ian-sick
I feel like crawling into bed and staring at the wall for hours just balling my eyes out. I don't know why, but for some reason my good mood suddenly liquidated. I find myself desperately wishing that he was here tonight. I want this little world that I've created up here to include him. But it never will. It blows my mind. No matter how many incredible people I meet or how many people are around me craving my attention, the only person I really want to see is Ian. I'm trying not to be bitter about the fact that he's so far away, but it just doesn't seem fair to me. I feel like we're being tested. Maybe in the end it'll be sweeter because we suffered along the way.It just terrifies me that we could fail in this...that I could fail. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, without question, and I want to be the best thing that ever happened to him, too. I don't feel adequate when it comes to him. I want to be the woman he's always wanted and I know that I'm far from that right now. Maybe someday I'll be as good as he deserves.