The Three Cupcakes (9/?) Part One
Title: The Three Cupcakes (9/?) Part One
Pairing(s): 2Jun (Family!2JunSeob) Some JunKwang
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4,292
Summary: Doojoon makes a big mistake. Junhyung can’t take it anymore. Yoseob is caught in the middle.
(A lovely picture by deemonic~ IT IS BEAUTEOUS, NO? Thank you, bb~~~)Previous: The Three Cupcakes: Picnic & Baby (Side Story) or The Three Cupcakes (8/?) Part One
Day 57
Junhyung liked to think that Doojoon irregularly sent his spirit to him while he slept. It was rare for Junhyung to have dreams, much less good ones. However, when he did, Doojoon was nearly, continuously present in them. The dreams were pleasant, locked and contained within a dome of white in which Jun spent these beautiful, false moments with his imprisoned lover. Spirit Doojoon said not a word to him in these dreams, but his being there was enough for Jun. Communicating with smiles was better than the needless yapping they’ve done in their past.
The truth? The honest-to-god truth? Junhyung missed Doojoon. So much. So very, very much. Nauseatingly. His soul moaned agonizingly for the return of Doojoon’s unique warmth that touched it. All Junhyung felt-was capable of feeling-was a profound sense of appreciation, love, and admiration for his mate. He needed him home. He was weary from all this dreaming, all this pretending. Waking up was not a blessing. It was a disappointment, a sorrowful reminder that his lover was all but a mute, mental materialization playing over and over in his head. It was maddening. His love for his partner only greatened by each passing of every day.
Junhyung used to visit Doojoon every day at the hospital, but the pressure became too much for him to mill through, and baby Seob needed his attention more than ever. Now, he only visited twice a week on Sundays and Fridays. And once there, he brought a new vase of flowers to surround Doojoon with whenever a previously purchased bouquet withered away. Jun just wanted something pretty in the room. It was so cold and naked. He was never a fan of flowers, but they gave the square room life and color, and they kept Doojoon company. Junhyung would’ve loved to be there for him twenty-four seven, but life-its indiscriminant self-does not pause.
Never did Junhyung think he could yield these intense emotions and feelings, and never did he think he would allow them to control him. Junhyung loathed being controlled by anything, but love would forever have its manacles rung around his neck.
Sensations likening to the ticks of a spider’s legs stirred Junhyung from his void realm of sleep. They stopped for a second, then continued, then stopped, and so on. Wrinkles formed as Junhyung’s lips, eyebrows and nose reflexively contorted. These bothersome sensations were frequent; they were bothersome enough to the point that it fully woke the sleeping man. His eyes opened, landing on a wide-awake, giggling Yoseob. Junhyung saw him retract his hands suspiciously. He found his little spider.
“Was that you touchin’ my face?” Junhyung squinted his eyes at the boy, smirking minutely.
“Noooo~”
Umma’s grin expanded, “It wasn’t? So there weren’t little hands and fingers touching my face when I was sleeping?”
Yoseob shook his adorable head vigorously, making his brown, frizzy tresses kiss his face as he stirred with chortles. The growing smiles on Seobie’s mouth gave himself away; he buried his face into his pillow to hide them.
“It was you.”
“No it wasn’t umma!” Seobie hollered into the pillow.
“It was.”
“…….”
“See? I knew it. There’s no foolin’ me. I always know, Seobie,” Junhyung wormed his whole frame about the bed to be closer to his baby, “I’ll always have my eyes on you.”
Seobie’s face reappeared out of the cushion, “No fair.”
Umma’s fingers combed into Yoseob’s disheveled hair. He caressed his smooth scalp with ginger fingertips, “Did you sleep okay?”
“Uh huh. Umma sleep okay too?” Yoseob’s little countenance briefly showcased concern for his umma Jun. There have recently been several occasions when his eyes and ears were awakened by Junhyung’s shivering shoulders and muffled weeping in the middle of the night. They were sad sounds and sights that painfully pressed on Seobie’s tender heart. Even at his young age, a very adult sense of responsibility overcame him. He felt he had to be the one to make and keep umma Jun happy. That was a full-time job. Sometimes, the boy would sleepily roll over and hold his umma and tell him to stop crying until the little one fell asleep once more. He did not like hearing him cry, seeing him cry…
Yoseob imitated Junhyung, meddling in umma’s hair as well. He looked specifically for any red significant lines crawling along the whites of Junhyung’s eyes as he patiently waited for the other’s answer to his soft inquiry. The adult displayed a dear smile. The
small, playful fingers in his head relaxed him considerably.
“Yeah, I slept fine…”
“Any dreams?” asked Yoseob, blinking eagerly.
Junhyung sighed, “No… No dreams for today…”
They made it a habit of sharing with one another their dreams, if they could remember any of them. Yoseob’s eyes fell while mindlessly patting Jun on his crown, “Me, too. No dream…” And that was odd. The little one recurrently dreamed of his appa, but like Junhyung, the only moving pictures he received were those with black frames. He would talk excitedly about his dreams of Doojoon with umma, and he absolutely loved it. He hadn’t been doing much of that lately, because Spirit Doojoon hadn’t been floating into his realm of sleep, either. Junhyung’s chest tightened some, watching a teeny frown grow on the little one’s mouth.
“Hey…”
Yoseob looked up.
Junhyung twisted a thick lock of his hair with a finger, “You didn’t have a bad dream. That’s good.”
“I miss appa…” Yoseob confessed, giving his large, brown eyes to umma Jun. It felt like Doojoon left him for a second time.
“I miss him, too.”
“I want him to come home now.”
“He’ll come home. He’s coming home, but he has to get better first, and it takes a long time…”
“……”
“We just have to keep saying our prayers for him until he does.”
The boy sat up enthusiastically on the bed with the biggest grin on his round face, “We can have a party when appa come home!?”
Junhyung blinked at that thought.
“Yeah… that would be nice to do… a little party…”
“I’m gonna make him a big picture. And we can have balloons, umma? And cupcakes? And ice cream, too?”
“Sure, sure. We’ll have everything. It’ll be a small party just for you, me and appa, and Kiki if he wants to come. That’s a great idea, Seob.”
Seobie was really cheesing now. It was as if the man was coming home in just a few hours. He settled back into the sheets, curling next to Junhyung.
“I’m gonna give him a lot hug when he come home…”
“Me too…” Umma sighed, zoning in at the considerable length of Yoseob’s brown mop of hair, “…and you need a haircut.”
“No!”
“No? But umma can’t see your handsome eyes.”
“I don’t want haircut,” pouted Yoseob.
“You want it a little long?”
Yoseob’s head bobbled in agreement, pulling some of Junhyung’s pieces of hair over his brow.
“Okay. I’ll ask noona to give you a small trim.”
“I get red hair like umma now?”
His proposal amused the elder.
“When you get older,” Junhyung’s lips grazed Yoseob’s brow before pointing into a kiss, “now let’s get washed up so we can have some breakfast. What do you want?”
“…Oatmeal!!”
“Apple? Cinnamon? Peach-?”
“Peach!”
“Okay, peach oatmeal… You wanna brush your teeth by yourself?”
“Yes yes! I can do it!”
“I know you can. Go and wash up. I’ll be in the kitchen makin’ your oatmeal when you get done.”
Yoseob was loving this new independence. He log-rolled off of the bed with swiftness. He miscalculated the number of rolls needed to land on his feet, and thus, he fell to the floor with a loud thump, but hastily claimed he was okay to his frightened umma and hustled out of the room and down the main hall. Junhyung sighed in relief, “Be careful, Seobie.” He didn’t want anything to happen to that baby.
Junhyung flipped to his back and laid there quite still. He peered to the stagnant ceiling fan above, suspended and alone.
Suspended and alone.
The more Junhyung mused on the reality of Doojoon being absent from their lives indefinitely, the more anxious he became. He didn’t want this life for Seobie. He didn’t want this for himself. Doojoon was the catalyst for the happiness in their home; he was Junhyung’s happiness. It’s heartbreakingly unfortunate that Doojoon possibly did not believe that he was. But it was the honest-to-god truth. And Junhyung needed his happiness.
Moving along, Junhyung pushed on to do what he promised to do. A warm shower helped him to breathe easy again, at least for the day. He dressed warmly and strode in to work in the kitchen, preparing a boiling pot for Seobie’s oatmeal. Yoseob volunteered his services, but umma didn’t want him hanging around blistering water. As sort of a complement to the entire meal, he diced a sweet, red apple to pieces for Yoseob’s little fingers to grasp.
“We have caramel, umma?”
“Uh huh. You want some caramel for your apples?”
Yoseob beamed, “Yes, please!” And that’s another thing. Junhyung allowed Yoseob to have more and do more of whatever he wanted. He wasn’t as restrictive or smothering as he’d been in the past. He loosened up on Seobie. That was something Doojoon wished he’d do more often, and Jun was taking the advice. He started to ask the question that Doojoon often hit him with… “Why not?”
At the wish of his baby, Junhyung whipped out some caramel sauce and spread it evenly onto the apple pieces. He carried the boy’s complete meal to the table: apples, oatmeal, and milk. Seobie wiggled his body onto the chair, reaching for his spoon.
“Yah yah,” tsked Jun, holding Seobie’s jaw in his gentle palm, “lemme see those teeth.”
Yoseob cheesed unnecessarily wide. His little porcelain stubs were glistening.
“And your tongue?”
Yoseob flipped out his tongue. It was scrubbed clean. Junhyung was proud. He kissed Yoseob in between his eyes.
“Good job. Go on and eat. The oatmeal’s still a little hot, though, so be careful.”
Yoseob heeded umma’s precaution and blew on every careful spoonful of creamy oats before he indulged. Junhyung pulled up beside him with his oatmeal bowl.
“Good?” he asked.
Yoseob animatedly nodded. “Umma make the best oatmeal.”
“Better than appa’s?”
He nodded again, smiling so much brighter.
“We’re almost out of peach oatmeal, too.”
Yoseob smacked after swallowing a spoonful, “‘Almost out?’”
“We have two packets left. That doesn’t surprise me. You loved peach oatmeal when you were a baby. We couldn’t keep it in the house. You ate it all the time.”
“It’s my favorite.”
“I’ll have to buy some more soon.”
Breakfast was a time for them to bond and get closer. It de-stressed umma, too, to have these random talks with Seob. Most of the time, the boy said some pretty sharp things for a five-year-old. He was maturing, and faster than Junhyung would have liked…
“UMMA!” Yoseob gasped.
Junhyung snapped his head up and away from his bowl. There was a flow of blood dripping from the little one’s lower lip. He was smiling, and there was something different with his drool-y smile.
“UMMA, MY TOOTH! MY TOOTH COME OUT IN THE APPLE!” he held up the broken piece of apple happily with the little white stub stuck in the caramel sauce. He’d been complaining about an abnormal pain in his gums, and that must’ve been the result of it. Of course. Why did he not guess this before?
“Oh god…” Junhyung hopped to his feet, shuffling until he reached the boy, “lemme see.”
Junhyung cupped Seobie’s small chin, surveying the damage. He’d lost his first tooth. His first bottom tooth, specifically.
“Did it hurt?”
Yoseob tongued the empty space. “No~ It just pop.”
“Alright… You’re getting blood everywhere, though… C’mon. Let’s go to the bathroom. Put the apple piece down on the napkin.”
Umma Jun carried the boy to the bathroom and propped him onto his little blue stool. He helped Yoseob rinse his mouth out until the persistent bleeding was stopped. At that moment, the boy took the time to smile at himself in the mirror. He was genuinely humored at his new reflection, giggling to himself. Junhyung smirked, now calmed that the blood wasn’t the cause of anything serious. It was just a part of Seobie growing up…
“I can get my tooth, umma?”
“Yeah, bring it back here so we can wash it off.”
Immediately, Yoseob zoomed off, found his tooth, and came back to the bathroom. Junhyung stopped up the sink just in case it slipped. The caramel was rinsed off, and all that was left was the tiny tooth.
“We’ll have to save it for the tooth fairy tonight,” said Junhyung, drying it off and handing it over to Yoseob. They viewed it together.
“I put it under my pillow when I go to sleep, right?”
“Mmhm. You’ll get a special present in the morning.”
Yoseob liked presents. There was nothing better than getting a present.
The chaos died down… Yoseob put his tooth on his small dresser and rejoined umma in the kitchen. He helped him put away the dishes and clean his eating area independently. That was the kind of teamwork that went on in the house nowadays. When Junhyung needed assistance with anything in the house, Seobie was right there beside him, ready to go.
With everything put away neatly and orderly, Junhyung rounded up some packets of business work and slapped them onto the table. He sat down in his same seat, a pen ready in his hand. Yoseob had been pretty occupied with sticking his little tongue into the new gap in his teeth, but even that got pretty old. It had gotten too quiet. Where did umma go?
“Umma!” Yoseob called. He’d zoned out while feeling his gums.
“Yeah?” Junhyung answered from the table. Yoseob hopped there.
“We can play at park today?”
“Sure, sure. We’ll go in few minutes. Umma’s gotta do something first.”
Yoseob stepped next to the sitting, slouching Junhyung. He was writing something at the table, closed off from Yoseob. Yoseob didn’t want to be closed off. He wanted to be close. The boy’s hands gripped Jun’s thighs, and he began hopping, hoping to get easily into the chair with Junhyung that way. Junhyung’s arm was a hindrance, however.
“What are you doing, Seob?” Because Junhyung was clearly bemused by the boy’s actions.
“I wanna sit with you…”
Junhyung… grinned. He opened his lap to him. Yoseob crawled onto the chair and into it with scarcely any assistance. Umma’s free arm encircled him-like a safety belt-keeping him steady and put and against his chest. Now Yoseob could be the nosy boy he wanted to be and be hip to hip with his umma. It did not take him long to dig around in Junhyung’s business.
“What these papers for?” loudly questioned Yoseob, looking back to Jun, his tiny index finger tapping the leaves of paper on the tabletop.
“Something for my shop. I’m ordering more things for the store so we can keep making more cupcakes.”
Yoseob removed his finger, “A lot of things?”
“Mmhm,” Junhyung sighed here, “they cost a lot of money, but we need them.”
“A lot money?”
“A lot, baby.”
“Ohhhh.”
“……”
In this bout of stillness, Yoseob took the time to really, really observe the hardworking man. Junhyung’s elbow was staked on the wooden family table. That arm is what kept his head from dropping. His eyes would give the impression that he really did not enjoy what he was doing. They did not look like the eyes he had while making cupcakes. He had the tensest lips. His remote, brown eyes were cast down to the packet of papers in disinterest, but the gaze had a sort of focus and commitment to it. In all, Yoseob picked up the little vibes flowing from Junhyung. He was stressed. He did not like his umma stressed.
“Umma I love you,” he said tenderly.
Junhyung’s pen stopped its scratching; the ink stopped its flowing. He looked down. Down to those soft-boiled, brown eyes. Yoseob’s two little lips straightly smiled. In response, umma Jun’s lips curled and smiled. They pursed together to bring a pair of kisses to his forehead, and Junhyung enveloped him and squeezed him so tight.
“I love you, too, Seobie…”
The child proudly smiled at the smile he produced upon the utterance of those four words. It was out of place, but that’s what he wanted to see. He wanted only smiles on Junhyung’s face. He was going to make as many smiles as he could per day.
“You know what… I can do this later. I have all weekend to get this straightened out. Let’s not go to the park today. Let’s go somewhere else fun. How aboooout… ice skating? That’d be something new to do.”
Yoseob’s face exploded into a smile. “Yeah!”
---
“WOW. THIS PLACE IS BIG.”
“Yeah, so much ice,” Junhyung replied.
Yes, the ice skating rink was extraordinary. It was mystifying to the boy, especially. He’d never quite seen such a place…
With a piping Seobie in tow, Junhyung fished out a small table for the two of them after paying for their skates. He put the child’s skates on first before his own, and together, they scuttled off the carpet and onto the ice. Such a transition was very surprising, but the two were feverishly determined to master it.
Jun looked on to the other inhabitants at the rink… There were little children, adults, and those in between present: Friends, out-of-towners, regulars… families. A mother, father, and a boy not a day older than Seobie were trying out the permafrost together. The adults were keeping the little one on his feet as the unit slowly shuffled on. Junhyung smiled, but an internal bit of him pulsed with aches. Doojoon was supposed to be cupping Yoseob’s right hand, ushering and encouraging him along the ice. Junhyung was supposed to see his lover make those wide smiles at Seobie, and show those white, full teeth.
……………Why did this have to happen?
Junhyung shooed away the mental fantasy to give the boy all of his attention, “It’s tricky, isn’t it?” he asked Yoseob in reference to keeping on his toes.
“Y-Yeah,” struggled the child, trying to maintain his balance, “Ice… slippery.” He was gripping tightly on Junhyung’s hand, and he did so at the right moment, because he was about to fall back. But umma reacted promptly, placing a stabling hand on Yoseob’s small backside.
“I got cha. I won’t let you fall.”
Junhyung kept up with that promise to his son. The little family sliced their silver blades all around the ellipse of ice at their own little pace. Seobie was clearly having fun, and it excited Junhyung to see him smile and laugh and enjoy himself. He’d been very distant with the child for the passing weeks. Not purposefully, of course, but he’d realized how his selfishness and being away from Yoseob had affected him. He needed to make sure he was tending to the boy’s emotional needs before taking care of his own. There was only so much that he could do for Doojoon. He had the hospital caring for him. Seobie didn’t have a hospital. He only had Junhyung. Only umma.
After a while, Seobie felt like he was getting the hang of things. So little peacock Yoseob wanted to show his feathers. He felt that he had this ice-skating thing down pat. He requested that umma skate down about four feet from him, and then he would travel the distance between, finishing in umma Jun’s arms.
“Is this too far, Seob? You want umma to move up closer-?”
“No, stay,” Yoseob cheeped.
Yoseob wobbled once his eyes measured the entire distance, but he commanded the little blades forward. He inched closer and closer to Junhyung, his arms straightened out on either side to keep him level.
“A little closer, Seob… You’re doing so good. Just a little more. C’mon. C’mon. Almost there…”
The boy was getting closer-
Junhyung opened his arms a little wider, “Almost there.”
-but Yoseob took a fall back on his bottom, before the feet of Junhyung. Grinning softly, he picked his sprawled one off of the ice.
“You alright?”
Yoseob confirmed with a head bob.
Junhyung pat him on his back, “Okay. Good job.”
“No good job…”
“‘No good job’? Why do you say that, baby?”
“’Cause I fall.”
Junhyung poked his lips, moving off the ice and onto the carpeted floor. He returned the skates, putting he and Seobie’s regular shoes on their feet. It felt good to be balanced again. Junhyung slowly started for one of the many exits surrounding the rink. He carried Yoseob in his arms again. He wanted to be coddled. Seobie re-laid his heavy head on Junhyung’s shoulder as they were in bound for the car…
“Seobiiiie, don’t be sad. You tried. You were brave. It doesn’t matter that you fell. As long as you try, it’s okay if you mess up… and I’m proud of you for trying. Umma’s proud. Appa would be proud, too.”
Yoseob lifted his head to look back at Junhyung. They were both smiling to one another.
“When appa get better we can come here again?”
“Mmhm. We’ll come right back… You hungry?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m gonna make us some lunch when we get home.”
“Soup.”
“You want soup?”
“Mhm.”
“We’ll have soup, then.”
Jun drove them out of the skating rink parking lot and back to the house.
The house with no power, apparently, because Junhyung flipped the switch to turn the lights on, and the lights did not come on. He flipped and flipped and flipped.
“Shit.”
“What’s wrong umma?”
“I paid the fucking bill and they still cut ‘em off,” Junhyung hissed to himself, totally unaware of the young boy’s question. And then a second thing occurred to him. He immediately rushed over to the faucet. He twisted the right knob. No water.
“Are you fucking serious.” Not a question, but a statement. Junhyung really paid his bills. He honestly, really did…… on the week they were due. He mailed them in, and what most likely happened was that the companies hadn’t received the mail-in payments yet. So it was partially his fault that he cut it so close to payment time, but working on one fixed income and putting away time for Seobie made earning money very hard. But the bill collectors didn’t give a damn about any of that. No money? No power.
Junhyung pulled back all the hair on his head with a hard sweep of his hand.
“Umma what’s wrong?”
Junhyung heard him this time. His eyes set on the wide-eyed little one standing in the darkness. Seobie hobbled closer to Jun’s legs, looking up. Umma Jun smiled down.
“The lights aren’t working.”
“Lights not working?”
“Nope…” Junhyung flipped the switch on, and off, and on, “See? And neither is the water.”
“No light and no water?”
“Nope,” he sighed, “Nothing.”
“No soup too?”
Those three words struck the man. That’s right. How was he going to prepare their soup if their gas stove wasn’t operational?
“You really want soup, Seob?”
Yoseob nodded softly. Whatever Seobie wanted, Seobie was going to get. Even if that meant doing that one thing in the entire world that Junhyung absolutely hated… getting help. But he couldn’t have his child starve. He would starve before Yoseob starved.
Junhyung, with all the reluctance in his body, carried Yoseob across the street and to Kikwang house. He knocked and the latter answered. Kikwang turned to the little one on Junhyung’s hip first, “Hello Seobie! Hey, Jun. What brings you guys here?”
“Um… Wel-”
“There no light and water,” the boy blurted.
Kikwang’s eyebrows bunched, looking confusedly at Seobie before consulting Junhyung for affirmation.
“‘No light and water?’ Really?”
Junhyung rolled his eyes, “………Yeah.”
“That’s insane… First of all, get inside. It’s cold.”
Kikwang invited the couple inside his comfy home. His lights were definitely working, and his water was definitely on. Junhyung took off Seobie’s shoes and jacket before he allowed him into Kikwang’s main quarters to ramble in his art supplies. He did the same, putting the items in respectful places before settling on the loveseat with Kikwang.
“Jun what’s going on? Why is your power off?” inquired a very worried Kikwang.
“Why else does someone’s power get turned off?”
“…Have you been paying your bills?”
“Yeah…… kind of last minute. It’ll probably be off for a day. But I’ve been paying ‘em. I think I cut it too close this time. But… I’ve been trying… I’ve got a lot that I have to do at work and at home with Seob and… I’m surprised that I remember to pay half the time.”
Kikwang frowned and huffed, “…………I wish you weren’t so hardheaded. I wish you would let me help you, Jun. ‘Cause you know I’ll help you… I want to help you.”
“……”
“Has this only happened once? Because I know how you are. You won’t tell me things until it’s absolutely too late. Please don’t tell me you’ve been sitting in the dark-”
“You think I’d have Seob sit in the dark? No. This is the first time… in a long while.”
“So you just want to stay here until it comes back on? Because you and Seobie can definitely stay. As long as it takes, and you know that.”
“…It won’t be long, but……… yeah. If you don’t mind.”
“’Course I don’t mind.”
Next: The Three Cupcakes (9/?) Part Two (1)
Pairing(s): 2Jun (Family!2JunSeob) Some JunKwang
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4,292
Summary: Doojoon makes a big mistake. Junhyung can’t take it anymore. Yoseob is caught in the middle.
(A lovely picture by deemonic~ IT IS BEAUTEOUS, NO? Thank you, bb~~~)Previous: The Three Cupcakes: Picnic & Baby (Side Story) or The Three Cupcakes (8/?) Part One
Day 57
Junhyung liked to think that Doojoon irregularly sent his spirit to him while he slept. It was rare for Junhyung to have dreams, much less good ones. However, when he did, Doojoon was nearly, continuously present in them. The dreams were pleasant, locked and contained within a dome of white in which Jun spent these beautiful, false moments with his imprisoned lover. Spirit Doojoon said not a word to him in these dreams, but his being there was enough for Jun. Communicating with smiles was better than the needless yapping they’ve done in their past.
The truth? The honest-to-god truth? Junhyung missed Doojoon. So much. So very, very much. Nauseatingly. His soul moaned agonizingly for the return of Doojoon’s unique warmth that touched it. All Junhyung felt-was capable of feeling-was a profound sense of appreciation, love, and admiration for his mate. He needed him home. He was weary from all this dreaming, all this pretending. Waking up was not a blessing. It was a disappointment, a sorrowful reminder that his lover was all but a mute, mental materialization playing over and over in his head. It was maddening. His love for his partner only greatened by each passing of every day.
Junhyung used to visit Doojoon every day at the hospital, but the pressure became too much for him to mill through, and baby Seob needed his attention more than ever. Now, he only visited twice a week on Sundays and Fridays. And once there, he brought a new vase of flowers to surround Doojoon with whenever a previously purchased bouquet withered away. Jun just wanted something pretty in the room. It was so cold and naked. He was never a fan of flowers, but they gave the square room life and color, and they kept Doojoon company. Junhyung would’ve loved to be there for him twenty-four seven, but life-its indiscriminant self-does not pause.
Never did Junhyung think he could yield these intense emotions and feelings, and never did he think he would allow them to control him. Junhyung loathed being controlled by anything, but love would forever have its manacles rung around his neck.
Sensations likening to the ticks of a spider’s legs stirred Junhyung from his void realm of sleep. They stopped for a second, then continued, then stopped, and so on. Wrinkles formed as Junhyung’s lips, eyebrows and nose reflexively contorted. These bothersome sensations were frequent; they were bothersome enough to the point that it fully woke the sleeping man. His eyes opened, landing on a wide-awake, giggling Yoseob. Junhyung saw him retract his hands suspiciously. He found his little spider.
“Was that you touchin’ my face?” Junhyung squinted his eyes at the boy, smirking minutely.
“Noooo~”
Umma’s grin expanded, “It wasn’t? So there weren’t little hands and fingers touching my face when I was sleeping?”
Yoseob shook his adorable head vigorously, making his brown, frizzy tresses kiss his face as he stirred with chortles. The growing smiles on Seobie’s mouth gave himself away; he buried his face into his pillow to hide them.
“It was you.”
“No it wasn’t umma!” Seobie hollered into the pillow.
“It was.”
“…….”
“See? I knew it. There’s no foolin’ me. I always know, Seobie,” Junhyung wormed his whole frame about the bed to be closer to his baby, “I’ll always have my eyes on you.”
Seobie’s face reappeared out of the cushion, “No fair.”
Umma’s fingers combed into Yoseob’s disheveled hair. He caressed his smooth scalp with ginger fingertips, “Did you sleep okay?”
“Uh huh. Umma sleep okay too?” Yoseob’s little countenance briefly showcased concern for his umma Jun. There have recently been several occasions when his eyes and ears were awakened by Junhyung’s shivering shoulders and muffled weeping in the middle of the night. They were sad sounds and sights that painfully pressed on Seobie’s tender heart. Even at his young age, a very adult sense of responsibility overcame him. He felt he had to be the one to make and keep umma Jun happy. That was a full-time job. Sometimes, the boy would sleepily roll over and hold his umma and tell him to stop crying until the little one fell asleep once more. He did not like hearing him cry, seeing him cry…
Yoseob imitated Junhyung, meddling in umma’s hair as well. He looked specifically for any red significant lines crawling along the whites of Junhyung’s eyes as he patiently waited for the other’s answer to his soft inquiry. The adult displayed a dear smile. The
small, playful fingers in his head relaxed him considerably.
“Yeah, I slept fine…”
“Any dreams?” asked Yoseob, blinking eagerly.
Junhyung sighed, “No… No dreams for today…”
They made it a habit of sharing with one another their dreams, if they could remember any of them. Yoseob’s eyes fell while mindlessly patting Jun on his crown, “Me, too. No dream…” And that was odd. The little one recurrently dreamed of his appa, but like Junhyung, the only moving pictures he received were those with black frames. He would talk excitedly about his dreams of Doojoon with umma, and he absolutely loved it. He hadn’t been doing much of that lately, because Spirit Doojoon hadn’t been floating into his realm of sleep, either. Junhyung’s chest tightened some, watching a teeny frown grow on the little one’s mouth.
“Hey…”
Yoseob looked up.
Junhyung twisted a thick lock of his hair with a finger, “You didn’t have a bad dream. That’s good.”
“I miss appa…” Yoseob confessed, giving his large, brown eyes to umma Jun. It felt like Doojoon left him for a second time.
“I miss him, too.”
“I want him to come home now.”
“He’ll come home. He’s coming home, but he has to get better first, and it takes a long time…”
“……”
“We just have to keep saying our prayers for him until he does.”
The boy sat up enthusiastically on the bed with the biggest grin on his round face, “We can have a party when appa come home!?”
Junhyung blinked at that thought.
“Yeah… that would be nice to do… a little party…”
“I’m gonna make him a big picture. And we can have balloons, umma? And cupcakes? And ice cream, too?”
“Sure, sure. We’ll have everything. It’ll be a small party just for you, me and appa, and Kiki if he wants to come. That’s a great idea, Seob.”
Seobie was really cheesing now. It was as if the man was coming home in just a few hours. He settled back into the sheets, curling next to Junhyung.
“I’m gonna give him a lot hug when he come home…”
“Me too…” Umma sighed, zoning in at the considerable length of Yoseob’s brown mop of hair, “…and you need a haircut.”
“No!”
“No? But umma can’t see your handsome eyes.”
“I don’t want haircut,” pouted Yoseob.
“You want it a little long?”
Yoseob’s head bobbled in agreement, pulling some of Junhyung’s pieces of hair over his brow.
“Okay. I’ll ask noona to give you a small trim.”
“I get red hair like umma now?”
His proposal amused the elder.
“When you get older,” Junhyung’s lips grazed Yoseob’s brow before pointing into a kiss, “now let’s get washed up so we can have some breakfast. What do you want?”
“…Oatmeal!!”
“Apple? Cinnamon? Peach-?”
“Peach!”
“Okay, peach oatmeal… You wanna brush your teeth by yourself?”
“Yes yes! I can do it!”
“I know you can. Go and wash up. I’ll be in the kitchen makin’ your oatmeal when you get done.”
Yoseob was loving this new independence. He log-rolled off of the bed with swiftness. He miscalculated the number of rolls needed to land on his feet, and thus, he fell to the floor with a loud thump, but hastily claimed he was okay to his frightened umma and hustled out of the room and down the main hall. Junhyung sighed in relief, “Be careful, Seobie.” He didn’t want anything to happen to that baby.
Junhyung flipped to his back and laid there quite still. He peered to the stagnant ceiling fan above, suspended and alone.
Suspended and alone.
The more Junhyung mused on the reality of Doojoon being absent from their lives indefinitely, the more anxious he became. He didn’t want this life for Seobie. He didn’t want this for himself. Doojoon was the catalyst for the happiness in their home; he was Junhyung’s happiness. It’s heartbreakingly unfortunate that Doojoon possibly did not believe that he was. But it was the honest-to-god truth. And Junhyung needed his happiness.
Moving along, Junhyung pushed on to do what he promised to do. A warm shower helped him to breathe easy again, at least for the day. He dressed warmly and strode in to work in the kitchen, preparing a boiling pot for Seobie’s oatmeal. Yoseob volunteered his services, but umma didn’t want him hanging around blistering water. As sort of a complement to the entire meal, he diced a sweet, red apple to pieces for Yoseob’s little fingers to grasp.
“We have caramel, umma?”
“Uh huh. You want some caramel for your apples?”
Yoseob beamed, “Yes, please!” And that’s another thing. Junhyung allowed Yoseob to have more and do more of whatever he wanted. He wasn’t as restrictive or smothering as he’d been in the past. He loosened up on Seobie. That was something Doojoon wished he’d do more often, and Jun was taking the advice. He started to ask the question that Doojoon often hit him with… “Why not?”
At the wish of his baby, Junhyung whipped out some caramel sauce and spread it evenly onto the apple pieces. He carried the boy’s complete meal to the table: apples, oatmeal, and milk. Seobie wiggled his body onto the chair, reaching for his spoon.
“Yah yah,” tsked Jun, holding Seobie’s jaw in his gentle palm, “lemme see those teeth.”
Yoseob cheesed unnecessarily wide. His little porcelain stubs were glistening.
“And your tongue?”
Yoseob flipped out his tongue. It was scrubbed clean. Junhyung was proud. He kissed Yoseob in between his eyes.
“Good job. Go on and eat. The oatmeal’s still a little hot, though, so be careful.”
Yoseob heeded umma’s precaution and blew on every careful spoonful of creamy oats before he indulged. Junhyung pulled up beside him with his oatmeal bowl.
“Good?” he asked.
Yoseob animatedly nodded. “Umma make the best oatmeal.”
“Better than appa’s?”
He nodded again, smiling so much brighter.
“We’re almost out of peach oatmeal, too.”
Yoseob smacked after swallowing a spoonful, “‘Almost out?’”
“We have two packets left. That doesn’t surprise me. You loved peach oatmeal when you were a baby. We couldn’t keep it in the house. You ate it all the time.”
“It’s my favorite.”
“I’ll have to buy some more soon.”
Breakfast was a time for them to bond and get closer. It de-stressed umma, too, to have these random talks with Seob. Most of the time, the boy said some pretty sharp things for a five-year-old. He was maturing, and faster than Junhyung would have liked…
“UMMA!” Yoseob gasped.
Junhyung snapped his head up and away from his bowl. There was a flow of blood dripping from the little one’s lower lip. He was smiling, and there was something different with his drool-y smile.
“UMMA, MY TOOTH! MY TOOTH COME OUT IN THE APPLE!” he held up the broken piece of apple happily with the little white stub stuck in the caramel sauce. He’d been complaining about an abnormal pain in his gums, and that must’ve been the result of it. Of course. Why did he not guess this before?
“Oh god…” Junhyung hopped to his feet, shuffling until he reached the boy, “lemme see.”
Junhyung cupped Seobie’s small chin, surveying the damage. He’d lost his first tooth. His first bottom tooth, specifically.
“Did it hurt?”
Yoseob tongued the empty space. “No~ It just pop.”
“Alright… You’re getting blood everywhere, though… C’mon. Let’s go to the bathroom. Put the apple piece down on the napkin.”
Umma Jun carried the boy to the bathroom and propped him onto his little blue stool. He helped Yoseob rinse his mouth out until the persistent bleeding was stopped. At that moment, the boy took the time to smile at himself in the mirror. He was genuinely humored at his new reflection, giggling to himself. Junhyung smirked, now calmed that the blood wasn’t the cause of anything serious. It was just a part of Seobie growing up…
“I can get my tooth, umma?”
“Yeah, bring it back here so we can wash it off.”
Immediately, Yoseob zoomed off, found his tooth, and came back to the bathroom. Junhyung stopped up the sink just in case it slipped. The caramel was rinsed off, and all that was left was the tiny tooth.
“We’ll have to save it for the tooth fairy tonight,” said Junhyung, drying it off and handing it over to Yoseob. They viewed it together.
“I put it under my pillow when I go to sleep, right?”
“Mmhm. You’ll get a special present in the morning.”
Yoseob liked presents. There was nothing better than getting a present.
The chaos died down… Yoseob put his tooth on his small dresser and rejoined umma in the kitchen. He helped him put away the dishes and clean his eating area independently. That was the kind of teamwork that went on in the house nowadays. When Junhyung needed assistance with anything in the house, Seobie was right there beside him, ready to go.
With everything put away neatly and orderly, Junhyung rounded up some packets of business work and slapped them onto the table. He sat down in his same seat, a pen ready in his hand. Yoseob had been pretty occupied with sticking his little tongue into the new gap in his teeth, but even that got pretty old. It had gotten too quiet. Where did umma go?
“Umma!” Yoseob called. He’d zoned out while feeling his gums.
“Yeah?” Junhyung answered from the table. Yoseob hopped there.
“We can play at park today?”
“Sure, sure. We’ll go in few minutes. Umma’s gotta do something first.”
Yoseob stepped next to the sitting, slouching Junhyung. He was writing something at the table, closed off from Yoseob. Yoseob didn’t want to be closed off. He wanted to be close. The boy’s hands gripped Jun’s thighs, and he began hopping, hoping to get easily into the chair with Junhyung that way. Junhyung’s arm was a hindrance, however.
“What are you doing, Seob?” Because Junhyung was clearly bemused by the boy’s actions.
“I wanna sit with you…”
Junhyung… grinned. He opened his lap to him. Yoseob crawled onto the chair and into it with scarcely any assistance. Umma’s free arm encircled him-like a safety belt-keeping him steady and put and against his chest. Now Yoseob could be the nosy boy he wanted to be and be hip to hip with his umma. It did not take him long to dig around in Junhyung’s business.
“What these papers for?” loudly questioned Yoseob, looking back to Jun, his tiny index finger tapping the leaves of paper on the tabletop.
“Something for my shop. I’m ordering more things for the store so we can keep making more cupcakes.”
Yoseob removed his finger, “A lot of things?”
“Mmhm,” Junhyung sighed here, “they cost a lot of money, but we need them.”
“A lot money?”
“A lot, baby.”
“Ohhhh.”
“……”
In this bout of stillness, Yoseob took the time to really, really observe the hardworking man. Junhyung’s elbow was staked on the wooden family table. That arm is what kept his head from dropping. His eyes would give the impression that he really did not enjoy what he was doing. They did not look like the eyes he had while making cupcakes. He had the tensest lips. His remote, brown eyes were cast down to the packet of papers in disinterest, but the gaze had a sort of focus and commitment to it. In all, Yoseob picked up the little vibes flowing from Junhyung. He was stressed. He did not like his umma stressed.
“Umma I love you,” he said tenderly.
Junhyung’s pen stopped its scratching; the ink stopped its flowing. He looked down. Down to those soft-boiled, brown eyes. Yoseob’s two little lips straightly smiled. In response, umma Jun’s lips curled and smiled. They pursed together to bring a pair of kisses to his forehead, and Junhyung enveloped him and squeezed him so tight.
“I love you, too, Seobie…”
The child proudly smiled at the smile he produced upon the utterance of those four words. It was out of place, but that’s what he wanted to see. He wanted only smiles on Junhyung’s face. He was going to make as many smiles as he could per day.
“You know what… I can do this later. I have all weekend to get this straightened out. Let’s not go to the park today. Let’s go somewhere else fun. How aboooout… ice skating? That’d be something new to do.”
Yoseob’s face exploded into a smile. “Yeah!”
---
“WOW. THIS PLACE IS BIG.”
“Yeah, so much ice,” Junhyung replied.
Yes, the ice skating rink was extraordinary. It was mystifying to the boy, especially. He’d never quite seen such a place…
With a piping Seobie in tow, Junhyung fished out a small table for the two of them after paying for their skates. He put the child’s skates on first before his own, and together, they scuttled off the carpet and onto the ice. Such a transition was very surprising, but the two were feverishly determined to master it.
Jun looked on to the other inhabitants at the rink… There were little children, adults, and those in between present: Friends, out-of-towners, regulars… families. A mother, father, and a boy not a day older than Seobie were trying out the permafrost together. The adults were keeping the little one on his feet as the unit slowly shuffled on. Junhyung smiled, but an internal bit of him pulsed with aches. Doojoon was supposed to be cupping Yoseob’s right hand, ushering and encouraging him along the ice. Junhyung was supposed to see his lover make those wide smiles at Seobie, and show those white, full teeth.
……………Why did this have to happen?
Junhyung shooed away the mental fantasy to give the boy all of his attention, “It’s tricky, isn’t it?” he asked Yoseob in reference to keeping on his toes.
“Y-Yeah,” struggled the child, trying to maintain his balance, “Ice… slippery.” He was gripping tightly on Junhyung’s hand, and he did so at the right moment, because he was about to fall back. But umma reacted promptly, placing a stabling hand on Yoseob’s small backside.
“I got cha. I won’t let you fall.”
Junhyung kept up with that promise to his son. The little family sliced their silver blades all around the ellipse of ice at their own little pace. Seobie was clearly having fun, and it excited Junhyung to see him smile and laugh and enjoy himself. He’d been very distant with the child for the passing weeks. Not purposefully, of course, but he’d realized how his selfishness and being away from Yoseob had affected him. He needed to make sure he was tending to the boy’s emotional needs before taking care of his own. There was only so much that he could do for Doojoon. He had the hospital caring for him. Seobie didn’t have a hospital. He only had Junhyung. Only umma.
After a while, Seobie felt like he was getting the hang of things. So little peacock Yoseob wanted to show his feathers. He felt that he had this ice-skating thing down pat. He requested that umma skate down about four feet from him, and then he would travel the distance between, finishing in umma Jun’s arms.
“Is this too far, Seob? You want umma to move up closer-?”
“No, stay,” Yoseob cheeped.
Yoseob wobbled once his eyes measured the entire distance, but he commanded the little blades forward. He inched closer and closer to Junhyung, his arms straightened out on either side to keep him level.
“A little closer, Seob… You’re doing so good. Just a little more. C’mon. C’mon. Almost there…”
The boy was getting closer-
Junhyung opened his arms a little wider, “Almost there.”
-but Yoseob took a fall back on his bottom, before the feet of Junhyung. Grinning softly, he picked his sprawled one off of the ice.
“You alright?”
Yoseob confirmed with a head bob.
Junhyung pat him on his back, “Okay. Good job.”
“No good job…”
“‘No good job’? Why do you say that, baby?”
“’Cause I fall.”
Junhyung poked his lips, moving off the ice and onto the carpeted floor. He returned the skates, putting he and Seobie’s regular shoes on their feet. It felt good to be balanced again. Junhyung slowly started for one of the many exits surrounding the rink. He carried Yoseob in his arms again. He wanted to be coddled. Seobie re-laid his heavy head on Junhyung’s shoulder as they were in bound for the car…
“Seobiiiie, don’t be sad. You tried. You were brave. It doesn’t matter that you fell. As long as you try, it’s okay if you mess up… and I’m proud of you for trying. Umma’s proud. Appa would be proud, too.”
Yoseob lifted his head to look back at Junhyung. They were both smiling to one another.
“When appa get better we can come here again?”
“Mmhm. We’ll come right back… You hungry?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m gonna make us some lunch when we get home.”
“Soup.”
“You want soup?”
“Mhm.”
“We’ll have soup, then.”
Jun drove them out of the skating rink parking lot and back to the house.
The house with no power, apparently, because Junhyung flipped the switch to turn the lights on, and the lights did not come on. He flipped and flipped and flipped.
“Shit.”
“What’s wrong umma?”
“I paid the fucking bill and they still cut ‘em off,” Junhyung hissed to himself, totally unaware of the young boy’s question. And then a second thing occurred to him. He immediately rushed over to the faucet. He twisted the right knob. No water.
“Are you fucking serious.” Not a question, but a statement. Junhyung really paid his bills. He honestly, really did…… on the week they were due. He mailed them in, and what most likely happened was that the companies hadn’t received the mail-in payments yet. So it was partially his fault that he cut it so close to payment time, but working on one fixed income and putting away time for Seobie made earning money very hard. But the bill collectors didn’t give a damn about any of that. No money? No power.
Junhyung pulled back all the hair on his head with a hard sweep of his hand.
“Umma what’s wrong?”
Junhyung heard him this time. His eyes set on the wide-eyed little one standing in the darkness. Seobie hobbled closer to Jun’s legs, looking up. Umma Jun smiled down.
“The lights aren’t working.”
“Lights not working?”
“Nope…” Junhyung flipped the switch on, and off, and on, “See? And neither is the water.”
“No light and no water?”
“Nope,” he sighed, “Nothing.”
“No soup too?”
Those three words struck the man. That’s right. How was he going to prepare their soup if their gas stove wasn’t operational?
“You really want soup, Seob?”
Yoseob nodded softly. Whatever Seobie wanted, Seobie was going to get. Even if that meant doing that one thing in the entire world that Junhyung absolutely hated… getting help. But he couldn’t have his child starve. He would starve before Yoseob starved.
Junhyung, with all the reluctance in his body, carried Yoseob across the street and to Kikwang house. He knocked and the latter answered. Kikwang turned to the little one on Junhyung’s hip first, “Hello Seobie! Hey, Jun. What brings you guys here?”
“Um… Wel-”
“There no light and water,” the boy blurted.
Kikwang’s eyebrows bunched, looking confusedly at Seobie before consulting Junhyung for affirmation.
“‘No light and water?’ Really?”
Junhyung rolled his eyes, “………Yeah.”
“That’s insane… First of all, get inside. It’s cold.”
Kikwang invited the couple inside his comfy home. His lights were definitely working, and his water was definitely on. Junhyung took off Seobie’s shoes and jacket before he allowed him into Kikwang’s main quarters to ramble in his art supplies. He did the same, putting the items in respectful places before settling on the loveseat with Kikwang.
“Jun what’s going on? Why is your power off?” inquired a very worried Kikwang.
“Why else does someone’s power get turned off?”
“…Have you been paying your bills?”
“Yeah…… kind of last minute. It’ll probably be off for a day. But I’ve been paying ‘em. I think I cut it too close this time. But… I’ve been trying… I’ve got a lot that I have to do at work and at home with Seob and… I’m surprised that I remember to pay half the time.”
Kikwang frowned and huffed, “…………I wish you weren’t so hardheaded. I wish you would let me help you, Jun. ‘Cause you know I’ll help you… I want to help you.”
“……”
“Has this only happened once? Because I know how you are. You won’t tell me things until it’s absolutely too late. Please don’t tell me you’ve been sitting in the dark-”
“You think I’d have Seob sit in the dark? No. This is the first time… in a long while.”
“So you just want to stay here until it comes back on? Because you and Seobie can definitely stay. As long as it takes, and you know that.”
“…It won’t be long, but……… yeah. If you don’t mind.”
“’Course I don’t mind.”
Next: The Three Cupcakes (9/?) Part Two (1)