(no subject)
im in a posting mood, but its late and i have to work tomorrow, perhaps i shall post tomorrow.
welp lets turn on the music and get dressed then go from there. ok .. got some allele on, along with some shorts now,.. at times i wonder how well do i really no myself, how much control do i have over myself. And i wonder do most people truely no themselves? Today i caught myself, i think im trying too hard, trying to force it. The stop signs are there, and i keep going, i may not be running the signs going 50mph but slow or not im still running them. Then a thought ran across my lobe. Why is it that i feel the need to love/be loved. I mean obviously everyone wants to be loved. but most are fine being single, its a want, not a need. the way i act and such im beginning to believe that for me psychelogically i need to be. im positive this is a known mental condition, and i wonder if it has to do anything with my up bringing and such. And when i think about it right now, there isnt really anyone i love ATM, i mean i have felt it before,but even my dad, ... would i bawl if he died, oh course!, its more of a bond more than a love though. i wonder if that is healthy? Oh well. Wow.. its been a while since i have a mental rant on LJ such as this. i think i may look into health insurance lol, find a nice psychatrist.. not that i think im nuts, but its something i need to try.
lotsa other trivial things i could type about but, nothing that means anything
i was thinking about my future though today, oddly enough, once i finish my AA, i know i would be able to apply for internship at google in cali... that might be something viable for me.
My parents are in a pinch, money wise, lisa's having problems at her work. going to have to probably switch to another dealership.
I really need to get drunk,...its been a while, and i love how i get lol as bad as that sounds, maybe tomorrow, dew+rum probably tomorrow night infront of my computer monitor, ya im lame and no where to go other than my comfy computer chair.
Only my Uncle seems to understand the current debate on my mind atm. he is probably my favorite relative.
Its also odd, my parents and me have been getting along, and alex has been talking to me more, we had a few nice conversations today.
i got into a new WoW guild! So have started playing that again recently, exciting... -.- did a big 25 man raid tonight successfully
anyhow its been about 20 minutes.
i know today, saturday, was the day, if you want to talk about it feel free, if not thats fine to, i understand a little bit, i purposely didnt ask - figured you would talk about it if you wanted to.
thats it for now, tootles
welp lets turn on the music and get dressed then go from there. ok .. got some allele on, along with some shorts now,.. at times i wonder how well do i really no myself, how much control do i have over myself. And i wonder do most people truely no themselves? Today i caught myself, i think im trying too hard, trying to force it. The stop signs are there, and i keep going, i may not be running the signs going 50mph but slow or not im still running them. Then a thought ran across my lobe. Why is it that i feel the need to love/be loved. I mean obviously everyone wants to be loved. but most are fine being single, its a want, not a need. the way i act and such im beginning to believe that for me psychelogically i need to be. im positive this is a known mental condition, and i wonder if it has to do anything with my up bringing and such. And when i think about it right now, there isnt really anyone i love ATM, i mean i have felt it before,but even my dad, ... would i bawl if he died, oh course!, its more of a bond more than a love though. i wonder if that is healthy? Oh well. Wow.. its been a while since i have a mental rant on LJ such as this. i think i may look into health insurance lol, find a nice psychatrist.. not that i think im nuts, but its something i need to try.
lotsa other trivial things i could type about but, nothing that means anything
i was thinking about my future though today, oddly enough, once i finish my AA, i know i would be able to apply for internship at google in cali... that might be something viable for me.
My parents are in a pinch, money wise, lisa's having problems at her work. going to have to probably switch to another dealership.
I really need to get drunk,...its been a while, and i love how i get lol as bad as that sounds, maybe tomorrow, dew+rum probably tomorrow night infront of my computer monitor, ya im lame and no where to go other than my comfy computer chair.
Only my Uncle seems to understand the current debate on my mind atm. he is probably my favorite relative.
Its also odd, my parents and me have been getting along, and alex has been talking to me more, we had a few nice conversations today.
i got into a new WoW guild! So have started playing that again recently, exciting... -.- did a big 25 man raid tonight successfully
anyhow its been about 20 minutes.
i know today, saturday, was the day, if you want to talk about it feel free, if not thats fine to, i understand a little bit, i purposely didnt ask - figured you would talk about it if you wanted to.
thats it for now, tootles