Big, Babes, Bars.
Funny how you see people from you past who remember little things about you. Things that you said or were interested in back in the day and you realize just how much has changed.
Today was kind of an interesting reflective day for me. I spent the morning with my Big which was nice. The good majority of the day I spent reconnecting with my boyfriend who had been gone for a total of 6 days, which is a long time when you're in love and you have limited time together. We have such a good relationship that even when I start off feeling nervous/awkward he draws me back in and gets me to fall for him all over again. He never makes me feel stupid, ugly, or awkward, he just accepts me- faults and all. This is a solid relationship, not one that's going to easily fall apart overnight. He doesn't care that I am damaged goods, flawed and imperfect. He understands my light as well as my darkness. It's so easy to be with him, no games and no mystery, just genuine affection.
Now for the bars. I ran into two of my exes at the bars tonight. One was just completely sloshed. The other was trying so desperately hard to chat me up (or so it seemed to me). Both remind me of my youth in different ways. A young me who had no direction that easily followed my heart right off a cliff, the other a young ambitious girl with all the world at her fingertips. I'm happy to be neither of those two young versions of myself anymore. After a few minutes of observing the unfolding shit show, friend turned to me and said "Aren't you happy you have something better to go home to?" and I answered honestly with "Yes, I am." None of these mistakes bare repeating and none of it made me feel sad, resentful, or anything really. All I could think about the situation was that I was so happy to have my angel of a man waiting for me. I realize there are many men in this town who have walked away with tiny fragments of me, but none of them have gotten to have anything even remotely close to what I am willing to give to this love.
you deserve this love, you earned my trust ♥
Today was kind of an interesting reflective day for me. I spent the morning with my Big which was nice. The good majority of the day I spent reconnecting with my boyfriend who had been gone for a total of 6 days, which is a long time when you're in love and you have limited time together. We have such a good relationship that even when I start off feeling nervous/awkward he draws me back in and gets me to fall for him all over again. He never makes me feel stupid, ugly, or awkward, he just accepts me- faults and all. This is a solid relationship, not one that's going to easily fall apart overnight. He doesn't care that I am damaged goods, flawed and imperfect. He understands my light as well as my darkness. It's so easy to be with him, no games and no mystery, just genuine affection.
Now for the bars. I ran into two of my exes at the bars tonight. One was just completely sloshed. The other was trying so desperately hard to chat me up (or so it seemed to me). Both remind me of my youth in different ways. A young me who had no direction that easily followed my heart right off a cliff, the other a young ambitious girl with all the world at her fingertips. I'm happy to be neither of those two young versions of myself anymore. After a few minutes of observing the unfolding shit show, friend turned to me and said "Aren't you happy you have something better to go home to?" and I answered honestly with "Yes, I am." None of these mistakes bare repeating and none of it made me feel sad, resentful, or anything really. All I could think about the situation was that I was so happy to have my angel of a man waiting for me. I realize there are many men in this town who have walked away with tiny fragments of me, but none of them have gotten to have anything even remotely close to what I am willing to give to this love.
you deserve this love, you earned my trust ♥