Finally Here To Update
SINCE EVERY FALL
Fall is early this year. The Maple trees are quickly burning into brilliant shades of red. Lack of rain has turned green grass to golden.
There is an emptiness in my soul. I miss being a family. Fond memories I have of when the children were children---taking them trick-or-treating or answering the door to kids in costumes. I loved that part of family. I loved to decorate the house and am planning to do so--even if few people will see it.
Something happens to me as I ready myself for the dead of Winter. I feel like hybernating--shutting down, crawling under a load of blankets and drifting away until Spring.
I think I know now what is bugging me. Fall is a trigger--it is like lighting the end of a string of fire crackers. I remember coming home from NMU in the fall. The leaves had turned brilliant shades of orange and red that year. Fall came early and especially in Marquette where we felt the first snow at the end of September.
Fall became a loss--losing my friends at NMU--losing my place in life--losing myself. At least three times I have fallen apart during this transition in seasons.
There was NMU, then there was the disaster in Maine and finally there was the break-off of relationship--the cancelling of the first wedding date and the death of my father.
Now Fall reminds me of the additional loss of family. In the summer I don't notice the loss as much--but it becomes acute as the season progresses. By Christmas I am shell shocked.
I need to change the images that come to me in Fall. Therefore, as I did with Christmas so I shall do with Fall. I will begin writing about all the things I remember that were fun to me in the Fall. Brace yourself ye who travels to this site and reads my following writings as the syrup may run pretty thick throughout.
Fall is early this year. The Maple trees are quickly burning into brilliant shades of red. Lack of rain has turned green grass to golden.
There is an emptiness in my soul. I miss being a family. Fond memories I have of when the children were children---taking them trick-or-treating or answering the door to kids in costumes. I loved that part of family. I loved to decorate the house and am planning to do so--even if few people will see it.
Something happens to me as I ready myself for the dead of Winter. I feel like hybernating--shutting down, crawling under a load of blankets and drifting away until Spring.
I think I know now what is bugging me. Fall is a trigger--it is like lighting the end of a string of fire crackers. I remember coming home from NMU in the fall. The leaves had turned brilliant shades of orange and red that year. Fall came early and especially in Marquette where we felt the first snow at the end of September.
Fall became a loss--losing my friends at NMU--losing my place in life--losing myself. At least three times I have fallen apart during this transition in seasons.
There was NMU, then there was the disaster in Maine and finally there was the break-off of relationship--the cancelling of the first wedding date and the death of my father.
Now Fall reminds me of the additional loss of family. In the summer I don't notice the loss as much--but it becomes acute as the season progresses. By Christmas I am shell shocked.
I need to change the images that come to me in Fall. Therefore, as I did with Christmas so I shall do with Fall. I will begin writing about all the things I remember that were fun to me in the Fall. Brace yourself ye who travels to this site and reads my following writings as the syrup may run pretty thick throughout.