you don't know me. You don't even care.
Dear LJ,
For the sake of just clearing things up, I don't like Tim in a boyfriend girlfriend situation. I consider him my friend now. When I'm talking about a guy, especially on here, it's one guy and it's not him. Katie has cleverly coined him livejournal guy so I guess I'll call him that too. And in my profile, I'm not really talking about anybody. It's a song from jazz choir, and it's really catchy. Come to the concert on valentine's day and here it! :)
Oh but livejournal guy. In past entries I've mentioned how I'd like to get stuff off my chest about him. Regarding just why he messes w/ me the way he does. I finally did that last night... in a matter of speaking. I'd been wanting to do it for soooo long but then when it came down to it, I couldn't be mean. I couldn't just ask him "Why do you fuck around with me?" because when I thought about it, I guess it's more me that's wishing he could be a certain way. When he doesn't live up to my expectations, I think of it as fucking around. And this made me really really sick of myself. So I just asked if I bothered him. Normally he'd give me one word responses or not respond at all. Sometimes though (rarely) he'll use sentences and even paragraphs and have a conversation. This was one of those odd times. It seems that every time i want to be mean and strait with him, a blip in the universe occurs and he decides to be a member of the human race. And then I think, maybe I was wrong. Maybe he'll decide to be my friend or something. And of course, he disappoints me... over and over and over again.
But yea. I asked him if I bothered him because it totally seems that way. No acknowledgement in person, he never says hi to me online. What other conclustion could I have come to? And then he told me that I certainly don't bother him and why on earth would I think such a thing???? None of my previous questions were answered, I just got more and more. it makes me ask myself why am I going to such great lenghts to get to know him and be his friend if every time he makes me sad or disappoints me. That's just not right.
-Leigh