AFGR epilogue w00t
Title: A Fairy Godmother’s Revenge
Authors: togechan and kyoto_no_hikari
Genre: Total, utter crack. 8D
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Ueda/Apple Too many to list. 8D
Characters: KAT-TUN, NewS, Ya-Ya-Yah, Nakajima Yuto, Yamada Ryosuke, Morimoto Ryutaro and Shintaro
Warnings: Nonsensical inside jokes, shounen-ai, mentions of sex, and almost-orgies. -nods-
Disclaimer: We don’t own these Johnnys, so with this piece of fiction, we can pretend that whatever comes up in our cracky little heads is canon. We don’t own JE, but it owns our souls. Yep. We are also not responsible for stomachaches or jaws hurting from laughing too much. Not that you guys would do that, right?
Authors’ Note: This is the promised epilogue. :D
Nishikido Ryo was not a happy camper. Do you know why? Of course you do-he was currently humiliating himself by being in a supermarket wearing a skimpy summer dress, a hat, and sunglasses, lugging around a basket. If that weren’t enough, his fellow Johnnys (sans Morimoto Shintaro-it was late at night and the boy needed sleep; he was only ten, after all) were following him around and most of them were mocking him relentlessly.
“Ryo-cha~n! Have you gotten the condoms yet~?!” Koyama called, holding up a box he picked up in one of the aisles.
Ryo growled at his bandmate, “SHUT. UP.”
“Nishikido-sempai sure looks good, na~” Hikaru smiled, admiring his sempai.
Taiyou’s face was serious. “I can look better than him when I’m wearing a dress.”
“UWAA! TAIYOU, YOU'RE JEALOUS?!” Hikaru beamed.
Jin guffawed, “TAIYOU-KUN, SLAP HIM!”
“NO! TO BOTH OF YOU!” the youngest non-chibi Junior retorted.
Jin said, “Slapping people's always fun~~!”
“NO, IT'S NOT FUN!” Koki protested.
Yuichi gave him a stern look. “Koki, shut up.”
“...Hai...”
“Aaah, so that's the so-called power of the wife...” Koyama gaped in awe of the power Nakamaru-kun had over Tanaka-kun. “Ne, ne, Shige, who's the wife? You or me?”
Shige didn’t answer.
“Koyama~ you’re the mother hen, of course~” Tegoshi giggled.
Maru nodded, “I agree~!”
“Oh gawd, not now...” Koki groaned at the possibility of another “wife’s conversation” between the three of them.
And the three of them all yelled at him, “LET US TALK.”
“Our mothers are scary, aren't they?” Yuto stared at the chattering wives (and wife-to-be) in fear.
Yamada agreed, “Yeah...”
“Oi, brats, you want any ramune?” Ryo asked, looking at the three chibis. They nodded, and Ryo walked away to the beverages.
Hikaru shouted, “YOU'LL BE LIKE THAT WHEN YOU GROW UP!”
“...PLEASE, GOD, NO!” Yamada’s eyes were full of horror.
Morimo-chan looked up at his two friends and asked, “Yuto-kun, Yamada-kun, who's the wife if you two get married?”
“WE ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED! I TOLD YOU, I'M STRAIGHT!” Yamada huffed, grimacing and crossing his arms.
Yuto argued, “But it sounds like fun, Yama-chan!”
“Hm... I think Yuto-kun'd make a good wife!” Tegoshi said, examining the pair.
Masuda shook his head. “Maa~ Ryosuke-chan makes a better one...”
“Why?” the younger of the two asked in his cute-voice-thing.
“Man, Tesshi, why are you always so cute?”
“I’m your harmlessly self-centered B-type, after all~”
“Ohoho, yes, that you are...”
And with that, the pair began to molest each other. That’s right, in the store.
“OH. GAWD. NO. PAPA. MAMA. STOP. I. DON'T. NEED. TO. SEE. THIS.” Yamada groaned, shielding his eyes.
Hikaru shouted, “YOU'LL BE LIKE THAT WHEN YOU'RE OLDER, TOO!”
“SHUT UP!” Yamada hissed.
Ryo growled, “OI. I'M STILL WEARING A DRESS, YAKNOW?!”
“YES, WE KNOW!” everyone responded.
Yuto walked over to his mother and pleaded, “Kaa-san, can I have some apples?”
“Sure thing, Yuto-kun...” Maru smiled, patting his son on the head.
And with that, everyone migrated to the fruits section. What they didn’t know was that it was a bad idea.
‘NO~ DON'T BUY US~’ the apples cried in unison.
Maru glared daggers at one. “YOU, FUCKING APPLE, SHUT UP!”
“Yuichi, are you okay? You're talking to that apple...” Koki looked at his wife with worry.
The apples were defiant. ‘I WON'T SHUT UP. DUN BUY MEEEEE~~!’
“SHUT UP OR I'LL STAB YOU!” Yucchi growled.
“Yuichi...?”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, DAMMIT!”
“Honey...?”
“THE APPLE WON'T STOP TALKING!”
‘DUN BUY MEEEEEE.’
“I WON'T JUST BUY YOU, I'LL FUCKIN' EAT YOU, YOU STUPID APPLE!” he threatened.
“Yuichi, honey, are you okay?”
“I'M PERFECTLY FINE. THE FUCKIN' APPLE WON'T BE, THOUGH!”
“Excuse me, sir?” an employee asked, walking up to all of them.
Ryo squeaked, and quickly ran behind a stand.
“WHAT?” Yucchi glared at said employee.
He said politely, “Please refrain from yelling at the apples.”
“MAKE IT SHUT UP, THEN!”
“Uh, sir, it's not talking.”
“Ah~ gomen! He has brain damage, gomen!” Koki quickly blurted.
“BRAIN DAMAGE?!”
Jin shouted, “Yuichi-kun, slap him!”
“JIN. SHUT UP!” everyone shouted, and Pi and Kame both smacked him upside the head.
“S-sumimasen!” Koki bowed and tried to explain, “My friend here...well, he got drunk! We had to go on some urgent shopping, so...”
“Let's buy popcorn, too!” Jin exclaimed happily.
“AND RAMEN!” Koyama suggested, then called, “RYO-CHA~N!!”
“WHAT NOW?!” Nishikido stood up at once, leering at his fellow-NewS member.
Jin asked, “DO YOU HAVE ANY POPCORN AND RAMEN IN THE BASKET?!”
“YOU ONLY SAID CONDOMS, SAKE AND THE CHIPS, DAMMIT!”
Ryutaro looked shocked. “WHAT ABOUT THE RAMUNE, NISHIKIDO-SEMPAI?!”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, BRAT!”
Before Ryutaro could whimper out a “H-H-HAI!”, Jin cried out, “YEAH. LET'S FUCK!”
“S-sirs, please don't use such vulgar language, or I will have to ask you to leave...” said the employee.
“TRY TO KICK US OUT AND WE'LL ASK JOHNNY-SAN TO CLOSE THE SHOP!” Hikaru said, putting his hands on his hips.
Shoon laughed, “Hikaru, do you honestly think that we'd be able to convince him to do that?”
“We could! If we give him the chibis for a night!” he suggested.
Yamada’s eyes grew wide. “EH?!”
“I don't want to!” Ryutaro whimpered.
Yuto, on the other hand, had an absolutely opposite reaction to the other chibis’. “I heard he has really nice things in his room...”
“YEAH. HE HAS CHOCOLATE FLOVOURED CONDOMS!” Hikaru cackled.
“SIRS, PLEASE, STOP TALKING ABOUT SUCH VULGAR THINGS-” the employee began, then stopped himself from continuing upon noticing the crossdressing Johnny. “WAIT A MINUTE. NISHIKIDO RYO? IN A DRESS?! THE TABLOIDS ARE GOING TO JUMP ON THIS INCIDENT...”
“LISTEN. YOU TRY TO CALL THE TABLOIDS AND I'LL...!!” Ryo began, but his anger made him lose his vocabulary.
Uchi smirked, “Uwaaah~ Ryo-chan's so nice, ne?”
“Shut up, Uchi. You already went through your scandals. Don't make me go through my own.”
“Okay! Okay! I apologize for my friends' stupidity!” Ueda bowed.
Junno stared at Ryo’s basket. “EH? IS THAT...SAKE?!”
“Sirs, I will let you off this time...but begin to act up again, and I'll call the tabloids!” the employee threatened.
Ryo groaned, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. NOT THE TABLOIDS.”
“Please be quiet! You're disturbing other customers!” the employee hissed.
Everyone bowed and said, “Sumimasen!” The employee stared at the group, then walked away looking slightly content.
Once he was gone, Pi smacked Ryo. “RYO-CHAN, YOU TOO?! STOP COPYING MY DORAMA!”
‘Nuuu~~ dun buy meeee~~!’ another apple whined.
Yucchi growled, “APPLE. SHUT UP.”
“Uh...Yuichi, please...” Koki begged, then got interrupted.
“IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT ANYWAY.”
“THIS, TOO?! WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!”
“I HEAR THEM NOW BECAUSE UEDA TURNED ME INTO AN APPLE! HE WOULDN'T HAVE IF YOU KEPT YOUR HANDS OFF-”
DAME, DAME, DAMEDAMEDAME, JIRI JIRI!
“Uwaa, Papa texted me again...” Pi began.
Masuda laughed, “He has great timing, ne?”
“He's asking where we are because the hotel rooms are empty...”
“WE JUST CAME BACK FROM FAIRY LAND!” Junno shouted.
Ueda smacked Junno. “DON'T TELL HIM THAT!”
“Tell him the truth: we're at the supermarket with Ryo in a dress,” Kusano nodded.
Ryo whined, “STOP RUBBING IT IN!”
‘Nooooo~~~ don't choose me!’ another apple cried for mercy.
Yucchi yelled at it, “SHUT UP, GODDAMMIT.”
“Yuichi...calm down...”
“YOU SHUT UP, TOO. IT'S STILL YOUR FAULT.”
“Ne, ne, are we finished shopping yet? I WANT TO ORGY!” Hikaru exclaimed.
Yuto clung to Yamada and murmured, “Hikaru-kun's scary...”
“Hikaru, stop with the sex talk!” the rest of Ya3 scolded.
Hikaru smiled, “BUT I LIKE SEX!”
“WE ALL KNOW THAT!” Taiyou grumbled, then continued, “BUT PLEASE, FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHIBIS, SHUT UP ABOUT IT.”
“THEY HAVE SEX ED WITH ME~~~”
“I THOUGHT WE SAID NO DEMONSTRATING!”
“BUT TEGOSHI LET ME BRING YOU ALONG!”
“AND NAKAMARU SAID USE WORDS!”
‘MOOOOOOOOOOM. DON'T EAT MY MOOOOOOM!’ an apple interrupted the couple’s bickering.
Maru twitched, “WHO YELLED?! EH?!”
‘IT WAS HIM!’ a chime of apples cried out.
The one apple being blamed screamed, ‘AHH, WHY ARE YOU ALL PUTTING THE BLAME ON ME?!’
“JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!”
‘Y-y-yes, sir!’
There was an awkward silence, and Yuichi grinned. “Good.”
“For Yuichi's sake... we better get out of here,” Koki suggested.
“OKAY!” Koyama clapped, then called, “Ryo-chan! Your basket?” Together, they checked the contents of the shopping list.
“Condoms?”
“Check.”
“Chips?”
“Check.”
“Sake?”
“Check.”
“Ramune?”
“Check.”
“Ramen?”
“...um...that we don't have,” Ryo stared.
Koyama pouted, “WELL, THEN, GO GET SOME!”
“I want popcorn!” Jin said.
Koyama cried, “RAME~~N!”
“Go get them yourselves, assholes,” Ryo glared.
Koyama reminded him, jabbing him in the chest with a finger, “YOU LOST THE BET.”
Ryo gave him a dirty look then grumbled and walked off to go get the popcorn and ramen. Koyama and Jin both had a proud look on their faces, but that moment was soon broken by Hikaru’s random ramblings.
“You know what?” he asked.
Everyone there responded, “What?”
“Nishikido-sempai's my favorite gay porn star.”
“THE HELL?!” Pi yelled indignantly. “I MAKE A BETTER GAY PORN STAR THAN HE DOES!”
“NO, I DO!” Jin said.
Yamapi had to agree. “Ohohoho, yes, that you indeed do...”
“Does it matter anyway?” Yucchi stared at all of them blankly.
Koki answered, “Not at all.”
“Who asked you, anyway?”
“Uh...no one...but you asked the question, so I thought I'd answer it...”
“Next time, don't answer.”
“O-okay.”
“Yuto-kun?” Yamada called.
“Hai?”
Morimo-chan spoke for Yamada, as they both shared the same thought. “Your parents scare me...”
“Really?”
Both of the other two chibis said together, “Yeah, especially your mom...”
“I'M NOT SCARY!” Maru cried.
Uchi replied, “THAT'S WHAT RYO-CHAN SAID.”
“I'm not Ryo-kun!”
“Pff, fine, whatever.”
“I can't stand it anymore!” Yucchi sobbed, “I still smell like sharpie!”
“Yu-Yuichi! Don't worry, you smell perfectly fine!” Koki said, patting his best friend on the back.
“NO ONE ASKED YOU.”
Koki muttered to himself under his breath, “... I better shut up... at this rate I'll sleep in the garden...”
“Ne, seriously guys, are we finished getting everything yet?” Hikaru asked, then added, “I STILL WANT TO ORGY!”
“ME TOO~!!” Jin flailed.
Koyama and Ryo began their checking of the shopping list again.
“Ramen?”
“Check.”
“POPCORN!” Jin said.
“Check.”
“YOSH~ we have everything,” Koyama pumped a fist into the air. “C'mon, let's go!”
“NE, I WANNA DANCE ZUKKOKE OTOKOMICHI IN THE ORGY~!” Hikaru said.
Uchi snarled, “DO YOU REALLY HATE ME THAT MUCH TO DANCE A KANJANI8 SONG I WASN'T THERE TO RECORD?!”
“IT'S THE ORGY THEME!” Hikaru replied. Uchi then lunged for his neck, only for Ryo to hold him back.
“UCHI, LEAVE THE POOR GUY ALONE. STOP TRYING TO STRANGLE HIM!”
“Ryo-chan was...nice?” Uchi looked down at the shorter male holding him back.
Everyone gasped.
“WHAT? I SAID I WAS ALWAYS NICE.”
“THE END OF THE WORLD IS COMING!” Kusano screamed.
Morimo-chan yelped, “I'm too young to die!”
“I'm not even married yet!” Koyama whined.
Maru cried, “I STILL HAVEN'T YELLED AT KOKI PROPERLY.”
“I STILL HAVEN'T HAD CHIBI HIKARU YET!” Hikaru yelled.
Taiyou added onto Hikaru’s yell, “I STILL HAVEN'T RUN AWAY FROM HIKARU SCREAMING NOT TO MAKE ME THE FATHER.”
“... Eh? I GET TO BE THE MOM?!” Hikaru looked shocked.
Taiyou coughed, “...uh...you're the one always saying you want to have chibi Hikaru...”
“BUT I ALWAYS TOP!”
Taiyou groaned, “HIKARU, BE QUIET! NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE!”
“YOU DO! YOU’RE A VERY BIG PART OF IT, AFTER ALL!” Hikaru replied. “You and Shoon, come to think of it...” Shoon choked on his bottle of tea.
But before he could say anything, Ryo shouted, “JUNIORS, SHUT THE FUCK UP! LET'S GO TO THE CHECK OUT ALREADY!!”
---
“Ahh, it feels so good to finally be back at the hotel...” Kame said, stretching out after he flicked the lights on.
Kusano quickly sat down on the floor and leaned back on the bed, holding out a bunch of cups. “So, who wants some sake?!”
Clamors of “OOOH, I DO, I DO!!” cried out from the crowd of Johnnys, and Kusano began pouring the sake bottle’s contents into cups, which he distributed to everyone. Yamada closed the door behind all of them once everyone was inside.
Fifteen minutes and two sake bottles later, it was safe to say everyone (except the youngest four and Shige, because they chose not to drink) was drunk.
“*HIC* I LOVE RAMEN *HIC* SO~~ MUCH!” Koyama giggled. “I LOVE IT MORE THAN *HIC* I LOVE SHIGE~”
Shige now had reasonable murderous intent towards the noodles.
“DE~~~MO~, KOYAMA, *HIC* YOU CAN’T LOVE RAMEN AS MUCH AS *HIC* I LOVE PO~PCOR~N!” Jin cried, then proceeded to make out with his bowl of kernels.
“WHILE YOU~~ LOVE THINGS, *HIC* I HATE YOU A~LL!” Ryo slurred, pointing at the wall which he deemed was ‘everyone’.
Uchi cried, “WE~LL, I HA~TE YOU TOO, RYO-CHA~N!” Then the taller boy crawled over to the older NewS/Eito member and began to grope him.
“Oh~ you play di~rty!” Ryo barely enunciated and grabbed him back. Then things began to happen. The three chibis were not surprised, but they looked away and turned red regardless.
Yabu tried to grope the door. He was attempting making out with the inanimate object (much like Jin was trying to make out with his popcorn-close friends act similar, right?) and began to groan. Shoon, albeit drunk, was not happy.
“Ya~bu~~, I’m not tha~t bad *HIC* in be~d, am I~?!” he whined, wanting attention from the younger bandmate of his. He didn’t get it. Shoon huffed before swaggering over to Yabu and smacking him.
“Oww~~”
“MAA~ *HIC* chibi-tachi~!!” Hikaru called for them, laying down stomach-side on Taiyou’s lap. “I~t’s *HIC* ti~me for yo~ur first se~x e~d lesso~n!! So~ *HIC* stop being so sca~red!”
Taiyou coughed, trying to shove the older boy off of him, but alas, even when drunk, Hikaru was a clingy mule. “Hikaru...seriously, get off me.”
“I dun wa~nna~~!” he whined, then began calling for the chibis again. “C’mon~ *HIC* lemme te~ach you~~!!”
The three chibis stared at the drunken mess that was Yaotome Hikaru and felt sorry for Taiyou for having to deal with it all the time.
“Goo~d jo~~b!” Hikaru complimented, then weakly wrapped his arms around Taiyou’s neck. “Ne~ let’s hi~t *HIC* two~ birds with o~ne sto~~ne...”
Taiyou pretended not to get what he was talking about for the sake of the innocence of the younger three sitting in front of them. “Eh?”
“Chi~bi~ Hi~karu~~!!” Hikaru giggled, pulling himself onto a comfortable position, sitting on top of Taiyou.
Taiyou groaned and tried to push him off-“For the chibis, Taiyou! Do it for their innocence!!” he told himself-and managed to do so. He quickly moved away from the cling-happy Hikaru; he was too drunk to mind much, anyway. That, and Hikaru crawled around to latch onto the next nearest person-or rather, thing; it was the lamp post.
“KO~KI~!” Junno whined, crawling to the dirtee gangstah. He clawed at him.
“Whaddayawant?!” Koki slurred, “At least stay sti~ll!” Koki stared at the tallest KAT-TUN member for a while, then grumbled, “Why are there so *HIC* many of you?!”
“I thi~nk you’re dru~nk, Ko~ki!” Junno laughed.
“Oh~ am I now?!”
“Ye~p!!”
Yuichi growled, “Ko~ki! I~f you’re go~ing to have ti~me to fli~rt with the gu~y who’s atta~ched to the fa~iry who tur~ned me into an apple...at least sp~end some ti~me with me, too!”
Koki hiccupped, “Wi~ll do~, Yui~chi~~~”
Yuto, Yamada, and Ryutaro all looked at each other and nodded; they all understood that if they stayed in there any longer, they’d probably end up seeing things they didn’t want to see-it was a drunk orgy-tachi they were with, after all. Grabbing their ramune bottles and listening to the click, clunk of the marbles inside, they moved to the adjacent room in which the Fairy Queen was sleeping and decided to have a wholeheartedly innocent party of their own-at least, until they fell asleep.
---
The next day, everyone in the orgy-tachi woke up with a hangover (with no chibis around, they decided to drink). At least they all had a day off, so they spent the day grumbling and groaning in bed as they recovered.
Afterwards, life went on for them as per the norm and all was well.
...at least, until the next time one of the Johnnys had a ‘brilliant idea.’
Authors: togechan and kyoto_no_hikari
Genre: Total, utter crack. 8D
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Ueda/Apple Too many to list. 8D
Characters: KAT-TUN, NewS, Ya-Ya-Yah, Nakajima Yuto, Yamada Ryosuke, Morimoto Ryutaro and Shintaro
Warnings: Nonsensical inside jokes, shounen-ai, mentions of sex, and almost-orgies. -nods-
Disclaimer: We don’t own these Johnnys, so with this piece of fiction, we can pretend that whatever comes up in our cracky little heads is canon. We don’t own JE, but it owns our souls. Yep. We are also not responsible for stomachaches or jaws hurting from laughing too much. Not that you guys would do that, right?
Authors’ Note: This is the promised epilogue. :D
Nishikido Ryo was not a happy camper. Do you know why? Of course you do-he was currently humiliating himself by being in a supermarket wearing a skimpy summer dress, a hat, and sunglasses, lugging around a basket. If that weren’t enough, his fellow Johnnys (sans Morimoto Shintaro-it was late at night and the boy needed sleep; he was only ten, after all) were following him around and most of them were mocking him relentlessly.
“Ryo-cha~n! Have you gotten the condoms yet~?!” Koyama called, holding up a box he picked up in one of the aisles.
Ryo growled at his bandmate, “SHUT. UP.”
“Nishikido-sempai sure looks good, na~” Hikaru smiled, admiring his sempai.
Taiyou’s face was serious. “I can look better than him when I’m wearing a dress.”
“UWAA! TAIYOU, YOU'RE JEALOUS?!” Hikaru beamed.
Jin guffawed, “TAIYOU-KUN, SLAP HIM!”
“NO! TO BOTH OF YOU!” the youngest non-chibi Junior retorted.
Jin said, “Slapping people's always fun~~!”
“NO, IT'S NOT FUN!” Koki protested.
Yuichi gave him a stern look. “Koki, shut up.”
“...Hai...”
“Aaah, so that's the so-called power of the wife...” Koyama gaped in awe of the power Nakamaru-kun had over Tanaka-kun. “Ne, ne, Shige, who's the wife? You or me?”
Shige didn’t answer.
“Koyama~ you’re the mother hen, of course~” Tegoshi giggled.
Maru nodded, “I agree~!”
“Oh gawd, not now...” Koki groaned at the possibility of another “wife’s conversation” between the three of them.
And the three of them all yelled at him, “LET US TALK.”
“Our mothers are scary, aren't they?” Yuto stared at the chattering wives (and wife-to-be) in fear.
Yamada agreed, “Yeah...”
“Oi, brats, you want any ramune?” Ryo asked, looking at the three chibis. They nodded, and Ryo walked away to the beverages.
Hikaru shouted, “YOU'LL BE LIKE THAT WHEN YOU GROW UP!”
“...PLEASE, GOD, NO!” Yamada’s eyes were full of horror.
Morimo-chan looked up at his two friends and asked, “Yuto-kun, Yamada-kun, who's the wife if you two get married?”
“WE ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED! I TOLD YOU, I'M STRAIGHT!” Yamada huffed, grimacing and crossing his arms.
Yuto argued, “But it sounds like fun, Yama-chan!”
“Hm... I think Yuto-kun'd make a good wife!” Tegoshi said, examining the pair.
Masuda shook his head. “Maa~ Ryosuke-chan makes a better one...”
“Why?” the younger of the two asked in his cute-voice-thing.
“Man, Tesshi, why are you always so cute?”
“I’m your harmlessly self-centered B-type, after all~”
“Ohoho, yes, that you are...”
And with that, the pair began to molest each other. That’s right, in the store.
“OH. GAWD. NO. PAPA. MAMA. STOP. I. DON'T. NEED. TO. SEE. THIS.” Yamada groaned, shielding his eyes.
Hikaru shouted, “YOU'LL BE LIKE THAT WHEN YOU'RE OLDER, TOO!”
“SHUT UP!” Yamada hissed.
Ryo growled, “OI. I'M STILL WEARING A DRESS, YAKNOW?!”
“YES, WE KNOW!” everyone responded.
Yuto walked over to his mother and pleaded, “Kaa-san, can I have some apples?”
“Sure thing, Yuto-kun...” Maru smiled, patting his son on the head.
And with that, everyone migrated to the fruits section. What they didn’t know was that it was a bad idea.
‘NO~ DON'T BUY US~’ the apples cried in unison.
Maru glared daggers at one. “YOU, FUCKING APPLE, SHUT UP!”
“Yuichi, are you okay? You're talking to that apple...” Koki looked at his wife with worry.
The apples were defiant. ‘I WON'T SHUT UP. DUN BUY MEEEEE~~!’
“SHUT UP OR I'LL STAB YOU!” Yucchi growled.
“Yuichi...?”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, DAMMIT!”
“Honey...?”
“THE APPLE WON'T STOP TALKING!”
‘DUN BUY MEEEEEE.’
“I WON'T JUST BUY YOU, I'LL FUCKIN' EAT YOU, YOU STUPID APPLE!” he threatened.
“Yuichi, honey, are you okay?”
“I'M PERFECTLY FINE. THE FUCKIN' APPLE WON'T BE, THOUGH!”
“Excuse me, sir?” an employee asked, walking up to all of them.
Ryo squeaked, and quickly ran behind a stand.
“WHAT?” Yucchi glared at said employee.
He said politely, “Please refrain from yelling at the apples.”
“MAKE IT SHUT UP, THEN!”
“Uh, sir, it's not talking.”
“Ah~ gomen! He has brain damage, gomen!” Koki quickly blurted.
“BRAIN DAMAGE?!”
Jin shouted, “Yuichi-kun, slap him!”
“JIN. SHUT UP!” everyone shouted, and Pi and Kame both smacked him upside the head.
“S-sumimasen!” Koki bowed and tried to explain, “My friend here...well, he got drunk! We had to go on some urgent shopping, so...”
“Let's buy popcorn, too!” Jin exclaimed happily.
“AND RAMEN!” Koyama suggested, then called, “RYO-CHA~N!!”
“WHAT NOW?!” Nishikido stood up at once, leering at his fellow-NewS member.
Jin asked, “DO YOU HAVE ANY POPCORN AND RAMEN IN THE BASKET?!”
“YOU ONLY SAID CONDOMS, SAKE AND THE CHIPS, DAMMIT!”
Ryutaro looked shocked. “WHAT ABOUT THE RAMUNE, NISHIKIDO-SEMPAI?!”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, BRAT!”
Before Ryutaro could whimper out a “H-H-HAI!”, Jin cried out, “YEAH. LET'S FUCK!”
“S-sirs, please don't use such vulgar language, or I will have to ask you to leave...” said the employee.
“TRY TO KICK US OUT AND WE'LL ASK JOHNNY-SAN TO CLOSE THE SHOP!” Hikaru said, putting his hands on his hips.
Shoon laughed, “Hikaru, do you honestly think that we'd be able to convince him to do that?”
“We could! If we give him the chibis for a night!” he suggested.
Yamada’s eyes grew wide. “EH?!”
“I don't want to!” Ryutaro whimpered.
Yuto, on the other hand, had an absolutely opposite reaction to the other chibis’. “I heard he has really nice things in his room...”
“YEAH. HE HAS CHOCOLATE FLOVOURED CONDOMS!” Hikaru cackled.
“SIRS, PLEASE, STOP TALKING ABOUT SUCH VULGAR THINGS-” the employee began, then stopped himself from continuing upon noticing the crossdressing Johnny. “WAIT A MINUTE. NISHIKIDO RYO? IN A DRESS?! THE TABLOIDS ARE GOING TO JUMP ON THIS INCIDENT...”
“LISTEN. YOU TRY TO CALL THE TABLOIDS AND I'LL...!!” Ryo began, but his anger made him lose his vocabulary.
Uchi smirked, “Uwaaah~ Ryo-chan's so nice, ne?”
“Shut up, Uchi. You already went through your scandals. Don't make me go through my own.”
“Okay! Okay! I apologize for my friends' stupidity!” Ueda bowed.
Junno stared at Ryo’s basket. “EH? IS THAT...SAKE?!”
“Sirs, I will let you off this time...but begin to act up again, and I'll call the tabloids!” the employee threatened.
Ryo groaned, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. NOT THE TABLOIDS.”
“Please be quiet! You're disturbing other customers!” the employee hissed.
Everyone bowed and said, “Sumimasen!” The employee stared at the group, then walked away looking slightly content.
Once he was gone, Pi smacked Ryo. “RYO-CHAN, YOU TOO?! STOP COPYING MY DORAMA!”
‘Nuuu~~ dun buy meeee~~!’ another apple whined.
Yucchi growled, “APPLE. SHUT UP.”
“Uh...Yuichi, please...” Koki begged, then got interrupted.
“IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT ANYWAY.”
“THIS, TOO?! WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!”
“I HEAR THEM NOW BECAUSE UEDA TURNED ME INTO AN APPLE! HE WOULDN'T HAVE IF YOU KEPT YOUR HANDS OFF-”
DAME, DAME, DAMEDAMEDAME, JIRI JIRI!
“Uwaa, Papa texted me again...” Pi began.
Masuda laughed, “He has great timing, ne?”
“He's asking where we are because the hotel rooms are empty...”
“WE JUST CAME BACK FROM FAIRY LAND!” Junno shouted.
Ueda smacked Junno. “DON'T TELL HIM THAT!”
“Tell him the truth: we're at the supermarket with Ryo in a dress,” Kusano nodded.
Ryo whined, “STOP RUBBING IT IN!”
‘Nooooo~~~ don't choose me!’ another apple cried for mercy.
Yucchi yelled at it, “SHUT UP, GODDAMMIT.”
“Yuichi...calm down...”
“YOU SHUT UP, TOO. IT'S STILL YOUR FAULT.”
“Ne, ne, are we finished shopping yet? I WANT TO ORGY!” Hikaru exclaimed.
Yuto clung to Yamada and murmured, “Hikaru-kun's scary...”
“Hikaru, stop with the sex talk!” the rest of Ya3 scolded.
Hikaru smiled, “BUT I LIKE SEX!”
“WE ALL KNOW THAT!” Taiyou grumbled, then continued, “BUT PLEASE, FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHIBIS, SHUT UP ABOUT IT.”
“THEY HAVE SEX ED WITH ME~~~”
“I THOUGHT WE SAID NO DEMONSTRATING!”
“BUT TEGOSHI LET ME BRING YOU ALONG!”
“AND NAKAMARU SAID USE WORDS!”
‘MOOOOOOOOOOM. DON'T EAT MY MOOOOOOM!’ an apple interrupted the couple’s bickering.
Maru twitched, “WHO YELLED?! EH?!”
‘IT WAS HIM!’ a chime of apples cried out.
The one apple being blamed screamed, ‘AHH, WHY ARE YOU ALL PUTTING THE BLAME ON ME?!’
“JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!”
‘Y-y-yes, sir!’
There was an awkward silence, and Yuichi grinned. “Good.”
“For Yuichi's sake... we better get out of here,” Koki suggested.
“OKAY!” Koyama clapped, then called, “Ryo-chan! Your basket?” Together, they checked the contents of the shopping list.
“Condoms?”
“Check.”
“Chips?”
“Check.”
“Sake?”
“Check.”
“Ramune?”
“Check.”
“Ramen?”
“...um...that we don't have,” Ryo stared.
Koyama pouted, “WELL, THEN, GO GET SOME!”
“I want popcorn!” Jin said.
Koyama cried, “RAME~~N!”
“Go get them yourselves, assholes,” Ryo glared.
Koyama reminded him, jabbing him in the chest with a finger, “YOU LOST THE BET.”
Ryo gave him a dirty look then grumbled and walked off to go get the popcorn and ramen. Koyama and Jin both had a proud look on their faces, but that moment was soon broken by Hikaru’s random ramblings.
“You know what?” he asked.
Everyone there responded, “What?”
“Nishikido-sempai's my favorite gay porn star.”
“THE HELL?!” Pi yelled indignantly. “I MAKE A BETTER GAY PORN STAR THAN HE DOES!”
“NO, I DO!” Jin said.
Yamapi had to agree. “Ohohoho, yes, that you indeed do...”
“Does it matter anyway?” Yucchi stared at all of them blankly.
Koki answered, “Not at all.”
“Who asked you, anyway?”
“Uh...no one...but you asked the question, so I thought I'd answer it...”
“Next time, don't answer.”
“O-okay.”
“Yuto-kun?” Yamada called.
“Hai?”
Morimo-chan spoke for Yamada, as they both shared the same thought. “Your parents scare me...”
“Really?”
Both of the other two chibis said together, “Yeah, especially your mom...”
“I'M NOT SCARY!” Maru cried.
Uchi replied, “THAT'S WHAT RYO-CHAN SAID.”
“I'm not Ryo-kun!”
“Pff, fine, whatever.”
“I can't stand it anymore!” Yucchi sobbed, “I still smell like sharpie!”
“Yu-Yuichi! Don't worry, you smell perfectly fine!” Koki said, patting his best friend on the back.
“NO ONE ASKED YOU.”
Koki muttered to himself under his breath, “... I better shut up... at this rate I'll sleep in the garden...”
“Ne, seriously guys, are we finished getting everything yet?” Hikaru asked, then added, “I STILL WANT TO ORGY!”
“ME TOO~!!” Jin flailed.
Koyama and Ryo began their checking of the shopping list again.
“Ramen?”
“Check.”
“POPCORN!” Jin said.
“Check.”
“YOSH~ we have everything,” Koyama pumped a fist into the air. “C'mon, let's go!”
“NE, I WANNA DANCE ZUKKOKE OTOKOMICHI IN THE ORGY~!” Hikaru said.
Uchi snarled, “DO YOU REALLY HATE ME THAT MUCH TO DANCE A KANJANI8 SONG I WASN'T THERE TO RECORD?!”
“IT'S THE ORGY THEME!” Hikaru replied. Uchi then lunged for his neck, only for Ryo to hold him back.
“UCHI, LEAVE THE POOR GUY ALONE. STOP TRYING TO STRANGLE HIM!”
“Ryo-chan was...nice?” Uchi looked down at the shorter male holding him back.
Everyone gasped.
“WHAT? I SAID I WAS ALWAYS NICE.”
“THE END OF THE WORLD IS COMING!” Kusano screamed.
Morimo-chan yelped, “I'm too young to die!”
“I'm not even married yet!” Koyama whined.
Maru cried, “I STILL HAVEN'T YELLED AT KOKI PROPERLY.”
“I STILL HAVEN'T HAD CHIBI HIKARU YET!” Hikaru yelled.
Taiyou added onto Hikaru’s yell, “I STILL HAVEN'T RUN AWAY FROM HIKARU SCREAMING NOT TO MAKE ME THE FATHER.”
“... Eh? I GET TO BE THE MOM?!” Hikaru looked shocked.
Taiyou coughed, “...uh...you're the one always saying you want to have chibi Hikaru...”
“BUT I ALWAYS TOP!”
Taiyou groaned, “HIKARU, BE QUIET! NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE!”
“YOU DO! YOU’RE A VERY BIG PART OF IT, AFTER ALL!” Hikaru replied. “You and Shoon, come to think of it...” Shoon choked on his bottle of tea.
But before he could say anything, Ryo shouted, “JUNIORS, SHUT THE FUCK UP! LET'S GO TO THE CHECK OUT ALREADY!!”
---
“Ahh, it feels so good to finally be back at the hotel...” Kame said, stretching out after he flicked the lights on.
Kusano quickly sat down on the floor and leaned back on the bed, holding out a bunch of cups. “So, who wants some sake?!”
Clamors of “OOOH, I DO, I DO!!” cried out from the crowd of Johnnys, and Kusano began pouring the sake bottle’s contents into cups, which he distributed to everyone. Yamada closed the door behind all of them once everyone was inside.
Fifteen minutes and two sake bottles later, it was safe to say everyone (except the youngest four and Shige, because they chose not to drink) was drunk.
“*HIC* I LOVE RAMEN *HIC* SO~~ MUCH!” Koyama giggled. “I LOVE IT MORE THAN *HIC* I LOVE SHIGE~”
Shige now had reasonable murderous intent towards the noodles.
“DE~~~MO~, KOYAMA, *HIC* YOU CAN’T LOVE RAMEN AS MUCH AS *HIC* I LOVE PO~PCOR~N!” Jin cried, then proceeded to make out with his bowl of kernels.
“WHILE YOU~~ LOVE THINGS, *HIC* I HATE YOU A~LL!” Ryo slurred, pointing at the wall which he deemed was ‘everyone’.
Uchi cried, “WE~LL, I HA~TE YOU TOO, RYO-CHA~N!” Then the taller boy crawled over to the older NewS/Eito member and began to grope him.
“Oh~ you play di~rty!” Ryo barely enunciated and grabbed him back. Then things began to happen. The three chibis were not surprised, but they looked away and turned red regardless.
Yabu tried to grope the door. He was attempting making out with the inanimate object (much like Jin was trying to make out with his popcorn-close friends act similar, right?) and began to groan. Shoon, albeit drunk, was not happy.
“Ya~bu~~, I’m not tha~t bad *HIC* in be~d, am I~?!” he whined, wanting attention from the younger bandmate of his. He didn’t get it. Shoon huffed before swaggering over to Yabu and smacking him.
“Oww~~”
“MAA~ *HIC* chibi-tachi~!!” Hikaru called for them, laying down stomach-side on Taiyou’s lap. “I~t’s *HIC* ti~me for yo~ur first se~x e~d lesso~n!! So~ *HIC* stop being so sca~red!”
Taiyou coughed, trying to shove the older boy off of him, but alas, even when drunk, Hikaru was a clingy mule. “Hikaru...seriously, get off me.”
“I dun wa~nna~~!” he whined, then began calling for the chibis again. “C’mon~ *HIC* lemme te~ach you~~!!”
The three chibis stared at the drunken mess that was Yaotome Hikaru and felt sorry for Taiyou for having to deal with it all the time.
“Goo~d jo~~b!” Hikaru complimented, then weakly wrapped his arms around Taiyou’s neck. “Ne~ let’s hi~t *HIC* two~ birds with o~ne sto~~ne...”
Taiyou pretended not to get what he was talking about for the sake of the innocence of the younger three sitting in front of them. “Eh?”
“Chi~bi~ Hi~karu~~!!” Hikaru giggled, pulling himself onto a comfortable position, sitting on top of Taiyou.
Taiyou groaned and tried to push him off-“For the chibis, Taiyou! Do it for their innocence!!” he told himself-and managed to do so. He quickly moved away from the cling-happy Hikaru; he was too drunk to mind much, anyway. That, and Hikaru crawled around to latch onto the next nearest person-or rather, thing; it was the lamp post.
“KO~KI~!” Junno whined, crawling to the dirtee gangstah. He clawed at him.
“Whaddayawant?!” Koki slurred, “At least stay sti~ll!” Koki stared at the tallest KAT-TUN member for a while, then grumbled, “Why are there so *HIC* many of you?!”
“I thi~nk you’re dru~nk, Ko~ki!” Junno laughed.
“Oh~ am I now?!”
“Ye~p!!”
Yuichi growled, “Ko~ki! I~f you’re go~ing to have ti~me to fli~rt with the gu~y who’s atta~ched to the fa~iry who tur~ned me into an apple...at least sp~end some ti~me with me, too!”
Koki hiccupped, “Wi~ll do~, Yui~chi~~~”
Yuto, Yamada, and Ryutaro all looked at each other and nodded; they all understood that if they stayed in there any longer, they’d probably end up seeing things they didn’t want to see-it was a drunk orgy-tachi they were with, after all. Grabbing their ramune bottles and listening to the click, clunk of the marbles inside, they moved to the adjacent room in which the Fairy Queen was sleeping and decided to have a wholeheartedly innocent party of their own-at least, until they fell asleep.
---
The next day, everyone in the orgy-tachi woke up with a hangover (with no chibis around, they decided to drink). At least they all had a day off, so they spent the day grumbling and groaning in bed as they recovered.
Afterwards, life went on for them as per the norm and all was well.
...at least, until the next time one of the Johnnys had a ‘brilliant idea.’