Ramblings of my mind
So...Donald Trump got married at Bethesda by the Sea today. Weird, I've driven by that place like a million times and now I'm here in 18˚ weather in TN. I don't why that's important, it just seems weird in a twisted Meghan kind of way.
I got 3 Bs on my report card my dad said "Your grades are slipping, I really think you should quit your job and not go out with your friends as much. You need to stay focused." Hm...here, an A is a 93 and this school is 8 times harder than Dreyfoos. Yeah, my grades are slipping, 3 Bs.
Great time last night, can't explain the feeling without looking like a complete sap, it's true though but it would still take too long.
I'm exhausted, Crestian about killed me so did this week. And I'm going to do it all over again with Emory. Shoot me now.
Had a good talk with someone last week. I keep thinking about it, trying to separate my feelings from what I am telling myself I feel. They are two very different things. All I know is that the crying has stopped, one step closer to knowing, I guess.
HAHA...I'm sitting here writing this and my bedroom door opens and I was about to think some smart remark like "Dad! Why don't you ever knock!!" Because I would never say that outloud to him but I look over and it's Jasmine giving me a very mischievious look. Ah, how do I love her. I want to take her to college with me.
Speaking of college, I think my dad's super high ambitions for me have changed from his dreams to mine. I mean, everything we talk about sounds great but it's starting to make me think. Everything that I do know, everything that I love, do I really love it or have I come to love it from years of pressure from dad wanting me to love it. Do I really enjoy spanish, or is it just that he always talks about how important it is to be fleunt. DO I want to be a lawyer or was it a childhood dream that would have faded had my father not reinforced it. Hm, I truly don't know. It's not that I'm unhappy and that I wouldn't want to pursue all of this but I have to ask myself, is this really what I want, or is it some illusion built up over time.
Should be a rough week, not really looking forward to it. Not really looking forward to the next three months to be honest. There goes that daddy-pressure again. AP tests, SATs, grades, college apps, college visits, summer programs.
I want to fall asleep next to someone. I don't have anyone to do that with, but I really want to especailly on this cold night. If only I could, I definitely would. I can only dream that you would too.
I got 3 Bs on my report card my dad said "Your grades are slipping, I really think you should quit your job and not go out with your friends as much. You need to stay focused." Hm...here, an A is a 93 and this school is 8 times harder than Dreyfoos. Yeah, my grades are slipping, 3 Bs.
Great time last night, can't explain the feeling without looking like a complete sap, it's true though but it would still take too long.
I'm exhausted, Crestian about killed me so did this week. And I'm going to do it all over again with Emory. Shoot me now.
Had a good talk with someone last week. I keep thinking about it, trying to separate my feelings from what I am telling myself I feel. They are two very different things. All I know is that the crying has stopped, one step closer to knowing, I guess.
HAHA...I'm sitting here writing this and my bedroom door opens and I was about to think some smart remark like "Dad! Why don't you ever knock!!" Because I would never say that outloud to him but I look over and it's Jasmine giving me a very mischievious look. Ah, how do I love her. I want to take her to college with me.
Speaking of college, I think my dad's super high ambitions for me have changed from his dreams to mine. I mean, everything we talk about sounds great but it's starting to make me think. Everything that I do know, everything that I love, do I really love it or have I come to love it from years of pressure from dad wanting me to love it. Do I really enjoy spanish, or is it just that he always talks about how important it is to be fleunt. DO I want to be a lawyer or was it a childhood dream that would have faded had my father not reinforced it. Hm, I truly don't know. It's not that I'm unhappy and that I wouldn't want to pursue all of this but I have to ask myself, is this really what I want, or is it some illusion built up over time.
Should be a rough week, not really looking forward to it. Not really looking forward to the next three months to be honest. There goes that daddy-pressure again. AP tests, SATs, grades, college apps, college visits, summer programs.
I want to fall asleep next to someone. I don't have anyone to do that with, but I really want to especailly on this cold night. If only I could, I definitely would. I can only dream that you would too.