Moyenne
Title: Moyenne
Pairing(s): DongSeob (Mentioned Broken!KiSeob)
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 6826
Summary: Love does not mean physically, emotionally or mentally destroying one’s lover; Dongwoon’s countless attempts of making Yoseob realize this have finally paid off.
A/N: As told by Dongwoon~ A DongSeob for notesfromthesky~~ who I hope likes this. <33333
Soup. Crackers. Ginseng tea.
That is what I prepare for Yoseob when he makes his -- often untimely -- midnight visits to my home. Or, maybe I shouldn’t call them “visits”. They are more like… escapes, and I would call them that for a number of reasons. Reasons too painful for me to stomach, reasons that I can’t forgive myself for purposefully neglecting just because Yoseob told me to, and I did everything hyung asked. But not even hyung knew what he was asking… Yoseob had been blinded by this man, whom I call “scum”, because one, he does not deserve the natural right to bear a name. And two, because he is, in fact, scum. He is nothing. He is scum for using his hands to strike Yoseob instead of treating him the way he should be treated. Like a little prince. Like a crown jewel, held preciously and dear.
…I wish I didn’t have to elaborate on this matter, but… in order to fill you in and explain why Yoseob is safe, asleep, and lying beautifully naked beside me in the morning sun, ripping open these fresh wounds of mine will be a pain I must endure and briefly relive.
Please follow along; I would hate having to repeat anything…
Yoseob and I have been friends -- childhood friends and beyond -- for the longest. He occupied every little thought in my early memories of life. We were next door neighbors, we attended each other’s birthday parties religiously, we discovered things about the world with one another literally at our side. “You would not see one without the other” our mothers told people, and that much was the truth. We were like family. I remember the first time we met, the first time I recognized his… beauty, I suppose, if you would call it that when you were about five or six. He had just moved into the neighborhood; he was playing in snow, lonesome. Having a new kid to befriend was exciting to me, so I wanted to meet him right away. I introduced myself to the boy in the snow, and Yoseob looked up at me. We both blinked.
“You’re a pretty hyung.” Those were my first words to him. Yoseob threw a snowball at me and did not speak to me for a week. We made up soon.
I did not know it then, but I fell in love that day.
Yoseob and I were definitely comfortable in one another. We clicked from the get-go. I liked everything about him. As a child, his smile made pain run and hide. His smile made everything better and brighter. Hyung was one of those kids who excelled in everything. Case in point, he won nearly all of the roadside competitions between our peers on those warm afternoons. I never won anything without getting a hell of a scrape or shedding blood. Though, in spite of my shortcomings, I would always hear Yoseob squawking, “Don’t give up!” And when I lost, when I felt the overwhelming power of tears fill my eye sockets, hyung hugged me and soothingly beseeched me not to cry. His murmurs were magic; I never shed a tear.
Yoseob was far more mature for his age, and exceedingly brilliant and smart. Me, on the total opposite hand, was the dullest tack in the whole bunch. In our school days, I would get jealous of Yoseob. Hyung consistently made high marks, and effortlessly, while I struggled just to keep my grades straddling the borderline of passing. I had to give all of my assignments all my heart and might, and sometimes, not even that was enough. Yoseob would try and help me. I would pass tests with ten points higher after receiving some of his tutoring. It was great to have him so close beside me at those tables… We were good friends, so he often would lay his head on top of my shoulder and watch me complete math problems. I would feel him breathe so gently, and hear his breaths pass through his parted pink lips, or listen his soft, adlibbed hums. I got so distracted at times I would screw up. Then Yoseob guided me to the mistake -- placing his warm hand atop of my own and guiding my pencil there… Those were great moments.
Hyung never rubbed his brilliance in my face. He was modest, and it was sometimes sickening to me. He was at the top of his class, the rankings posted on the bulletin board for all the world to see, practically. He smiled at the results, and that was the end of that. He knew he was smart -- he did not need to boast about it -- but if I had gotten grades like that, there wouldn’t be a second that flew where you wouldn’t hear me referring to my rank in some way. Because… I had -- and I still do -- this idea that I had to prove myself to everyone. I wasn’t good enough, and I had to do something about it. That was my weakness, and for a long, long time, it appeared as if Yoseob had no weakness. He had everything together, and everything was going for him. He was an extraordinary being in my eyes, someone to look up to.
I -- habitually -- was wrong. There is a weakness in everyone, and I found hyung’s weakness, one day, and I will never forget the day I did.
Yoseob canceled our plans to the smoothie bar, our ritual spot. He had never canceled before, so I concluded that something huge had come up, and accepted it. No big deal, right?
Until I spotted him walking down the pavement across the street from the bar. He was in the company of another male, similar in height and stature. Struck, I was, by this. Yoseob’s beamed at this individual, a person I knew all too well. His name -- which I will only mention as sparsely as I can because I despise him so -- was Lee Kikwang.
And in that moment, my heart made its deepest thump.
I felt… betrayed. I hated that man -- that boy. I hated him. In class, he was always teasing me. Teasing me about my marks, my rank, my hair… Teasing me about anything he could find to scrutinize me with. The class would snicker behind my back, and no one would vouch for me. Not even Yoseob. But I didn’t need anyone; I knew how to stand on my own two feet even when put up against adversity. But… just that… I couldn’t take that. They were together?
Oh, and you bet I immediately confronted Yoseob about this the minute I was handed the chance. I told him what I saw, and hyung didn’t even lie to me. Probably because he couldn’t; I was an expert in Seobie eye-reading. He told me straight out, and these were his exact words: “I have always liked Kikwang…”
“How long have you been together?” I asked him.
“For about three months now… I could never tell you because… you hate him,” and he had lowered his voice, but there was an evident smile when he said, “…He’s already saying he loves me.”
It was as if someone balled up a sheet of paper and did their best to flatten the wrinkles out. Everyone knows you simply can’t beat out every wrinkle in a crumpled paper. It is next to impossible. That paper will never be perfect again. That’s what I felt that our relationship had become. He was keeping this relationship from me… He felt like he couldn’t tell me things. At that time, I didn’t care if it was Kikwang or whoever, I still would’ve loved to have known that my close, best friend was in a relationship. Wouldn’t you? Secondly, Yoseob fell in love with troublemaker, class clown, smooth-talking Lee-fucking-Kikwang, and he fell in love with -- not a woman -- but another male. So he was gay, something I had always pondered about in my spare time. Girls constantly fawned and threw themselves to his feet -- pretty girls -- but he never dated one. Never. I thought I could have a chance with him, and one day, I tried my luck.
It was Valentine’s Day. The most cliché day to pick when asking out the one you love, but I’m full of clichés, so it didn’t matter. Well, I bought him cliché Valentine candy -- chocolate -- and a tiny, cliché teddy bear. I thought about a flower, but I ran out of money. So, to top things off, I showed up on his porch and rang his doorbell, my items a shopping bag totally unrelated to anything Valentine. I was calm. He answered, and we greeted one another. He questioned me about the bag and what I bought; I told him it was something for my mother. We already had a dinner planned. I cliché-ly presented him my gifts confidently at the table, then gave him a carefully-pieced speech that I relayed over and over in my head. I was expecting him to gaze at me, his lips pursed as he ate up every word I said.
He looked down at his plate with an awkward smile, and he looked there for a disturbingly long time. I actually had to call him out of his trance.
“…Woonie, I… I don’t… feel for you that way…”
He apologized a thousand times, but I brushed it off and told him everything was alright, and “Thanks for listening”. We finished our awkward dinner with small, small talk. Every time I swallowed my heart imploded. I let him keep the chocolates, but I kept the teddy and got a refund on it.
That was two months ago. He and Kikwang had been together for three. He didn’t turn me down because he didn’t “feel that way” towards me -- or maybe he did -- but the ultimate reason was because he was already with someone. With -- dare I say his name again… -- Kikwang.
That wasn’t the only time I was disappointed. Since their “union”, I watched Yoseob -- my childhood crush that I had once conjoined to my hip -- vanish slowly from my life. It didn’t feel natural to be by myself, to be at the smoothie bar alone, to not have that extra voice at my ear. That extra beautiful voice. For the first time in my existence, I was truly lonely.
This was the period when my deepest feelings all came to me all at one time. Now I know I had liked Yoseob. I knew that since I was a little boy. I did not know that I loved him. But I did… I loved him. I was in love with hyung. That was a reality; what was also a reality was the cold fact that he was Kikwang’s. Facts are meant to be accepted, because there is nothing one can do to change a fact. Yoseob appeared to be in love with Kikwang, so… there. There was nothing to do but sit back and watch your love smile at some other man’s stupid jokes. But life goes on with or without you.
I had to move on.
After finishing high school, I completed a little bit of college, enough to get enrolled into a local police academy. My grandfather was a passionate police officer; he loved justice and protecting our little community around the clock. I guess I received some of that same passion from him. I despised injustice -- almost as much as I despise Kikwang -- and I loved serving the weak and unvoiced. I wished to extinguish all wrongdoers and their wrongdoings, no matter what it took. My training went great. I could handle a handgun pretty well -- my grandfather allowing me to practice with his in secret when I was a boy -- and I knew all of the laws by heart. I was well on my way to being a rookie.
I knew Yoseob wanted to be a… something-ologist -- he was smart enough to be any one of ‘em that he wanted -- but after a few, rare texts from him, he told me he finished high school and was “building a life” with Kikwang an hour away. He said he wasn’t furthering his education.
Since when did he move, was my first question. And secondly, that was a brain going to waste. Being at home, taking care of some other grown man? Why? Yoseob had a stellar skull; being a homemaker was not a fitting occupation for him. I wondered if Kikwang had talked with him, or persuaded him to change his mind about school…
And that is when I realized Yoseob’s weakness.
Love was Yoseob’s weakness, and I discovered how weak it could make him.
After confronting hyung about seeing less and less of him over the phone, Yoseob came to my home. I instantly noticed a dynamic change in his character. He was physically thinner, but still full in the face. His body looked frail; he appeared to walk with a slump and his eyes fixatedly to his feet. He spoke quietly, too, as if Kikwang was present and he did not want him to hear what he was muttering to me. Yoseob said he lied to his boyfriend about visiting his parents, whom he got to see less and less of as a consequence because of the other’s tight restrictions. That is when Yoseob confessed to me that Kikwang would act out in spontaneous fits of rage and strike him with his hand or whatever was in it or near it. To prove this, he showed me his lower arm. I saw screaming patches of blue that trailed even farther up past the sleeve. I asked if there were more. He confirmed with a head nod, but not with his eyes. I remembered going through police training, and doing the practice assault exercises. I was suited up with spar gear when the other fellow officers proceeded to ambush me ad criminals would, and I myself received some light bruises from that. But that, that bruise Seobie had… He had to have been pounded on by Kikwang.
I was ready to kill. I was ready to commit murder and gladly put myself in metal cuffs if it meant getting that asshole off of my Seobie. But Yoseob begged me to not tell anyone, and to not kill him. He said it “didn’t hurt” and that the reason why he collected so many bruises and scrapes was because he did something to anger Kikwang. So, essentially, he was blaming himself for bringing Kikwang’s wrath upon himself. And that was a complete lie. Hyung is a sweetheart; the only thing he could possibly do wrong is be too cute. Yoseob did not deserve the harsh treatment he was being dealt by that insecure piece of shit.
But what was I to do? I was in the police force, yet I couldn’t file a domestic violence report, and Yoseob didn’t want to file any assault charges. I was rendered utterly powerless.
I begged hyung to leave him. He came to my house many times to get away from Kikwang’s hands. I told him time and time again -- meeting after meeting -- that he deserved so much better than to be treated like that… I would have a few precious hours with him, but then, boom. When I would wake up the next day, he would already be gone. He was very punctual about leaving, probably something brought on by that man of his.
On occasions, Yoseob would happily tell me that Kikwang was getting “help” for his “problems”. Yet, hyung kept coming to my house sad-faced and battered, swallowing his need to burst into tears while he was around me. The help wasn’t helping, it appeared, if he was getting helped at all. Yoseob could’ve been lying to me to keep me off of his case… I just hate seeing Yoseob unhappy.
He never needs to make a sad face.
And now, he never will.
(Yesterday)
“More tea?” I asked Yoseob. He was on my bed.
“Yeah… If it’s not too much trouble for you…”
“You know it’s not.”
Yoseob replied first with a smile… they were getting bigger each day, “…Okay.”
I took the cup from Yoseob’s gentle fingers, smiling in his direction.
“I’ll be a minute. Be right back.”
Yoseob had been staying at my home for a full week now. It had become his refuge from the man he was bound to. He showed up past one o’ clock in the morning, drenched in warm rain and masked by the shadows of the night. But when I saw those shining eyes beckoning to him from under that familiar black hood, I knew who it was -- and what the situation was -- and ushered him inside without hesitation.
He was scared stiff that day. I don’t know what Kikwang did to him, but Yoseob was never so shaken that first day. Hyung was literally looking over his shoulder every two minutes, shivering in his hoodie with his eyes shifting about and round like marbles. Yoseob did not want to sleep in the extra room that was closely adjacent to mine, like always. We slept in my bed together… He told me he wanted to stay away from him. He was done with him, and… I could hardly believe it. Was he really done? Was this really it? He was cutting all ties with Kikwang? Then I thought some more. Hyung didn’t bring any clothes with him like usual. When he lied about staying over his parents’ house for a day, he was actually with me, and he brought a change of clothes. I knew that him coming over to see me without anything but the threads on his back meant he had to get out of his house and away from Kikwang, and quickly. He was very careful in what he chose to wear. Even on days when it was scorching he would wear long-sleeved shirts and jeans.
Though it would hurt to see, I wanted to see his body. I wanted to see what Kikwang had done… what I had allowed Kikwang to do to the man I loved. How did he possess this power to change and manipulate my Seobie…?
Well, he would be staying with me. And he was, for a full week now. A full week free of Kikwang.
…I brought back the tea, making sure it was nice and warm for hyung.
“Here. It’s a little hot, but it’s nothing you can’t handle.”
“Thanks,” he took it, but did not drink right way. He kind of peered down into the rich color. Thinking.
“…He’s looking for me.”
There was a tremor in his voice. A few of them.
“Kikwang?” I asked. Hyung slowly stroked the cup with his thumbs.
“Yeah. I wouldn’t put it past him. He won’t stop until he finds me… He’s gonna be so angry with me, Woon.”
“Oh, I want him to get angry. If he gets a tip to come search for you here, then I want him to get angry while I’m present. I want him to raise his hand to you in my house. We’ll see how far he gets with that,” I sat next to him on the bed, moving the covers about, “I thought we went over this before, Seobiiiiie. Don’t fear him. Especially when I’m here. There is no reason to. You are safe with Woonie, hyung.”
And what do you know, a mediocre smile branched and blossomed into the most beautiful smile hyung had ever made for me. He kissed my cheek; I felt fire there, and the fire spilled all around inside of me. I hadn’t gotten a kiss from him for… a long, long while. I forgot that he used to give me kisses like this…
Ah… We went for a walk earlier that day, as we did the days before. Hyung was very much afraid of being outside because of the possibility of Kikwang showing up from somewhere. There was a slim possibility, however, of him doing anything to hyung with me by his side. But even so, Yoseob stuck close to me like sticky sap. He even roped his arm around mine, tying the limbs into a knot.
Now, he simply held my hand. Our walks were great. Yoseob got to get some fresh air, something he greatly missed while under the other’s rein. We raced one another, too, and I won! We almost tied. I would’ve never beat him in the past; police training was to credit for that win. Almost tying meant that hyung was regaining his strength. And since he was eating better, courtesy of my meals, he was gradually gaining his weight back. Seobie livened up before my eyes. He warmed up to me fast… or re-warmed, whatever you want to call it. Maybe after two days of staying at my home, hyung and I interacted like we used to interact with each other: Constantly joking around, constantly laughing and teasing, him calming me down when I got too outrageous. I noticed hyung liked to cuddle more, but I thought nothing of it. He needed to be beside somebody who wouldn’t lash at him harshly with a hand or tongue. I was there to do that now.
Yoseob finished his extra cup of tea. It dragged later and later into the evening, and Seobie and I needed some good sleep. He took his shower and draped his body in my red satin robe. He waited for me on the bed. I took my shower right after him and put on some lengthy bottoms. I joined him on our little nest; Yoseob was still covered in the robe instead of the plain pajamas I lent him. The light from my lamp caused the satin to glow, so hyung looked stunning… His gaze was in his hands, which usually meant he was about to speak, so I waited patiently. He was of but a few words today. Something was on his mind. Something more than Kikwang…
“………I’ve made a big mistake, Dongwoon.”
“Hm?”
“I’ve made a big mistake.”
“A mistake like what, hyung?” I tried looking into his eyes, but we could never connect.
“Like never,” he swallowed loudly here, “…Like never listening to you. Never leaving Kikwang like I should have. And being scared. I have caused everyone that cared about me and loved me a lot of pain, and I never cared, just for the sake of being with him. This person who lied about wanting the best for me, when all he did was hurt me. It sadly took me a year to realize all of this.”
“Well… it’s… it’s okay. At least you see now. You know what you’ve done, and you now know what not to do. You’ve learned from your mistake.”
Yoseob was revealing to me the tender insides of his heart’s thoughts… I had to listen very closely.
“I also learned… that I never really loved him. What I originally mistook for love was not love. I was infatuated with him. I never loved him. I guess what kept me to him was fear of what he might’ve done to me had I tired to leave… He tried to seriously hurt me a week ago. I could’ve avoided this entire situation if I had’ve been smart and true. True to myself and what I felt in my heart. I wasn’t thinking when I got into that relationship. I… I wasn’t thinking on that Valentine’s night, either…”
I perked up.
“You can choose to believe me or not, but this is what my heart feels that I need to say… and that you need -- deserve -- to know. Um… I never wanted to hurt you, Woonie. I never meant to. But I did, and I am so, so sorry. I’m sorry for putting someone before our friendship. It was wrong and inconsiderate and heartless of me, and I hope you can forgive me.”
“Yeah… ‘Course, hyung. I did that long ago. A long time ago.”
“Okay… and… umm… Maybe you can forgive me of lying, too, because…… because……”
Yoseob expelled so many sighs. He fingered the waist strap for a bit, jittering.
“Lying about--?”
“--I lied about that night on Valentine’s Day. I’m…………Iaminlovewithyouandit’sprobablytoolatenowtobeconfessingfeelingsandyou’veprobablylostinterestinmebecauseit’salmostbeenayearandI--”
I whipped my arms around Yoseob’s waist. I forced him into my lap and smashed out lips together. Several chaste kisses sprouted from that. We pulled apart, hyung panting and peering into my soul with his eyes half-opened. I peered back just as sharply. He stayed seated in my lap, his thighs on either side of me.
“I’ve never lost interest. I’ve wanted to make you mine the day I met you. My mistake is that I should’ve done it sooner.”
Yoseob touched my cheek. His tongue pat his lips. “I need to have you, Dongwoon.”
“You’ve always had me.”
Yoseob’s lips met mine again at the last breath of my last word. It was an unhurried kiss… a kiss of patience and desire. His hands were enticingly warm and moving all around my bare back as they held onto me. Hyung’s lips were agile and tempting. I grasped either of his thighs and responded to my Seobie’s kisses with my lips. Things were wholesome for that first minute. This had been my dream for too long… This was better than my dream… Yoseob was the one who shifted the atmosphere. A shy, wet little something moistened my lips. It took me but a second to realize it was tongue. At my next chance, when hyung parted his lips for passage to his mouth, I tipped my head sideways at a greater angle and dipped my tongue inside. He moaned when the tissues met; he shook a little in my lap and his hands left my backside for my locks. It felt like stuffing my mouth into a sweet, wet cream pie or something. Tasting him exceeded my very colorful daydreams. I clutched hyung’s legs tighter. I could feel both of our bodies warming and pulling and lusting for one another’s touch. I definitely wanted Yoseob. I’ve been wanting him for well over fifteen years.
We sucked lips while my hands moved towards the center in between us. I wanted to undo the robe’s belt. Yoseob’s hands rapidly came to my aid, or so I thought. They were actually stopping me. Hyung squeezed my hands and the kisses were entirely stopped, too.
“No…”
“Huh?”
“--I mean yes…! I mean…”
“Is this happening too soon for you, hy--”
“--No,” Yoseob blurted in my face, “…I… I want this, I… I-I just don’t want you to… to see,” he said to me, and with such conflict playing on his small face.
…“To see”, he said, and I knew what he meant. He didn’t want me to see the markings, the bruises… He didn’t want me to see what his body had become. Of course I cared to see. I had been curious all this time. And moreover, I wanted to touch him… I have been waiting all my life to touch him intimately, and here was my moment.
“It’s okay,” I tried moving his hands aside, but they were unmovable. Yoseob was looking down at our touching hands.
“No. I don’t want you to see what he did.”
“It’s okay, hyung.” I tried again, but there was another struggle.
“No--”
“Yoseob.”
“Don’t see--”
“Yoseob.”
His scared brown eyes looked into mine fully.
“No more hiding from me.”
To relax him, I kissed his soft lips delicately. He kissed me back; I tasted the nervousness before pulling the garment from his body. The satin robe slipped from his shoulders. It fell like a pool of shining red around him. I separated our mouths so I could finally see for myself the ugly “art” created by Kikwang’s hands.
My eyes knew not where to rest. There was blue here, red there, like random, little splotches of splattered paint, all competing for my gaze. I could spot several fresh bruises and week-old markings, possibly from when he escaped Kikwang’s hands -- and it still hurts me to even fathom about what transpired. He had some old scratches in the midst of new ones, and these ran like fine lines about his sides and lower.
Lower.
Anger taunted and roused the blood in my veins.
“Promise me that you will never go back to him, Yoseob. Ever. For anything. You don’t have to put up with him anymore; I have all that you will ever need; I can support you. The both of us. Just leave him, Seobie, for good. ’Cause I don’t want you living like this. I don’t wanna lose you like this. You are too precious to me, hyung… You can’t go back to that.”
“I won’t, Dongwoon. I won’t. I promise I won’t. I want to make it all go away… Just kiss me. Keep kissing me…”
And I kissed him, the passionate anger I felt for Kikwang quickly converting into fuel for me to love the socks off of hyung. I sucked his lips and ripped the rest of the robe off. I wasn’t going to leave a spot, bruise or scar on his body untouched. I was going to take back what Kikwang laid claim to.
I was going to make Seobie my own.
Yoseob pulled me down onto the sheets with him by his grip on my neck, engaging in kiss after kiss after kiss. I straddled him gingerly, which brought us into a close, close embrace. His unique taste was already having my body engulfed with fire, but when I felt the skin of his chest scrape gently against my skin, the contact left a lasting burn… a burn internally, and a burning for more. I brought my hands to his hips. I stroked the slightly jutting hipbones there. He flinched just a little, but I still sensed it.
“Tender there?”
“Y-Yeah… But it’s fine.”
“Alright,” I kissed him, “I’ll be careful.”
My senses were just over stimulated with his feel, his taste, his scent. I needed to explore. My lips left his mouth. We had the chance to gaze at each other; Hyung did not have a single stitch on his body now. He was awing… Seobie’s face was pink at his nudity, but he smiled at me so cutely, wholly confident in this decision that we’d silently, mutually agreed to. I don’t know how long it’d been since he’d last made love, but he was long overdue. And I could see it in his eyes that he just wanted to love and be loved.
He kept rustling around in my tresses. I stroked his locks; my lips dove into the toasty crook of his neck. I dropped kiss after kiss there before -- being so tempted and anxious -- attacking his neck with my tongue and lips. I took deep inhales, and my, he had a pleasant smell. Yoseob’s keening was exciting and I was adoring his fingers stroking my head. I quietly sucked along his torso with delicacy. I brought each nipple between my lips, playing with them with my tongue. Yoseob created soft little noises in his throat. I couldn’t resist giving a kiss or two for them.
He was tender from Kikwang’s assaults, so I was exceedingly careful when being intimate, starting with his upper body. I stroked his wounds and bruises with the skin of my fingertips, racing them down his torso in their little roads. I could see Yoseob getting uncomfortable, wishing they would all disappear from my sight. I sank south, my lips stopping at his faintly discolored collarbone. I kissed that. I kissed the scars -- old and new -- and along them. I kissed the bruises. I kissed the welts. And I took my time. When I got far down enough, I made a special belt of kisses around his midsection. I spite of all that’s been done, in spite of whatever shape, color or state Seobie was in, he was still going to be my pretty hyung.
Now, with my lips already near his blushing erection, I held him in my hot hand firmly, stroking him twice, then taking him deep into my mouth.
“Ahhhn.” Hyung squirmed on the bed some; I felt him rocking. I liked to watch him. Our pupils never broke from one another’s. He had the back of his hand against his lips to try and muffle his mewls, but you could not mistake them. I moved my tongue around him; certain strokes elicited certain sounds. I loved them all, but I really loved the sounds he made when I only gave oral attention to the head. I sucked and swallowed his cock for minutes at a time, and in those minutes, Yoseob had my name pasted to his lips. He was pinker and wigglier and so… amazing. His taste was thick on my tongue… and I had to have more.
We were on the same wavelength. He pat my head to stop me. A final flick of the tongue, and I released him. We leisurely swapped messy kisses, then hyung carefully flipped himself over on his stomach. He looked over his shoulder with circles for eyes. His fingers clutched the pillow before him. Clearly he was inviting me to take him. I hovered over his body, giving him a kiss before pecking down his back with cold lips. He responded with shivers. I stopped when I got to his waist. If it weren’t for his eyes, my own would just be focused on the flawlessness of his naked backside. Or just ass. But then I suddenly thought about his hips…
“Are you sure about doing this…? I know you’re sore in some spots--”
“Just do it, Dongwoon. I don’t care.”
He shifted to his knees, allowing the rest of his body to remain lying on the bed. I had some all-purpose lubricant shelved away somewhere, and it was miraculous that I didn’t spend all night trying to find it. It was a baby bottle, nothing special.
I applied some to three fingers, but only inserted one inside of Seobie. He cringed, and I instantly retracted it.
“You’re tender in there, too?” I remembered Yoseob mentioning to me how rough the sex could get.
“Me and Kikwang haven’t had sex in weeks…”
Weeks? I would never stop touching Yoseob if I had him at my side. Which I do, so he won’t be touching my baby ever again.
I mindfully prepared him with my second and third finger. It was a thorough and painstaking process, all for the assurance of Seobie’s comfort. And I didn’t want to mess up the experience of my first time with him. He was broken down, pleading for me to enter him. I disturbed his sweet spot, and I felt his entire body lock into one position. He yelped, sucking the two fingers that he could take, and called for me in a fever. I answered, lubing my manhood and slowly, slowly pushing myself into Yoseob. I had to stop several times before we actually got a pace going. He was whimpering, and I was so worried about hurting my already-hurt hyung… But “Just fuck me” is what he told me to do and I did just that. I still minded his tender spots, but other than that, I plunged into that sweet ass. I was melting inside of him… Hyung made faces and noises that I had never heard him make in all of our days of being together; I couldn’t get enough of them. He had never shouted my name so beautifully than he did in that moment. I just could not get over how different a man was, and how fortunate of me that we met… He looked back frequently to me, and my eyes would be just the same. Fixed onto his, and his beautiful frame, and his perfect face… His perfect everything.
We changed positions. He was on his back now, while I simply towered from above. “I wanna see your face,” he said. I didn’t stop my thrusts. We held one another more preciously than we could have in that previous, limited position. He was scratching me, and all of the mews that I couldn’t hear before I could definitely hear now. And I could see his eyes… and they were so deep and brown and full of me. I hope that’s what my eyes reflected, Yoseob. Hyung would occasionally ask me to “go deeper”, because I would remind myself to be gentle. I obeyed with caution, but soon, my need to release was increasing. There was to be no cautiousness. All of these feelings were too powerful to contain inside me.
In choppy sentences, Yoseob told me that he had to cum. I embraced him so that we became chest to chest, and kissed behind his ear. We got closer by doing this, and my thrusting faster. A climaxing Seobie was thrown over the edge, willingly tormented by his orgasm. I felt his essence warm both our abdomens. I wasn’t too far off. Just seeing him enjoy his seconds of bliss encouraged my release. I moaned hyung’s name, filling him up with what I had to give.
Yoseob opened his eyes… I opened mine too. And we just stared at each other. No smiling. Just looking. Hyung’s expression seemed to be one of realization, whereas mine was just a look of disbelief, because did I really just finishing making love to my best friend?
“You’re… You’re fine, right?”
“Mmhm. I’m alright, Woonie.”
“Sorry if you get sore later on…”
His sweet lips blessed me with four kisses, “…Remember, this was something I wanted. So sore or not, I am happy.”
“…I’m happy, too.”
Hyung’s hands began to stroke the nape of my neck. He brought me in for a kiss. We kissed, and it was like a first kiss.
Me and hyung lied in bed together minutes later. We were officially about to go to sleep. He asked me how I was doing at the academy, and was very interested in my handgun. I decided to show him it, and give him a quick one-on-one lesson, the exact same way my grandfather taught me. Seobie held the gun, while I put my hands over his. We pointed it at the television for a target. I had the safety on.
“No, no, no… You cock it next,” I said.
“And then I shoot?”
“Then you shoot.”
“Ohhh…”
I put the gun away, beneath the bed, “Yep. That’s all there is to it.”
“Have you ever had to use that on anyone before?” Yoseob inquired. He cuddled up to me when I settled in the bed good again.
“No. And I hope it stays that way. Especially for a certain person’s sake.”
“And who might that person be~?”
“You know damn well who.”
Yoseob was smiling, but I could tell he was still concerned with my answer.
“Woon… I don’t want you getting in trouble, alright…? If you ever see him -- if we ever see him -- just act… rationally. I know you will be upset, and I know you’ll… you’ll want to do things to him that could wind up being very serious. I just want you to be levelheaded… okay?”
I stroked hyung’s hair… “…………I hated learning about what he was doing to you. It still makes me crazy. Nobody should ever put their hands on anyone like that. But… yeah, I know. I’ll behave. But if he wants to try anything, I will happily accept.”
A giggle from Yoseob tickled my ear. I pecked his cheek and the two of us spent the next sleepy moments looking over one another…
(Present)
And now you see how it has all come to this. I seemingly rescued my hyung from a detrimental relationship and out of the arms of a short-fused, manipulating scumbag. But, as much as I would like for it to be, this is not the end.
I am watching Seobie now as I speak to you. He is still tied tightly to his dreams. I give him a kiss.
I'm not dumb. I know that one day, he will find Yoseob here.
He is looking for him. He is searching for him.
And wherever he’s at, I just want him to know, that I am in no ways afraid of a coward.
But I do have one good thing to say.
Thank you, Lee Kikwang, for fucking up.
Maybe I will make this longer for you…? I feel like it should continue after this… Maybe a confrontation with Kikwang?
OTL…… What do you think?
Thank you for readiiiiiiiiiii~ng~~!!!!!!!!
Pairing(s): DongSeob (Mentioned Broken!KiSeob)
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 6826
Summary: Love does not mean physically, emotionally or mentally destroying one’s lover; Dongwoon’s countless attempts of making Yoseob realize this have finally paid off.
A/N: As told by Dongwoon~ A DongSeob for notesfromthesky~~ who I hope likes this. <33333
Soup. Crackers. Ginseng tea.
That is what I prepare for Yoseob when he makes his -- often untimely -- midnight visits to my home. Or, maybe I shouldn’t call them “visits”. They are more like… escapes, and I would call them that for a number of reasons. Reasons too painful for me to stomach, reasons that I can’t forgive myself for purposefully neglecting just because Yoseob told me to, and I did everything hyung asked. But not even hyung knew what he was asking… Yoseob had been blinded by this man, whom I call “scum”, because one, he does not deserve the natural right to bear a name. And two, because he is, in fact, scum. He is nothing. He is scum for using his hands to strike Yoseob instead of treating him the way he should be treated. Like a little prince. Like a crown jewel, held preciously and dear.
…I wish I didn’t have to elaborate on this matter, but… in order to fill you in and explain why Yoseob is safe, asleep, and lying beautifully naked beside me in the morning sun, ripping open these fresh wounds of mine will be a pain I must endure and briefly relive.
Please follow along; I would hate having to repeat anything…
Yoseob and I have been friends -- childhood friends and beyond -- for the longest. He occupied every little thought in my early memories of life. We were next door neighbors, we attended each other’s birthday parties religiously, we discovered things about the world with one another literally at our side. “You would not see one without the other” our mothers told people, and that much was the truth. We were like family. I remember the first time we met, the first time I recognized his… beauty, I suppose, if you would call it that when you were about five or six. He had just moved into the neighborhood; he was playing in snow, lonesome. Having a new kid to befriend was exciting to me, so I wanted to meet him right away. I introduced myself to the boy in the snow, and Yoseob looked up at me. We both blinked.
“You’re a pretty hyung.” Those were my first words to him. Yoseob threw a snowball at me and did not speak to me for a week. We made up soon.
I did not know it then, but I fell in love that day.
Yoseob and I were definitely comfortable in one another. We clicked from the get-go. I liked everything about him. As a child, his smile made pain run and hide. His smile made everything better and brighter. Hyung was one of those kids who excelled in everything. Case in point, he won nearly all of the roadside competitions between our peers on those warm afternoons. I never won anything without getting a hell of a scrape or shedding blood. Though, in spite of my shortcomings, I would always hear Yoseob squawking, “Don’t give up!” And when I lost, when I felt the overwhelming power of tears fill my eye sockets, hyung hugged me and soothingly beseeched me not to cry. His murmurs were magic; I never shed a tear.
Yoseob was far more mature for his age, and exceedingly brilliant and smart. Me, on the total opposite hand, was the dullest tack in the whole bunch. In our school days, I would get jealous of Yoseob. Hyung consistently made high marks, and effortlessly, while I struggled just to keep my grades straddling the borderline of passing. I had to give all of my assignments all my heart and might, and sometimes, not even that was enough. Yoseob would try and help me. I would pass tests with ten points higher after receiving some of his tutoring. It was great to have him so close beside me at those tables… We were good friends, so he often would lay his head on top of my shoulder and watch me complete math problems. I would feel him breathe so gently, and hear his breaths pass through his parted pink lips, or listen his soft, adlibbed hums. I got so distracted at times I would screw up. Then Yoseob guided me to the mistake -- placing his warm hand atop of my own and guiding my pencil there… Those were great moments.
Hyung never rubbed his brilliance in my face. He was modest, and it was sometimes sickening to me. He was at the top of his class, the rankings posted on the bulletin board for all the world to see, practically. He smiled at the results, and that was the end of that. He knew he was smart -- he did not need to boast about it -- but if I had gotten grades like that, there wouldn’t be a second that flew where you wouldn’t hear me referring to my rank in some way. Because… I had -- and I still do -- this idea that I had to prove myself to everyone. I wasn’t good enough, and I had to do something about it. That was my weakness, and for a long, long time, it appeared as if Yoseob had no weakness. He had everything together, and everything was going for him. He was an extraordinary being in my eyes, someone to look up to.
I -- habitually -- was wrong. There is a weakness in everyone, and I found hyung’s weakness, one day, and I will never forget the day I did.
Yoseob canceled our plans to the smoothie bar, our ritual spot. He had never canceled before, so I concluded that something huge had come up, and accepted it. No big deal, right?
Until I spotted him walking down the pavement across the street from the bar. He was in the company of another male, similar in height and stature. Struck, I was, by this. Yoseob’s beamed at this individual, a person I knew all too well. His name -- which I will only mention as sparsely as I can because I despise him so -- was Lee Kikwang.
And in that moment, my heart made its deepest thump.
I felt… betrayed. I hated that man -- that boy. I hated him. In class, he was always teasing me. Teasing me about my marks, my rank, my hair… Teasing me about anything he could find to scrutinize me with. The class would snicker behind my back, and no one would vouch for me. Not even Yoseob. But I didn’t need anyone; I knew how to stand on my own two feet even when put up against adversity. But… just that… I couldn’t take that. They were together?
Oh, and you bet I immediately confronted Yoseob about this the minute I was handed the chance. I told him what I saw, and hyung didn’t even lie to me. Probably because he couldn’t; I was an expert in Seobie eye-reading. He told me straight out, and these were his exact words: “I have always liked Kikwang…”
“How long have you been together?” I asked him.
“For about three months now… I could never tell you because… you hate him,” and he had lowered his voice, but there was an evident smile when he said, “…He’s already saying he loves me.”
It was as if someone balled up a sheet of paper and did their best to flatten the wrinkles out. Everyone knows you simply can’t beat out every wrinkle in a crumpled paper. It is next to impossible. That paper will never be perfect again. That’s what I felt that our relationship had become. He was keeping this relationship from me… He felt like he couldn’t tell me things. At that time, I didn’t care if it was Kikwang or whoever, I still would’ve loved to have known that my close, best friend was in a relationship. Wouldn’t you? Secondly, Yoseob fell in love with troublemaker, class clown, smooth-talking Lee-fucking-Kikwang, and he fell in love with -- not a woman -- but another male. So he was gay, something I had always pondered about in my spare time. Girls constantly fawned and threw themselves to his feet -- pretty girls -- but he never dated one. Never. I thought I could have a chance with him, and one day, I tried my luck.
It was Valentine’s Day. The most cliché day to pick when asking out the one you love, but I’m full of clichés, so it didn’t matter. Well, I bought him cliché Valentine candy -- chocolate -- and a tiny, cliché teddy bear. I thought about a flower, but I ran out of money. So, to top things off, I showed up on his porch and rang his doorbell, my items a shopping bag totally unrelated to anything Valentine. I was calm. He answered, and we greeted one another. He questioned me about the bag and what I bought; I told him it was something for my mother. We already had a dinner planned. I cliché-ly presented him my gifts confidently at the table, then gave him a carefully-pieced speech that I relayed over and over in my head. I was expecting him to gaze at me, his lips pursed as he ate up every word I said.
He looked down at his plate with an awkward smile, and he looked there for a disturbingly long time. I actually had to call him out of his trance.
“…Woonie, I… I don’t… feel for you that way…”
He apologized a thousand times, but I brushed it off and told him everything was alright, and “Thanks for listening”. We finished our awkward dinner with small, small talk. Every time I swallowed my heart imploded. I let him keep the chocolates, but I kept the teddy and got a refund on it.
That was two months ago. He and Kikwang had been together for three. He didn’t turn me down because he didn’t “feel that way” towards me -- or maybe he did -- but the ultimate reason was because he was already with someone. With -- dare I say his name again… -- Kikwang.
That wasn’t the only time I was disappointed. Since their “union”, I watched Yoseob -- my childhood crush that I had once conjoined to my hip -- vanish slowly from my life. It didn’t feel natural to be by myself, to be at the smoothie bar alone, to not have that extra voice at my ear. That extra beautiful voice. For the first time in my existence, I was truly lonely.
This was the period when my deepest feelings all came to me all at one time. Now I know I had liked Yoseob. I knew that since I was a little boy. I did not know that I loved him. But I did… I loved him. I was in love with hyung. That was a reality; what was also a reality was the cold fact that he was Kikwang’s. Facts are meant to be accepted, because there is nothing one can do to change a fact. Yoseob appeared to be in love with Kikwang, so… there. There was nothing to do but sit back and watch your love smile at some other man’s stupid jokes. But life goes on with or without you.
I had to move on.
After finishing high school, I completed a little bit of college, enough to get enrolled into a local police academy. My grandfather was a passionate police officer; he loved justice and protecting our little community around the clock. I guess I received some of that same passion from him. I despised injustice -- almost as much as I despise Kikwang -- and I loved serving the weak and unvoiced. I wished to extinguish all wrongdoers and their wrongdoings, no matter what it took. My training went great. I could handle a handgun pretty well -- my grandfather allowing me to practice with his in secret when I was a boy -- and I knew all of the laws by heart. I was well on my way to being a rookie.
I knew Yoseob wanted to be a… something-ologist -- he was smart enough to be any one of ‘em that he wanted -- but after a few, rare texts from him, he told me he finished high school and was “building a life” with Kikwang an hour away. He said he wasn’t furthering his education.
Since when did he move, was my first question. And secondly, that was a brain going to waste. Being at home, taking care of some other grown man? Why? Yoseob had a stellar skull; being a homemaker was not a fitting occupation for him. I wondered if Kikwang had talked with him, or persuaded him to change his mind about school…
And that is when I realized Yoseob’s weakness.
Love was Yoseob’s weakness, and I discovered how weak it could make him.
After confronting hyung about seeing less and less of him over the phone, Yoseob came to my home. I instantly noticed a dynamic change in his character. He was physically thinner, but still full in the face. His body looked frail; he appeared to walk with a slump and his eyes fixatedly to his feet. He spoke quietly, too, as if Kikwang was present and he did not want him to hear what he was muttering to me. Yoseob said he lied to his boyfriend about visiting his parents, whom he got to see less and less of as a consequence because of the other’s tight restrictions. That is when Yoseob confessed to me that Kikwang would act out in spontaneous fits of rage and strike him with his hand or whatever was in it or near it. To prove this, he showed me his lower arm. I saw screaming patches of blue that trailed even farther up past the sleeve. I asked if there were more. He confirmed with a head nod, but not with his eyes. I remembered going through police training, and doing the practice assault exercises. I was suited up with spar gear when the other fellow officers proceeded to ambush me ad criminals would, and I myself received some light bruises from that. But that, that bruise Seobie had… He had to have been pounded on by Kikwang.
I was ready to kill. I was ready to commit murder and gladly put myself in metal cuffs if it meant getting that asshole off of my Seobie. But Yoseob begged me to not tell anyone, and to not kill him. He said it “didn’t hurt” and that the reason why he collected so many bruises and scrapes was because he did something to anger Kikwang. So, essentially, he was blaming himself for bringing Kikwang’s wrath upon himself. And that was a complete lie. Hyung is a sweetheart; the only thing he could possibly do wrong is be too cute. Yoseob did not deserve the harsh treatment he was being dealt by that insecure piece of shit.
But what was I to do? I was in the police force, yet I couldn’t file a domestic violence report, and Yoseob didn’t want to file any assault charges. I was rendered utterly powerless.
I begged hyung to leave him. He came to my house many times to get away from Kikwang’s hands. I told him time and time again -- meeting after meeting -- that he deserved so much better than to be treated like that… I would have a few precious hours with him, but then, boom. When I would wake up the next day, he would already be gone. He was very punctual about leaving, probably something brought on by that man of his.
On occasions, Yoseob would happily tell me that Kikwang was getting “help” for his “problems”. Yet, hyung kept coming to my house sad-faced and battered, swallowing his need to burst into tears while he was around me. The help wasn’t helping, it appeared, if he was getting helped at all. Yoseob could’ve been lying to me to keep me off of his case… I just hate seeing Yoseob unhappy.
He never needs to make a sad face.
And now, he never will.
(Yesterday)
“More tea?” I asked Yoseob. He was on my bed.
“Yeah… If it’s not too much trouble for you…”
“You know it’s not.”
Yoseob replied first with a smile… they were getting bigger each day, “…Okay.”
I took the cup from Yoseob’s gentle fingers, smiling in his direction.
“I’ll be a minute. Be right back.”
Yoseob had been staying at my home for a full week now. It had become his refuge from the man he was bound to. He showed up past one o’ clock in the morning, drenched in warm rain and masked by the shadows of the night. But when I saw those shining eyes beckoning to him from under that familiar black hood, I knew who it was -- and what the situation was -- and ushered him inside without hesitation.
He was scared stiff that day. I don’t know what Kikwang did to him, but Yoseob was never so shaken that first day. Hyung was literally looking over his shoulder every two minutes, shivering in his hoodie with his eyes shifting about and round like marbles. Yoseob did not want to sleep in the extra room that was closely adjacent to mine, like always. We slept in my bed together… He told me he wanted to stay away from him. He was done with him, and… I could hardly believe it. Was he really done? Was this really it? He was cutting all ties with Kikwang? Then I thought some more. Hyung didn’t bring any clothes with him like usual. When he lied about staying over his parents’ house for a day, he was actually with me, and he brought a change of clothes. I knew that him coming over to see me without anything but the threads on his back meant he had to get out of his house and away from Kikwang, and quickly. He was very careful in what he chose to wear. Even on days when it was scorching he would wear long-sleeved shirts and jeans.
Though it would hurt to see, I wanted to see his body. I wanted to see what Kikwang had done… what I had allowed Kikwang to do to the man I loved. How did he possess this power to change and manipulate my Seobie…?
Well, he would be staying with me. And he was, for a full week now. A full week free of Kikwang.
…I brought back the tea, making sure it was nice and warm for hyung.
“Here. It’s a little hot, but it’s nothing you can’t handle.”
“Thanks,” he took it, but did not drink right way. He kind of peered down into the rich color. Thinking.
“…He’s looking for me.”
There was a tremor in his voice. A few of them.
“Kikwang?” I asked. Hyung slowly stroked the cup with his thumbs.
“Yeah. I wouldn’t put it past him. He won’t stop until he finds me… He’s gonna be so angry with me, Woon.”
“Oh, I want him to get angry. If he gets a tip to come search for you here, then I want him to get angry while I’m present. I want him to raise his hand to you in my house. We’ll see how far he gets with that,” I sat next to him on the bed, moving the covers about, “I thought we went over this before, Seobiiiiie. Don’t fear him. Especially when I’m here. There is no reason to. You are safe with Woonie, hyung.”
And what do you know, a mediocre smile branched and blossomed into the most beautiful smile hyung had ever made for me. He kissed my cheek; I felt fire there, and the fire spilled all around inside of me. I hadn’t gotten a kiss from him for… a long, long while. I forgot that he used to give me kisses like this…
Ah… We went for a walk earlier that day, as we did the days before. Hyung was very much afraid of being outside because of the possibility of Kikwang showing up from somewhere. There was a slim possibility, however, of him doing anything to hyung with me by his side. But even so, Yoseob stuck close to me like sticky sap. He even roped his arm around mine, tying the limbs into a knot.
Now, he simply held my hand. Our walks were great. Yoseob got to get some fresh air, something he greatly missed while under the other’s rein. We raced one another, too, and I won! We almost tied. I would’ve never beat him in the past; police training was to credit for that win. Almost tying meant that hyung was regaining his strength. And since he was eating better, courtesy of my meals, he was gradually gaining his weight back. Seobie livened up before my eyes. He warmed up to me fast… or re-warmed, whatever you want to call it. Maybe after two days of staying at my home, hyung and I interacted like we used to interact with each other: Constantly joking around, constantly laughing and teasing, him calming me down when I got too outrageous. I noticed hyung liked to cuddle more, but I thought nothing of it. He needed to be beside somebody who wouldn’t lash at him harshly with a hand or tongue. I was there to do that now.
Yoseob finished his extra cup of tea. It dragged later and later into the evening, and Seobie and I needed some good sleep. He took his shower and draped his body in my red satin robe. He waited for me on the bed. I took my shower right after him and put on some lengthy bottoms. I joined him on our little nest; Yoseob was still covered in the robe instead of the plain pajamas I lent him. The light from my lamp caused the satin to glow, so hyung looked stunning… His gaze was in his hands, which usually meant he was about to speak, so I waited patiently. He was of but a few words today. Something was on his mind. Something more than Kikwang…
“………I’ve made a big mistake, Dongwoon.”
“Hm?”
“I’ve made a big mistake.”
“A mistake like what, hyung?” I tried looking into his eyes, but we could never connect.
“Like never,” he swallowed loudly here, “…Like never listening to you. Never leaving Kikwang like I should have. And being scared. I have caused everyone that cared about me and loved me a lot of pain, and I never cared, just for the sake of being with him. This person who lied about wanting the best for me, when all he did was hurt me. It sadly took me a year to realize all of this.”
“Well… it’s… it’s okay. At least you see now. You know what you’ve done, and you now know what not to do. You’ve learned from your mistake.”
Yoseob was revealing to me the tender insides of his heart’s thoughts… I had to listen very closely.
“I also learned… that I never really loved him. What I originally mistook for love was not love. I was infatuated with him. I never loved him. I guess what kept me to him was fear of what he might’ve done to me had I tired to leave… He tried to seriously hurt me a week ago. I could’ve avoided this entire situation if I had’ve been smart and true. True to myself and what I felt in my heart. I wasn’t thinking when I got into that relationship. I… I wasn’t thinking on that Valentine’s night, either…”
I perked up.
“You can choose to believe me or not, but this is what my heart feels that I need to say… and that you need -- deserve -- to know. Um… I never wanted to hurt you, Woonie. I never meant to. But I did, and I am so, so sorry. I’m sorry for putting someone before our friendship. It was wrong and inconsiderate and heartless of me, and I hope you can forgive me.”
“Yeah… ‘Course, hyung. I did that long ago. A long time ago.”
“Okay… and… umm… Maybe you can forgive me of lying, too, because…… because……”
Yoseob expelled so many sighs. He fingered the waist strap for a bit, jittering.
“Lying about--?”
“--I lied about that night on Valentine’s Day. I’m…………Iaminlovewithyouandit’sprobablytoolatenowtobeconfessingfeelingsandyou’veprobablylostinterestinmebecauseit’salmostbeenayearandI--”
I whipped my arms around Yoseob’s waist. I forced him into my lap and smashed out lips together. Several chaste kisses sprouted from that. We pulled apart, hyung panting and peering into my soul with his eyes half-opened. I peered back just as sharply. He stayed seated in my lap, his thighs on either side of me.
“I’ve never lost interest. I’ve wanted to make you mine the day I met you. My mistake is that I should’ve done it sooner.”
Yoseob touched my cheek. His tongue pat his lips. “I need to have you, Dongwoon.”
“You’ve always had me.”
Yoseob’s lips met mine again at the last breath of my last word. It was an unhurried kiss… a kiss of patience and desire. His hands were enticingly warm and moving all around my bare back as they held onto me. Hyung’s lips were agile and tempting. I grasped either of his thighs and responded to my Seobie’s kisses with my lips. Things were wholesome for that first minute. This had been my dream for too long… This was better than my dream… Yoseob was the one who shifted the atmosphere. A shy, wet little something moistened my lips. It took me but a second to realize it was tongue. At my next chance, when hyung parted his lips for passage to his mouth, I tipped my head sideways at a greater angle and dipped my tongue inside. He moaned when the tissues met; he shook a little in my lap and his hands left my backside for my locks. It felt like stuffing my mouth into a sweet, wet cream pie or something. Tasting him exceeded my very colorful daydreams. I clutched hyung’s legs tighter. I could feel both of our bodies warming and pulling and lusting for one another’s touch. I definitely wanted Yoseob. I’ve been wanting him for well over fifteen years.
We sucked lips while my hands moved towards the center in between us. I wanted to undo the robe’s belt. Yoseob’s hands rapidly came to my aid, or so I thought. They were actually stopping me. Hyung squeezed my hands and the kisses were entirely stopped, too.
“No…”
“Huh?”
“--I mean yes…! I mean…”
“Is this happening too soon for you, hy--”
“--No,” Yoseob blurted in my face, “…I… I want this, I… I-I just don’t want you to… to see,” he said to me, and with such conflict playing on his small face.
…“To see”, he said, and I knew what he meant. He didn’t want me to see the markings, the bruises… He didn’t want me to see what his body had become. Of course I cared to see. I had been curious all this time. And moreover, I wanted to touch him… I have been waiting all my life to touch him intimately, and here was my moment.
“It’s okay,” I tried moving his hands aside, but they were unmovable. Yoseob was looking down at our touching hands.
“No. I don’t want you to see what he did.”
“It’s okay, hyung.” I tried again, but there was another struggle.
“No--”
“Yoseob.”
“Don’t see--”
“Yoseob.”
His scared brown eyes looked into mine fully.
“No more hiding from me.”
To relax him, I kissed his soft lips delicately. He kissed me back; I tasted the nervousness before pulling the garment from his body. The satin robe slipped from his shoulders. It fell like a pool of shining red around him. I separated our mouths so I could finally see for myself the ugly “art” created by Kikwang’s hands.
My eyes knew not where to rest. There was blue here, red there, like random, little splotches of splattered paint, all competing for my gaze. I could spot several fresh bruises and week-old markings, possibly from when he escaped Kikwang’s hands -- and it still hurts me to even fathom about what transpired. He had some old scratches in the midst of new ones, and these ran like fine lines about his sides and lower.
Lower.
Anger taunted and roused the blood in my veins.
“Promise me that you will never go back to him, Yoseob. Ever. For anything. You don’t have to put up with him anymore; I have all that you will ever need; I can support you. The both of us. Just leave him, Seobie, for good. ’Cause I don’t want you living like this. I don’t wanna lose you like this. You are too precious to me, hyung… You can’t go back to that.”
“I won’t, Dongwoon. I won’t. I promise I won’t. I want to make it all go away… Just kiss me. Keep kissing me…”
And I kissed him, the passionate anger I felt for Kikwang quickly converting into fuel for me to love the socks off of hyung. I sucked his lips and ripped the rest of the robe off. I wasn’t going to leave a spot, bruise or scar on his body untouched. I was going to take back what Kikwang laid claim to.
I was going to make Seobie my own.
Yoseob pulled me down onto the sheets with him by his grip on my neck, engaging in kiss after kiss after kiss. I straddled him gingerly, which brought us into a close, close embrace. His unique taste was already having my body engulfed with fire, but when I felt the skin of his chest scrape gently against my skin, the contact left a lasting burn… a burn internally, and a burning for more. I brought my hands to his hips. I stroked the slightly jutting hipbones there. He flinched just a little, but I still sensed it.
“Tender there?”
“Y-Yeah… But it’s fine.”
“Alright,” I kissed him, “I’ll be careful.”
My senses were just over stimulated with his feel, his taste, his scent. I needed to explore. My lips left his mouth. We had the chance to gaze at each other; Hyung did not have a single stitch on his body now. He was awing… Seobie’s face was pink at his nudity, but he smiled at me so cutely, wholly confident in this decision that we’d silently, mutually agreed to. I don’t know how long it’d been since he’d last made love, but he was long overdue. And I could see it in his eyes that he just wanted to love and be loved.
He kept rustling around in my tresses. I stroked his locks; my lips dove into the toasty crook of his neck. I dropped kiss after kiss there before -- being so tempted and anxious -- attacking his neck with my tongue and lips. I took deep inhales, and my, he had a pleasant smell. Yoseob’s keening was exciting and I was adoring his fingers stroking my head. I quietly sucked along his torso with delicacy. I brought each nipple between my lips, playing with them with my tongue. Yoseob created soft little noises in his throat. I couldn’t resist giving a kiss or two for them.
He was tender from Kikwang’s assaults, so I was exceedingly careful when being intimate, starting with his upper body. I stroked his wounds and bruises with the skin of my fingertips, racing them down his torso in their little roads. I could see Yoseob getting uncomfortable, wishing they would all disappear from my sight. I sank south, my lips stopping at his faintly discolored collarbone. I kissed that. I kissed the scars -- old and new -- and along them. I kissed the bruises. I kissed the welts. And I took my time. When I got far down enough, I made a special belt of kisses around his midsection. I spite of all that’s been done, in spite of whatever shape, color or state Seobie was in, he was still going to be my pretty hyung.
Now, with my lips already near his blushing erection, I held him in my hot hand firmly, stroking him twice, then taking him deep into my mouth.
“Ahhhn.” Hyung squirmed on the bed some; I felt him rocking. I liked to watch him. Our pupils never broke from one another’s. He had the back of his hand against his lips to try and muffle his mewls, but you could not mistake them. I moved my tongue around him; certain strokes elicited certain sounds. I loved them all, but I really loved the sounds he made when I only gave oral attention to the head. I sucked and swallowed his cock for minutes at a time, and in those minutes, Yoseob had my name pasted to his lips. He was pinker and wigglier and so… amazing. His taste was thick on my tongue… and I had to have more.
We were on the same wavelength. He pat my head to stop me. A final flick of the tongue, and I released him. We leisurely swapped messy kisses, then hyung carefully flipped himself over on his stomach. He looked over his shoulder with circles for eyes. His fingers clutched the pillow before him. Clearly he was inviting me to take him. I hovered over his body, giving him a kiss before pecking down his back with cold lips. He responded with shivers. I stopped when I got to his waist. If it weren’t for his eyes, my own would just be focused on the flawlessness of his naked backside. Or just ass. But then I suddenly thought about his hips…
“Are you sure about doing this…? I know you’re sore in some spots--”
“Just do it, Dongwoon. I don’t care.”
He shifted to his knees, allowing the rest of his body to remain lying on the bed. I had some all-purpose lubricant shelved away somewhere, and it was miraculous that I didn’t spend all night trying to find it. It was a baby bottle, nothing special.
I applied some to three fingers, but only inserted one inside of Seobie. He cringed, and I instantly retracted it.
“You’re tender in there, too?” I remembered Yoseob mentioning to me how rough the sex could get.
“Me and Kikwang haven’t had sex in weeks…”
Weeks? I would never stop touching Yoseob if I had him at my side. Which I do, so he won’t be touching my baby ever again.
I mindfully prepared him with my second and third finger. It was a thorough and painstaking process, all for the assurance of Seobie’s comfort. And I didn’t want to mess up the experience of my first time with him. He was broken down, pleading for me to enter him. I disturbed his sweet spot, and I felt his entire body lock into one position. He yelped, sucking the two fingers that he could take, and called for me in a fever. I answered, lubing my manhood and slowly, slowly pushing myself into Yoseob. I had to stop several times before we actually got a pace going. He was whimpering, and I was so worried about hurting my already-hurt hyung… But “Just fuck me” is what he told me to do and I did just that. I still minded his tender spots, but other than that, I plunged into that sweet ass. I was melting inside of him… Hyung made faces and noises that I had never heard him make in all of our days of being together; I couldn’t get enough of them. He had never shouted my name so beautifully than he did in that moment. I just could not get over how different a man was, and how fortunate of me that we met… He looked back frequently to me, and my eyes would be just the same. Fixed onto his, and his beautiful frame, and his perfect face… His perfect everything.
We changed positions. He was on his back now, while I simply towered from above. “I wanna see your face,” he said. I didn’t stop my thrusts. We held one another more preciously than we could have in that previous, limited position. He was scratching me, and all of the mews that I couldn’t hear before I could definitely hear now. And I could see his eyes… and they were so deep and brown and full of me. I hope that’s what my eyes reflected, Yoseob. Hyung would occasionally ask me to “go deeper”, because I would remind myself to be gentle. I obeyed with caution, but soon, my need to release was increasing. There was to be no cautiousness. All of these feelings were too powerful to contain inside me.
In choppy sentences, Yoseob told me that he had to cum. I embraced him so that we became chest to chest, and kissed behind his ear. We got closer by doing this, and my thrusting faster. A climaxing Seobie was thrown over the edge, willingly tormented by his orgasm. I felt his essence warm both our abdomens. I wasn’t too far off. Just seeing him enjoy his seconds of bliss encouraged my release. I moaned hyung’s name, filling him up with what I had to give.
Yoseob opened his eyes… I opened mine too. And we just stared at each other. No smiling. Just looking. Hyung’s expression seemed to be one of realization, whereas mine was just a look of disbelief, because did I really just finishing making love to my best friend?
“You’re… You’re fine, right?”
“Mmhm. I’m alright, Woonie.”
“Sorry if you get sore later on…”
His sweet lips blessed me with four kisses, “…Remember, this was something I wanted. So sore or not, I am happy.”
“…I’m happy, too.”
Hyung’s hands began to stroke the nape of my neck. He brought me in for a kiss. We kissed, and it was like a first kiss.
Me and hyung lied in bed together minutes later. We were officially about to go to sleep. He asked me how I was doing at the academy, and was very interested in my handgun. I decided to show him it, and give him a quick one-on-one lesson, the exact same way my grandfather taught me. Seobie held the gun, while I put my hands over his. We pointed it at the television for a target. I had the safety on.
“No, no, no… You cock it next,” I said.
“And then I shoot?”
“Then you shoot.”
“Ohhh…”
I put the gun away, beneath the bed, “Yep. That’s all there is to it.”
“Have you ever had to use that on anyone before?” Yoseob inquired. He cuddled up to me when I settled in the bed good again.
“No. And I hope it stays that way. Especially for a certain person’s sake.”
“And who might that person be~?”
“You know damn well who.”
Yoseob was smiling, but I could tell he was still concerned with my answer.
“Woon… I don’t want you getting in trouble, alright…? If you ever see him -- if we ever see him -- just act… rationally. I know you will be upset, and I know you’ll… you’ll want to do things to him that could wind up being very serious. I just want you to be levelheaded… okay?”
I stroked hyung’s hair… “…………I hated learning about what he was doing to you. It still makes me crazy. Nobody should ever put their hands on anyone like that. But… yeah, I know. I’ll behave. But if he wants to try anything, I will happily accept.”
A giggle from Yoseob tickled my ear. I pecked his cheek and the two of us spent the next sleepy moments looking over one another…
(Present)
And now you see how it has all come to this. I seemingly rescued my hyung from a detrimental relationship and out of the arms of a short-fused, manipulating scumbag. But, as much as I would like for it to be, this is not the end.
I am watching Seobie now as I speak to you. He is still tied tightly to his dreams. I give him a kiss.
I'm not dumb. I know that one day, he will find Yoseob here.
He is looking for him. He is searching for him.
And wherever he’s at, I just want him to know, that I am in no ways afraid of a coward.
But I do have one good thing to say.
Thank you, Lee Kikwang, for fucking up.
Maybe I will make this longer for you…? I feel like it should continue after this… Maybe a confrontation with Kikwang?
OTL…… What do you think?
Thank you for readiiiiiiiiiii~ng~~!!!!!!!!