So much to say...

[lei_on_me]

There has been so much happening in my life right now that i dont even know where to begin. Its either good or bad and no in between. My stepmom is not doing good at all. Doctors were supposed to do an operation on her to remove her right lung but she is not a capable patient for such critical trama. SO now there is nothing doctors can do for her so they sent her home after being in the hospital for another 10 days. She wanted to go home to be at home and to be around her cats. She is aware of her surroundings and is capable of talking, sitting up, and very little walking so she in not unconsious of whats going on. She has to be hooked up to an oxygen tank machine at all times and has morphine for the pain. Its just so hard to deal with this. My dad puts all the pressure on me because he doesnt have anyone else to help out and then he makes me feel so guilty. I feel like there could be so much more that i can do to help but sometimes i just dont want to deal and the decisions i make arnt always the best. ALso my dad isnt doing so well himself; he has very large ahernia (if thats how u spell it) in his stomach, needs eye surgery, and he was having chest pains the other day so he went to the emergency room to get a CAT Scan and they found that he has three spots on his lungs and needs to get a bronchoscopy to see if its cancerous. I dont know where my mind is at lately, i am always on a constant rollercoaster with my emotions. While all this bad is going on all i can do is pray and have faith in God. ]

Though all of this is happening in my life right now there are a few things that i try to look at in my life that give me some sort of happiness. There is always family, i love all of my friends, I have trust in God and I know he will always be there for me, and i just got a new job which i start today. I hope i can handle it. Im still holding onto the other one that i have but i just want to check and see how this new one works out. Hopefully i will be able to actually save money on the side. Also Adrian and I have become really close and he knows how to make me happy. I cant always look at the bad but while everything thats bad is occuring, i need to keep myself busy at all times cuz when i dont, i find myself having a nervous breakdown.Im trying to deal so hard without falling apart...