Cupid
Title: Cupid
Pairing(s): DongSeob, KiWoon
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,887
Summary: In order to ascend into Heaven, Yoseob must come to terms with his feelings for Dongwoon.
A/N: More late night musings.
My funeral was last Saturday, and Woonie didn’t come.
He stayed at the dorm the whole time; I stayed with him there. I guess he couldn’t bring himself to go… It was a painful time for both him and I on Saturday… I spent the whole time lying beside him, watching him weep for me, listening to him moan “Why?” and I could do nothing.
I couldn’t even touch him. That made me cry.
I have-well, had-an irregular heartbeat. I’ve had it since birth. It got the best of me a few days ago; I died in the middle of my sleep. I didn’t realize it until I woke up and saw my own body still lying in bed.
Dongwoon found me-he woke me up every morning, bouncing on my bed and hilariously bellowing my name-and ever since that moment that he found me, he has not been the same.
We were very in tune with each other. That was my buddy… He confided in me, and I comfortably confided in him. I knew every nook and cranny of his heart... I wish he could say the same for mine.
The others have been giving Dongwoon lots of space...
But Kikwang spends a few hours of the day to come and check on Dongwoon. He brings him food and makes him eat. He is not overbearing; he gives Woonie time to grieve, because he understands that it is necessary, and even healthy for him. He peeks into his room to be sure that he is sound. He comforts him with genuine, tender, and careful care...
“You know you can talk to me, Woonie… I’m right here for whenever you need me.” Kiki tells him that all the time.
Now that I’m dead, I am able to peer inside of and experience the truest cavities of someone’s heart. It is a gift of the deceased.
And looking into the looking glass of Kikwang’s heart, I can tell you that Kikwang loves Dongwoon.
Emotions of the heart have colors; whenever Kikwang is near Dongwoon, the very core of Kiki’s heart glows a dense coral. I feel it. I am overcome with it. It intensifies the longer they stay together. And as I watch and feel it do so, my spirit becomes quite humanly jealous.
Because I love Dongwoon, too. I was in love with Son Dongwoon. I am still very much in love with him. Even in death, love is inescapable.
But.
…
But…
But I never told him how I felt… I never told him how he made me feel. And it’s too late.
It’s too late for me. I’m dead. I cannot love him in this realm. I can’t give him what he needs as a soul… as a spirit. I should have done that sooner… while I was alive… while he could see me and I could see him.
But Kikwang… I don’t want him being like me, or making the mistake that I made. I don’t want him hiding his heart and feelings away from Dongwoon anymore. I don’t want him to be scared of love, or hold anything back from Dongwoon.
Dongwoon needs him. He needs that love. His heart has no color, and it disturbs me.
Tonight I hope to change that.
Because I have to let him go.
I sit next to Dongwoon, waiting for Kikwang to make his daily round to the room. Woonie’s sleeping… All he ever does is sleep. I guess that’s the only time his heart gets a rest. He is at peace when he sleeps... It is times like this I wish that I could pet his head.
It’s eight in the evening, and almost like clockwork, Kiki comes in with a tray of hot bowl of soup for Dongwoon riding on his hand. Kikwang turns on the light.
“Dongwooooon. Up up. Time for dinner.”
Dongwoon shifts in his sleep.
I sit up. Kikwang leaves the tray onto the nightstand to take a seat next to Dongwoon’s frame. He did not sleep with the blankets covering his tank-and-boxers--or otherwise thinly-clothed--body.
Kikwang sees this and huffs, “Dongwoon... It’s cold outside. You always need to sleep under your blankets... They’re there to keep you warm, and you won’t get sick. At least put on some socks.”
Dongwoon shifts some more, but he does not get up.
“Woonie...” Kikwang’s eyes fall sadly. He reaches out, seemingly aiming to touch his back, but he pulls his hand away. He puts it back in his lap, “Dongwoon please get up... I let you sleep a little longer today. Just have something to eat and you can go back to sleep... and I won’t bother you anymore.”
Dongwoon sighs... I guess he’s hungry, because he gets up, stretching and yawning. Kiki gives him the soup, and we watch him eat from start to finish, Kikwang sitting on the left of him, and me on the right. Woonie’s slow about eating it, and his eyes are always down, staring at the contents of the soup.
Kikwang’s eyes are just as depressed. His heart is not coral now, but a light purple. It is a blended heart, one having feels of sadness intermixed with feelings of love. He takes the empty bowl when Dongwoon is finished.
“...Do you want some more?”
“No thank you.”
“Alright.........” Kikwang puts the bowl on the nightstand, “Is there anything you want to talk to me about?”
Dongwoon nods his head “No.”
“...You’re sure?”
Dongwoon nods his head “Yes.”
“Okay......” Kikwang leans forward to rise from the bed, but something hits him midway, “You know, he will always be with you.”
That statement makes me grin. He’s telling the truth.
“But I don’t feel him, hyung. I’ve felt his presence before... after he died. I’ve seen him, too. I’ve heard his laughter. Before he died he would always touch my hair and I’ve felt him touch my hair just days after he passed. But now, I rarely even feel his presence. He left me,” Woonie choked, “...He left me.”
I, myself, want to cry.
Woonie, I’m sitting right here. I would never leave you, I promised... Death can’t keep you from me...
Here, let me show you.
I reach into Kikwang’s being, and I clutch Kikwang’s heart. I feed my spirit into it, shutting my eyes.
When I reopen them, I am staring at a crestfallen Dongwoon through the eyes of Kikwang. My spirit has taken over.
“...So long as there is an Earth, there will always be a moon. So long as you are here, you will always have me,” I make Kikwang say.
Dongwoon’s eyes open farther with apparent realization… I’ve told him that very thing since the first moment I found him compacted into a human ball and crying in the storage closet. Woonie would have sporadic episodes when he would feel consumed in depression and isolated; I would always, always remind him that he would never be alone. I would always be there for him when he needed me. That was our little saying. I was his moon, his satellite, always present, faithful and unmoving.
“…Yoseob?” he mouths with incredulousness.
I smile. I finger the straight, golden strands on the crown of his head. It’s silky and lovely. I pull a lock behind the round shell of his ear. Dongwoon holds my arm… then my hand.
He knows it’s me.
He knows, because the corners of his eyes are pricked with droplets of fresh saline. His countenance crumples, his lips quiver. He tries to call my name coherently, but can’t. He begins to sob brokenly. Tears trail down the pink planes of his cheeks to the point of his chin. He yanks me close, blubbering very much like a sad child.
“It's okay,” I wipe away his tears. I can already sense strings my spirit being drawn to another source. Dongwoon seems to be illuminated. Everything does.
“I m… miss you h-hyung…” Dongwoon’s arms are swathed around my body. I tuck my head into his chest. He’s so warm. He smells so sweet. This is perfect…
“…miss y…” Dongwoon’s fingers burrowed in my scalp to keep my head strongly pressed upon his bosom. I feel lightheaded… and so warm. We breathe together, in and out.
I’m melting away in his cradle of an embrace. Everything is sparkling, glowing. I close my eyes and I relish in and soak up everything that I can. Because I will not be able to physically feel him… ever. I want to remember this embrace. I want to remember his skin, and how it hisses softly whenever it glides against mine. I want to remember his hair, that wonderful golden nest of feathers. I want to engrave his natural scent into my mortal memory, a subtle, comforting cologne. And his eyes. I bring my head up.
Dongwoon looks down on me with those soft almonds. They are still wet, but at least he is not crying as heavily as he had been minutes ago. I strike the swollen corners of his eyes with my thumb to gingerly efface the wet splotches, the damp roads of tears. There, now I see my Woonie... I smile.
He smiles back. We chortle... Woonie looks so happy. I almost can’t feel him anymore... I almost can’t see him through the film and layers of light. The reason that I have not slipped away is probably his eyes, that are now these gentle, brown dots encompassed by this obscuring light. I know my time with him is just about up. One thing. There is just one thing that he must know... He has to know.
“I love you, Dongwoon,” I whisper patiently. He blinks.
I grip his shoulder firmly. Then, I press my lips into his to create the kiss that I’ve always been too chicken to do in the flesh. (And I guess I am still chicken, since I’m doing this in Kikwang’s body.) When his lips caress mine, I shiver, and I feel my spiritual being burst in euphoria. My soul breaks from Kiki’s, and I fastly ascend into the bright, shining halo in the night sky. I laugh all the way up; I have never felt so free...
I’m so happy. I did it. I finally did it.
I did it.
Take care of him, Kiki.
…...............
(End of Yoseob’s POV)
…..........Eyes closed and fully returned to his senses, Kikwang pulls his full lips from Dongwoon’s mouth leisurely. He slowly exhales against the latter’s lips, the moist air flitting about them and in between their bodies. Dongwoon’s eyes open. Kikwang’s eyelids take their time in pulling back... He feels really drunk, and really warm...
It takes him a second or two, but Kikwang realizes the close proximity shared between them, and, on his lips... he feels the ghostly pressure of Dongwoon’s lips. He pieces his gatherings together, and he feels in his soul that he someway, somehow, kissed Son Dongwoon.
Kikwang, with pink in his cheeks, gazes at the object of his greatest affection in disbelief of what he felt-in his soul-transpired. He says not a single word. He does not let Dongwoon go. He fans his long lashes, befuddled, his heart angrily beating.
Dongwoon grins lightly to the one in his arms...
“Hey, Kikwang.”