Seized by yesterdays
I was reminded of my de.lic.io.us bookmarks while reading a friend's blog today. if you are interested in arty farty designy things, check out my bookmarks. There is one video that I particularly like - The Sad Song*. I cannot tell if it is the song or me... I feel smurfy**. But I am not sad. Nostalgic, maybe. The red autumn night is still, just the mood for the self indulgence of yellowed memories. And thoughts that have always been there, but are drowned by the cling and clatter of everyday life.
Then I was reminded of college (as those bookmarks were collected then), of how I used to spend an painful amount of time and effort on my art and design classes, and enjoyed it all, even though I was never an art or design student. How silly of me, but I really like design and art. When I was a kid, my mum taught me to draw by tracing. Back then, there were many things that interested me - drawing, painting, violin, etc. But these were not considered practical skills; I should be concentrating on my studies (which I did, and I am not reaping its benefits). Furthermore, it just did not make much sense for a middle-income family like ours to pay for expensive private lessons. I just learnt whatever I could, from tracing, and later, from observing. No, I cannot draw art. I just enjoy drawing - the flow of energy from the mind to the hand, pencil (or other medium), and then finally paper. It keeps me constantly fascinated by the world around me.
I sometimes think, whether it would make any difference if I had lessons, and were allowed to pursue the interests. Maybe I will still be the same, a cannot-make-it artist/designer. Maybe I will be different. Who knows? This is just a fantasy, an occasional indulgence of thoughts. No, I am not living in regrets. Life is too short for those sentiments. The lesson I gathered is precisely this, that I cannot live in the world of "if only I had..."s.
In my honest opinion, I had never produced any quality works that I can be proud of. Jack of some trades, master of none, really. I will continue to work in the realm wherever, whenever I can. But, I do not know how much longer I can sustain: when work sets in, when I break down from engineer/scientist/HCI practitioner/designer/artist schizophrenia, when I become comfortable and lazy in my free time, when I have no ideas anymore, when nobody (not even me) likes my works... When did I become a pessimist? I am just being pensive.
* I believe I have posted the link here previously, so you might have seen it. Takes a while to download, but it is worth the wait. I want to make something like that, but I need to do so without being called a plagiarist.
** This is a term used by a very good friend. Smurfs are blue creatures. So when I feel smurfy, it means I feel blue, I feel sad.
Then I was reminded of college (as those bookmarks were collected then), of how I used to spend an painful amount of time and effort on my art and design classes, and enjoyed it all, even though I was never an art or design student. How silly of me, but I really like design and art. When I was a kid, my mum taught me to draw by tracing. Back then, there were many things that interested me - drawing, painting, violin, etc. But these were not considered practical skills; I should be concentrating on my studies (which I did, and I am not reaping its benefits). Furthermore, it just did not make much sense for a middle-income family like ours to pay for expensive private lessons. I just learnt whatever I could, from tracing, and later, from observing. No, I cannot draw art. I just enjoy drawing - the flow of energy from the mind to the hand, pencil (or other medium), and then finally paper. It keeps me constantly fascinated by the world around me.
I sometimes think, whether it would make any difference if I had lessons, and were allowed to pursue the interests. Maybe I will still be the same, a cannot-make-it artist/designer. Maybe I will be different. Who knows? This is just a fantasy, an occasional indulgence of thoughts. No, I am not living in regrets. Life is too short for those sentiments. The lesson I gathered is precisely this, that I cannot live in the world of "if only I had..."s.
In my honest opinion, I had never produced any quality works that I can be proud of. Jack of some trades, master of none, really. I will continue to work in the realm wherever, whenever I can. But, I do not know how much longer I can sustain: when work sets in, when I break down from engineer/scientist/HCI practitioner/designer/artist schizophrenia, when I become comfortable and lazy in my free time, when I have no ideas anymore, when nobody (not even me) likes my works... When did I become a pessimist? I am just being pensive.
* I believe I have posted the link here previously, so you might have seen it. Takes a while to download, but it is worth the wait. I want to make something like that, but I need to do so without being called a plagiarist.
** This is a term used by a very good friend. Smurfs are blue creatures. So when I feel smurfy, it means I feel blue, I feel sad.