Venus Rising
Bad, weird week. Normally, when the universe opens it's self to me in such an extreme way it's a very positive and very needed experience. Unfortunately, this time it's all badly timed stress and all involves women somehow. (This seems to be the only thing I stress about. Note to self: avoid more than I have).
What it amounted to was this, in order of worst to not so worst:
* Email from Amanda on Monday. I had sent her an email the friday night previous when my gut instinct told me something was wrong (this is not the first time its happened over the years). Her reply could be broken down into two parts. First the "I was thinking about how much I missed you and how hard it is to not contact you and I was in a bad place that night - and you emailed me as I'm staring at my email thinking all of this. How do you do that every time? Our connection is uncanny." Followed by "I'm getting married. Please accept this. I need you to be strong and not contact me because when you do, it makes me question my entire world."
* Wednesday I get into a small text message exchange with Elka, the first since 2008. At first it felt great but once the adrenaline wore off I felt empty and spent, used up and alone. I'm happy it was very polite and ... maybe not affectionate? but something like it... But it scared me going back down that road again. (Face the dragon, Justin and in facing it, you beat it)
* Erin - the knockout Intern from a couple years ago - text messages me out of nowhere today. At first I thought she was bored but... No, this was flirting. Rule Of The Universe #1: If I sense a woman flirting, she's been doing it for hours if not days and I'm just slow to pick it up. This time though - even after one beautifully suggestive reply - she literally said "Sorry, not flirting". Im not angry but I am totally thrown because she doesn't seem the type to lead men on. Perhaps I've misread her all this time. Whatever.
* Had a minor but very personal scuffle with an online friend I've come to confide in lately. I'd known her for years and years and years but we never got to much talking until December or so. Basically, she questioned how close we are as friends based on our tastes in music. I still trust her but for some reason I was profoundly hurt by this, probably by how blindsided I got. It's hard to explain and an odd thing to have happen. Its a minor problem in the long run, so let's skip that...
Thankfully this week isn't all bad. I had a lovely (much needed) conversation with disolvinggirl and I'm going up to Boston to meet Ashley for the first time in 10+ years of knowing her (though it's at PAX - eeeeeugh), so I'm looking forward to that though I'm not looking forward to the drive to and from Boston.
What it amounted to was this, in order of worst to not so worst:
* Email from Amanda on Monday. I had sent her an email the friday night previous when my gut instinct told me something was wrong (this is not the first time its happened over the years). Her reply could be broken down into two parts. First the "I was thinking about how much I missed you and how hard it is to not contact you and I was in a bad place that night - and you emailed me as I'm staring at my email thinking all of this. How do you do that every time? Our connection is uncanny." Followed by "I'm getting married. Please accept this. I need you to be strong and not contact me because when you do, it makes me question my entire world."
* Wednesday I get into a small text message exchange with Elka, the first since 2008. At first it felt great but once the adrenaline wore off I felt empty and spent, used up and alone. I'm happy it was very polite and ... maybe not affectionate? but something like it... But it scared me going back down that road again. (Face the dragon, Justin and in facing it, you beat it)
* Erin - the knockout Intern from a couple years ago - text messages me out of nowhere today. At first I thought she was bored but... No, this was flirting. Rule Of The Universe #1: If I sense a woman flirting, she's been doing it for hours if not days and I'm just slow to pick it up. This time though - even after one beautifully suggestive reply - she literally said "Sorry, not flirting". Im not angry but I am totally thrown because she doesn't seem the type to lead men on. Perhaps I've misread her all this time. Whatever.
* Had a minor but very personal scuffle with an online friend I've come to confide in lately. I'd known her for years and years and years but we never got to much talking until December or so. Basically, she questioned how close we are as friends based on our tastes in music. I still trust her but for some reason I was profoundly hurt by this, probably by how blindsided I got. It's hard to explain and an odd thing to have happen. Its a minor problem in the long run, so let's skip that...
Thankfully this week isn't all bad. I had a lovely (much needed) conversation with disolvinggirl and I'm going up to Boston to meet Ashley for the first time in 10+ years of knowing her (though it's at PAX - eeeeeugh), so I'm looking forward to that though I'm not looking forward to the drive to and from Boston.