrasing would work.)

Can't wait to see the meeting with Jazz. I can't help wondering if you plan to work in the traditional Prowl/Jazz pairing, or throw everyone for a loop by having them hate each other. Either one would be a treat to see!

[leilani666]

Fixed! Thanks! I'm really glad you liked this chapter. I'm sorry for taking so long to reply, but RL stopped me and then I sorta crashed until today.

The reason why Optimus doesn't want to tell Jazz will be revealed later on. Just like the Prowl/Jazz interactions.

Again, sorry for taking so long to reply back.