There's no remedy for memory (your face is like a melody)

[lehunn]

There's no remedy for memory (your face is like a melody)
Kaisoo | side!Baekyeol | very tiny slice of hunhan
R
~7300w
Kyungsoo has a room full of pictures and a drawer full of letters but an empty heart.



-prompt fill for dutchess12534



there's no remedy for memory (your face is like a melody)

Kyungsoo tilts his head as he reads the email.

Congratulates, Do Kyungsoo! We’ve found a penpal match for you!
Your match has been notified as well. I hope you’re excited to get talking!
Please take full advantage of your penpal and become friends!

The name and address at the bottom of the email has Kyungsoo biting at his name. The person lives in America, California to be more specific. Kyungsoo’s never talked to anyone from a different country before. He panics and wonders if the person speaks Korean. Maybe he speaks English? Or maybe some different language that he has absolutely no idea how to read. If it’s English, he at least has a pretty good vocabulary and can hold up a conversation.

Kyungsoo writes down the name and address of the person, placing the sticky note on the side of his desk where the shelves rise up. It stares at him in the face for a few minutes before Kyungsoo looks away.

The first letter comes from the other in a week. It’s faster than he thought it would be. He stares at the envelope and bites his lip. His name is written sloppily as if the person doesn’t know how to write Korean.

He squints his eyes as he opens the envelop and pulls out the single piece of paper. His lips curl into a large smile when he sees the Korean characters. He reads it over and he realizes that it’s perfect. Either the other must have studied Korean or he’s Korean himself. Kyungsoo quickly sits on the floor of his bedroom and reads the letter over.

It doesn’t have much in it. Basic information really. It’s a guy and he’s eighteen. Kyungsoo wonders if he’s eighteen in asian years or eighteen in American years. It only takes him a few more lines to understand he’s really eighteen. Kyungsoo smiles because he’s a good age. Not too old and not too young. Kyungsoo lets out a breath of happiness.

The rest of the letter explains how he’s excited to talk to Kyungsoo more. It’s his first penpal and he’s nervous, which makes Kyungsoo less nervous, actually. At the bottom of the letter is a drawing of a person, Kyungsoo thinks it might be him but he’s not sure. It’s cartoon like and cute. He folds the paper up and puts it in the top drawer of his desk.

Kyungsoo’s fingers wrap around a cologne scented envelop. His lips curl up into a smile when he presses the envelop up to his nose. He doesn’t know what kind of cologne it is, he normally doesn’t keep up with the different brands. Whatever smells good is what he uses. The envelop smells of something completely different. Something that he only smells about once a month. He can always tell when there’s a scented envelop in his mailbox. It makes the whole box smells, even those bills that are overdue.

The bills and other mail is set on the coffee table in the middle of living room. Kyungsoo sits down on the couch, smiling as the soft fabric brushes the curve of his back where his shirt has ridden up. He stares at the sloppy Korean characters on the front of the envelop. The only neat part is his name; Do Kyungsoo.

There are a few ink smudges on the paper with the letter that are obvious when Kyungsoo pulls the papers out. He counts them, five in all. A light blush covers his cheeks as he sets the envelop to the side and curls up on the couch, gripping the papers in his hands.

The first page consists of how much he liked Kyungsoo’s letter. He swears he can see a drop of water in the corner and Kyungsoo laughs at the image of water being spilled on the paper.

The second and third page talks about what went on the last week. Apparently there was a big dance competition and he won first. Then he went out to go see the latest movie and nearly choked on popcorn halfway through. Kyungsoo claps his hands and his eyes curl downwards into small crescents.

For the last two pages, it tells about the way the sky looks at night and in the morning. Kyungsoo’s seen his photography before. It’s dark but light at the same time. Kyungsoo’s favorite photo is one of the snow at night during the winter. The moon hits the frozen lake perfectly while the snowflakes fall in front of the frame. It’s perfect in it’s own way and Kyungsoo tapped the photo on his wall the day he received it in the mail.

Kyungsoo pushes himself off the couch and jogs to his room. He opens the top right drawer in his desk. He grabs his staple and staples the papers together before writing the date in the right corner. It gets folded perfectly and placed on top of the other packs of paper. Kyungsoo smiles and shuts the drawer.

The sunlight hits the collection of photographs perfectly. The signature on the left bottom corner shines when the curtains shift and let in more sunlight.

Kim Jongin.

The first time Kyungsoo see’s Jongin on webcam is four months later. The weather is hot and he can see Jongin’s bangs sticking to his forehead from the lack of an air conditioner in his dorm at school. At the beginning of September, the weather is too hot for both of their likings.

Kyungsoo has to fight off the blush that creeps on his pale cheeks. He’s seen Jongin in pictures before but the way he looks on camera is completely different. Jongin seems to have the same problem and they both stare at each other silently for a few minutes.

“How are you?”

“Good. What about you?”

“Hot.”

Jongin laughs and Kyungsoo can’t help but laugh along with it. A bead of sweat curls around the side of Jongin’s neck and Kyungsoo has the urge to wipe it off with a tissue. They revert back to awkward silence until Jongin see’s the photographs that hang around Kyungsoo’s walls.

“Are those all mine?”

Kyungsoo turns around to admire the collage of different photographs. There’s one from every season. There’s even ones with Jongin himself in it. Kyungsoo nods as he turns back to meet Jongin’s gaze.

They talk for a few hours because Jongin doesn’t have class on the weekends, luckily. Kyungsoo listens to him talk about the new dancing program that they have at his university. He’s decided to major in dance and minor in Korean literature. Kyungsoo blinks at the last part, laughing because he’d never guess that Jongin was the reading type.

Dinner comes and Jongin tells Kyungsoo that he has to go.

“I’ve been talking to you all day and haven’t eaten anything.” Jongin says as he laughs over the loud noise his stomach makes.

“That’s not good. You have to eat. Especially if you having dance practice later.”

Jongin rolls his eyes and smiles shyly, a light blush covers his tanned cheeks. Kyungsoo waves and whispers a goodbye as he hangs up the call. He vaguely thinks that he sees Jongin blow a kiss as the screen goes black.

Christmas comes with a large box outside of Kyungsoo’s front door. He looks around and shivers at the cold while he reads the label on the box. A large grin and a rather girlish screech comes from his lips as he picks up the box, brushing off the snow that has fallen during his mini freak out. The cold makes his nose red and he wishes for a moment that he was wearing more than tight sweatpants and a tight long-sleeved shirt.

The box isn’t that heavy but it’s not light either. Kyungsoo lets out another squeal when he sets it on the coffee table. He has to sit upright on his knees to be able to cut into the box with his scissors. Kyungsoo pulls the flaps of the box apart and he’s met by the same smell the envelops come with.

Inside are several items, each one individually wrapped in sparkly red and cold paper. Kyungsoo moves one of the presents around to see how the lights make the paper sparkle even more.

He opens each one slowly, taking his time to admire how well they’re wrapped. The first one contains a sweater. It’s dark blue and thick but not like a coat. He slips it on and is instantly relieved of his shivering. The inside is softer and a little fuzzier than the outside. The color is a light tan with dark blue on the outside. Kyungsoo thinks it matches well with him, even with his newly dyed dark red hair.

The second one contains a matching hat and scarf. Yellow with grey snowflakes on them. Like the sweater, it’s softer than most winter gear. He slips it on and wiggles to himself in the comfiness.

The last three seem to go together. One is a photo book of all the photographs that Jongin has taken. In the corner is his signature, shining under the light. He takes his time and looks through each one. Most of them he recognizes because he has them hanging up on his walls and he’s greeted with them every morning and evening. He’s even taken time to study every part of the pictures, noticing every small detail then telling Jongin about it. Jongin would always be surprised at the minor things that Kyungsoo would notice.

Next is a set of DVD’s. Kyungsoo slides his computer off the couch and puts one in gently. He tilts his head as he clicks play. For the first few seconds, it’s completely dark and only a bit of music can be heard. Kyungsoo’s eyes light up when he see’s a familiar figure on stage, striking a pose as he begins dancing. Kyungsoo spends the next two hours watching all of the DVD’s.

The final present is a letter. It’s short, much like the first letter that Kyungsoo ever received from Jongin. A paragraph written in sloppy Korean that makes Kyungsoo laugh. The letter explains that Kyungsoo needs to have a happy Christmas and Jongin promises that he will as well. He also promises to tell Kyungsoo all the presents he receives, including the ones that Kyungsoo sent him.

Kyungsoo sits back down on the couch with his cup of hot chocolate, warm between his hands as he leans back. The hat and scarf fit happily around his neck and head while his sweater keeps his torso warm. Kyungsoo smiles to himself when he takes the first sip, burning his tongue from not waiting for his drink to cool down.

“How have you been? I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever.”

Kyungsoo licks his lips as he finishes off a piece of his sandwich. He grabs his napkin and wipes off the bit of honey mustard that stains the corner of his lips.

“I’m good. What about you?”

Baekhyun sighs and rests his cheek in the palm of his hand. His dark brown hair flutters when he tilts his head, bangs dropping down to move in front of his eyes.

“I’m alright, I guess. Chanyeol talked about moving out last night.”

Kyungsoo swallows as he blinks a few times, his eyes wider than they should be. He sets his sandwich down and takes a sip of his drink.

“Still having trouble?”

He frowns when Baekhyun doesn’t say anything. The week before Baekhyun called Kyungsoo at three in the morning, his voice shaky and his voice cracking with each word. Chanyeol left angrily after one of their fights. They were fighting over money again. Something Kyungsoo is for once glad he doesn’t have anyone to fight with. Baekhyun is the one with a job while Chanyeol sits at home and plays video games all day.

Kyungsoo sucks in a breath as Baekhyun sniffles. He tilts his head and pats Baekhyun’s arm lightly.

“Hey. You can come over whenever you need to, okay?”

Baekhyun only nods, visible tears in his eyes. Kyungsoo sighs and pushes himself up, walking over to Baekhyun’s chair. His arms wrap around the boy’s body, holding him close as he attempts to calm Baekhyun down so he doesn’t cry in the middle of the coffee shop.

They hug for a few minutes and Kyungsoo wipes at the corners of Baekhyun’s eyes. They both laugh because other people are staring at them. Kyungsoo moves his chair closer to Baekhyun and finishes off his food.

“How is Jongin, by the way?”

“He’s good. He’s got a pretty big schedule for this semester. He starts some of his dancing classes since it’s his second year, or something.”

Kyungsoo laughs at himself for not being too informed about the American education system. He thinks to himself for a few minutes, wondering if he said it right. Kyungsoo shrugs and laughs, taking another sip of his tea.

“He has off on Monday’s though so I get to talk to him all day. We normally get up around eight and don’t get off the phone or Skype until after dinner. We do a lot together. He even went to the bathroom with the computer!”

Kyungsoo laughs harder than he should have. Baekhyun only smiles and laughs quietly at the story, remembering how he yelled at Jongin to not take the computer in with him. Jongin only whined and said that he wanted to talk to Kyungsoo more and set the computer on the counter. Kyungsoo closed his eyes when Jongin starting peeing.

“How long has it been since you two started talking?”

“Almost two years.”

“That’s a long time.” Baekhyun laughs as he finishes off his coffee. “You guys talk everyday?”

“Mm, well it started off with the letters every month. But then I wanted to see him. I wanted to see what he looked like and how he acted.” Kyungsoo licks his lips and runs his finger down his mug. “Once I saw his face, I wanted to see him even more. It’s like trying something for the first time then getting addicted to it. His face is just.. so..”

“Addicting?”

Kyungsoo laughs as he nods at Baekhyun’s suggestion. “Yeah, addicting. Then he dances for me and sometimes reads from his favorite books. He read me an English book last night. I forget the name of it but it was amazing. I wanted him to read another but it was after midnight.”

It takes a few minutes for Kyungsoo to come out of his trance. He thinks about all the conversations him and Jongin have had. Even the small ones that consist of a minute or two before class. They all matter.

Baekhyun clears his throat as his phone rings. Kyungsoo watches Baekhyun fall apart in front of his eyes. Tears flow from his eyes and his nose becomes red. Kyungsoo stands up slowly, unsure if he should go over to Baekhyun or stay back.

He comes over a few minutes, tears dried against his cheeks.

“Chanyeol’s coming back.”

Kyungsoo smiles softly at how happy Baekhyun looks. He thinks about how they’ll look together, holding hands and sharing small kisses like Kyungsoo normally sees them. He wonders how it feels to get kisses and have someone’s arms around him.

Three months pass and Kyungsoo doesn’t hear from Jongin. No letters, no phone calls, texts, video calls, messages of any kind. Nothing at all. Kyungsoo waits everyday, looking out the window for the mail person. He examines the envelopes in his hand before sighing. Kyungsoo shifts through the mail, not smelling any kind of perfume on any parts of his mail.

Kyungsoo looks at the pictures on his wall. He looks at the last one that Jongin sent. It’s a picture of Kyungsoo on the computer. Kyungsoo remembers when that Jongin took it. They were in the middle of a conversation and Jongin pulled out his camera, taking a picture of Kyungsoo in mid-sentence. It has a flash, which in any other photo would ruin it, but the flash makes Jongin’s reflection able to be seen. Even behind the camera, Kyungsoo can see Jongin’s smile.

He spends most of his time at home. His computer open as he searches the web and does his work. Skype is always open and he waits for that sound indicating that Jongin is online. It never comes but Kyungsoo leaves his computer open until he falls asleep.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol come over several times. Both of them snuggle as they watch a movie together. Most of the time, the couple starts making out and Kyungsoo has to clear his throat or leave the room so they can notice he’s still there.

One evening, Kyungsoo pulls out all the letters in his drawer. There’s almost a hundred, dates starting from 2012 all the way to 2015. They cover their whole relationship. Kyungsoo smiles at the awkwardness of the first couple months. Short letters only giving information about each other.

The next months after that, the letters get longer, going to the second page and eventually to the third. Things start to get more about little things. He comes across the letter that Jongin tells him he got into the college he wanted to get. Kyungsoo remembers how he called Jongin minutes after and they both talked for hours.

Kyungsoo looks at the papers around him. They surround him and cover almost all of his floor. He sucks in a breath and bites his lip as he stares at the letters. He wonders if Jongin found another penpal.

Maybe Kyungsoo isn’t as exciting as Jongin himself. Jongin dances, sings, reads exotic books that leave him breathless for days. Kyungsoo works at home, lives alone, and spends most of his days at home on the computer.

Kyungsoo pulls out a piece of paper and sits down on his bed.

Cigarettes aren’t as nice as he thought it would be. Kyungsoo coughs as he lights up his third cigarette of the day. The air is finally getting warmer and he likes standing outside, watching the cars as they pass in the morning rush. He tilts his head as a fancy sports car zooms by quickly. Kyungsoo grins as he thinks of his own car back at home. It’s red with a shine that makes it blind the eyes when it goes past.

It takes him a good five minutes before he presses the tip of his shoe against the cigarette. Even though he doesn’t like smoking, he does it often. People look at him weird. Maybe it’s the way half of his head is shaved and the part that isn’t, is dark red. Then he thinks it’s the new tattoo he has on the side of his neck. It’s the typical girly tattoo of the Chinese character of love but it looks manly to him. Kyungsoo finds himself staring at it in the mirror everyday when he rubs his hair dry from his shower.

Kyungsoo smiles to himself as he walks back into the building.

The paper has been boring for the last few weeks. A few murders all over the city, like always. Kyungsoo sighs as he sets the paper down on the coffee table. He grabs the computer that he’s left open on the couch.

It takes him almost half an hour to get to something worthwhile reading. Apparently, one of the main entertainment companies has scouted a large group of Americans. Kyungsoo scrolls down until he finds all the names of the new trainee’s. There’s almost twenty of them and Kyungsoo blinks a few times as he tries to see if he sees any familiar names.

He gets to the ‘K’s when there’s a loud knock on his door. Kyungsoo jumps, gripping his computer to keep it from falling off his lap.

“Coming!”

Kyungsoo sets the computer to the side and walks over to the door. The doorknob jiggles a few times and Kyungsoo groans, opening the door and meeting the eyes of Baekhyun.

“Kyungsoo! Did you forget that we’re going to the movies tonight?”

Baekhyun holds his arms up in the air, eyes curling downwards into crescents. Kyungsoo turns back at his computer before smiling. He pats his pockets to make sure that he has his smokes, phone, and lighter. Baekhyun wraps his arms around Kyungsoo’s shoulders, almost pulling him out of the home.

Kyungsoo holds Baekhyun up as he laughs louder into the night’s air. They decided to go to a bar after the movie, it only being nine after they were finished. It seemed like a good idea for the first hour. But when Baekhyun decided to order a shot, things started to go downhill.

Baekhyun shouts something about having sex with Chanyeol when he gets home.

“And he’s going to fuck me so hard, oh god, it’s going to be fucking amazing!”

Kyungsoo has to cover Baekhyun’s mouth with his hand to try and keep him from disturbing the people around them. It’s almost two in the morning and they’re walking through the quiet city. Baekhyun licks at Kyungsoo’s hand, laughing as he does so and tips over onto Kyungsoo’s side.

Baekhyun stops his laughing and screaming. Kyungsoo tilts his head when Baekhyun stares at something in the distance. He squints his eyes a bit to see a figure waiting at the stoplight. The screaming Baekhyun gets his attention and Kyungsoo is met with tired brown eyes.

They lock eyes with each other until the beep begins, letting the boy know that it’s his time to cross the street. Kyungsoo watches until Baekhyun starts retching to the side, the full basket of fries and a burger spilling out on the concrete, just barely missing Kyungsoo’s newest shoes.

Kyungsoo groans as he tries to keep Baekhyun from falling over into his own vomit. “Baekhyun.. I’m calling Chanyeol. We need his help.”

Baekhyun mutters something about how Chanyeol will be mad at being woken up in the middle of the night. Kyungsoo ignores his warning as he leans Baekhyun up against a building’s wall, making sure he won’t tip over as he makes the call.

Chanyeol arrives in his pajamas, or what Kyungsoo thinks are his pajamas. Baekhyun had mentioned to him several times that Chanyeol tends to sleep in his underwear or nothing at all. Chanyeol steps out of the car in a loose pair of sweats and a wrinkly shirt that barely fits him. Kyungsoo thinks it’s probably Baekhyun’s.

“I’m pretty sure he’s passed out now,” Kyungsoo says as he scrunches his nose up, looking at the boy practically laying on the ground. “Probably should wake him up and give him some water and bread. He’ll throw up but it’ll help get all the alcohol out of his system.”

Chanyeol only nods, the sleepiness in his eyes obvious under the street lamp. Kyungsoo wraps his arms around himself as he watches the couple get into the car. Chanyeol keeps his arms tightly around Baekhyun. He whispers and presses gentle kisses against Baekhyun’s face.

Kyungsoo takes his time walking home. It wasn’t far to begin with, only about a ten or fifteen minute walk, but he wanted to stay out in the cool air for longer. He sighs to himself in the air, listening as it slowly fades away.

As he turns onto his street, he notices a black figure walking slowly down the length of the road. There’s a white bag in left hand and his right hand lifts up a sandwich, it takes a moment before his arm falls down by his side.

Kyungsoo’s hand hovers over the door to his home, biting his lip as he watches the figure stop a few houses down. Kyungsoo scrunches his nose up, wondering what the person could be doing at his neighbor’s house. He pretends that he can’t get his key to work, just incase the figure turns to look at him.

A few seconds later and Joonmyun opens the door with a smile. The figure bows, the hood to his sweatshirt falling down against his shoulders. Chocolate colored hair shines gently under the light next to the door. Kyungsoo quickly opens his door when Joonmyun looks at him and waves. He looks back and the figure is gone. Kyungsoo’s hand slowly lifts up to wave back at Joonmyun.

“I have a request.”

Kyungsoo tilts his head, blowing the smoke out of his mouth as he pushes his phone between his cheek and shoulder.

“What is it?”

“I would like you to have tea with me tonight.”

His head tilts and he rubs his cigarette against the bottom of the ashtray. Kyungsoo grabs the phone and holds it against his ear.

“Yeah, that’s no problem. I’ll have to get my work done and then I’ll be over?” He sneaks a look at the clock, biting his lip at the time. “How about seven? Will that work?”

Kyungsoo can feel Joonmyun’s smile through the phone as he says yes. He nods and says his goodbyes, the phone sliding back onto his desk. Kyungsoo taps his fingers against the surface, looking in the small mirror that hangs where the shelves begin. His eyes focus on a picture of a winter scene, the small glimmer of the signature in the corner.

By seven fifteen Kyungsoo’s hand hits against Joonmyun’s door. His fingers twitch for the cigarette he should have had before he left. Kyungsoo shoves his hands in his pockets when the door opens and he’s met with Joonmyun’s bright smile.

“I see you’ve gotten a new haircut.”

Kyungsoo runs his hand through his hair, nodding as his palm brushes against the freshly shaved side of his head. He pushes the rest of his hair to the side, making sure none of it covers the shaved side. He did it quickly five minutes before heading out the door when he realized how long the side was getting.

“Please, make yourself at home while I get the tea.”

Joonmyun bows as he walks into the kitchen. Kyungsoo looks around, almost forgetting where the living room is. He walks through what he remembers as the music room before finding a room full of couches and chairs, accented with a large fireplace. It’s decorated like Joonmyun himself. Simple and modern. Kyungsoo is hesitant as he leans back against the couch.

It’s been several months since he’s been in Joonmyun’s home. They used to meet every weekend when they were in college. Working on term papers and studying for tests. Now they only talk on the phone every so often, life not giving them enough free time for socialization.

Joonmyun sings at weddings. Not the most ideal, he would always say. He wanted to be a professional singer, one that would travel around the world and sing for thousands of people and he would have hundreds of fans waiting for him like they do for the groups on TV. Kyungsoo would tell him that at least he’s doing something he loves. He thinks about his own aspirations and sighs.

“I hope mango tea is okay for you,” Joonmyun sighs as he sets the tray full of tea cups and the tea pot on the coffee table. “I had some of my favorite herbal tea but I seem to be out.”

“It’s fine. Mango is one of my favorite.”

Joonmyun looks relieved as he sits down in the chair that sits across from the table. Kyungsoo watches him as he carefully pours the tea into the cups. The smell of warm mango fills the room, overpowering the flower candle that flickers on the mantel. Kyungsoo smiles at Joonmyun as he is given the tea cup.

They sip their tea together in silence, neither of them sure of what to talk about. Too much time has past and not enough similarities between them anymore. Kyungsoo lives his life and Joonmyun lives his across the street.

Kyungsoo clears his throat as a sip of tea almost goes down the wrong way. Joonmyun offers him a napkin, smiling as Kyungsoo dabs it along his lips.

“So, is there anything in particular that you wanted me over for?”

It wasn’t that Kyungsoo didn’t like seeing Joonmyun, because he did. Joonmyun is one of his oldest friends and he enjoys the other’s company. The timing is what throws Kyungsoo off.

“Ah,” Joonmyun finishes off his cup and sets it down on the tray with ease. “Yes, actually. I have something for you.”

Kyungsoo watches as Joonmyun stands up and disappears into the other room. He comes back with an envelop in his hands, gripping it lightly as he takes his seat. Joonmyun’s arm extends and the envelop flutters as the air from the vent hits it.

“The mailman must have mistaken our houses. It came yesterday for you.”

Kyungsoo blinks a few times before taking the envelop in his hand. It’s thick, several items or pieces of paper inside. It only takes him a quick glance at the handwriting before he rips the top of it open and pulls out the contents. He feels his heart stop beating as his eyes scan over the several lines of characters.

His eyes stop reading when he hears a voice coming from a different room. Joonmyun responds to the question, pushing himself up and peeking his head out of the room. Kyungsoo furrows his brows, realizing whoever the person is, is speaking in English and he can’t understand. Kyungsoo turns his head as he hears footsteps coming closer and the voice becoming louder.

It only takes three seconds for Kyungsoo to lock eyes with the brown ones that stare at him from the doorway. Those familiar brown eyes that he used to stare into for hours are in front of him. Kyungsoo feels his heart race and his palms become sweaty. The papers in his hand threaten to fall but he holds onto them incase those brown eyes aren’t truly there. Kyungsoo used to dream about them. Dream that they would stare back at him, find him in the darkest of places and pull him back into the light. Kyungsoo doesn’t blink incase they disappear.

Kyungsoo’s lips part and he can hear shaky breaths coming from between the plump lips. He doesn’t see Joonmyun’s modern living room. The leather couch and chairs are gone and the flowers mix into the sunlight coming from the windows. Nothing else matters to him. Not the way the air smells of mango tea or the way the paper feels under his fingers. All that matters is those brown eyes that haven’t left.

“Kyungsoo.”

He closes his eyes, squeezes them as hard as he can. He prays that it’s a dream for some reason. Maybe because he doesn’t know what to say. What can he say? Months have turned into just over a year since those eyes and that voice pushed against his face with gentleness. They still brush over his cheeks, rubbing against them and making them pink like they used to get. He doesn’t want to open them because he’s changed. He’s no longer the quiet and good Kyungsoo. His hair is colored and shaved on one side. He’s got a tattoo that covers the expanse of his neck. His teeth are beginning to tint with yellow from the cigarettes that find home there everyday. His clothes probably smell of smoke and his lips don’t shine like they used to.

But Kyungsoo opens his eyes and finds those brown eyes looking back at him still. They didn’t move and don’t look like they will move. Kyungsoo lets out a quiet whimper that turns into something else.

“Jongin.”

Joonmyun comes back with a fresh serving of tea. The teapot is placed in the middle as he waits until it cools down. Minutes pass before his gentle hands pour tea into three cups.

“I apologize for such a surprising meeting.”

Kyungsoo shifts in his seat, watching as Jongin does the same on the other side of the couch.

“I must confess, Kyungsoo. The letter isn’t the only reason why you’re here.” Joonmyun smiles as he takes a sip of his tea. He drinks quietly, barely making any sound as he sets the tea cup down where it belongs. “Jongin asked me to invite you over.”

Kyungsoo parts his lips, eager to say something, but when Jongin doesn’t move or turn to look at him, Kyungsoo presses them back together. His eyes shift towards the several pieces of paper on the coffee table.

“Did you know I lived here?” Kyungsoo whispers to Jongin, not turning his head and keeping his eyes down.

“Yes,” Jongin says simply. It’s the quietest Kyungsoo has ever heard his voice before.

They sit in silence until the tea is gone again. The air full of uncertainty. There’s a space between Jongin and Kyungsoo that feel like betrayal almost, to Kyungsoo at least. Jongin living across the street for an unknown amount of time frustrates Kyungsoo. He’s missed the boy so much. So many days he’s waited for something, anything, to know that he’s okay. Kyungsoo’s thought about tragedies. Jongin getting in a car crash, a fire, even getting too sick and having to be in the hospital. To know he’s been across the street, makes Kyungsoo’s fingers curl into his palm.

Kyungsoo doesn’t notice when Joonmyun leaves with tray in hand back into the kitchen. He only notices it when he sees the shadow of Jongin’s feet move. He panics for a moment, not wanting to be alone with Jongin. But it’s what he’s wanted all along, truly. But he’s scared that Jongin doesn’t like him anymore. He doesn’t care for his hair or anything else that’s changed. Kyungsoo presses his fingers against the couch, ready to push himself off and tell Joonmyun that it’s been nice but he has to finish more work.

“I missed you.”

His hands fall flat against the leather couch. His body relaxes and Kyungsoo turns his head to look at Jongin. Those eyes, god, those eyes look at him right where he’s dreamed about. He can lightly smell the cologne that Jongin has on. It’s inviting, warm, and it draws Kyungsoo in. Kyungsoo parts his lips and his fingers curl up against the leather.

And before he has anymore time to think, his arms wrap around Jongin’s larger frame.

“I was so scared that something happened to you. That you got hurt or that you were sick. I wrote you letters but you never responded. I emailed you and everything.” Kyungsoo takes a breath, finding his words stumbling over one another. He closes his eyes and melts into Jongin’s body and after a few seconds, he feels the younger one melt into his. “I missed you too, so much.”

Their bodies turn from the uncomfortable position. Arms tighten around one another until they both feel as though they can’t breathe. Kyungsoo doesn’t mind at all. All around him is Jongin. Jongin, Jongin, Jongin, Jongin. Right in front of him, arms wrapped around him and breaths mixing with his own. Jongin the photographer. Jongin the dancer and book enthusiast. Jongin the now nineteen year old boy. And Jongin the person from the other side of the computer that Kyungsoo fell in love with. Right in his arms.

Jongin tells Kyungsoo everything. He tells him about how his father lost his job. It made his mother angry and they eventually separated. Jongin had to leave college because he was living with his mother and they didn’t have enough money to pay for it. His mother sent him to a community college instead. She restricted him from computers and phones, not because she didn’t want Jongin to talk to others but because there wasn’t enough money. Money spent on internet could be used for food.

He had to get a job a few weeks later. Jongin worked at a supermarket, bagging groceries for minimum pay. It worked him hard along with his school work. Any free time that Jongin had was spent taking pictures, reading, or sleeping. His dreams of becoming a dancer had fallen fast. No money to take dance lessons and no where in America that would take him for nothing. Jongin restricted himself to Korean literature. Burying himself in old texts and studying them until he understood every line.

The way he got to Korea was through a dancing audition. He had heard about it from the flyers that hang in the public library. Jongin told his mother about it and of course, she told him no. Not enough money and a waste of time. But Jongin didn’t listen to her. Because dancing was the only thing he was confident in.

Two months later and Jongin arrives in Korea. He arrives with one bag in hand and a map. Jongin tells him that he’s never been more thankful for knowing Korean in his life. Any normal person would have a panic attack and struggle to find their way around. Kyungsoo laughs because he thinks of how it would be if he went to America by himself.

Joonmyun comes later. Four months later Jongin becomes good friends with Joonmyun. They talk to each other, tell stories, and Jongin tells Joonmyun everything. Jongin doesn’t tell how him and Joonmyun met exactly, but Kyungsoo isn’t too focused on how they met. Joonmyun has always found the best people in the oddest of places.

How Jongin found Kyungsoo was through Baekhyun. One of the days when Baekhyun insisted on dragging Kyungsoo around town, Jongin spotted the two in a store. Kyungsoo laughs when Jongin tells him that he thought Baekhyun was his boyfriend. He explains it’s rather normal for friends to be touchy how they were together. Hands running down each other’s backs and holding hands together. Jongin blushes for a moment, realizing that he should have known.

Kyungsoo only briefly listens to how Jongin’s life is as a trainee. He decides to watch the way Jongin’s lips move instead. Jongin’s head rests on Kyungsoo’s lap, hair sprawled out across his thighs and almost blending in with the black couch.

The first time they kiss, Kyungsoo feels himself falling. His knees wobble and he tips backwards, only to find himself being held up by Jongin’s arm. They both laugh and Kyungsoo whispers how soft Jongin’s lips are. Jongin rolls his eyes and calls Kyungsoo cheesy before their lips meet again. The arm around him tightens and Kyungsoo feels himself steady as his own arm wraps around Jongin’s shoulder.

“And so I said to him, ‘Listen, it’s way too early to think about that now. We have so much of our lives ahead of us and I don’t want to rush things,’ do you know what I mean?”

Kyungsoo laughs as Baekhyun bites down on his straw hard. Ice pushes together, making a loud noise as he sets his cup down on the table.

“Well, I mean, how long have you two been together? It’s almost four years? That’s a long time to be with someone. Maybe Chanyeol is right. Lots of couples seem to be getting married young these days.”

“I heard that I’m right. What am I right about?”

Baekhyun sighs and leans into Chanyeol’s touch as he settles back into his seat. Kyungsoo smiles up at Jongin, holding his arm out as he’s handed his coffee. They share a small kiss, lips curling into smiles as they pull away.

“About getting married,” Baekhyun grumbles as he tilts his head, trying to hide his smile as Chanyeol kisses down his cheek.

“Well of course I’m right! Come on, Baekkie, don’t you love me?”

Jongin gags as he hears Baekhyun mumble an ‘of course,’ before they kiss. Chanyeol pushes his tongue past Baekhyun’s lips, meeting with the other’s in a short make-out session.

“Hey! Get a room!”

Chanyeol whines as he feels Kyungsoo’s foot kick him from under the table. Baekhyun pulls away and laughs, burying his face into Chanyeol’s neck. Kyungsoo smiles to himself, watching as they share a few more kisses.

Kyungsoo sips his coffee slowly, liking the way it goes down his throat. His hand breaks away from Jongin’s, only to travel up to his wrist. His fingers blindly rub against the new tattoo that contrasts against his skin. Kyungsoo traces the lines of the character; love.

“So, has Kyungsoo taken your virginity yet, Jongin?”

Kyungsoo almost chokes on his coffee, setting his cup down with a loud bang. He coughs and waves his hand at Chanyeol, face red and eyes glaring. Jongin laughs, his arm wrapping around Kyungsoo’s waist, rubbing his side as he calms down from his coughing fit.

“As a matter of fact, I fucked him over the table last night,” Jongin grins and Kyungsoo face palms, both hands covering his reddening face. He can hear Chanyeol and Jongin give each other a high-five, both laughing and smiling.

Kyungsoo pulls his hands away from his face. His eyes look at Baekhyun. His arms wrapped around Chanyeol securely and his eyes and face looking warmer than it should be in the middle of winter. Chanyeol has one arm wrapped around Baekhyun’s waist, playing with the hem of his sweater and the other hand being used to cut a piece of chocolate cake.

Jongin chats to Chanyeol about meeting up the next weekend to go Christmas shopping together. Both trying to be secretive even though Kyungsoo knows that him and Baekhyun have ideas of what they’re getting for Christmas. Jongin’s warm arm hangs over his shoulder, fingers intertwined with Kyungsoo’s.

Kyungsoo doesn’t think about the time that he hadn’t felt Jongin. He doesn’t think about the times he saw Baekhyun and Chanyeol hug and kiss each other while Kyungsoo had to sit and wonder what it felt like. He doesn’t think about the times he cried to Jongin on video chat and saying how he wanted to be in his arms.

When he sees Chanyeol and Baekhyun press against each other for warmth, he doesn’t get jealous. When he watches Jongin dance and he sees the two other trainees, Luhan and Sehun, rub each other’s back after practice, whispering against each other’s ears, he only smiles.

Kyungsoo sighs happily to himself, cheek pressing against the curve of Jongin’s neck. He closes his eyes and lets himself be overcome with the fancy perfume that Kyungsoo bought Jongin. He lets his hand be caressed by Jongin’s larger one, feeling the gentleness from the page turning that Jongin’s fingers do.

He shuffles in his seat, reaching down and picking up the camera out of his bag. One that Jongin gifted him. Kyungsoo stays silent as he pulls the camera to his eyes. His body tilts so he can get Jongin in the frame. Their eyes meet together through the camera. Kyungsoo sees the warmth and kindness that Jongin has. The determination and love. He sees those eyes that read all the letters he sent, all the emails and all the movements he did on camera for him. He sees the eyes that locked to his when Jongin told him that he has all the letters Kyungsoo sent him. The eyes that would meet his when he danced for him. Kyungsoo sees the eyes that hold hurt and struggle, abandonment and pain.

Kyungsoo’s finger pushes down and takes the photo. He pulls the camera away slowly, looking down at the screen to see a smiling Jongin. He looks at the brown eyes that he looked into many nights ago. The same ones that looked into his when their mouths met and their breaths mixed together. The same eyes that Kyungsoo had dreamed about for months.

Those brown eyes that hold his heart carefully with gentle hands. Kyungsoo smiles to himself as he puts the camera back into his bag and leans back into Jongin’s arms.